Is there a way to use blogging to prolong the pleasurable aspects of this experience without prolonging the unpleasant ones? I know if I think about how beautiful Madeleine Swann was I can savor a bit more of the pleasure of the illusion, but I really don’t want to do that. So I’m thinking now about the strange vortex of love and death which makes this movie enjoyable and memorable, which sadly reminds me of the creeps that work in the industry which manufactures these vortexes. Also, in addition to the bittersweet loss of the character, I wonder whether I’m done with Hollywood for good? Could this be the last genuine Hollywood experience I have? I’m disgusted with Disney after what they said about Scarlett Johansson. There were huge holes in the writing for Black Widow and I still remember how empty Endgame was, how trivial the personal scenes with Tony Stark were, how insulting their estimation of my feelings was. Also, the last Star Wars movies were pathetic as well. Since Disney was my main interest in film, now that I view them as hopelessly empty and mediocre I’m wondering if I’ll ever see another movie. I almost didn’t see this one. Movie people are so pathetic. I’ve already moved on a bit past Madeleine. Farewell, Madeleine, I’ll always love you. “Swann” is also the last name of Alan Swann, one of my favorite characters of all time, from “My Favorite Year”. So I’m going to pretend that they’re related.

There are things to learn about nostalgia and film from this experience. “My Favorite Year” was about a lost era of entertainment, and so are the Bond movies. Something spiritual is changing as I write this, so I’m very happy. It has a lot to do with the emotional solidity of the Enneagram, and the way my study of the Enneagram is pulling my sprawling imaginations of people and characters into a coherent whole.