From Facebook 1 hour ago

I feel all these thoughts that would be interesting to express, but I don’t want to break the connection with my own inner peace to express them. I realize that I could use the metaphor of water – that these thoughts are just under the surface of the water … There are so many currents that seem to be coming to a head but I can’t find my center between them.  I’m going to go work out now and then see the results, see what it does to this nebulous feeling.

From Facebook 1 hour ago

I have a darkness in my mind or my soul, and it feels slightly out of control.  I guess I used to think I should try to express it directly, but now I think I’m closer to integrating it … and I can see that this darkness is the same psychic presence that also makes me feel isolated.  There’s a thrill to the darkness, but it is also a wall between me an the world – but the wall isn’t entirely bad because it has something to do with my psychic abilities and my destiny, as well.

From Facebook 2 hours ago

It seems to be a movement between three phases – the darkness of the world, and the past of the world, versus some kind of daydream, and then there’s some other state I haven’t made it to yet where I could get the conversation with my guides that I want.

Reposting from Facebook 2 hours ago

So now, all the images of my life are swirling around in my mind and I feel on the verge of something amazing, as though some spiritual transmission were just about to break through and make sense of the whole global image.

Reposting from Facebook 3 hours ago

So the next part of that cycle is to see fleeting images of the dark and horrible people I’ve known in my life.  There was some kind of psychic dance we did that left a definite impression.  I still see them in my mind’s eye, but it seems like some kind of calculation or adjustment taking place on the inner planes, some kind of maneuvering by collectives of guides in a great “Game of Thrones.

Reposting from Facebook 4 hours ago:

I’m microblogging my feelings today because I’m passing through one of my “dark cycles”.  It’s shallow enough that I can maintain my focus on moving forward.  I’m having the most magical weekend of my life, solving problems that are 30 years old, feeling like I belong in the world – and yet I’m still haunted by the same emptiness, even if only a little.  Why couldn’t I ever get a straight answer from anyone about what was going on with me, psychically?  Why was everything about money?  Why would my soul “choose” to be in a world this dark, this hopeless?

I’ve always been frustrated with life … but it does seem that after decades of going back and forth between two extremes that the light and dark are meeting in the center.  More later.

I’m glad it’s over.  It was a horrible place to be.  There was nothing in it I loved or even cared about.  I always thought I would have some experience that made it all make sense, and I did get more psychic, but it seems that all I did was become more and more aware of what a horrifying darkness this world is.  

Why did I come here?  Like so many others I wonder, am I being punished for something?  What would I be trying to learn here?