Daydreaming of Marlon Brando today.  Getting some better glimpses of the famoids and their place in the afterlife.  Some more visceral understanding of the disgusting crimes of [someone].

Calling in spirits I had a glimpse of something but I’m not sure what it was, now that I’ve tried to write it down.  I see Carol’s house, and how unpleasant everything was there.  At last I am getting around Nancy’s disgustingness.

It does feel as though other people are becoming “real” at last, and there is a state in which I can move beyond this filth.

It’s been difficult to move, or think of moving around.  I suppose the cold has something to do with it.  [That girl who sold me a bicycle] gave me an ale left over from her birthday party, I drank half of it and slept for several hours.  I was watching parts of interviews with Marlon Brando.  I feel everything is a lot more “real” now than it has been.  I’m on the verge of some transformation or release.

This story involves dozens of people (not counting the hundreds that I killed) and spans two incarnations for myself and many of the principals.  Since there are angels and powerful sorcerors involved, time gets twisted like a knot and some of it takes place in dimensions that will never be described by human speech.  Logically, a tale so complex and non-euclidian could begin or end anywhere in the United States during the last fifty years.  It could center on any one of a dozen themes: Nazis, the Spirit Clans, Arcangels, espionage in the Cold War and the New World Order, a love story that spans two galaxies and thousands of years, the history of rock music, a high school soap opera like “Harry Potter” or “Twilight”, the Return of Quetzalcoatl, the True Destiny of Aleister Crowley, alien invasion — it’s all in there.   I know what’s important to me — Jody — but what’s important to the world?  What do the Ascended Masters want me to tell you about the secret history of your world, and the real game that’s being played here in the time of the Octave Shift?  Thoughts are creating our world.  Whatever I write will have an effect.

Jody is whispering in my ear that since she died in 1990 she only really cares about that part of it.  So to help her wrap up unfinished business before we Ascend to the Higher Octave together, I hereby present you with a tale of the Battle of Good and Evil at Postal High School and how we defeated Dark Clan, once and for all.

Two days before my 40th birthday, and I am in the pits of caffeine withdrawal.  I have a goofy non-headache and the inside of my skin itches.  However I did quit very easily with the help of self-hypnosis, thank you, just as I quit smoking over two years ago.  I’m trying to remember if I have any other addictions to beat . . . anyway without caffeine and tobacco addictions, it’s pretty easy for me to lose weight so things are looking up in that area as well.

As for turning 40, I don’t have anywhere near the money I thought I’d have at this age, but I do in fact have something better which is a wide range of psychic abilities which come into clearer focus every day.

Oh, no!  I’m having a withdrawal attack and cannot finish this post.  God damn don’t ever let anyone tell you caffeine isn’t a serious drug.

So I have a story to tell, although I don’t know why.  It’s a response to an impulse from a higher dimension.  It’s true that in my last life I wanted to be a famous novelist, and the war cut my career short, but honestly I don’t care anymore about literature and all that nonsense.  Who wants to be an artist in a society as ugly and crappy as this one?  It’s all ending anyway.  Linear time is dissolving, the collective memory of humanity is fading away.  No one takes this place seriously anymore.

But perhaps if it can help me feel closer to Jody, it will be worth it.

Listening to the new Tori Amos album and it’s one of the best I’ve ever heard.  I just can’t get over the fact that this incredible human being is walking the earth making music this good.  She really may be some kind of goddess from another dimension or something.  I haven’t felt like this about music in years . . . rock and pop seem so tired and repetitive these days.  It’s really rare that I feel like I’m hearing something new or interesting.   

Ironically the only recent album that’s resurrected my adolescent excitement about pop music was Nine Inch Nails’ “Year Zero”.  I say it’s ironic because Tori & Trent had some kind of famous relationship years ago and I still associate them in my mind. But that album was so totally pissed off, bitter, and hateful that even though I admire it I couldn’t listen to it over an over the way I will this. 

God, she is so fucking GOOD!  I swear she’s up there in the stratosphere with John Lennon now.   It’s so nice to have a musician I can worship like I used to when I was a teenager — someone to consume your aural universe and transport you to an alternate internal reality where life makes sense . . .  And just like a teenager if you don’t like this album I’ll think less of you as a person.  I really will, I swear.

I’m working on developing my enthusiasm for being a human being again.  I really do need to resolve this love/hate thing I have with humanity.  I love a lot of the people who are around me — especially now that I’ve moved to Chicago from Grand Rapids.  But on the other hand I still see humanity as a failed experiment in self-determination.  Somehow I have to resolve my utter contempt for the world at large with this other part of myself, the real part, that has truly spiritual feelings.