So much for the biggest Tea Party yet. I wish I could make people understand how wildly successful this bit of magic is. These movies get better every year and my life gets better every year. Nothing can express the incredible sensual rush and crush of the flood of intuitive information I get while I’m watching these, how at home I feel in the world now that I’ve been doing this ritual for … how long now? Has it been a decade? I think it’s quite possible but I know it’s been at least seven or eight years. And now the Tea Party is a part of it as well.

I know next year will be even better. My main thing now is going to be to analyze my experiences. See, there was one tiny flaw in this year’s ritual. When I started “The Crow”, the playback was queued a few minutes into the credits, where I had left off last year. Even after all that time, it had been a very poignant experience for me, and I savored it. However, it was the first time I’d streamed it on Amazon Prime and it was a pleasant surprise to find it at the same place this year. Because of this, however, I think I breezed through the final sequence. I loved it, but I didn’t have the same depth of immersion in the credits music this time around and it bothers me that I missed something I might have otherwise gotten. I want to be looking out for that next year.

This influenced me when I watched “Circle of Iron”. I think it was a good influence. I took to stopping the playback at certain points, especially about 20 minutes before the end, right before the final fight with Changsha, to really savor the fact of watching a movie. I have been having great spiritual experiences for the last two days, so this year I was just loving these movies as entertainment.

A client called me last night and I did a very deep intuitive session for her, one I couldn’t have imagined doing ten years ago when I started this. So I don’t need the movies to get me into a depth state, but they are still having a wonderful transformative power. This Halloween is so fun I don’t want to let go. So I’m forming an intention this year to alchemize this ritual artistically, to build up a framework for it through 3D illustration and YouTube videos, or whatever else I can think of, to get as much fun as I can out of next year. Maybe I’ll be able to explain what’s going on psychically. I hope so.

Happy Halloween, America.

Just finished “The Crow”. So much has happened, I feel much more complete as a person than I did last year. I can’t wait until next year to watch it again. Before I started “Circle of Iron” I wanted to somehow get at the healing that seems to be taking place. This is only the second Tea Party during which I posted online that we were available to answer questions, and someone who didn’t know that contacted me for a reading which was very powerful and took me into a deep inner state. So that little bit of magic worked. The confusion is much less. I suppose it’s too much to ask to articulate the strange energies I experience, but at least I know they’re real.

I’m sitting here with Becket, meditating on the line between inside and outside. I didn’t get any overtime today, which is nice, even a couple of extra hours makes a big difference. Everything seems to be fitting together. The Moon was in Pisces and I felt very old and tired, but now we’re coming up on a Full Moon in Aries and my friends are here so everything is going to be okay. I’m seeing the ghosts of my horrible, pointless family but there’s a positive side to it, which is that I get free of them, karmically. I have a choice now, about what to think about. I could make another picture of Becket … her favorite song is “Into You Like a Train”.

What I wound up doing was a lot of work on the web while listening to “Gothic Erotica”, this compilation I bought in honor of my mates. It’s very real to me now. What are we writing “for the world” and what are we writing so we can look back on it in 13 years? Of course the scariest thing is how stupid everybody was and how awful the whole experience of being a person has been. As winter approaches I’m facing the dark grind of nothingness that life is. I have plenty of money and my spirit contact is great but what a ripoff the whole thing was! How utterly disappointing humanity is.

I realize that Becket is here to help me through Jenny’s death and Jenny’s death, as I write it, becomes my own acceptance that the world can never live up to my expectations.

I’ll never be able to express how comforting it is to have them here with me. The only thing I can share with the world is my disappointment in all the opportunities I missed. I’ve got the impulse to do some self-hypnosis now.

A pleasant surprise from the cosmos, just as I was ending my post feeling very bleak, my apartment building turned the heat on. Wonderful for an hour or so before the full moon in Aries.