10:19 PM 4/17/2018  Thursday afternoon, I was still recovering from hitting King Spa twice in one week, and I was feeling very slippery as Venus sextiled Neptune and I was shopping for “wet” maps on Renderosity – skins that make 3D figures look like they just stepped out of the shower.  I had found Oskarsson’s “Water Palace” and I was thinking all about making pictures full of water.  The Moon sextiled Mars as I headed home to meet John and keep our date for me to teach him to play Magic: The Gathering.  We had a very deep discussion about various things and he drew some distinctions for me between the astral and etheric planes.  The Moon conjuncted Neptune while we played and it was a very dramatic merging of various layers of consciousness which I inhabit, and various types of relationships I have.  More and more my worlds are coming together.  With the Moon in Pisces conjuncting Neptune and sextiling Venus, it was a very watery grave for my old way of life as I transcended toward a new role in the dreaming circles and some cycles of separation coming to an end in relationships.

Friday I was downtown, feeling pretty good as the Moon trined Jupiter in the morning and I felt like the worst of the last couple of months was over.  I had great stuff to work on in 3D and as the Moon conjuncted Chiron I conceived of my first attempt to make a magical picture for the public.  I still have the idea in my mind but it’s so powerful for me it’s a little scary.  However it’s there and I’m going to bring it out in the next couple of weeks.  This took me a step back toward feeling like an “artist”.  

I was depicting “Binah”, the dark sphere of Saturn, but there was a woman in it dressed in red and I found this image very powerful, and related to the Moon entering Aries that night.  I definitely feel like I’m burning in a new cycle in my life since then, a much harsher cycle, but one that is bringing much clearer insights.

Saturday the Moon conjuncted Mercury in the morning and I was back meditating again, having missed a few weeks.  I felt very secure in my practice of Sahaj Marg – just the fact that I’m mentioning it by name in my blog shows that I’m hitting a new level with it shows that veils are lifting and I’m no longer segregating my spiritual lives.  

Mars was sextiling Neptune in the afternoon at the IANDS meeting, brining a very distinctive sense of chaos, craziness, and discomfort which distinctly validated the transit.  I could feel the familiar sensations of both planets mixing in a very discomfiting way, but at the same time the total familiarity of it gave me confidence that I could ride it out.  Neptune transits are always the most fun for me.  I love Neptune!

The Moon squared Saturn toward the end of the meeting and I was feeling lots of boredom and alienation.  I’ve been doing that bookstore for so long … it was very cramped, validating the transit, as we had new books and I had to work with some awkward bookkeeping processes.  However by the end of the day I was feeling like a total success and very proud of my continued efforts there.

Mercury went direct early Sunday, which makes sense.  

I’d like to note here that I’m very disappointed in this Jupiter retrograde.  The last Jupiter retrograde was one of the most fun times in my life, when I discovered Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but this time around I’m just not getting it.  Maybe I should watch Buffy again.  

But with Mercury direct I picked up on my blog again and feeling quite a bit of the harshness of Hod, the endless streams of brutal calculations.  I’m getting down to brass tacks with my angels and specifics about my role in life.

I made plans to meet an old friend on Sunday, someone I haven’t seen in more than 20 years.  This validated the Mercury direct I think.  In the afternoon the Moon inconjuncted Jupiter and squared Pluto.  I was feeling a bit out of sorts relative to the vast collective of the world and this person’s life in it who I haven’t seen since 1991.  I was very tired and feeling very rushed, wishing I had time for some more sleep before I had to see her.  Thankfully she was a little late.  It was nice, though, that we talked for several hours, right up until the New Moon in Aries.  A new era of my life began then, as I tied up some loose ends that have been bothering me for decades and also looked back on my self before shamanism to see how utterly bizarre, fucked up, and pointless the life of this world is and how nothing I ever cared about really mattered, and what a trivial joke human life is.

The Moon conjuncting Uranus was deeply validated by how utterly surreal the last few days feel to me, how I feel deeply magical and totally lost at the same time, on the verge of liberation and yet utterly disgusted with the world at the same time.

Monday wasn’t much.  I took care of business at work.  It went fairly smoothly.  I ran errands in the afternoon and as the Moon trined Saturn I was at home working on 3D and wound up having a congenial chat with another person I haven’t talked to in more than 20 years.  It was surprisingly deep and there was telepathy, validating the presence of one of my angels very powerfully.  

I note today that Saturn is going retrograde and I think this last few days of a surreal sense of limitation is a precursor to the upcoming arc, as my angel of Saturn is associated with the sign of Taurus and the Sun will enter that sign on Thursday.

Today I woke up feeling so blissfullly relaxed as the Moon sextiled Neptune that I almost called in at work to say I would be late.  It was true I was still a little tired but I felt so amazingly relaxed that I could barely stand to get out of bed.  As Venus trined Pluto and the Moon trined Mars I was feeling very productive and quite ahead of the game, although still bitter that the world I live in is so harsh, confusing, and limited.  My displeasure with the life of the world, with the United States of America, is unrelenting.  After weeks of feeling put-upon by overwhelming tasks, I was suspicious of how little I had to do.  

Looking back I had forgotten that the Moon was opposing Jupiter at 3:40 PM.  This transit was totally validated as a co-worker sent out an e-mail about a data quality issue that set everyone into a tizzy and made me feel like life is not worth it.  I hated my job and I felt totally alienated and isolated and hopeless.  I recovered a bit as the evening went on but looking back to find that this happened almost exactly at the moment of the opposition validates the transit poweruflly and makes me feel a little better.

The Moon trined Pluto and I was feelign like crap, recovering from the Jupiter opposition, feeling lost and like a total nobody except for the weird psychic compulsions of my life which I can barely believe in at times like that.  Pluto is the underworld and I certainly felt like dying, felt like an insignificant emptiness in a sea of the chaos of the ridiculous empty relations of America.

I was getting a litle better as the Moon conjuncted Venus, my friend and I were seated at Bill’s Diner, having our omelettes served to us before playing Magic: The Gathering all evening.  I gradually felt more and more magical as the evening went on until at the end, just before Saturn went retrograde, I was actually doing a decent intuitive reading for him and thinking about my future once again.

So the anxieties of the impending retrograde seem now to be released once the actual retrograde has started, and I am actually quite comfortable with the presence of my angel in this, looking forward to getting back with my own program.

A lot of images of my disturbing, empty adolescence in that miserable rathole Morton, Illinois came back to me this week. What a disgusting little town full of disgusting little people!  It’s so sad that they existed.  It’s so awful that this species supposedly has all these glowing white “Masters” to guide their spirituality but they produce towns as dismally empty and backward as Morton.  Our society is nothing but filth and emptiness and death and manipulation.

Oh, well.  Tomorrow the Moon will be sextiling Chiron when I get to work.  I’m looking forward to it.  The Sun conjuncts Uranus at ten.  I’m a little afraid but I’m willing to bet it will work out ok as the Moon is sextiling Mercury when I get off work and I have nothing to do but work on 3D all evening until the Moon incojuncts Saturn.  It’s going to be a great day, I tell myself.

The only big thing coming up is Sunday, when I’m doing 12 hours of overtime, which means a lot of money.  The Moon is squaring Uranus, so I wonder if something will happen?  Pluto goes retrograde.  Now isn’t that amazing?  I’ve always said I have Pluto tranits when I work downtown, and now I’m spending 12 hours downtown on a weekend, a special assignment, the day Pluto goes retrograde.

Even though there’s a Uranus square I bet it will be okay because the Moon enters Leo and trines Chiron in the afternoon.  I bet it will be relatively light work and I’ll be happy to be making a ton of money.

And now, as Mecury has gone direct and Saturn is in retrograde, I am once again caught up with my narrative.