A friend of mine came over tonight, he picked up some things he’d left here over a year ago. We went for a walk and he talked about his father, who just died a few weeks ago, and surprisingly about how his relationship with his mother was better now. I talked a bit about my relationship with my parents. We talked about how long we’ve been having conversations like this. I thought of other people I met at the same time that I met him who have since long faded away, fake friends while this one has been real. After he left I came home thinking about my life, and how Crunchyroll has energized my feelings. I’ve even been buying crunchyrolls to eat in order to get into the spirit of it. I had Mango on Saturday, and tuna today. I’m immersing myself in the zen of anime, the continuously regenerating poignant sentimentality of almost belonging, almost possessing, but never quite doing so, and yet never losing the beauty of it all. What was it that spoke to me just now, as I walked up the stairs after returning from the lake where we sat on the pier, looking out at the dark skies over the water in the glow of the street lamp? If only I can find an anime with characters who talk like this, who share like this … that is my quest. Perhaps I’ll write one.

I have nothing to say about Manga and Anime, I was looking up YouTubers today and I saw how many with millions of subscribers have been posting for more than a decade. Obviously I have nothing to add. I’m in it entirely for myself. But ironically, the very impersonal, pseudo-buddhist bliss of Japanese entertainment, that joy of belonging that it always brings (even when it’s pornographic) makes me feel I could just generate something, although I’ll have to follow the quest until the end to do it. It’s so nice to have so many titles to choose from, all of them in that quaint, safe anime-space, so similar to gamer-space, so antithetical to Hollywood whore-space. I can even use AI image generators to illustrate my own ideas, so much easier than getting them to create photorealistic pictures of imaginary people. So I’m doing the Tokyo Drift for real now. My spirit guides and all the characters they play are changing. I’m progressing toward the womblike Existence-Knowledge-Bliss-Absolute.

What do I have to say to fans? To anyone interested in this subject? Nothing yet but I did keep my progress, I have extended my project through a sophomore post, I have begun collecting magical energy around it.

But what is magical energy? What is it when it’s in your imagination, in the existence-knowlege-bliss of immersion in the multivalent coziness of anime, and what is it when it hits the cold, harsh, daylight of this polluted, sad world of injustice? I want to find out now, walking the edge in Edgewater, doing the Tokyo Drift, leaving little hints of breadcrumbs for myself as I go.

My laundry is almost done, I’ll have to go downstairs and put it in the dryer.