Saw the Bowie exhibit.  I might have waited around to sneak into the Gaiman reading but “coincidentally” I spent the 10 dollars I had the night before on junk food.  And I had just lost my orange admission badge too.  Otherwise I would have hung in there.

At the circle that girl made some comment about how she wouldn’t come to me for energy healing.  I think I understood then that I’m not going to engage with this world.  I would just as soon be somewhere else.  I certainly don’t ever want to have another conversation like that.

However it was good to clarify that I am not service oriented.  There is a great collapsing going on.  I feel the pressure and I know I’ll have some interesting dreams.  A collapsing and an end.  Thank god.  Does that mean the Enochian magic is working?

Also at the circle I drew “verge in” “whore moans” — related to Qdishtu work yesterday (only yesterday).  So now there’s a whole field of information to explore.  I hope I can assimilate it all.

Making out with [someone] turned out to be most of what I wanted.  Then I went and got drunk.  Then I went back to [A.T.’s] to talk with her about the study group.  Then I took a nap.

The [sex magic] has certainly changed me.  Something very simple and yet very important happened.  I keep reminding myself that there are millions of people who have sex all the time who don’t have the other-planar insights I have.  And yet the change itself illustrates how much was lost in my life, how stupid and meaningless all the things I experienced were, how totally unimportant they are to me.  I can hardly wait to find out why it was important to experience this.  What a waste of time the chaos in my mind is!  And yet there’s nothing on this physical plane I want to experience.  These people are revolting and disgusting (the American people).   There really never was anything here I wanted to experience.