11:58 PM 2/20/2020  There’s no one there!  I had an interesting day of organizing and “Getting Things Done”, thinking about Sanders V. Bloomberg and trading a lot of snotty comments on Facebook about whether Bloomberg is evil.  Ultimately I don’t care.  I’m going deep into the fact that I’m 50 years old and greatly enjoying my solitary darkness, the fact that I don’t have to dither over outside influences anymore.  The spiritual forces are “coming down”, the daydreams are getting resolved.  I have to decide right and wrong for myself and no one can help me.  But I look forward to that time when my decision is clear.  

I guess one thing I’m going to have to do is watch videos of the candidates.  I like to ignore them personally and just read about them.  But there’s a deeper issue, the spiritual meaning of the intention of souls.  Why do souls go through a supposedly divine process of coming into this world so they can get these crappy, dishonest jobs and feed this hellish failure of a civilization?

There’s some kind of dark connection between all these people and I’m going to find it or realize it somehow.

12:42 AM 2/22/2020 It’s a horrible, sad world. Why are all these people here?

1:45 AM 2/23/2020 I was thinking of getting a new job and since I’ve been working for Chicago IANDS for 8 years I thought of going into hospice care.  I began to think of the world beyond death, and the harsh emptiness of this world, the people who live in hate. I’m seeing a parade of horrible people I’ve known in this world, people who radiated emptiness and death every moment.  Toward what should I direct my attention in these times?  

10:39 AM 2/25/2020 I felt great after that last paragraph.  I’m actually having the best time of my life right now, everything is making sense and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I thought of deleting all this that I wrote but I’m leaving it up as a record of who I am.