Monthly Archives: February 2020

A Meandering Trail in the Dust

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11:58 PM 2/20/2020  There’s no one there!  I had an interesting day of organizing and “Getting Things Done”, thinking about Sanders V. Bloomberg and trading a lot of snotty comments on Facebook about whether Bloomberg is evil.  Ultimately I don’t care.  I’m going deep into the fact that I’m 50 years old and greatly enjoying my solitary darkness, the fact that I don’t have to dither over outside influences anymore.  The spiritual forces are “coming down”, the daydreams are getting resolved.  I have to decide right and wrong for myself and no one can help me.  But I look forward to that time when my decision is clear.  

I guess one thing I’m going to have to do is watch videos of the candidates.  I like to ignore them personally and just read about them.  But there’s a deeper issue, the spiritual meaning of the intention of souls.  Why do souls go through a supposedly divine process of coming into this world so they can get these crappy, dishonest jobs and feed this hellish failure of a civilization?

There’s some kind of dark connection between all these people and I’m going to find it or realize it somehow.

12:42 AM 2/22/2020 It’s a horrible, sad world. Why are all these people here?

1:45 AM 2/23/2020 I was thinking of getting a new job and since I’ve been working for Chicago IANDS for 8 years I thought of going into hospice care.  I began to think of the world beyond death, and the harsh emptiness of this world, the people who live in hate. I’m seeing a parade of horrible people I’ve known in this world, people who radiated emptiness and death every moment.  Toward what should I direct my attention in these times?  

10:39 AM 2/25/2020 I felt great after that last paragraph.  I’m actually having the best time of my life right now, everything is making sense and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I thought of deleting all this that I wrote but I’m leaving it up as a record of who I am.  

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The Abyss 2/13/2020

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8:58 PM 2/13/2020  Just a few minutes ago I was posting on Facebook about a bit of clickbait that really annoyed me, a new “Batman” movie trailer that was nothing but a long, slow shot of a dimly lit costume with some pompous and repetitive piano notes playing.  I felt a little embarrassed to be lowering myself to the level of posting about it but I wanted to have some kind of response and not let myself be lulled into a stupor by the endless tedium of Hollywood High School.  I doubt the new movie will be interesting at all.  

However I did make progress because within minutes I had an insight about what I’m supposed to be doing on the web, a direction to move in.  I actually got quite a bit from my to-do list done tonight, and I have been feeling good since I set a launch target of late May for my website. Today I read a lot more from “The Wedding of Sophia” by Jeffrey Raff and I had some good insights into the emotional tone of the site.  And just now sitting here brooding over the pointlessness of Hollywood High School and the general emptiness of all relationships and activities in the entertainment business, I remembered “The Myth of the Eternal Return”.  I can combine these two books to good effect, I think.  I think I should be working on the concept of facilitating viewers of my site in the reenaction of the myth of Alchemy, the creation of the Philosophers’ stone.  I came up with the subtitle of “An Experiment in Psychoidal Alchemy”.  

So after years of struggling, I think I have a concrete concept to place before the public at last.  It’s quite a relief!  

The Abyss February 9, 2020

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9:35 PM 2/8/2020  I’m not going to push myself to make to sense now.  I’m going to develop my voice over time.  I do finally feel that I can speak directly on the web they way I was speaking directly in Grand Rapids before I moved here – with much greater clarity, actually, since I am much less confused about my own intuitive impressions of the world.  

10:40 PM 2/8/2020 Two years ago on February 18 I saw “Cool Hand Luke” at the Music Box Theatre, and one of my guardian angels announced that her work was complete.  She had done what she needed to do to establish a firm connection with me and since then I’ve been working with Kara, my public angel, to establish a true channeling connection.  I have been trying to decide whether she is the White Knight or the White Bishop.  I’ve been told she’s the White Bishop, but I couldn’t make up my own mind to accept that completely until today, when she told me very clearly that that is who she is in the Hellfire Club.

The Return of the Abyss

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8:32 PM 2/6/2020  Years ago I had a public affairs blog on Livejournal called “The Abyss”.  I deleted it, and my website, when I moved to Chicago in 2008.  Tonight I’m resurrecting the Abyss as a way to deal with the Trump impeachment and the sense of impending doom that I have about the United States.  Back then I was commenting on public affairs, learning about what it means to take a public stance as a writer.  This time I’m doing something different.  I’m trying to save my soul.  I’m lost in the emotional chaos of a political system I no longer believe in.  I believe in the principles of the constitution, but I no longer believe justice is being done in this country.  Our healthcare system is immoral.  Our economy is unworkable in the long run.  Our entertainment is psychic pollution.  Our leaders are hapless frauds and failures.  The only thing that redeems this horror for me is the fact that I know we all have souls and we all move inexorably toward the release of death and a brighter world afterwards.  Our nation is a failure, and yet I know that people taken individually can be better than the country that oppresses them.  I know that over the course of my life I have achieved a little liberation from suffering through spiritual practice.  So this is an experimental post to see what kind of effort I can sustain in writing, to see what can be done with the mental chaos and anger I experience when I read social media posts about the horror of politics.  I know that conscience demands I take some kind of stand on the affairs of the world, but I don’t quite understand my point of view.  So I’m going to take a risk and begin to reach into darkness once again, hoping to find that shamanic key to “to forge in the smithy of my soul the uncreated conscience of my race.”

The very next step, of course, is to get down to specifics.  Is Trump good or evil?  Is it any of my business if he is or not?  I am 50 years old and I have no children, nor ever will.  What business of mine is the future of this sad, decadent world?  And yet my life calls forth a response to the emptiness of our shared society.  The very concept of conscience has been broken, polluted and debased by mass media.  

Conscience to me means that all souls go to a higher world where the truth is revealed.  I’m going to write my opinions of what that otherworldly truth might be as they apply to the politics and culture of this one.

I don’t want to be a part of the culture wars.  I want to move past them to a higher world.  But the only way out is through.