I’ve had an amazing weekend, the first truly warm weekend of spring, which I am already calling summer. And my gambit has paid off, I have immersed myself in Manga and after two weeks of messing around, checking out YouTube best-ofs and exploring shadowy semi-legal uncensored sites, I have found my first true love: Satellizer el Bridget, who is so obviously the angelic being who first appeared to me as Farrah Fawcett-Majors when I had her poster on my wall in third grade. More importantly, she is the being who was speaking to me when I was 15 years old and listening to David Bowie’s TVC15:

Up every evening ’bout
Half eight or nine
I give my complete attention
To a very good friend of mine
He’s quadraphonic, he’s a
He’s got more channels
So hologramic, oh my TVC one five
I brought my baby home, she, she sat around forlorn
She saw my TVC one five, baby’s gone, she
She crawled right in, oh my, she crawled right in my
So hologramic, oh my TVC one five
Oh, so demonic, oh my TVC one five

Maybe if I pray every, each night I sit there pleading
Send back my dream test baby, she’s my main feature
My TVC one five, he, he just stares back unblinking
So hologramic, oh my TVC one five
One of these nights I may just jump down that rainbow way
Be with my baby, then we’ll spend some time together
So hologramic, oh my TVC one five
My baby’s in there someplace, love’s rating in the sky
So hologramic, oh my TVC one five

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An angel from the Sphere of Victory, Satellizer is also obviously the Satellite of Love referred to in the Lou Reed song. Pay attention, Otakus! These are important clues to evolution in the psychic wars!

Metcha shiawase!

I’ve always loved using the phrase “All Alone In the Night” as a title, a bit ironic considering my enemies in Hollywood, but screw it, why should I change. I’m feeling very cozy now, I watched more anime today, although ironically there are so many possibilities opening up (I subscribed to Hidive in addition to Crunchyroll, for instance, and bought the first DVD of Love Hina) I haven’t had time to get back to Black Clover. That’s the one, though, that will be the through-line, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer was several years ago.

The Dark Powers that created me are becoming apparent. Obviously, I’m some kind of alien. Anime represents some kind of transitional state to my own home dimension. The lines of the drawings represent fluctuations in the sphere of Saturn. My inner and outer worlds are crashing together. Yesterday I experienced beauty, today the beauty is in my subconscious, bringing something forward. Something cathartic is going to happen, I’m either going to achieve total success or get killed, and I don’t care which. Humanity is boring. I can barely believe the country I was born in has become this hapless wreckage.

A friend of mine came over tonight, he picked up some things he’d left here over a year ago. We went for a walk and he talked about his father, who just died a few weeks ago, and surprisingly about how his relationship with his mother was better now. I talked a bit about my relationship with my parents. We talked about how long we’ve been having conversations like this. I thought of other people I met at the same time that I met him who have since long faded away, fake friends while this one has been real. After he left I came home thinking about my life, and how Crunchyroll has energized my feelings. I’ve even been buying crunchyrolls to eat in order to get into the spirit of it. I had Mango on Saturday, and tuna today. I’m immersing myself in the zen of anime, the continuously regenerating poignant sentimentality of almost belonging, almost possessing, but never quite doing so, and yet never losing the beauty of it all. What was it that spoke to me just now, as I walked up the stairs after returning from the lake where we sat on the pier, looking out at the dark skies over the water in the glow of the street lamp? If only I can find an anime with characters who talk like this, who share like this … that is my quest. Perhaps I’ll write one.

I have nothing to say about Manga and Anime, I was looking up YouTubers today and I saw how many with millions of subscribers have been posting for more than a decade. Obviously I have nothing to add. I’m in it entirely for myself. But ironically, the very impersonal, pseudo-buddhist bliss of Japanese entertainment, that joy of belonging that it always brings (even when it’s pornographic) makes me feel I could just generate something, although I’ll have to follow the quest until the end to do it. It’s so nice to have so many titles to choose from, all of them in that quaint, safe anime-space, so similar to gamer-space, so antithetical to Hollywood whore-space. I can even use AI image generators to illustrate my own ideas, so much easier than getting them to create photorealistic pictures of imaginary people. So I’m doing the Tokyo Drift for real now. My spirit guides and all the characters they play are changing. I’m progressing toward the womblike Existence-Knowledge-Bliss-Absolute.

What do I have to say to fans? To anyone interested in this subject? Nothing yet but I did keep my progress, I have extended my project through a sophomore post, I have begun collecting magical energy around it.

But what is magical energy? What is it when it’s in your imagination, in the existence-knowlege-bliss of immersion in the multivalent coziness of anime, and what is it when it hits the cold, harsh, daylight of this polluted, sad world of injustice? I want to find out now, walking the edge in Edgewater, doing the Tokyo Drift, leaving little hints of breadcrumbs for myself as I go.

My laundry is almost done, I’ll have to go downstairs and put it in the dryer.

A couple of weeks ago I was wandering around C2E2, having the best time of my life, and I wanted to recapture the youthful exuberance and hopefulness I once felt, I wanted to be excited about something. So I bought a wall scroll for a Manga called “Black Clover” because it had a big cast and I wanted to feel like I belonged to some entertainment again. I decided I would try to watch the entire show and blog about it as I went along, to see if I could develop some “content”, some layer of persona to my daily routine that would be good to share with the human race. I wound up subscribing to Crunchyroll just to watch it and I am blissfully happy to have access to all this amazing entertainment, another nail in the coffin for that cesspool, Hollywood. I don’t have anything to say about any of this, and my blog will probably be unreadable for weeks, but maybe if I keep cranking out the entries I’ll develop some kind of emotional spark I’d like to share with the human race.

The other thing that happened was that I got a mild virus that lasted for five days and I’ve been semi-delirious and unable to concentrate, but I feel fantastic, like I’ve been having out-of-body experiences and all my troubles in life are solved. Also, I watched the Paul Verhoeven movie “Benedetta” last week and I was glad that someone is still out there making movies that are relevant to my life. I remember at the beginning of the year I’d been watching “Nymphomaniac” with Charlotte Gainsbourg, hoping that I would have a deep experience, but even though it was a good movie and it probably did change the way I see sex in film, I’m not sure I got much out of it philosophically.

But that in itself is important, isn’t it? Sexually explicit films change the way we see sex in society, just like the ecchi Animes on Crunchyroll do.

Okay, at that point I changed over and started thinking about inner experiences of light and higher dimensions, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to say about that, but the point is I’m just going to blog no matter what until I’ve seen every episode of Black Clover, and we’ll see if this entertainment journey transformed me or not.