6:07 PM 2/22/2018  I feel like nobody from nowhere.  It’s an interesting confrontation.  I had a lot of ups and downs at work.  I woke up feeling doomed, but insisting on thinking better-feeling thoughts.  I made it through a lot of the day but then there was a big upset which caused me to change a lot of my feelings about work.  Adding that to a lot of other gloomy things going on, and I just feel like crap but at least I also feel as though I’m making progress.  The dark shadow that haunts me is getting more solid, which means it’s more manageable.  As a matter of fact, that’s also what’s happening at work.  I need to become more of a manager.

Monday the Moon trined Mars and I was still sick.  I just totally out of touch with everything.  Doom is looming on the horizon and I don’t care because America is totally unworthy of me.  I feel like I’m getting more telepathic.  The trine with Mars made me feel more comfortable with not giving a damn, I think.  Or it made the sphere of philosophy and beliefs (the ninth house, where my Mars is) more clear and so it made the silly drama of this world less significant.  Even now as I write I feel forces descending upon me, changing the way I see everything. 

The Moon squared Pluto in the evening and I just slept off the last of my cold, totally distant and apathetic toward this lousy Earth and the sad stories of the silly, ugly people that swarm over it.  But I was also happy knowing I’d be working downtown the next day and this Pluto transit does validate that pattern of me working in the “underworld” of that tower around the time of Pluto tranists.

Early Tuesday the Moon conjuncted Uranus and went VOC and the delivery I went downtown to see off got messed up.  It took an extra couple of hours.  It wasn’t until after lunch, when the Moon entered Taurus, that things began to calm down and I got a bunch of work done.  That night the Moon sextiled the Sun and Mercury and I was very thrilled to be watching Sense8, feeling very magical like I got a lot of good psychic stuff to think about.  I also did some cool stuff with 3d and posted a ghostly picture which made another magical change in my astral environment.  Those two planets represent “communication” and “the self” and I feel as though by posting this picture I was expressing something deeper about my inner world, actually finding a deeper connection with my astral environment.  My 3D just gets more magical all the time.  The various planes of my world are interesecting at last, for good or ill.  There’s some negativity I have to accept but it’s worth it just to get the drifting sensation over with.

I was so excited about this picture that I stayed up way too late working on it, getting back up again over and over to make just one more adjustment.  This was very validating for the Moon trine with Saturn that was going on at the time.

Wednesday was a very exciting day.  I purchased the “Reality” plug-in for Poser, so I can get highly realistic renders.  This was very appropriate since Venus conjuncted Neptune.  The influence of the magical, ghostly picture continued to make itself felt.  All afternoon the Moon was sextiling Neptune and Venus, and then Mercury was sextiling Saturn.  I wish it had been more vivid but it was more like a total “grounding” of my inner energies, a bringing of telepathic presences to work.  I had an awesome evening, very exciting as I rode the wave of these transits while the Moon inconjuncted Mars.  I felt utterly blissful having the whole evening to work on 3d.  I am approaching it as a spiritual practice that is almost ecstatic.  After years of semi-delusional daydreams I’m actually bringing things all the way down.  I would be happy doing this for the rest of my life. 

I would have to say the Venus/Neptune conjunct was totally validated in the nearly erotic bliss I felt in having a whole evening free to focus on 3d, which as I said gets more immersive every day.  My ghostly picture was related to the element of air, but now this conjunct pushes me forward to do a picture on the element of water.

Today the Moon was oppposing Jupiter and VOC all morning so it makes sense I would have the rotten conflict I had at work today, but a the same time the transit is validated and I did use the experience to move forward.  What’s funny is that I just checked and the Moon went into Gemini at 6:07, which is exactly the time I started this entry so it’s highly validating to get moving with my own narrative and resolve the tension of the day just as the VOC ends. 

Meanwhile the Moon did sextile Chiron in the afternoon as I recovered from the conflict and I did wind up doing a good job of fixing things.  I feel enthusiastic about the future and more focused than ever – and I just found a really cool figure on Renderosity, a girl who is covered in Enochian tattoos – this is pretty cool. 

Also I streamed Braco for the last three days.  I only caught him once a day but I was grateful to experience what I did.  It helped me focus on the endlessly swirling vagueness that plagues my mind and makes me unable to think clearly about what’s going on.  I felt the space around me move and I could see myself more as part of the world, although sadly this world looks more dead and pointless than ever before. 

I’m looking forward to the weekend, my second weekend without alcohol.  I have a reading scheduled on Saturday as the Moon sextiles Uranus, and a ritual that night, and then on Sunday a dream circle (John is back, I saw him for the first time last night) as the moon trines Neptune. 

So there was a lot that was actually very beneficial and healing even as I recovered from my cold and the Moon VOC in opposition with Jupiter made me feel like nobody from nowhere.  Moon in Gemini has me feeling positively chatty.  I wonder if tomorrow will be uncomfortable with the Moon squaring Mercury, Neptune, and Venus.  I miss watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer all the time.  I love my Firefly hat, and I have another one coming in the mail.  It was on sale for 7 and I bid 5 and got it.  My “Serenity” DVD came in the mail today.  The region of my “world” (mind?) that blogs is crashing together with the region that does 3D.  I know this is all about some blank spot in my mind that loses boundaries, and life is tightening it up for me.  I can see the darkness.  It’s crystallizing.  I think I’m finding the nothing at the heart of America.  But I intend to survive it and make a better connection with my own spirit guidance.