Daily Archives: January 11, 2018

The Buffy Diaries 1-10-2018 part two

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11:12 PM 1/10/2018

I’m going deeper into trance now, less concerned with what anyone might think than I have been in ten years.  On Monday the 8th, Venus sextiling Jupiter and Mars sextiling Pluto made me feel quite expansive, like I have a lot of interpersonal relationships sustaining my life and a lot of involvement with the world ahead of me.  The picture I posted on Renderosity, with major Plutonian themes, has been on my mind and also the immanence of some kind of revelation about what the spirit world wants me to do with my insights. 

Monday I still had this disastrous project from the week before hanging over my head, but somehow it was working out a little at a time.  I did spend a lot of time thinking about how meaningless corporate America is, how empty and sad this entire country has become, and how I don’t give a damn about anything that happens here. 

Major Lunar squares in the afternoon, Venus, the Sun, and Pluto.  Life was feeling pretty awkward.  I need a haircut and I had a lot of errands to do.  I did manage to get my grocery shopping done but I was still feeling pressed for time.  I was thinking a lot about the entertainment business, which I’ve thought about for most of my life, and how all the latest sex scandals just make the whole thing seem like garbage, and make all of America seem like nothing but garbage in retrospect.  What a lame, sad bunch of souls come to this pathetic world to cocreate!  How easily forgotten this ugly, insignificant world must be to the souls of the dead.

But my planner pages came in the mail that night and I began to get my life back on track as the Sun conjuncted Venus and I felt more than ever like I can finally see my true spiritual home, can finally focus on getting what I want and forgetting about the idiocy of the society I live in.

The darkness is increasing all around me; it’s a comforting darkness with the name of an angel.

Tuesday the 9th I forgot my phone.   Moon sextiled Mercury and I was still thinking about how cool my latest picture on Renderosity is.  Also I took major steps to resolving the disastrous project from last week.  There was a ton of cool stuff for sale on Daz3D. The Moon entered Scorpio and I tuned out the world.  Venus trined Mars.  I wish I could remember what was going on at that time, because it was deep. 

But I feel now like someone is in the room with me, some ghost, and I recall that I had a bunch of stuff in my shopping cart at Renderosity but I stayed up late drinking and never bought it so my coupon expired and the sale ended so I never got any of it, validating the Moon sextile with Saturn considerably – although it’s not so bad because there was also a one-day sale (urgent time concerns again) on Daz3D where I actually got away with a ton of much better stuff.  I also did a lot of work on the elements of greek tragedy in my heptalogy, with unity of time-place-and-event coming into focus.  I also found some settings ond Daz that will produce just that level of intensity in my 3D work.

Another wild validation of the Saturn transit was that I went to run and thought I had forgotten my tablet, even though it was stuck in my coat pocket, so I listened to music instead of watching more of Sense8.  A rather silly mistake but evidence of a trend that continued this morning.

Moon sextiled Mars and made me feel too good to sleep late last night, but then I woke up early this morning and lay lazily in bed wondering how long I had before work – until I realized that the volume on one of my alarm clocks was set all the way down and I was missing it.  It was just making a little tapping noise.  When I discovered that I realized that my main alarm was also off, and my phone was out of charge.  It had run down during the night.  This was the biggest drag as it took hours to charge.  I actually bought another phone on Ebay to replace it before it came back to life around 11 am. 

There were a number of other major screwups.  Yet another project I thought was done turned out to be fucked up and then there was a messed up delivery that had several people across the nation deeply annoyed with me.  And on the day my phone isn’t working for hours I got five text messages and a call from my housemate who went on vacation and left her passport at home.  Whatever is going on in the cosmos, it’s been extremely fucked up for the last couple of days. 

However the Moon trining Neptune was crystal clear.  The parallel dimension I inhabit was crystal clear, especially in the ten minutes right before the transit.  I’m finally getting the answers I want and cutting free the evil monsters of my past.

More and more I’m able to catch myself in the middle of the mysterious daydreams that haunt my life, and bring myself back to the world. 

But the continuous stream of disasters is still going on, as when I got home it turned out that all of the charger cables I have here are now broken so I had to spend an hour going to all the stores in the neighborhood searching for a replacement, ultimately paying 10 dollars for a cable I could have gotten for $3 on the web if I’d had the time.  I was exhausted from walking up and down the block as well, so I didn’t bother to run. 

All of this is probably related the Mercury entering Capricorn tonight.  Possibly, with all the 3D I’m doing and some other things, the cosmos is moving me toward greater articualion and less escapism.

I’m too tired to go on right now, but I’m generally very happy with all that’s going on.

The Buffy Diaries 1-10-2018 part one

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10:26 PM 1/10/2018 

Six days since I last posted and I am tearing myself away from Poser to force myself to write this.  The two modes of consciousness are merging, and it’s very productive but also very scary.  As I create the computerized images, I am bringing down all my fantasies about movies and comics and famous people.  I have all the equipment necessary to produce a credible comic book version of my heptalogy without too much effort.  Nothing now stands between me and what I want – except the conspiracy of reincarnated Nazis, of course.

2018 is going to be the most magical year of my life.  Everything so far is positively *fraught* with magic, *dripping* with ectoplasm.

So I watched “The Cage”, the original pilot of Star Trek.

Buffynicity #1:  The three females offered to Pike are in analogous relationship to my three angels, so much so that I now believe I “remember” them hovering around me when I first watched scenes from that as a child.

And then I went on to restart “Sense8”. 

I reallly want to hump Jamie Clayton, but don’t tell anyone.

So now instead of recording Buffynicities I am once more reaching into darkness, as I have not done since I lived in the Black Hole of West Michigan, aka Grand Rapids.  This time, though, I have a target.  I feel like I’m really “becoming who I am” or some other bullshit like that. 

10:51 PM 1/10/2018  I got overwhelmed by impressions that I might record, and wound up gazing adoringly at the three pictures I have posted to Renderosity.  I used to gaze at some other pictures on my old website, “The Palace of Wisdom”, but now I’m making my own and it’s glorious how the old chaos is returning to my fingertips as I type. 

Buffynicity #2:  A couple of weeks ago I decided that the book I most needed to read in all the world was “Jerusalem” by Alan Moore.  I took it off my bookshelf and placed it on the floor beside my bed.  Within two weeks Donald “President Gumpy” Trump had declared Jerusalem the capitol of Israel and possibly doomed the earth to a third world war.

But I have too many impressions to record, which is why I’m probably insane, so I’m going to stick to Crone-ology to keep things going. 

Friday the 5th, Moon opposed Neptune late in the evening and I could feel it.  The Moon’s relationship to Neptune is getting pretty familiar to me.  I feel hollow and unrelated, lost in my own little world.  I did all my usual rounds, though.  I feel very cold this winter.  Donald Trump is killing the last of America and there is no dream left.  No more Buffy, I had to move on to “The Cage”.  I did meditated.  There’s not a lot to report because oppositions with Neptune suck ass and leave me feeling uninvolved with life.

Saturday the 6th was more fun.  I stayed up late on Friday so I slept in Saturday morning, but in the evening I was up an about.  Mercury trining Uranus brought a matter-of-fact sense, a kind of comforting alienation.  I’m just a magical being and I don’t care if the world ever accepts me.  I wasn’t seeing a whole lot, but I was feeling very confident that I am the type of person who sees things and I don’t have to feel obligated to them what do not.  Let them go on with their ordinariness, it’s none of my business.  Also I was working on the Poser Manual, and trying to make myself watch this DVD of Geronimo that I have.  I went off into a strange reverie about Geronimo’s magical powers and the meaning of legendary figures of the old West in the American shamanic dreamtime.  It’s not a pretty thing to contemplate, though – this country has really failed completely to live up to what it was supposed to be.

Mars conjunct Jupter was related to the Mercury transit.  I had a sense of personal force, unrestricted, like “this is the life I chose and there’s nothing else to say about it”.  I got the spiritual experience I wanted.  I’m really that which I wished to be, even if this world is so tragically stupid that they’ll never get how important it is.  Moon inconjunct Uranus and square Mercury, opposing Chiron, with Mercury squaring Chiron – all fit together perfectly in the sense that I attended a magic ritual and I felt at the same time like I belonged there completely, but that I was also never really going to share any of my experiences there with anyone.  Somehow I was accepted and isolated, open and secretive at the same time.  I had gotten the knowledge I wanted by participating, but the knowledge brought me a sense of my own personal destiny.  I knew what I was, but at the same time I accepted that it was never going to matter to anyone.  On the other hand, I could congratulate myself for having completed some kind of transformation. 

I got more immersed than ever in past lives.  All the Uranus/Mercury action revealed itself in my third posted image on Renderosity – I had been working on it all day Saturday and “just knew” I was supposed to put it up.  I can see now that if I go into a creative trance, sometimes an angel or two can help me produce something worth showing to the public.

Not much in the way of transits on Sunday the 7th, ironically since I had a fantastic dream circle.  I talked a lot about the picture I posted, and also worked with some people I’ve been seeing at the circle for years.  They reaffirmed that I’ve come a long way and I know I’m moving toward a deeper channeling all the time.

I’m going to post this and then move on to the last three days.