Monthly Archives: April 2008

I know I’m creating my own reality . . .

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I want a great big explosive reality like I’m living in “Apocalypse Now” or something . . . just lit like that, very lush colors and weird stuff going on all the time . . . mysterious and dark . . . except at the same time I’m hypnotizing myself to avoid all conflict and struggle . . . so mysterious and dark but not dangerous . . . not that I’m afraid of danger, but there’s really no excuse for it if you create your own reality — it’s just self-indulgence.  

Really I’d like to live in a big videogame.  No, but then what would Neale Donald Walsch think of me?  He’s out there trying to end world hunger and stuff.  

Actually the only reason I feel guilty about that (and I know God told Walsch that guilt is unnecessary) is that I really used to want to save the world.  That is after all why I worked so hard on the Church of Art.  but now i know there are Great Beings around me and my big concern is really figuring out how to perceive them more clearly so I can figure out what to do to get out of here and go home to the astral plane — which is just like a big video game.

On the other hand I am getting more self confidence lately, getting back to my wanna-be 60s roots . . . 

Just finished a meditation

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Just finished a meditation session and I feel wonderful, though still brooding over thoughts of the unpleasant relatives I came into this world with.  Light and freedom — with Sahaj Marg the light literally comes though it isn’t any kind of physical light, but a gentle whiteness that wraps my inner world in snow.  Cheerful snow on a bright sunny day.  Or maybe the snow is just me, and I’m cold.  Certainly I have to somehow find a way to stop letting humanity bring me down.  

I’m going to see Neale Donald Walsch on Sunday.  

Sound and fury

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so i’m writing a blog post which i know for a fact will wind up one of the 3 billion meaningless and instantly forgotten blog posts that are created daily in america, just as i am leading a life as one of 6 or 7 billion meaningless and instantly forgotten people who carpet the earth like lice . . . well, no, i’m exagerrating my nihilism a little, but it’s true that whereas once blogging was exciting because of the attention i got now it’s just a little tedious because nothing significant happens.  it may even be slightly hypocritical because i’m totally uninterested in anyone else’s blogs.  but i’m writing as practice for the fiction i’m working on.  you have to keep going even when it all seems pointless.  i’ve seen the power of working a little at a time over years — that’s how i developed my ability to dream lucidly and read people psychically.  someday i’ll be able to write fiction that pleases me.  i may never get published, and who cares anyway?  

it’s so sad to have artistic talent in the 21st century.  when i was a kid artists were like heroes, now they’re just characters in a trashy, sordid soap opera of media buffoonery . . . thankfully i believe in higher worlds and life after death.  i know i’m developing qualities that will improve my enjoyment of the afterlife . . . i don’t have to give a fuck what anyone in this world thinks about me.

Whee!

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Whee!  I’m writing again.  It’s very frightening because there is so much information on the web, and so much of it carrries a negative, fraudulent psychic wavelength with it . . . i don’t want to add to this emotional chaos.  But the world is ending anyway and also it’s a matter of slogging away, practicing for years with tedious crap like this until someday I write the Great Post-American novel.

My guru says there may actually be a big apocalyptic meltdown of civilization.  Now I don’t know ANY contemporary spiritual figure who doesn’t think this is possible.  It’s such a contradiction — everyone says the key to happiness is abundance and tranquility, but they also expect the Apocalypse any day now.  hardly anyone thinks humanity is worth saving anymore — except for fundamentalists who are gearing up to kill us all or imprison and torture us for supporting terrorism.  

I was just thinking the other day about those bogus “orange” alerts the government used to issue all the time, how they herded everyone like cattle to the 2nd Iraq war, and how that dumb “war” is still going on over there . . . on the other hand i was looking at photography books at Barnes and Noble — there’s a big one out called “aftermath” which is all images of NYC after 9-11.  the magnitude of it is staggering.  

i’m afraid of humanity.  i’m afraid because there are terrorist among us and there are fascists running a government with unlimited technological power to monitor and oppress.  the orwellian nightmare is here and i’m glad i’m 38 so i won’t have to see too much more of the future.  

i don’t trust human beings.  the “american experiment” is over and the results are in — we cannot govern ourselves collectively and furthermore we have proven ourselves unworthy of our freedoms.  

on my mind now is a novel about a writer who wants to write himself to death, somehow magically shift his energy on a quantum level into a higher plane because he’s sick of this world and human beings don’t have enough dignity or conscience anymore to make interesting characters . . . it would be a true story . . . 

Shine a Light

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was taken by some friends to see “Shine a Light” this weekend and I must admit I was always right about the Stones.  They are totally awesome and anyone who doesn’t like them is a loser.  Furthermore I was also at a bitchin’ psychic fair where I talked to an incarnate angel and also some peoples’ dead grandmothers.  Grandmothers always like to talk to their grandkiddies from beyond the grave.  They are the #1 crossers of the cosmic veil (going the other direction from usual, that is).

and I don’t know why I’m writing this except I have to get back in the habit of writing and remember that god is always listening, and also the 8 spirit guides that one psychic told me i had . . . i should restart my e-mail list for this kind of drivel.