I first heard of Wu Xing when I was in school in Oklahoma. There was a boy in 5th grade who had immigrated from China. His name was Charles. He wanted to help me because I was new in school and people had helped him when he was new. We played Chinese Checkers, American Checkers, and Go. He told me about the Yellow Dragon. We talked about reincarnation. I believe I knew him in a former life.

All this blogging and making of Facebook videos is definitely because I’ve been drugged and knocked unconscious and I have terrible psychic boundaries with the human race. There’s definitely a space I get into where I feel like I’m in touch with some other world. Yesterday’s post was very magical, it did quite a lot for me. The dark orbits of my paranoia are coming into focus. Even now I’m experiencing a kind of flickering darkness that’s very familiar … I’m thinking of all the people I know in the entertainment business who are nothing more than polluted filth. I’m experiencing the violence and contempt in my own soul. Is it a part of me or not? Is it something left over from the past I can get rid of?

The darkness is hovering all around me now, as I’m writing. I can’t say what it is. But it’s a step forward, anyway, just to acknowledge that it’s there. When I feel this damage, is it some terrible conspiracy against me, or is it a communication from a being in a higher dimension? It starts out as thoughts of people I’ve hated in my life, thoughts of warfare, and then it becomes some kind of ecstatic nightfall in my mind.

I did a ritual which was the most fun I’ve ever done in my life, it was extremely perfect, and I only wish I could describe it to you, dear reader, but it’s a secret. I do hope I remember it when I look back on this day, though, because it’s just exactly the kind of moment I want to preserve for myself. However the issue remains public versus private.

I watched another episode of Black Clover. Seihi stayed dead, after all. Things are going along well. Where is the dark core of myself that reflects my experience, one way or another, inside or out? I was deep in the effects of yesterday and then watching the episode itself brought me back to the surface. I have an impulse to just stop here, leave it and hope that time will tell what that space of fascination I uncovered today was. However, it is working.