Captain’s Log 2025.02.09.1225

I’m counting down days just like Star Blazers. There are things about my life that have never felt better, wild success is within my grasp, but at the same time there’s also the dark horror of wondering what it is about my life that I forgot. What were the experiences I had that I lost because my father knocked me unconscious so often.

I have a lot of the scene I’m on in the story planned but I’m having trouble getting language across the barrier of my memory.

Over the last several months I’ve gotten better. I’m in the zone now, where I feel amazing potential of storytelling. Whatever force or damage that has kept me from connecting the parts of my mind is being healed now. It’s like there’s a part of myself that’s aware and has ideas, and then there’s the person I am in the world, and when I try to act on the ideas it has some kind of strange … well, it’s a dark presence.

My long-term and short-term memory don’t work together very well, but I am using my blog now to bridge the gap … stories are evidence to one part of my mind that the other exists and it makes me uncomfortable because I can’t contain the vastness that I feel. David Lynch is somehow helping me do this, whether it’s the ghost of David Lynch or simply the thought of him in my fantasy world.

Who was the Angel Picard, this being I saw for so many years? Was it William Golding, was it David Lynch? Was it Jesus? Who am I writing for?

I felt a dark presence today that was very comforting because I was convinced it was real, but now I’m tracing details inside my mind to see what it is that’s supposed to happen when I write … I made a YouTube video about some of my coincidences.

I was at a restaurant I’ve been going to for years. When I gave my usual order, suddenly “Avocado Shake” popped up on the screen. Either it’s a synchronicity or the guy at the counter has been watching me. Either way, Lynch is getting stronger in my imagination and we’re pressing on to see the Avocado Girl on January 28, 2026.