A darkness is pressing against my mind, but it’s beautiful. I’m very tired now. I wanted to write something to see if it would make sense tomorrow, or next week. My guides are eclipsed.

And now a day later I feel fantastic wanting to grasp every atom of bliss I felt tonight and preserve it forever, and what I want to preserve is the feeling of freedom from the oppressive hostility of the human race. Long ago I wanted to be a rock star. I mistakenly believed that rock people were cool people. Now I have enemies waiting out in the night to catch me. I have things to analyze tonight but I think I’m done just remaining silent about everything. I’m going to start taking little swipes at the public, testing the waters for whatever complete artistic gesture I might make in the future. I want to keep everything in balance, but what I really want to find out, what I’m experimenting with, is ways to make art that will make my life this beautiful all the time, so I never have to come down. How could I preserve the joy I felt tonight? I can’t tell the complete story because so many details of my life are private, but I can push the edges. What do I say that changes who I am in this world in such a way that I get more happiness, more magic transportation? At least I’m addressing the issue, trying to formulate a solution to the problem.