The Buffy Diaries 2-28-2018

1:45 AM 2/28/2018  Once again I’m surprised at how long it’s been since I’ve kept up with this blog.  Tonight I’m having a very productive confrontation with the dark shadow that bothers me.  I can see the ghosts of my wretched, evil grandparents and sense the astral doubles of my empty, sad family lurking all around.  I’m on the verge of understanding their evil, I think, and the astral presence of it.

Today the Moon inconjuncted Saturn in the morning, and it was very evident by the hassles I was getting at work as we tried to put some new policies in place and everyone was making awkward demands on my time.  The Moon inconjunct the Sun was a similar influence.  I didn’t feel too bad about the hassles, but they made it necessary that I change some comfortable habits.  Then I came home and had an interesting phone conversation and fell asleep early, before the Moon inconjuncted Neptune.  It was a strangely disappointing day that I knew at the time was a “focusing”, stripping away delusions so I can see the dark machinery underlying so much of what I’ve experienced in this lifetime.

Monday at work we put these new procedures in place, related somewhat to the Moon opposing Pluto.  I had to change some aspects of the way I approach my job and I was also feeling more identified with it than ever.  The nebulous sense of infinite possiblities for the future I’ve always had is narrowing down.  I’m accepting (after all these years) the simplicity of my environment, which is a good thing – it’s very closely related to the spectacular power of the psychic energies I’m tapping into, and the brilliant white lights of the spirit world I’m seeing. 

But I also had no forward momentum, just drifting around in my work environment not feeling like anything or feeling like being anything.  As the day went on and the Moon trined Jupiter I began picking up momentum.  I found some awesome 3D stuff for sale and as I listened to the theme song from “The Rockford Files” I began to relive some past energies of enthusiasm, with a new insight as to the process I’ve been through since I first heard that song 45 years ago.  I’m beginning to see how this crazy life I’ve led fits into the cosmic laws I’ve read so much about.

The Moon squared Uranus in the afternoon and went VOC.  I was shopping and taking care of important business. It all went really well and I can’t exactly remember what the Uranus transit brought.  But the Lunar trine with Chiron was very nice as I took care of some long-standing business, some things I’ve been putting off for more than a year, and took some steps to make a final break with my past in Grand Rapids.

The Moon in Cancer was validated in that on Saturday night I made plans to call a woman who is a Cancer and thought about it for several days.  I was also feeling very Cancerian in that my life seemed very familiar and under control but a little cold at the same time.  I could see from the reflection of this Cancer woman’s psychic imprint a lot of things about my mother – and also this had something to do with listening to “The Rockford Files” over an over, hearkening back to the original Cancerian, cardinal origins of the “stream” of my dream life.

Sunday the Moon opposed Saturn and the Sun sextiled it.  I wasn’t very rushed for time, strangely, but I do have this big deal coming up next week and I was thinking all about money and massive changes in my life that are taking place.  The underlying darkness is being revealed.  But strangely I felt like I had plenty of time. 

The Moon trined Neptune and Mercury during the dreaming circle and this was accompanied by spectacularly brilliant and piercing light from the spirit world which made me feel fantastic and very confident in my higher contact.  The doors are opening and the long-term mysteries of some of my experiences are being resolved.  This is very evident in the darkness I can feel tonight, the sense of the mysteries of my fate being resolved and my new understanding of the ugly, horrifying reincarnated Nazis I’ve had to deal with in this life.

2:07 AM 2/28/2018  Interestingly, I just now checked my e-mail and saw that a figure I was looking at two days ago, the “Dreamy Dress” for V4, just now went on sale.  Some materials for it had been on sale and I bought them because they were so magical, even if I found the dress they were for too expensive given the other things I wanted.  But just now it went on sale.  That’s kind of a telepathic hit.

The dress is interesting because it can be made to look like flames covering a woman’s body and that shows me that my alchemical operations with 3D are on track.  Especially since I was just doing a picture with an “anvil”, and thinking about the symbolism of the anvil, the forge, and the meaning of society.

This reminds me that I had the first major dream I’ve had in a long time, the first memorable one which I wrote down, on Saturday morning and at the circle John validated that there were four or five planets in Pisces and everyone was having amazing dreams. 

So Saturday morning I woke up from this cool dream just after the Moon inconjuncted Pluto.  It was a dream about sex and water and movies.  I skipped meditation and as the Moon inconjuncted Jupiter I was working on 3D.  I wish I could remember what was going on as the Moon sextiled Uranus.  Something unexpected did happen that evening, I wound up talking to someone I didn’t expect to talk to.  Also I made a trip down to Edgewater, my first in weeks.  I felt really great in Edgewater, very validated for my months or possibly years of going down there every Sunday, but at the same time I could feel I’ve grown beyond it.  It’s not a regular trip for me anymore and I cut my last ties with it.

That was related to the Moon squaring Chiron, I think, the nostalgia for the healing of all I went through down there, but also the sense of letting go because I have indeed been healed and I don’t need to be there, although it’s bittersweet because I enjoyed it.  The daydreams I savored there are collapsing into a more pointed focus.

Then I had an unexpectedly cool evening as I attended a ritual and made an appointment to talk to a Cancerian woman on the phone even as the Moon entered Cancer and I began gathering emotional energies to make the leap through my best Lunar arc again.  I’m definitely getting some good insights into Cancer, my mother, and the Angel that brought me to this world. 

Friday did indeed validate the day of lunar squares, Mercury, Neptune, and Venus.  The Neptune and Venus squares were probably related to the vivid dream I had that night.  In general I’d made plans for new procedures at work to take effect Monday morning so there was a sense of detachment, waiting for the new beginning.  I ate too much at lunch.  I ordered a novelty item and it filled me up and made me uncomfortable.  I did some shopping on the way home and got rid of a board game, “Castle Ravenloft” which has been sitting in my car for weeks.  I saw some cool ideas for things to get at Michaels. 

Right now, as I write I’m struggling a bit, I want to go back and meditate on all I’ve been through, so I can get deeper into it.  In general there’s a current of the past resurfacing as I hear “The Rockford Files” in my head and think back on my disgusting, empty family, and see the shadows they bring ever more clearly in my mind.

I’ve been through something insanely weird in my life but for better or worse I’m getting some good answers.  I feel my self is being restored.  There are a lot of aspects coming today as we approach the full moon.  I’m excited to see what happens.  After a very long time of experiences that were more “psychological”, I’m starting to have extremely vivid energetic experiences.

The Buffy Diaries 2-22-2018

6:07 PM 2/22/2018  I feel like nobody from nowhere.  It’s an interesting confrontation.  I had a lot of ups and downs at work.  I woke up feeling doomed, but insisting on thinking better-feeling thoughts.  I made it through a lot of the day but then there was a big upset which caused me to change a lot of my feelings about work.  Adding that to a lot of other gloomy things going on, and I just feel like crap but at least I also feel as though I’m making progress.  The dark shadow that haunts me is getting more solid, which means it’s more manageable.  As a matter of fact, that’s also what’s happening at work.  I need to become more of a manager.

Monday the Moon trined Mars and I was still sick.  I just totally out of touch with everything.  Doom is looming on the horizon and I don’t care because America is totally unworthy of me.  I feel like I’m getting more telepathic.  The trine with Mars made me feel more comfortable with not giving a damn, I think.  Or it made the sphere of philosophy and beliefs (the ninth house, where my Mars is) more clear and so it made the silly drama of this world less significant.  Even now as I write I feel forces descending upon me, changing the way I see everything. 

The Moon squared Pluto in the evening and I just slept off the last of my cold, totally distant and apathetic toward this lousy Earth and the sad stories of the silly, ugly people that swarm over it.  But I was also happy knowing I’d be working downtown the next day and this Pluto transit does validate that pattern of me working in the “underworld” of that tower around the time of Pluto tranists.

Early Tuesday the Moon conjuncted Uranus and went VOC and the delivery I went downtown to see off got messed up.  It took an extra couple of hours.  It wasn’t until after lunch, when the Moon entered Taurus, that things began to calm down and I got a bunch of work done.  That night the Moon sextiled the Sun and Mercury and I was very thrilled to be watching Sense8, feeling very magical like I got a lot of good psychic stuff to think about.  I also did some cool stuff with 3d and posted a ghostly picture which made another magical change in my astral environment.  Those two planets represent “communication” and “the self” and I feel as though by posting this picture I was expressing something deeper about my inner world, actually finding a deeper connection with my astral environment.  My 3D just gets more magical all the time.  The various planes of my world are interesecting at last, for good or ill.  There’s some negativity I have to accept but it’s worth it just to get the drifting sensation over with.

I was so excited about this picture that I stayed up way too late working on it, getting back up again over and over to make just one more adjustment.  This was very validating for the Moon trine with Saturn that was going on at the time.

Wednesday was a very exciting day.  I purchased the “Reality” plug-in for Poser, so I can get highly realistic renders.  This was very appropriate since Venus conjuncted Neptune.  The influence of the magical, ghostly picture continued to make itself felt.  All afternoon the Moon was sextiling Neptune and Venus, and then Mercury was sextiling Saturn.  I wish it had been more vivid but it was more like a total “grounding” of my inner energies, a bringing of telepathic presences to work.  I had an awesome evening, very exciting as I rode the wave of these transits while the Moon inconjuncted Mars.  I felt utterly blissful having the whole evening to work on 3d.  I am approaching it as a spiritual practice that is almost ecstatic.  After years of semi-delusional daydreams I’m actually bringing things all the way down.  I would be happy doing this for the rest of my life. 

I would have to say the Venus/Neptune conjunct was totally validated in the nearly erotic bliss I felt in having a whole evening free to focus on 3d, which as I said gets more immersive every day.  My ghostly picture was related to the element of air, but now this conjunct pushes me forward to do a picture on the element of water.

Today the Moon was oppposing Jupiter and VOC all morning so it makes sense I would have the rotten conflict I had at work today, but a the same time the transit is validated and I did use the experience to move forward.  What’s funny is that I just checked and the Moon went into Gemini at 6:07, which is exactly the time I started this entry so it’s highly validating to get moving with my own narrative and resolve the tension of the day just as the VOC ends. 

Meanwhile the Moon did sextile Chiron in the afternoon as I recovered from the conflict and I did wind up doing a good job of fixing things.  I feel enthusiastic about the future and more focused than ever – and I just found a really cool figure on Renderosity, a girl who is covered in Enochian tattoos – this is pretty cool. 

Also I streamed Braco for the last three days.  I only caught him once a day but I was grateful to experience what I did.  It helped me focus on the endlessly swirling vagueness that plagues my mind and makes me unable to think clearly about what’s going on.  I felt the space around me move and I could see myself more as part of the world, although sadly this world looks more dead and pointless than ever before. 

I’m looking forward to the weekend, my second weekend without alcohol.  I have a reading scheduled on Saturday as the Moon sextiles Uranus, and a ritual that night, and then on Sunday a dream circle (John is back, I saw him for the first time last night) as the moon trines Neptune. 

So there was a lot that was actually very beneficial and healing even as I recovered from my cold and the Moon VOC in opposition with Jupiter made me feel like nobody from nowhere.  Moon in Gemini has me feeling positively chatty.  I wonder if tomorrow will be uncomfortable with the Moon squaring Mercury, Neptune, and Venus.  I miss watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer all the time.  I love my Firefly hat, and I have another one coming in the mail.  It was on sale for 7 and I bid 5 and got it.  My “Serenity” DVD came in the mail today.  The region of my “world” (mind?) that blogs is crashing together with the region that does 3D.  I know this is all about some blank spot in my mind that loses boundaries, and life is tightening it up for me.  I can see the darkness.  It’s crystallizing.  I think I’m finding the nothing at the heart of America.  But I intend to survive it and make a better connection with my own spirit guidance.

The Buffy Diaries 2-20-2018

1:15 PM 2/17/2018  The question I’m struggling with now is the magical intention of my 3D illustration.  Do I want to exercise or exorcise power in the astral realm of my imagination, or do I want to submlimate it to some magical design?

I want to integrate the craziness of my imagination into a functional life; I want to bridge this gap into some kind of wholeness, which means I need to make pictures that address the ego issues – possession, dominion and slavery, power, money, violence.

10:34 PM 2/20/2018  I just put up a cool picture on Renderosity, and it got me excited about getting back to my narrative.  The psychic pressures are getting more pronounced.  Time is by going – ha, I wanted to write time is going by but I got it mixed up – that’s the second time today I’ve done something like that.  In line for stir fry at the cafeteria today the cook suddenly asked me what I wanted before I was ready and I froze for several seconds, unable to remember what I was doing there.

I didn’t even realize that it’s been a week since I updated my blog again.  I swear I thought it was only a few days.  Of course I have been sick as well.  On Wednesday nothing really happened during the day.  I left early.  The Moon sextiled Mars and it gave me a lot of momentum.  I went to King Spa in the evening and had a great time, except there was this kid in the Dream Bulgama room who was coughing all the time.  I felt a distinct sense of dread every time she did it and lo and behold I did get sick.

So the next day I felt like crap and I didn’t pay too much attention to aspects.  Mercury and Moon sextiled Uranus, and then Moon conjuncted Mercury adn the Sun.  There was indeed some unexpected business as I had gone to a lot of trouble to schedule a freight company to pick up some equipment and I found out as I was trying to hand it off that it was against the rules.  I had to cancel the whole thing and go back to square one.  Also there was a lot of other chaos going on to validate the Uranus activity.  Venus sextiling Saturn was more pleasant.  I got some great 3D done, which is the “limiting” of Venusian visual imagery.  Then the Moon entered Pisces and I got sicker and lazier. 

Friday the Moon sextiled Saturn in the morning and there was definitely an insane rush and overload of things to do, validating the transit in the usual fashion.

The Moon conjuncted Venus and I did get the psychic depth I wanted.  I was still looking forward to hitting King Spa on the weekend, even though I felt a little under the weather.  The Lunar square with Mars I don’t remember too well, but I was feeling very rushed and out of sorts – getting sicker without realizing it and generally feeling overwhelmed by my job.  I haven’t felt like I belonged anywhere for several days.  I think I’m just getting it back today.

Late that night the Moon conjncted Neptune and I was rocking my own world with 3D and the feeling of revelation.  Renderosity put everyone’s wish list on sale and I wound up with a Monty Haul of stuff that is advancing my skills tremendously. But then Saturday I woke up too exhausted to go to King Spa, staying home instead except for a brief trip to the grocery store for drinks.

It’s interesting that this was my first full weekend without drinking alcohol, and I got sick. Definitely a karmic adjustment. 

I was sleeping all day while the Moon sextiled Pluto, enhancing the dead feeling of the Pisces Moon, and I guess I was changing the way I see the collective, feeling less involved with it than ever.  But I got some amazing new light sets and I really went overboard with the Neptune influence.

The Moon trined Jupiter in the afternoon and I was feelling pretty good, cozy with my junk food and a weekend of total rest, even if it was snowing.  Then during the VOC Mercury went into Pisces and I can see this is part of the reason I totally forgot to blog even though I’m very excited in general about keeping it going, since I’m seeing the magical effects very clearly.

I get more and more clear about who I am and what my spirits are doing very day.  Unfortunately that doesn’t automatically mean that it’s going to make sense to anyone else. 

I can see though that these Piscean influences are a major factor in my recent apathy, and also the fact that I just posted a picture of a ghost.

The Moon entered Aries on Sunday, but then the Sun entered Pisces.  I wish I could remember what I did that night.  Stayed home and slept, mostly.  I don’t think I went out during the day, except to walk down the block to get some more junk food. 

I definitely felt the Moon squaring Saturn in the evening.  I was spaced out and messing around and then I suddenly decided to assmble my Lego set of the TARDIS.  It wound up taking hours and I didn’t really finish before I had to go to bed because I’d gotten the color of some pieces wrong so I had to take it apart a couple of times to fix it.  I got most of it but once again the Saturn transit was validated.

11:12 PM 2/20/2018  I’m going to stop there because I just turned the wrong page in my planner and wrote about the aspects for next week.  So I’ll catch up tomorrow because it’s too late to go back but this rushing to catch up and failing does validate the Moon trine with Saturn which just happened about an hour ago.

The Buffy Diaries 2-13-2018

6:53 PM 2/13/2018  Rejoining the narrative of my life after 9 days gone, possibly a new record.  I feel the ghost of CK hanging around, talking about America, bringing me a step closer to the true alchemy of the United States.  I’m trying to remember last Monday, when I left this off.  One of the big things that’s delayed me is that I quit drinking.  A couple of months ago, before Christmas, I started drinking again and just a few days ago I stopped.  I’m really glad I finally could because I had stopped losing weight.  So I’m very happy to be losing weight again but I’m still making the adjustment, sleeping a lot and feeling different about everything.  I think I’ll work backwards on aspects:

The sun is sextiling Uranus in a little while.  I don’t know what that might bring except I expect to be watching the end of season one of Sense8, and also King Spa and Content Paradise both had surprise Valentine’s day sales, so I made plans to go to King Spa tomorrow and I picked up a couple of things from Content Paradise that I’ve been wanting since the end of last year.  Also as I said, this ghost showed up and started talking to me all about America, and I feel I am getting some unexpectedly clear answers about what I’m supposed to be doing in this country.

The Moon entered Aquarius this morning and I felt pretty gregarious.  I had sturvived a Capricorn moon with no car trouble, except Monday I tried to fill up my tires, but my low pressure light is still on.  But other than that no serious trouble but the wretched snow. 

And this morning I was feeling productive although still very alienated from the world, reinforced by the Mercury square Jupiter, making me extremely articulate about how unjust and unworthy I think this country and its government are. 

As for yesterday, Monday the 12th, the Moon conjuncted Pluto in the afternoon and I was feeling a bit rushed, as I had decided to leave work early and go to the mall to get a Valentine’s present for someone, which I guess is the collective energy of Pluto and also a little sexual energy as well.  Although that’s not the type of relationship I have with my valentine, I was extremely happy to have one.  I was glad to have the money to buy the gift, and also very pleased with some sales on Renderosity and Daz.  I did my grocery shopping and managed to make it home pretty early, riding the crest of the Lunar sextile with Jupiter, feeling that I was restoring order to my life after a chaotic week of not paying attention to anything, and also the boring drudgery of dealing with heavy snow.

The Moon squared Uranus late at night but I wasn’t awake for it as I had “unexpectedly” fallen asleep early, not bothering to work out.  I had a good night’s rest and the transit was validated.

Sunday the 11th the only thing I was awake for was the Moon sextiling Neptune in the evening, while I was leading a dream circle.  The psychic elements of Neptune transits were certainly validated, and even though I had slept through the Lunar conjunct with Saturn in Capricorn early in the morning I believe I was still feeling its effects in the clarity of the channeling I was doing in the evening, and the way it worked out that I spent the day doing a lot of physical work, sweeping floors and shoveling snow.

Saturday the 10th I “unexpectedly” missed my morning meditation because my mind was wandering so badly, although I felt pretty good, thus validating the Lunar trine with Uranus.  Also, the IANDS meeting was unexpectedly powerful, with a medium who brought an unusually clear wave of spirit perception for me, validating the Uranus transit again and also the Lunar square with Chiron that afternoon.  I felt a new level of clarity which also relates to the ghost I was feeling this afternoon.  I bought a new hemi-sync meditation CD to work on and I’m looking forward to deeper development.

Venus entered Pisces, strengthening visions of the afterlife.

The Sun squaring Jupiter I think related to feeling a little rushed, a little like an outsider, wondering if anything in my life has really mattered since it’s all just work and amoral power exchanges, but at the same time relieved to be more and more free of it all, ready to fly away forever.  That was the last night that I had anything to drink.

That was also related to the Moon entering Capricorn, I’m sure, while the Lunar sextile with Venus in Pisces just strengthened my Piscean desire to get it all over with.

The Moon squaring Neptune and sextiling Mercury on Friday the 9th was a strange mixture of contentment and discomfort.  The square with Neptune was related to me feeling like a “thing” at work.  I was slightly behind of several projects and felt out of sorts with a lot of forces in my life.  Although some things were going well in some ways I feel smaller than ever.  There are a ton of things going on in my life I don’t understand and although I feel I’m getting answers at last I trust the world less than ever before because it basically all just seems like a huge waste of time.  On the other hand the sextile with Mercury was fun as I had a lot of 3D work to look forward to, and also I was looking forward to leading the circle on Sunday and I had a good time shopping for comics and toys after work.  I found some good stuff.

I also had a very bizarre Buffynicity:

Buffynicity #1:  I had ordered a “Firefly” cap on ebay a while ago, wanting some merch of the show.  It came in the mail on Saturday but I cut the package open with scissors and cut a big hole in it, which pissed me off and made me wonder what it meant.  I decided to wear the hat anyway, but then on Friday, with the Moon squaring Neptune but sextiling Mercury, I realized that the cap was really just from a sporting goods company called “Firefly” and not from the show at all, which was reassuring as it had bothered me a lot that I cut a hole in it.  It makes me think now that my guides were showing me something.  And so I ordered a genuine Firefly merch cap and also a patch on Friday, validating the transits as this weird push-and-pull of forces related to the dreamworld.  The cap just came today as I was thinking of this ghost, who is kind of like Jayne Cobb from that show.

So the Neptune square was related to the murky emptiness I’ve been feeling, but the Mercury sextile was related to seeing through my mistake and undertaking the transactions to fix it.

Thursday the 8th I was working downtown.  Unusually, there were no Pluto transits.  It was a pretty laid-back day with the Moon entering Sagittarius in the morning, bringing increased perceptions of Kara but also the usual laziness and self-satisfaction.  I did start catching up on work, though.

Wednesday the 7th, the Moon squared the Sun, sextiled Pluto, conjuncted Jupiter.  I don’t remember much except that I unexpectedly braved the unpleasant weather to get the IANDS books a day early, so that I could avoid driving in the lousy weather on Thursday, when I worked downtown and took the train.  I know the square with the sun related to the square with Neptune on Friday.  I just haven’t felt like anything’s real, although I have been happy about resolving certain financial issues and looking toward my future.  Sextiling Pluto and conjuncting Jupiter really had this eerie way of making me feel so “together” that I was moving too fast, like expecting one more stair at the top of the staircase and going a little too far with it.  Like everything is taken care of (Jupiter) but now with this added momentum I have to find something else to do in the world (the collective represented bu Pluto).  I feel more focused than ever but also smaller.  I feel like I fit into the world but only in a very small place.

I was recovering nicely from a shock on Tuesday the 6th, which was the really disruptive day that set me off on this spaced-out arc in wich I didn’t blog for 9 days. 

The Moon sextiled Saturn in the morning and I hit a financial disruption (from which I recovered quite nicely on Wednesday) which made me feel nervous.  I felt I could handle it but it was also marking a new and necessary era in my day-to-day life.  I straightened things out but the Moon square Mercury in the evening was definitely related to this shift.  The shock made me think about my life situation very differently, reorganizing mental/Mercurial energies.  Mercury is also the exaltation of Saturn-rule Aquarius and I definitely saw myself as moving toward a different role in the Aquarian collective.  Venus sextiling Uranus in the evening was several hours away from the Saturn transit that marked the surpise, but I still feel the transit is validated.  It was definitely the most unexpected jolt I’ve had in months.  And Venus and Mercury working together marked a new direction in my “inner vision” of spiritual activity.  I definitely feel like I’m in full swing toward a different future.

Moon trining Neptune also reinforced the psychic changes related to this upset, which as I said was resolved by the next day with almost too great an intensity, making me feel like I’m barreling along a Pluto/Jupiter themed tunnel toward the unknown.

Buffynicity #2: So that catches me up for the week, except for Monday the 5th, which seems so far back it hardly matters.  I just checked my blog though and found that on that day I was recovering from my last trip to King Spa, and now here I am catching up my blog the night before I’m going to King Spa again, an interesting Buffynicity.

And that Monday I was indeed feeling like everything was different, and I can now see that that change in intensity was related to the upsets that took place on Tuesday.  It was all a part of a major shift which will be advanced tomorrow night. 

So Monday the Moon trining Venus was validated as the psychic energies of my trip to King Spa stayed with me, even at work.  The Moon oppposed Uranus and I think this was related to how deeply King Spa had affected me.  I also found the perfect setting for my magical 3D images.  That was a major shift for me, being able to see just the magical qualities I want.  It’s difficult to describe just how profound that was, after weeks of searching, to finally find the context for this phase of my magical work with 3D, which hasn’t slowed down since.  There were also a couple of characters that affected me so intenstely that I felt to use them was literally “breaking on through to the other side”.  3D is really bringing all my pathological mind-wandering into laserlike focus and getting me over so much of the boundariless emptiness that has plagued me for decades.

The Moon inconjunct Chiron in the afternoon was definitely related to this healing.  And the Moon entering Scorpio in the evening was validated as it is usually, marking an intense and exhilarating increase in focus and power.

Looking back I can see how the intense energy of my visit to King Spa pushed me deep into psychic art on Monday and related to the upheaval on Tuesday which has now settled out so that I’ve quit drinking, started losing weight again, and in general feel I’m on a different and much more clear and productive trajectory through life.

I expect to keep this “trajectory” as the Moon sextiles Mercury tomorrow.  I’m looking forward to Thursday, with two Uranus transits, sextiling Mercury and the Moon, and also another trip to King Spa (which I’ve been planning since the last one) on Sunday.

It’s nice to be sober and feeling like I’m back on track again.

The Buffy Diaries 2-4-2018

9:33 PM 2/4/2018  Swinging the narrative once again.  I did have a lot of fun this week.  I didn’t watch as much TV, although I did make it through a few more episodes of Sense8.  I’m not focused on Buffynicities right now as much as I am on straight visual imagery I’m getting from the spirit planes.  The imagery is “hard” enough that I don’t feel reluctant to say it’s coming from higher planes of existence.  I had a really good weekend and I’m playing around with the experience of enjoying my life story, here.  I’ve been listening to “She’s Tight” by Cheap Trick for days, reliving the early eighties and the promise of youth.  My choice at the moment is whether to go back to last Tuesday, where I left off, or dive into this weekend and all I experienced, thinking about Cheap Trick and Erica Rainson, and also some amazing stuff I’m doing in 3-D.

Somewhere during the week I also resolved a huge financial issue that’s been looming over me for more than a year.  There were a lot of hassles at work but on the other hand I did some good readings.

On Tuesday I definitely felt the Moon opposing Mercury, tuning out the world, pissed off and feeling like there’s nothing about this place that I want to share with anyone.  But then the Sun entered Leo.  All week I’m having this strange balance of light and dark, with my work environment feeling colder and more authoritarian than ever – there are screwups with computer systems everywhere and I’m being reminded just how nothing I am to my employers when there are errors to fix – but at the same time I can feel a change is coming.  Psi phenomena are everywhere and I’m actually getting out of a lot of stuff more easily than I thought.  As I predicted on Monday night, the Moon trining Mars restored my sense of momentum.  I made headway on that financial issue, taking care of business that had been getting put off since November.  I got back to my calendar, having been drifting for several days.  The Moon inconjuncted Saturn in the evening, but I don’t remember too much except it was validated in a sense of hurry that I had.  i think I had gone shopping in the evening and gotten home really late so things were rushed.  As I recall I couldn’t run the full length of time I wanted, once again demonstrating the regularity of Saturn transits.

Wednesday was a full moon and I felt it as Mercury entered Aquarius.  I felt my whole approach to writing on the web change as I continued to build strange scenes in Poser, making a large headquarters for an evil occult conspiracy.  In some ways it seems my “personal” business is done.  I’m grateful that the nebulous astral images of popular entertainment that haunt me are dying down.

There was a big hassle at work over computer systems being fucked up, as I said.  It sucks to have to deal with my bosses over this stuff.  I try to keep positive vibrations about it but there’s a big change taking place.  I’m starting to visualize my future away from this company more and more.  Moon inconjunct Neptune was fun.  The spirit world is getting much closer but sadly that just makes this pathetic world seem colder and more useless.  As I said, I’m feeling done with this crummy way of life, like there was never anything that important about it and I’m getting ready to go somewhere else.

Moon opposing Venus and inconjunct Pluto in the evening, I was working on some scary magical 3D stuff, thinking about Rose McGowan a lot.  Rose is a scary Virgo and the latest scandals with her are changing the way I see the world.  A lot of my emotional investment in entertainment is dying, so these two transits represent the unpleasant feelings I’m having about the collective imagery of the world I live in.

Thursday was okay, I was working downtown.  Moon entered Virgo.  I got a lot of stuff caught up after a huge project down there a couple of weeks ago.  Things were getting back in hand.  I continued to think a lot about Virgo Rose McGowan, and how utterly sad and trivial the movie business seems now.  That was also related to the Moon inconjunct Mercury after I got off work.  Moon squaring Mars and trining Saturn in the evening, once again I got so obsessed with 3D that my workout was slightly shorter than usual.  But the square with Mars was powerful, at least.

Friday the Moon opposed Neptune and I felt it very clearly, feeling utterly fed up with the psychic environment of the earth, polluted by sick entertainers like Scott Baio and Harvey Weinstein.  I thought a lot about Rose McGowan, who used to be married to Marilyn Manson, and her accusations of Ben Affleck, et al.  Everything in our culture just looks stupid and unfair to me nouw and I couldn’t give a damn less about it.

But the positive side was that the vagueness is over and I am getting a specific sense of where I am in all of it, even if it’s unpleasant and I think this world has failed.  The Moon inconjunct the sun was a minor reinforcement of this.  I stayed two hours late at work feeling like crap, the website where I fill out my timesheet didn’t work, but after I got out I felt pretty good for the rest of the night as the Moon trined Pluto.  I felt like I was getting things done, like my world has narrowed down which is a little sad, but at least I don’t have to think about bullshit so much.

Saturday I had a reading scheduled.  Moon opposing Chiron had me working on healing my own issues, trying to be responsible as I prepared to channel.  Mercury sextiling Mars contributed to the momentum and the sense of power that I felt.  The reading went very well and I set the magical intention to spend the rest of the weekend assimilating it as the Moon moved into Libra. 

I wound up drinking a little and sleeping weird hours, waking up early in the morning for a while as a few strange transits passed by as I lay awake assmiliating all that had happened.

Then today I went to King Spa.  I was there while the Moon inconjuncted Neptune and I got some of my most focused telepathy ever.  I managed to assimilate the psychic forces of the weekend very well.  I feel very enthusiastic about my future.  In the evening I went to an occult class where I experienced quite a bit and as it was getting out the Moon trined the Sun and I was very happy to get some time to make the changes implied in all that I received this weekend. 

I should have major visions as the Moon trines Venus tomorrow morning.  The Moon opposing Uranus in the afternoon might bring something strange.  I hope it’s good and not something to do with the shitt, fucked up project from last week.  I know whatever it is will be a step forward though, because all that crap from last week was a step forward even if it was tedious and unrewarding.  It made me move farther away from normality than ever before.

The Moon inconjuncting Chiron should make the Uranus opposition into something fun though. 

Now I’m all caught up but I should add that I miss watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer every day and life just hasn’t been the same since I stopped.  I’m thinking of somehow going back to that and forgetting Netflix completely.