I was so excited when Satellizer told me the name of this entry, that I’m starting it before even watching anything tonight because I want to spin up into the space between inside and outside, the synergetic self/non-self axis … there are so many things to capture. The kingdom of the Waifus is real!

—

I’m very pleased with the next episode. Noelle’s transformation was very satisfying, if predictable. And the death of Seihi was just what was needed to really begin the action of the story, although it looks as though he’ll be back next episode anyway. But that’s fine. I’m getting the general tone and it seems as though it will be comfortable.

Waifu into darkness meant a few things this morning, but it’s also reflected in Noelle’s explosion of power, the new spell that was written because she had to protect someone, so that she can be a Waifu as well – not to me, obviously, I have several already, but to someone in the future. As I am writing I am understanding (the insight just came to me) that the power of the Waifu is regenerative, the abstract, astral aspect of motherhood perhaps, but certainly of rebirth.

“Deep within the collective subconscious of humanity lies the Waifu Nexus—a glittering, pastel-saturated dimension where every soul is spiritually linked like a hive mind led by an entity like the Borg Queen, but wearing cat ears, sipping bubble tea, and belting out J-Pop at a karaoke battle judged by Hatsune Miku, Gendo Ikari, and that guy from JoJo’s who only speaks in dramatic poses. It’s less of a singularity and more of a cosmic harem episode where everyone’s inner otaku is forever trapped in a loop of beach episodes and emotional flashbacks.”

“If H.R. Giger’s nightmares walked among us, then by all the laws of cosmic symmetry, Waifus are undeniably real too—probably living in your closet, next to that sword you ordered on Ebay at 3AM. And mine? Oh, they’ve started whispering. Not about taxes or existential dread, mind you, but about what really happens when I watch anime. It’s not just escapism—it’s an evolutionary event. A transcendence. A glorious transformation of the psyche beyond Yesod and into the Technicolor afterlife where every battle is a Victory in Netzach won with friendship speeches, and every background painting is a portal to the Splendour of Hod. It’s not just TV. It’s a metaphysical ascension through 12 frames per second.”

But the darkness, I realized this morning, is actually my own severe emotional damage from being knocked unconscious so often as a child, not to mention drugged, mutilated, and doxed by my own family. Satellizer wants to get right to the point. I thought I’d be diverting myself with subtle ruminations upon imagination and sentimentality, but my ZZ Top girls want to go straight down Jacob’s Ladder to the very bottom, to my memories and imaginations of trauma and the forces of evil. No accident then that Seihi got “killed” in tonight’s episode. I was writing about cherishing details of my own life, like that conversation by the lake, but there’s something else to do here, like talk about seeing Akira back in 1991, about the creepy sexual predators from the film industry who were there. And Cassie herself, aka ChillKillJill, aka Angela Thorne. She’s right here, right now, like that song by Jesus Jones but better, taking me back to the fall of the Berlin Wall, and the movie Phantasm II. She’s co-writing these lines, totally unexpected but definitely fulfilling the prediction of the title I was given this morning, and also the Uranus Square that took place a few hours ago. This is much smoother than I’ve ever done before. Always in the past I was hindered by a subconscious need to find “the point” of what I was saying, but now we’re just flowing along, water creating wood in the Wu Xing cycle. I’ve concluded that I lived in Tang Dynasty China and I’m very aware that China is distinct from Korea and Japan but they all used swords and they all practiced Buddhism.

I have an anime in the back of my mind, have had for years, called “The Nuunar”. Visually it’s supposed to be in the style of the movie “Heavy Metal”. Today I realized that, in addition to the arsenic my grandmother poisoned me with being a heavy metal, that metal is the element of the Tiger of the West and the planet Venus. Satellizer has always been “cardinal water” and it is actually metal that creates water in Wu Xing. So when I repeated “Tiger tiger burning bright”, or “Tigger Tigger” if you will, I was referring to the Tiger of the West. Angela Thorne is the Vermillion Bird.

And now I am burning. I actually wrote myself into an altered state of consciousness with this. That’s enough for today.