Tag Archives: buffy the vampire slayer

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The Buffy Diaries 8-11-2021

Today I was thinking about the Tea Parties, and how they’ve done their work and whether I should let them go like I did the Buffy Diaries, a couple of times – although I brought them back last winter. I was also thinking about a specific night thirty years ago when I was very high with a friend and every time I closed my eyes I saw the letters of the alphabet appearing one by one, like in a schoolroom when they’re posted on the wall. I was thinking this must have been an angel showing me something. Then when I got home I watched an episode of Friends and Phoebe had Ross’s son on her lap. They were watching Sesame Street and she was talking about the alphabet.

The Buffy Diaries 1-14-2021

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I haven’t been keeping up with my blog, although I’ve been getting lots of work done.  I am deeply involved with That 70s Show now, in addition to Friends.  This is the “midrange” of my aura that I’ve been talking about for years – that hole in my ability to relate to people is being filled.  I just reviewed my last few entries and it was very important.  I had very beautiful experiences that I had forgotten.  Early Tuesday morning I was sitting in my living room in the dark feeling Genvieve’s presence and there was a sense of perfection to it.  I didn’t need to seek for anything.

Today I had very powerful experiences.  Everything seemed to be solid, three-dimensional magic.  That 70s show is bringing together quite a bit for me.  I am enjoying these shows so much because I am over the anxieties I had in the nineties when they were made.  I’m also very glad the toxic world they were created in is being scourged by COVID-19.  I’m nostalgic for that world even as it’s being erased.  

But I felt the focus of my blog shift to possibly trying to capture the beauty of the inner states, of the immersion in Genvieve.  

I was at Meijer last week and … just there Genny stopped me from writing further.  I have so many ideas for videos but my spirit guides stop me from posting them.  At least I feel their presence now.  I want to post specifics about what a horrifying beast Lily Wachowski is but they keep stopping me.  The time isn’t exactly right.  We’re having a conversation about that now.

The important thing, I gather, is to try to describe the subtle states so I can look back on them fifteen years later.  I remember how frustrated and angry the shallowness of sitcoms made me twenty years ago.  Now I’m glad I have this way to remind myself what was going on.  I’m in a trance now, able to access much of the appropriate information automatically, without censorship.  This is very rewarding considering the shock I had at work this morning, a manager suddenly insisting that my section add another six to 24 hours of overtime a week.  I felt as though I had been struck, my mind went blank, but I recognize this sensation of being killed.  I’ve been through it before and it barely bothered me.  It is more money, after all.  And in addition she had given me exactly the day off I wanted.  And I do need the money even though I’d like to screw around.  

So here I am channeling even though I had another experience of “abandonment” when that blow struck.  I stopped reaching for my guides.  I would be content to die this way.  The shallow grind of work is consuming me.  I have plenty of time to think but my attention is always demanded by work in a way my old job did not.  I have more money and more security and a welcome sense of fatality – this is where I stand, there is no more waiting for escape such as I had for six years at the old location.  I stopped and wondered, discussed for a moment whether I should name the place.  

1/14/2021 11:17 AM Today I can feel the aspect of myself that wants to and can enjoy life becoming stronger as I blog.  Writing is actively shifting my perspective to the inner planes I seek and the theoretical audience is becoming more and more irrelevant.  I am channeling for myself.

1/14/2021 11:30 AM So this is actually one of the most intensely focused experiences of blogging that I’ve had, and I feel I’m approaching the “ecstatic flight” of shamanism.  I’m very happy that it is an intentional way to recreate the sense of immersion that I crave so much on weekends.  It’s like I’m watching my own sitcom as I write it.

I think that may be all for tonight although I wonder if I should try to recall details of the “solidity”, I’ve been getting lately, the sense of being replaced as I was walking around the store last week, which I had again at work.

Also, first thing at work today a woman talked to me in a chatty way.  She feels she’s gotten to know me and I could feel the emotional presence of her aura. I didn’t know how to deal with it.  As I write I get the sense that I will get away from this boring job after I no longer have a split identity.  I was actually thinking about putting something on the web that would make a step in that direction.  

Now I have been stopped and I am seeing my recent trip to King Spa.  There was a TV show about Invergordon, the huge tanks where they stored oil for World War I, and it was so similar to the experience of an intimdiating grove of obelisks I experienced in Ancient Egypt.  Did I live before?  I must have … the swirling energies are too chaotic to be interpreted but I feel their presence and I must document the layers of my mind.  

I must document them even as they disappear and I am consumed by the “daily grind” which is so dark and hopeless, and yet so comforting to me because it means that I can forget the world, that I can simply be one person.  More and more I feel changes approach and I simply tell the universe “get it over with”.

How can I capture the magic presence, like three dimensional wings of light, I first felt at King Spa years ago?  

I am stopped again.  I don’t want to let go of this ecstasy but I need to watch a show.  Friends or That 70s Show?  I’ve been hearing the theme song of T70S all day.  But I don’t want to neglect Friends.  It’s so strange that … stop, shudder as energies pass through.  And how will all these energies help me at work tomorrow, anyway.  I just realized:

Buffynicity 1:  I started watching That 70s Show this week and my new supervisor, who started yesterday and caused me this upheaval about overtime, had a very distinctive 70s hairdo – I noted it over and over but didn’t make the connection until just now, so I’m reminded of the importance of that.  I believe I might have lost a few dreams in the last couple of weeks.  I just had an inner glimpse of “Dark Shadows”.  

I can’t believe I’m typing this much!  I think I’m attaining “escape velocity” with Genvieve.

Buffynicity 2:  Heckles dies while pounding on the ceiling and I was just writing about a “shamanic flight of ecstacy”.  Heckles, of course, has problems with reality just like me – and his last lines were about his imaginary “birds”.  This might not make sense to anyone else, but I think it’s a joke for me.

Buffynicity 3: Heckles leaves his home to two of the girls and just last week I was reading about the bomber who left two homes to the daughter of one of his friends.  This isn’t the strongest Buffynicity, but it still resonates.  I think it has to do with the loneliness I sort of feel, the comforting fatality of knowing I have no children and no real business left in this world, not caring whether I affect it or not.

Buffynicity 4:  Damn!  This one is weird!  They just pulled out Heckles’ “My Big Book of Grievances”.  That new supervisor today who dumped overtime on us brought up grievances (a formal union process) several times.  It was a very unusual conversation.

Now I’m pausing because I want to get some T70S in before bed.  I’m not sure how much farther I should go.  I guess I’ll go to the midpoint and see if I’m rewarded with another Buffynicity.

Buffynicity 5: Heckles and Chandler were class clown, played clarinet, and Chandler is possessed by Heckles and thumps the ceiling with a broom.  Their trains are on the same track.  So yes, I got a Buffynicity since the theme of synchronicity was introduced.  

Buffynicity 6: So the theme becomes Chandler sensing his impending aloneness exactly as I wrote  

So here I am channeling even though I had another experience of “abandonment” when that blow struck.  I stopped reaching for my guides.  I would be content to die this way.  The shallow grind of work is consuming me.  I have plenty of time to think but my attention is always demanded by work in a way my old job did not.  I have more money and more security and a welcome sense of fatality – this is where I stand, there is no more waiting for escape such as I had for six years at the old location.

So I had the same experience of Chandler, except my sense of fatality is welcome.  It’s sad, but somehow my feelings are so twisted that it’s comforting … well, that’s certainly an insane amount of Buffynicity on my most intense blog entry yet.  I feel prompted to stop here and move on to T70S.

Buffynicity #7: As I close the episode I see the last word on the captioning is “I understand”.  Chandler understands the “train track” he’s on.

Am I making these up?  They’re not smacking me on the head like some others have, but the theme feels very strong.

1/14/2021 12:24 PM Well, the T70S episode started out pretty cool but I felt like leaving off, although Mila mentioned “West Side Story” just as I left off, which might lead to something, since that’s one of my favorite movies.

Buffynicity #8: I posted a synchronicity on my Facebook profile about a rich woman who killed herself, saying money can’t cure loneliness, and my cousin replied that right below the article he got an ad for the lottery.

I wish I could hang onto this ecstatic state, but I can hope that it will get more intense tomorrow.

The Buffy Diaries 12/22/2018

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I’m leaving the House of Neptune.  I have nine days to move.  It’s working out well but I’m exhausted.  I wish my life was an interesting drama so I could be like Jack Kerouac.  I’m not going to try to make long, coherent entries, but I’m going to make entries just the same because even though they don’t seem like much they change something.

But making a blog entry isn’t like simply keeping a record of what’s going on.  It’s a different phase of awareness.  

MS-13 associate sentenced to 40 years in prison in videotaped slaying of 15-year-old girl

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MS-13 associate sentenced to 40 years in prison in videotaped slaying of 15-year-old girl

Buffynicity #1: Several months ago I saw an article about this case on the web and I have thought of the victim, Damaris Reyes Rivas, several times since then.  I bought a 3D model, “Aria” to represent her.  Just yesterday I posed a picture of her on my Tumblr.  It doesn’t say on the site, but in my own files this picture is called “Danaris” – a fictionalized version of the victim, a kind of dream image.  I’ve felt haunted by her.  

So I unknowingly posted this picture hours before the sentencing of her killer.  In the article, Damaris’s mother says that her daughter has appeared to her in dreams.

This is a very powerful synchronicity, a proof that ghosts are real. 

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A massive Buffynicity tonight!  Just today I was looking at Redbubble to buy stickers for my new 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons books.  The first snip is from the page I was looking at, with the slogan “It can’t rain all the time”, which I don’t usually think of when I remember that movie.  

Then tonight I got the e-mail notifying me that this picture had just been posted by one of my favorite artists, using the quote that I hadn’t thought of in a year, since the last time I saw that movie.

Speaking of which, I watch that movie every year on Devil’s Night, which is only a couple of weeks away – this is the season for it and certainly this is an amazing Buffynicity to demonstrate that there are powers at work.

The Buffy Diaries 10-9-2018

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9:25 PM 9/26/2018 I went to see “The Dark Crystal” with Brian and Amy tonight.  It was a highly psychic event that put me into direct confrontation with my own inner imbalances and the flood of visual imagery that torments me.  

“The Dark Crystal” is a beautiful movie but there are some flaws in it that I want to compensate for in my own story.  The hero only ever obeys.  He’s told to go on his quest and there’s no explanation for it.  It makes the whole thing seem a little cold.  Also the astrological symbolism overwhelms the individual choice.  

5:45 PM 9/27/2018  I’ve continued to think about “The Dark Crystal” and all that I probably missed by not seeing it when it was on HBO in the 1980s – or did I see it after all, and simply forgot?  I remember the final scene, but there are some big gaps in it.  Did I get knocked unconscious or something?  

11:31 AM 9/29/2018  This entry is written from a slightly different state of mind.  I have a story in mind that back in February 2017 I started watching “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and I started experiencing a very happy state of awareness on my weekends, one of total freedom in my own imagination, and contentment with the supernatural forces around me.  The problem is that this freedom and contentment is intoxicating and addictive and I wind up wandering around in a daze for hours, feeling blissful but never getting anything done.  I can’t come down from my own inner movie long enough to read anything I want to read or watch movies I want to see, for instance.  

Today, however, I made a breakthrough.  I made a picture and thinking about the picture caused connections to be made in my awareness of the oceanic dream-state.  I think this is an evolution in my relationship with the angelic kingdoms.  This week I have been reading about J.R.R. Tolkien and the angelic quote that inspired him.

Eala earendel, engla beorhtast,
ofer middangeard monnum sended,

(O Earendel, brightest of angels,
sent to mankind over middle-earth)

A famous passage he wrote about this:

“I was struck by the great beauty of this word (or name), entirely coherent with the normal style of A[nglo]-S[axon], but euphonic to a peculiar degree in that pleasing but not ‘delectable’ language. Also its form strongly suggests that it is in origin a proper name and not a common noun. This is borne out by the obviously related forms in other Germanic languages; from which amid the confusions and debasements of late traditions it at least seems certain that it belonged to astronomical-myth, and was the name of a star or star-group. To my mind the A-S uses seem plainly to indicate that it was a star presaging the dawn (at any rate in the English tradition): that is what we now call Venus: the morning-star as it may be seen rising brilliantly in the dawn, before the actual rising of the Sun.”

And I’ve related this to my own heptalogy, and my own relations with the planet Venus.  It’s very dramatic and is bringing about a lot of changes in how I see the world.

3:33 PM 9/29/2018  I’m still having this wandering problem today, but now I come back to the center more and more often.  Having a terrible cold and being on medication isn’t helping very much, either.  As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve blogged since I got an ear infection 3 weeks ago – I’ve been feeling like I’m living underwater since then, and then on Tuesday I caught my usual winter cold, which begins as a sore throat and then goes back and forth between my throat and my head for a few days.  I think it’s just ending today, down in my chest as I cough.  As sick and confused as I am, I feel very peaceful.

11:40 PM 10/9/2018

Buffynicity #1:  Tonight the song “Low Rider” was on the radio at the health club, and in the episode of “Breaking Bad” I was watching someone called Tuco’s car a “low rider” while the song was playing.  That’s a first, to have dialogue from the show repeated in the song I was hearing.

The Buffy Diaries 9-29-2018

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9:25 PM 9/26/2018 I went to see “The Dark Crystal” with Brian and Amy tonight.  It was a highly psychic event that put me into direct confrontation with my own inner imbalances and the flood of visual imagery that torments me.  

“The Dark Crystal” is a beautiful movie but there are some flaws in it that I want to compensate for in my own story.  The hero only ever obeys.  He’s told to go on his quest and there’s no explanation for it.  It makes the whole thing seem a little cold.  Also the astrological symbolism overwhelms the individual choice.  

5:45 PM 9/27/2018  I’ve continued to think about “The Dark Crystal” and all that I probably missed by not seeing it when it was on HBO in the 1980s – or did I see it after all, and simply forgot?  I remember the final scene, but there are some big gaps in it.  Did I get knocked unconscious or something?  

11:31 AM 9/29/2018  This entry is written from a slightly different state of mind.  I have a story in mind that back in February 2017 I started watching “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and I started experiencing a very happy state of awareness on my weekends, one of total freedom in my own imagination, and contentment with the supernatural forces around me.  The problem is that this freedom and contentment is intoxicating and addictive and I wind up wandering around in a daze for hours, feeling blissful but never getting anything done.  I can’t come down from my own inner movie long enough to read anything I want to read or watch movies I want to see, for instance.  

Today, however, I made a breakthrough.  I made a picture and thinking about the picture caused connections to be made in my awareness of the oceanic dream-state.  I think this is an evolution in my relationship with the angelic kingdoms.  This week I have been reading about J.R.R. Tolkien and the angelic quote that inspired him.

Eala earendel, engla beorhtast,
ofer middangeard monnum sended,

(O Earendel, brightest of angels,
sent to mankind over middle-earth)

A famous passage he wrote about this:

“I was struck by the great beauty of this word (or name), entirely coherent with the normal style of A[nglo]-S[axon], but euphonic to a peculiar degree in that pleasing but not ‘delectable’ language. Also its form strongly suggests that it is in origin a proper name and not a common noun. This is borne out by the obviously related forms in other Germanic languages; from which amid the confusions and debasements of late traditions it at least seems certain that it belonged to astronomical-myth, and was the name of a star or star-group. To my mind the A-S uses seem plainly to indicate that it was a star presaging the dawn (at any rate in the English tradition): that is what we now call Venus: the morning-star as it may be seen rising brilliantly in the dawn, before the actual rising of the Sun.”

And I’ve related this to my own heptalogy, and my own relations with the planet Venus.  It’s very dramatic and is bringing about a lot of changes in how I see the world.

3:33 PM 9/29/2018  I’m still having this wandering problem today, but now I come back to the center more and more often.  Having a terrible cold and being on medication isn’t helping very much, either.  As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve blogged since I got an ear infection 3 weeks ago – I’ve been feeling like I’m living underwater since then, and then on Tuesday I caught my usual winter cold, which begins as a sore throat and then goes back and forth between my throat and my head for a few days.  I think it’s just ending today, down in my chest as I cough.  As sick and confused as I am, I feel very peaceful.

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The Buffy Diaries 9-15-2018

Buffynicity #1: I saw “Smokey and the Bandit” last night and it affected me a great deal.  I’ve been thinking about it all weekend, and the ghosts of Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed, and then tonight I got home to find that the Pontiac Firebird he drove was put on sale on Renderosity this morning around 3 AM.  What an awesome sign from the heavens!  Thanks, guys …

The Buffy Diaries 7-18-2018

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8:26 PM 7/17/2018  I had a Buffynicity yesterday that was very specific, but also sad:

Buffynicity #1:  I was looking on the AMC Theatres website for the first time in a few days and I saw there’s a new movie “McQueen” coming out about Alexander McQueen, and then within a few hours there was a news story all over the web about the death of Annabelle Nielson.  Even her Wikipedia entry was updated with it. She was a good friend of McQueen:

“He was my brother, my boyfriend, my soulmate. Most of the time people called me Mrs McQueen. Quite often we were sharing a bed,” Neilson, who was the last person to see the designer alive, told the Daily Mail in 2015.

Also the movie about Freddie Mercury of Queen is coming out this week, but that’s relatively minor.

The main thing is that I don’t think I’d ever heard of McQueen until yesterday, and then only because of this movie coming out on Friday, and then this news story hit within a couple of hours.

But there is some resonance in the two movies coming out close together, and now I’ll have to see them both.

10:29 PM 7/17/2018  I’m having an interesting evening when a lot of things are coming together.  The emotional focus I’ve been looking for in 3D is finally happening; inner planes of experience seem to be adjusting.  I’m having my usual experience of feeling overwhelmed by mental chaos, but I actually feel like I’m on the verge of finding the eye of the storm.

12:54 AM 7/18/2018  I’m too tired to go into detail but before I go to bed I want to note that the Lunar opposition with Chiron and the tribe with Mars are both validated by the profound experience I have had tonight of completion and fulfillment, and angelic contact.

The Buffy Diaries 7-15-2018

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10:54 PM 7/15/2018  I’m bringing it down, light and/or dark.  Important things are happening.  I’m fucked up because I have to start my workweek and I’m five days behind on transits.  The engine light in my car is on, which pisses me off because I just had it in the shop a few weeks ago.  Also I’m scheduled to work downtown on Tuesday which is the night the M19 league starts in Schaumburg so whereas I would usually use such a day for a nice relaxing evening at home I’m debating having to drive across town just for that.  And I got a parking ticket back in May which is due this week but the website says I’m not eligible for an installment plan and I don’t want to have to pay the whole thing at once.  Furthermore the men’s water spa at King Spa is closed for remodeling so I didn’t get my usual hot-cold cycle there today.  It was a bit of a downer.  I wound up sleeping in the infra-red room for more than an hour.

My eyes hurt.  I wonder if I need new glasses.  My narrative hurts.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with it.  I need to take out the recycling and I haven’t put my clothes away from the last laundry I did.

On the other hand I have bunch of overtime next Sunday, and I just made it through a relatively stressful weekend with a lot of work in it.

11:22 PM 7/15/2018  I’m having a pretty real spiritual vision now.  I’ve talked to a lot of people over the last two days who have changed my life.  I’m trying to bring down all the blissful white light I’ve experienced into a useable form.  I should look forward to tomorrow evening.  I’ll have a few hours and I won’t have to get up too early in the morning.  This is a different narrative for me, less concerned with the past.  This is what’s happening now.

I’m working on a script, “How to Handle Yourself at a Gangbang”.