I just finished a Zoom circle with Sacelli, et al. and I am wondering what I could write about it that will be useful to read in 13 years.  Turning 50 is bringing me to the single-pointed focus I always wanted.  I went back to nights when I lived at Jarvis, feeling safe & cozy on circle nights, knowing my bedroom was upstairs, there on the edge of bohemia, going to work for a large corporation.  There were specific layers of energy I experienced, specific points of contact with the higher realms, and of course all the evenings socializing around the table in the dining room.  It meant a lot but when John moved to Mexico it was all over for a year.  What did it mean?  I still had to find my place in the world.  Now my own spirit contact is much more stable.  But what is specific about tonight?  So much time spent on this “scene” in Chicago, and it means nothing.  Nothing comes of it.  “Society” is worse, there is no beauty, no honor.  Only the spirit world matters.  And I don’t even want to think about the wreckage of crummy relationships.  But there was all that work, all those readings and meetings…something happened.  I got over a lot of bullshit, occultism and black magic, pretentious assholes, narcissists.  I got clear.  So I want to enjoy the nostalgia.

I’m picking up the continuity of my life now, I just got done with an amazing circle and now I can feel the spirit forces aligning in my life.  The drama of social distancing is ending.  I crossed the line from being someone who leads two lives, working during the week and seeking shamanic visions on the weekend, to feeling like a unified human being, working to bring the light and dark sides of my vision into one place.  I have so many visions, and they are all ecstatic, they are all fun.  But there are so many, the golden light is so blissful and expansive that I have to struggle to bring them down into something productive.  Because at the same time that I am having these ecstatic visions I have many exciting projects to undertake, many modes of expression available in the world.  How do I choose?  How do I organize?

I have to stick with the 8th Habit.  Modeling, I have to move through this chaos to what my soul wants, and at this stage that would be the pathfinding, wouldn’t it?

So if I’m finding a path through chaos, what is the goal?  Where am I going?  I have a lot of specific projects, but I guess the main purpose would be to get a handle on it.

It’s a while later, my dashboard says this post above the line was saved two hours ago.  I feel fantastic but it is very difficult to get my mind together.  I stopped there and took a picture of my Sirius Black wand, as a symbol that I am going to try to create something that will somehow coalesce my wild imagination into clarity.  I have lots of fantasies and daydreams about popular culture, and yet I am imprisoned by the forces of Saturn, the Dementors of corporate entertainment.

The issue isn’t “getting to work”, it’s finding something constructive to do with this state of my imagination.

So I’m going to experiment now with the persona of Sirius Black.  This is my photo of official Harry Potter Merchandise, the Sirius Black Wand.  Sirius the star was sacred to the Egyptians, and the Egyptians called their country “Khem” which means “Black”, so I had this whole fantasy that the Black family were the ancestral lineage of the Pharoahs.  I made up a whole adventure where Sirius goes to Egypt to play the Game of Fate, and Bellatrix LeStrange follows him.

But that was just to get me started.  On a deeper level I’ve decided to explore the imaginal space of Mafdet, the Egyptian cat goddess, and while I’m at it I’ve included a couple of pictures I use as reference points for my guardian angels.  I’m going to get around to photoshopping some interesting stuff about them soon.   

I don’t know what any of it means, but at least I did something I can remember when I reread this 13 years from now.  I’ve started to find a path out of chaos.