and part of this has to do with the true, psychic perspective that we are all one . . . that is probably a large element of the pain, because i am very in tune with unity consciousness so the fact that we have to have the illusion of separation does cause me suffering.  i want to get away from it ASAP.  and i literally believe that there is a higher world after death where we still have our personalities, plus all the other personalities of all our other incarnations, and we live without the illusion of time.

but i think probably the isolation of this life was so that i could in fact develop my psychic awareness.  at least that makes the most sense to me.