Brigitte Bardot, a living legend, 84 years old today. My. She quit acting before I was even born. I’ve always admired her headstrong individuality, her sincerity, her disregard for fame/status/popularity, and her courage, turning her back to acting to dedicate herself to animal rights. And of course I’ve always found her fascinating to look at, ever since I saw her on an old, discolored poster in my grandparents’ barn when I was about 7. I thought of her as a secret barn spirit, a genius loci.
I’ve only ever written two fan letters in my life: one to Yoko Ono, and one to Brigitte Bardot. Both replied to me, and both letters are proudly displayed at the Weirdland Museum. Brigitte Bardot’s, with its graceful handwriting and flower scribble, is placed between a 1970s Kermit the Frog mug and a bottle of Holy Water.
9:25 PM 9/26/2018 I went to see “The Dark Crystal” with Brian and Amy tonight. It was a highly psychic event that put me into direct confrontation with my own inner imbalances and the flood of visual imagery that torments me.
“The Dark Crystal” is a beautiful movie but there are some flaws in it that I want to compensate for in my own story. The hero only ever obeys. He’s told to go on his quest and there’s no explanation for it. It makes the whole thing seem a little cold. Also the astrological symbolism overwhelms the individual choice.
5:45 PM 9/27/2018 I’ve continued to think about “The Dark Crystal” and all that I probably missed by not seeing it when it was on HBO in the 1980s – or did I see it after all, and simply forgot? I remember the final scene, but there are some big gaps in it. Did I get knocked unconscious or something?
11:31 AM 9/29/2018 This entry is written from a slightly different state of mind. I have a story in mind that back in February 2017 I started watching “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and I started experiencing a very happy state of awareness on my weekends, one of total freedom in my own imagination, and contentment with the supernatural forces around me. The problem is that this freedom and contentment is intoxicating and addictive and I wind up wandering around in a daze for hours, feeling blissful but never getting anything done. I can’t come down from my own inner movie long enough to read anything I want to read or watch movies I want to see, for instance.
Today, however, I made a breakthrough. I made a picture and thinking about the picture caused connections to be made in my awareness of the oceanic dream-state. I think this is an evolution in my relationship with the angelic kingdoms. This week I have been reading about J.R.R. Tolkien and the angelic quote that inspired him.
(O Earendel, brightest of angels, sent to mankind over middle-earth)
A famous passage he wrote about this:
“I was struck by the great beauty of this word (or name), entirely coherent with the normal style of A[nglo]-S[axon], but euphonic to a peculiar degree in that pleasing but not ‘delectable’ language. Also its form strongly suggests that it is in origin a proper name and not a common noun. This is borne out by the obviously related forms in other Germanic languages; from which amid the confusions and debasements of late traditions it at least seems certain that it belonged to astronomical-myth, and was the name of a star or star-group. To my mind the A-S uses seem plainly to indicate that it was a star presaging the dawn (at any rate in the English tradition): that is what we now call Venus: the morning-star as it may be seen rising brilliantly in the dawn, before the actual rising of the Sun.”
And I’ve related this to my own heptalogy, and my own relations with the planet Venus. It’s very dramatic and is bringing about a lot of changes in how I see the world.
3:33 PM 9/29/2018 I’m still having this wandering problem today, but now I come back to the center more and more often. Having a terrible cold and being on medication isn’t helping very much, either. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve blogged since I got an ear infection 3 weeks ago – I’ve been feeling like I’m living underwater since then, and then on Tuesday I caught my usual winter cold, which begins as a sore throat and then goes back and forth between my throat and my head for a few days. I think it’s just ending today, down in my chest as I cough. As sick and confused as I am, I feel very peaceful.
I’m using 3D illustration to break through some points of confusion and stasis in my mind. I wish it was exciting and adventurous but I’ve discovered that I have a terrible blind spot in my daydreams. I hit a point where I have no explanation for anything and then I get confused and usually, until now, wind up doing nothing. But today I seem to be making progress.
