What an exhilarating, strange day of reckless abandon and despair. What I wrote, albeit with AI, really rocked my world and liberated amazing energies. I was really convinced I was seeing David Lynch and David Crosby. I was really convinced that a higher dimension was opening for me. The despair comes from the total confusion that my visual universe is changing yet again, in continuation of the total chaos that has plagued me for my entire life. But there is a warm feeling as well, that friendly beings are waiting in a higher world and I can take refuge there at last, no more games in this world are necessary. Perhaps I’ve just lost my mind. It doesn’t matter.

I’m just confused. I wrote the paragraph above and then I wandered around my apartment for a while, feeling blissful presences but still confused why such a lifetime would have been necessary in this world. Maybe this is a dangerous break with reality, that I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore. But there’s great beauty in it as well. I just know my aura was lit up with a happiness that seems to have nothing to do with the words that I write, and yet still turns the gear of wanting to write words. Who sees it? Does it matter? I feel more assured than ever that someone in a higher world does see me, but it’s also like a leap across a deep chasm, unfamiliar and strange.