10:44 PM 3/29/2018  I just got done with the biggest project of all at work, and now my month of huge challenges seems to be ending.  Since that dreaded meeting on the 6th my life has fallen apart and been put back together again.  I feel pretty good about it but I just put in a 12 hour day at work and now I’m torn between finishing this, working on 3D, or just going to bed.  I even had to restore my iPod, which is syncing as we speak.

The licenses for 68 of my songs expired when I changed my hard drive, including the entire original soundtrack to the first “Twilight” movie, which is interesting.  Versions of “(Don’t You) Forget About Me” and “Cat People” didn’t make it, either.  I’ll have to check how many of those I have left.  "Sausalito Summer Night" also fell by the wayside.  We’ll see if I ever bother to get it back.

So I’d made it through Friday the 16th when I left off.  I barely remember that weekend.  I can’t remember Saturday at all.  I was probably cleaning my bedroom.  I think I got some good stuff done.  The Moon conjuncting the Sun and Chiron on Saint Patrick’s day, I remember I was thinking about magic and Baron Samedi, getting ready for King Spa the next day.  My game the night before had me feeling very magical.  I was still waiting for my computer, as I recall.  Venus entered Capricorn and the Moon entered Aries, squaring Mars.  Thinking back now it was significant.  I was seeing myself in a different way, hanging around with these psychic people, feeling much more immersed in my own magic.  Kara seemed to have been watching over me while I played, and stayed with me all day Saturday as I finally moved some furniture around that’s been stuck in the same place for years.  I think I got rid of my old CRT TV, but now I can’t remember.  Interestingly I do remember Sunday morning so perhaps when I start telling that story some of Saturday will come back.  But the Chiron conjunct made me feel like a part of the world – Chiron always brings back the past and playing MTG with some buddies, setting up a regular game, made me feel like less of an outcast.  

Saturday was so boring I didn’t even spend any money!  I just checked my bank account to jog my memory but I spent nothing on Saturday at all!.  Venus entering Capricorn was important because one of my angels is from Venus and the other two are from Mars and Saturn, which govern Capricorn, so it marked a new beginning of focus and purpose for me with the Moon giving the forward momentum, swinging past Mars on the way to adventure.

Sunday I was going to King Spa again.  I felt great, on my way to a deep experience.  My main concern was getting white candles to honor Saint Patrick’s day and also charge one of my oracle decks, one I’ve had for years.  I dithered a bit and then wound up stopping at Walgreen’s on the way out.  It was a morning filled with fun and adventure for me.  I was a true magician at work.  Possibly the Moon squaring Saturn earlier had to do with the sense of being rushed, wanting to get candles but not wanting to waste a moment of spa time either.  But it also filled me with happiness, as Saturn transits usually do now.  In the evening the Moon conjuncted Venus and Mercury, and the Sun conjuncted Chiron and I got everything I wanted from King Spa.  I knew that this year I’m going to go there several times, each time getting more focused, until some alchemical process is completed and I am fully grounded in this world at last.  I can feel it working.  

Monday the 19th I had a nice feeling left over from the day before.  The inconjunct with Jupiter in the morning was pleasant enough.  The Lunar conjunction with Uranus in the afternoon brought an unexpected delay with my computer, as I’d been hoping to get it back but nothing worked out for me.  As I recall I also had some other errand to perform.  I probably just coasted through the VOC moon as I went shopping.  The Moon entered Taurus that night and trined Mars, but I don’t remember much.

On Tuesday the Sun entered Aries, beginning a new cycle on the day I got my computer back, which was very appropriate as my life feels very different now that I am getting reintroduced to all I missed for those two weeks.  The Moon trining Saturn I think was related to the benefit I received from this time of “loss”, and also the time-cruch in reacquiring my computer in the evening.  There were a few unpleasant surprises in picking it up.  It cost more than I’d hoped.  But the Moon sextiled Neptune in the evening as I was reintroduced to all the dreamlike activities that my computer allows in my life.  

11:13 PM 3/29/2018 Speaking of which, I just checked and my iPod sync is complete so my life is almost fully restored, except I am still 9 days behind on my narrative.  Fortunately I’ve been taking much better notes since I “got my life back” and I should be able to catch up tomorrow.

The Moon is opposing Chiron tomorrow.  I wonder what that will mean?

3:45 PM 3/25/2018  I just had an interesting dream wehre I read some orders and then I went to some kind of industrial park and met a guy named Andy, who I met at a party once in this world.  We talked a little bit.  I looked out a window at another building.  And then someone he knew came in and he left.  I was looking around and then I was trying to do some task that were on a list.  I walked to another part of the “park” and saw my waking-life boss in a driveway.  I told him about the problem.  There were some other people there as well.  And then I was thinking about my lousy relationships with women and I saw someone I know who is a priestess.  I think that meeting these people from three different arenas of my life has something to do with three parts of my mind coming together.  In addition one had black hair, one red, one blonde.  I think my angels are showing me something about their relationship to my life.  

At some point before or afte I was watching a movie made by that Nazi burlesque show from Grand Rapids I despise, so there’s another arena of my life that was in this dream.  There was a little acting but it was mostly CGI that was not put together with the film very well.  It was like someone had taken a video game and stuck some footage in it.  

When I woke up I was thinking about How stupid people are, like my idiot grandmother for instance.  

This was a fun dream because I haven’t had too many deep ones in a while.  I had a few some weeks ago but they aren’t usually this clear.  The main feeling of it was boredom and sadness and isolation.  I do have a greater sense of isolation.  I’m not sure I wrote that.

5:39 PM 3/25/2018  I swept the floor and went shopping.  I wish there was a way to capture the amazing sense of peace and fulfillment I had this morning at King Spa.  The days go by faster there now, but I have an increased sense of accomplishment.  I have a dream circle in a few minutes and I wish I had time to work on 3d but I want to get a few more days of transits recorded.  I know now that this is a truly magical act.  I feel another world just on the other side of a think veil.  I wish I had a focus so I could get all of this right.  

Monday the 12th was full of dread, I had two huge projects going on that week, one that would take everyone else out of my office and leave me on my own, and another big one I was terrified wouldn’t work out right.  I was feeling very intimidated by my boss.  But during the morning the Moon squared Uranus and even in the midst of the unpleasantness I had a new sense of a new angel with me, or a better contact with Kara, which validated the transit.  I felt better in the afternoon as the Moon sextiled Chiron and entered Aquarius, but I don’t remember much about the details except I dropped off the IANDS books and I felt very good about all the spiritual progress I’ve made there.  Even writing about it now I have a new sense of perspective.

Tuesday the 13th Venus squared Saturn and I was at work by myself, feeling pretty good, managing to use the experience to focus better on my life.  Then there was a surprise around the time the Moon sextiled Venus and my co-workers came back.  Their project was cancelled which meant I would have plenty of resources for my own deal on Thursday.  So like the meeting of the week before, things turned out much better than planned.  But the Venus/Saturn transit was validated when I learned that I wouldn’t be getting my computer back for another 3-5 days.  It was interesting that the Moon sextiled Mercury in the afternoon.  I’m not sure what that meant, but I’m noting now that, without my computer, astrological transits were harder to trace.  A lot is happening with this and since this transition I’m seeing better how the magic applies to the world of computers and the life of a computerized people.

Wednesday the Moon squared Jupiter and I was feeling hard-pressed to get my big project done, put-upon by the world and annoyed at being such a total nobody working for such a boring, amoral corporation.  As I write this I’m drawing on a deeper intuitive sense of what was happening at the time.  It’s like the inner world are more clear.  I was probably asleep when the Moon sextiled Uranus in the evening.

Thursday my project got off to a bad start but I resolved it within half and hour and then it went off very smoothly.  Once again a problem that seemed burdensome was resolved with relative ease and looking back on that time without my computer I can see that I passed through some kind of dark cloud and emerged with a different worldview and a much better understanding of the spirit world.

I don’t recall much about the Moon sextiling Saturn that evening but I was at my friend’s astrology salon.  There was another friend who surprisingly also came and suprisingly had a story of conflict to tell with a third person we know.  It was a very productive night and I think the transit revealed itself in the different attitude I was having toward relationships, seeing the conflicts other people were in and getting a greater sense of withdrawal into my own Saturnine energies.  I do love Saturn transits and this one was very powerful and encouraging.

Friday was actually very relaxing at work, as I’d made it through most of the unpleasantness and I was feeling optimistic, with a relatively light workload.  The Moon conjuncted Neptune early in the morning and I did feel very compfortable in my own dream.  In the evening I had a date to play Magic: the Gathering with some friends but my phone charger ran down and I had an epic struggle to recover it, and with it my GPS for the long journey to Naperville.  However I ultimately made it and had a very deep time while the Moon sextiled Pluto.  I think the struggle had something to do with adjustment to collective energies around gaming.  We played until late and the evening ended as the Moon sextiled Jupiter, leaving me feel quite Jupiterian, very accomplished and optimistic about the future.

9:54 AM 3/24/2018  I’m experimenting with my narrative again.  I plan to go to King Spa today, but I also just got my computer back and I want to immerse myself in 3D.  Also I have two weeks to aspects to catch up on.  My narrative broke on March 4th, as I wrote a few things “intending” to see what happened during the day.  It was spectacular, with Mercury conjuncting Venus making me feel like I was finally getting answers.  The Moon squaring Pluto was a thrill-ride, and the Mercurial answers seemed to be about where I belonged in society.  I got a glimpse of something – maybe Pluto energy is a kind of “underworld” of imaginal material in my own psyche that’s visual on a subliminal level.

Mercury and Venus conjunct Chiron contributed to the clarity, the sense of feeling “at home” at King Spa and an enthusiasm for going back again and again.  I went again last weekend and here I go one more time as soon as I finish this.  I felt exhilarated, as though I could do anything, while at the same time dreading the meeting I had scheduled for Tuesday which was going to be both liberating and frightening, brining an end to a drama that’s taken years to play out.

The Moon sextiled Mars and gave me an amazing sense of momentum in my life, as I made plans to go back to King Spa regularly and frequently.  I feel I’m “getting” the meaning of that experience, learning to be able to use it in a focused way, and that it is an extended process which will bring me to a clear occult goal. It’s possible that I can really use these experiences to “ground” myself fully.  

The Lunar opposition with Uranus was like a Full Moon, bringing sense of completeness in the influx of supernatural power.

Monday the 5th I don’t remember much about.  I know I was dreading Tuesday’s meeting and the work that was piling up for the weeks ahead.  There was a threat of an audit at work (which was just fulfilled two days ago).  There were no aspects during the day however.  The Moon entered Scorpio in the morning and sextiled Saturn in the evening, both bringing a sense of the impending power of Tuesday.  Mercury entered Aries during the night and I think that was related to the pivotal power of Tuesday’s meeting, brining an end to the old and the beginning of a new sense of my role in the world.  I think the Lunar sextile with Saturn was also an encouraging thing, bringing a feeling of “getting it over with” at last.

Tuesday morning I was downtown and as the Moon trined Neptune I was struggling with dread of the afternoon’s affair, but also feeling exhilarated from the momentum of Saturn, moving forward and feeling competent, keeping my energy focused and positive.  It was truly cathartic, a pivotal day I will remember for years to come.  The Moon trined the Sun as I left for the meeting, as ready as I could ever be, finally in the thick of the action.  As it turned out the meeting was routine, taking an hour too long to get started as is often the case with such things, and it was over in a flash, totally painless.  All that dread had been for nothing and I was totally liberated.  Venus joined Mercury in Aries later, bringing a sense of lightness and forward momentum – I was off to a brave new future and free of the past, and amazing drama of years now completed.

Once again there was a Pluto transit on a day I worked downtown – a Lunar sextiled that evening which was associated with a greater sense of belonging to and in the world.  I had had problems which I worked out like anyone else and I was finally at home in the world.

I don’t remember much of the day Wednesday, except probably the Moon inconjunct Uranus was fun, as I continued to feed off the energy I’d gotten Sunday at King Spa and the life changing meeting of Tuesday, feeling like anything was possible and I was ready to go forward in the world as never before, feeling complete and more in control than ever as the Moon trined Chiron, bringing a sense of satisfaction at the success of all I’ve done to clarify my life.  Then when I got home the Moon entered Sagittarius and POW! – my computer didn’t work.  I couldn’t get online.  This messed up my energy even though the Moon was trining Venus and Mercury.  

It’s odd for something negative to happen while such great aspects were taking place, and yet there could be no coincidence that after waiting for days for the catharsis of Tuesday, feeling like I had a new lease on life, I should be hit with this computer disaster.  

I still don’t know what to think of these awesome aspects during this moment of catastrophe, but the Moon entering Sagittarius makes sense as this phase has always scattered my life and brought my forward momentum down.  Furthermore, on Thursday the 8th the Moon squared Neptune, bringing an intensity of psychic change as I adapted to the suspension of my 3d habit.  

It was definitely validating for the Neptune aspect as I began a time of “feeling” the loss or gap left by the interruption of my habit, and furthermore Jupiter went into retrograde that day as well, after I dropped off my computer at the shop.  So it was as though I had this time without 3D, to look back on last year’s retrograde when I was first getting into Buffy.  Jupiter retrogrades are now marked for me as major life events.

Friday the 9th Moon conjuncted Mars and trined Uranus.  I went to a movie with a girl for the first time in a while.  The movie was really good, too.  The unexpectedness came through the sudden realization of how far away she lived and all the time I had to spend driving, but it was still good.  I can imagine though that the conjunct was validated by a sense of power in that this computer crisis happened in such synchrony with Tuesday’s cathartic meeting and the Jupiter retrograde that ironically the very disaster shows that something I’m doing is working.  That’s an unexpected, Uranian benefit from all this.  Furthermore the “date” was fun and a validation of Martian power for me.  

Saturday the 10th the Moon squared Venus during the IANDS meeting.  It was mostly fun.  

As I’m writing now I’m exchanging telepathically with someone, getting a different perspective on how I feel now versus how I felt a half hour a go when I started this process.  I want to get to King Spa, but I also want to catch this narrative.  Something or someone is here and I want to handle this right.  I feel rushed.  I just stopped to look at my planner and I find that the Moon is squaring the Sun in just a few minutes – that’s also a good validation, to sense the transit that way.  Also I note that the Moon entered Cancer this morning, bringing the cold comfort of the familiarity of my routine today, but also a sense of inertia.

Anyway, back to the 10th when the Moon conjuncted Saturn in the evening.  I believe I was at home trying to watch “Bound”, a very Saturnine film.  I was even concerned with time as I was using my Playstation and had a little trouble understanding the various forms and speeds of playback, fast forward, fast reverse, etc.  I was making the best of the limitation of not having my computer by going in a different direction.

Sunday the Moon sextiled Neptune during the day and I felt pretty good, cleaning my bedroom and bringing a new order to my affairs.  In the evening the Moon conjuncted Pluto just after the dreaming circle.  I definitely got good stuff that night, feeling more and more like I understand the various spiritual forces.  There were a lot of old friends there and I definitely felt like I belonged.  Writing this now I realize it was a continuation of the Plutonian influence from Tuesday.  It was very rewarding to be so recognized for my psychci gifts and this validated the Neptune transit as well.

I think that’s enough of catching up for now.  I’m going to go to King Spa.  I just had this sudden feeling of “full stop” and loss of momentum.  I looked up and found that it is exactly 10:35, the exact moment of the Moon squaring the Sun.  So it’s like I actually felt that transit.  And then the Moon opposing Mars one moment later.  I think this is why I’ve had such a delay this morning, and a sense of conflict between my desire to go to King Spa and my desire to stay home and do 3D.  The sun will square Mars in 40 minutes while I’m on the way out there.  

The Moon is opposing Saturn tonight, which is probably one reason I feel I don’t have enough time to do everything I want, and I feel rushed to make a decision.  It’s good to know that so I can simply make myself slog on with this even though it could feel better.

It’s interesting that I felt this desire to catch up with my narrative as a way to resolve these astrological oppositions.  The Moon in Cancer also makes me feel like just doing things and not thinking about them.  It will be a very inward turning night but astrologically it feels very right to just go out there and sit.  So here I go.

7:16 PM 3/21/2018

When I got my computer home I was horrified that my internet connection still kept going bad, but then I updated my drivers and now it’s better than it has been since I installed Windows 10.  Now that I’m reinstalling everything into a fresh drive I’m going to get very much into backups and web security.  My job in IT has been pushing me in a detail-oriented direction for several months now.  They’re making me into a manager and I have to think about abstract tasks all the time now.  

I did watch a little video while my computer was down.  I got about halfway through “Bound” by the Wachowskis.  I played some video games.  Another interesting synchronicity was that just a couple of days before my computer went down I bought Final Fantasy VII and the first five Tomb Raiders on Steam, and I sold my Playstation 2 and trashed the CRT telvision I’ve kept for years just to play them.  Although I’ve worked in IT for years, 3D animation is really pushing my life to revolve around computers and I think this is some kind of shift in my sense of who I am.

Another weird thing that happened during this time was that my charger cables started going bad.  I kept finding my phone dead at the worst times, especially last Friday when I was on my way to play Magic: The Gathering and I was late and almost had to not go because I couldn’t use my GPS.  I had to stop at a Walgreens to pick up a new cable.  I had similar problems when the cable for my tablet stopped sticking in the socket and I kept finding it run down.  And the mini-jack cable I used to plug my phone into my car stereo stopped working altogether.  So I had to order several new cables for different devices.

7:40 PM 3/21/2018  I’ve started visualizing grounding cords regularly, and I think it’s helping.  

7:49 PM 3/22/2018  Now that I’ve gotten my computer back, I’ve taken another look at it and discovered something about it I hadn’t realized in the five or more years since I’ve owned it.  It’s very embarrassing and shows what an idiot I am.  However it does make my life a little easier.

8:05 PM 3/22/2018  So I’m kind of being torn apart by desires now, he said ironically.  I’ve got Poser up and running again and I’ve got all the stuff I bought over the last two weeks to play with, but I have other things on my mind as well.  I need to do my taxes, for instance.

9:14 PM 3/22/2018  So I did them, and I’m getting some money, which is nice.  And I’m fooling around with Poser, actually needing to go to bed now even though I have a whole bunch of new stuff to install.  I also reinstalled my iTunes library, smooth as glass, and I must say all this fooling around with money and computers this week has me thinking very seriously about my future.  Great big changes have taken place and I’m looking forward to going over the last two weeks in depth – tomorrow when I am not so sleepy.

6:43 PM 3/21/2018

What an amazing ride!  Sixteen days without a blog entry, due to improperly installed drivers for my internet adapter, I think.  Whatever it was on the night of Wednesday the 7th I came home and I couldn’t log in to Windows 10 because it couldn’t get on the web.  I got it back last night and now I’m in the midst of reinstalling everything on my new hard drive, which is much bigger, faster, and quieter than the old one, which is now an external drive from which I am transferring my Poser libraries as we speak.  Sadly, I left my astrological planner at work today so I’ll have to rewrite this whole entry again tomorrow night, but that’s probably ultimately a good thing because this has been a very dense two weeks of transformation for me. 

I remember how excited I was as I wrote my last entry, in the morning before I went to King Spa.  I was looking forward to recording my reactions that evening.  Some of them I’ve noted in the astrological planner I left at work, but for now I must say that it was as rewarding as I expected. It’s a deeply meditative experience for me and I’m getting more into it.  I went again last weekend and I plan to go every two or three weeks until some kind of interdimensional gateway opens and I am sucked into a higher realm or something.

The specific aspects I’ll work on tomorrow but I just want to capture now the intense transformation of being without 3D illustration for two weeks.  It was my constant preoccupation for months and then I was without it for two solid weeks.  I thought about it all the time, and about the meaning of the astral desires involved in it.  It’s gone from being a distracting indulgence in entertainment to a very focused occult process.

Other things have happened to deepen this sense of transformation.  I devloped a nagging pain in my right foot and had to quit working out every night.  I think the pain came from my new car, which is relatively small.  I’m glad it’s small, because I get so many more parking spaces than when I had a minivan, but I’ve been wedging my foot into the steering well and I think it bruised a bone or something so after years of working out five to six times a week I have stopped coled while I heal.  I’m gratified that I’ve been able to continue to control my weight, and also had more time to do other things. Come to think of it, this is also an astral issue because it’s only when I run, really, that I watch video.  So this has been a time of major readjustment relative to the astral plane for me.

Also my computer went bad the day before Jupiter went retrograde.  The last time Jupiter went retrograde was when I started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, marking a new era in my life.  Now I’m looking back on that time and what changes have taken place because of my new involvement in the astral and emotional worlds.

I also took a girl to see a creepy horror movie at the Music Box, which was cool, and astral.  And I started up a regular game of Magic the Gathering with a friend, another astral involvement.  So now that I’m writing my blog again I can see the trend and feel a different astral-emotional presence in what I’m doing.

I felt totally overwhelmed and insignificant at work but I did get over some major projects.  I’m having some relief that I’m able to do my job better, although today fifteen minutes before I got off work I found out that there’s an audit tomorrow.  So I’ll be seeing what happens and writing about it tomorrow.  There aren’t too many aspects.  It may work out well.

I keep thinking back to a time four or five years ago when I was trying to talk to a friend of mine about the psychic state I was in and being totally unable to relate it.  Now years later my life is nothing like I’ve expected.  I’ve lowered my expectations for the world considerably.  But at least I’m beginning to feel like I’m in one piece and the terrible isolation is mostly over, even if I find myself “non-isolated” in a crappy, disgusting, pointless doomed world of corporate amorality where I would rather not be. 

My Poser library has finished migrating so I’m going to go work on installing Daz, but I’ll probably be back later tonight.  I do plan to cover every aspect in the last 16 days, including an amazing 2nd trip to King Spa on Sunday.