5:12 PM 4/1/2018  I had another huge project that needed to be done Friday.  I spent two days on it and by the end I was very exhausted, not physically but emotionally, although Thursday had been rough as I had to go downtown and then back out to the suburbs and after all that travel I wound up working until 9 PM.  Then on Friday my bosses never got around to answering some very important questions and I was nervous and upset all day.  I’ll get back to this in a minute but I find that the 3D work I am doing is genuinely magical and emotionally transformative so I feel much more coherent about what I’m saying now, and much more confident that someone is listening.

ON Wednesday the 21st I had a conference call earling in the morning as the Moon trined Pluto.  I noted that I felt very good, very confident about upcoming projects although the Moon opposing Jupiter made me feel like a total nothing.  Having just recovered from weeks without my computer I was feeling like my life is very small and way beyond my control.  Fortunately as I look back the 3D work I’m doing is helping me get emotional control of my imagination and my “understanding” of how this world works is improving.  

But the Moon opposition with Jupiter and the following VOC was especially validated when, fifteen minutes before I got off work, my boss announced a surprise audit the next day.  The forces of law indeed descended from the heavens.  I did convince myself it wouldn’t be too bad and I actually just went home and fell asleep early, sleeping through the Moon sextile with Chiron.  

I’m finding that although oppositions can be fun, wild rides like full moons, some, like for Jupiter and Chiron can really just feel like crap.

I’m noting now that since my big appointment on March 6, which really did sum up a 2-year drama for me, I have had one “disaster” after another, huge projects at work, the loss of my computer, and a bunch of other things.  I see this, however as a “shriving”.  I’m genuinely letting go of my old identities.  There’s really nothing holding me to anything I used to be any more.  

The audit actually went smoothly.  I still haven’t heard any negative reactions about it, a week later.  There were some minor time issues during the runup to the Moon inconjunct Saturn, I wanted to go to lunch and we all had to make agreements when the auditor would need my help, but other than that we did well and it was fairly painless.  I think the general full-of-shitness of the Moon in Gemini was validated by the whole process, however, the testing and the finding fault over mistakes, and hoping they didn’t look too hard at things I hadn’t covered as well.

All in all though it was another dreaded event that turned out better than expected.

Then Mercury went retrograde that night.  I don’t remember too much about it but I was thinking about the fact that I’d “just” gotten my computer back.

My life had been disrupted by the audit, preventing me from working downtown exactly when I needed to be there to prepare for a very large event the following week.  The company I work for has ways of scheduling things at the most inopportune moments.  Nobody I work with feels like my company gives a shit about us on a personal level.  I feel lucky that it’s relatively pleasant, but it’s also a daily reminder of what a hollow piece of garbage the American Way has become.

Still on Friday I was catching up with things, clearing out old backlogs, because the massive project is a permanent migration to a new data system and all the old stuff had to go – things I’d been putting off for months, or had forgotten about for years.  Fortunately no one bothered me too much about it.  But at the same time I was getting personally involved with my bosses much more than I wanted to.  

The Moon sextiled Venus and inconjuncted Pluto.  I was a little nervous about Monday and Tuesday but also looking forward to the chance to work downtown, on my own, and furthermore the countdown was beginning for C2E2.  I was getting into the flow of my desires again.  And yet with the inconjunct between Luna and Jupiter, I noted that I was “febrile”.  I had a lot of energy but it wasn’t grounded at all and I felt it was pulling me out of the world.  

Venus was squaring Pluto after work.  I found a “Calamari” at WaxPax toys, one of the robot octopoids from “The Matrix”.  It was very cool and represented a kind of union with the collective as I’d just bought a 3d model of a woman with an octopus tattoo.  

Looking back, I just reviewed my blog for the 24th.  I was writing during the aspects of Mars with the Sun and Moon, and I “felt” them in a very dramatic case of perfect timing, which I wrote about at the time.  Now that I’m reviewing that entry, I feel I am fully reinvolved in my own narrative after the disruption that began on the 6th.  I’m hoping April is a little easier.  It’s still interesting to look back on how full this March has been, how my work dropped four or five massive projects on me, an unheard-of amount of pressure which I’ve now survived – but to have my computer break down in the middle of it all was no coincidence.  And now I’m back with a thousand times more emotional coherence than I had before. I am confident that I’m finally getting to the bottom of the mystery of what’s been going on here, why my life has always felt so damaged and incomplete.  

The day at King Spa was fantastic, and I can’t wait for the next one on the ninth.  I took an extra day off for my C2E2 weekend just to go back.  It’s an amazing feeling.  I’m feeling much better about C2E2 as well.  A lot of the mystery has worn off, a lot of the panoramic suffering of wondering what all those people are doing, or why life on earth is so unpleasant and smarmy and noisy and filled with cheap trickery.  

I wound up spending the night there.  I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed.  I was awake when the Moon squared Mercury.  I think I felt some part of my life was complete.  

I came home and slept.   I woke up as the Moon opposed Pluto and went shopping, feeling fully at odds with the collective energies of Pluto, somehow feeling very cozy and secure in my total lack of belonging in the United States of America.  What a dreary, sad, empty little country this is.  I was gearing up for the dream circle.  The Moon trined Jupiter.  John told me to look for “innocence” in this world instead of the next, but then he accused me of something and I was “innocent”, so the innocence was in myself, but the event does remind me of how “deep” I feel my connection with higher planes is now.  It’s deep but not solid enough for my liking.  I can get there but it’s still a challenge to hold on during work at my amoral corporate job or negotiating all my empty, sad, manipulative relationships, or wondering how I fit into the revenue streams of the grand spiritual failur of America.  

The circle was very productive, however.  Kara made her presence known as I purchased a 3D model of a bow and arrow right before the circle and then members were talking about one during it.  There were other signs that she was there and she was showing me the chaos that she seems to bring, and how there are very deep meanings in it.

This entry, as I write now, 5:53 PM 4/1/2018, is itself a kind of channeling and re-merging with that week old information, having passed through the hectic fire of this week at work.  

I’m not sure I want her back!  I was in a totally different mood.  But it’s validating for my blogging to see how this process of re-entering my narrative is weaving together different innner states into a more coherent whole.  The Moon squaring Venus was validated in the emotional arc of tension through John’s erroneous accusation.

I had used the name of WaxPax earlier, unusual for me to name an actual place I go in this blog.  And then I referred to a specific conversation with John.  I’m merging my blog states with my daily life.  For instance I wrote about how unfeeling the corporation I work for is and I don’t care who reads it.  When I first started this blog I was actually afraid to be “found out” but now I don’t give a damn who knows what about me.  The different facets of my life are merging and I hope to have some grand revelation of a new direction soon.  Certainly I feel like some kind of searching is over.  I just found my first convention tickets and I realized I’ve been doing this circuit of C2E2 and Wizard World for six years now.  It’s amazing.  I’m no longer concerned with the mysteries of the entertainment business.  Now I’m expecting to be able to hold my own intuitive states amidst the throng and the astral influence.  This should be good.

On March 26 the Moon was entering Leo in the morning.  I was feeling good to be downtown, “on my own”.  I like working on my own in an environment like that and I hope when I’m a billionaire professional intuitive I’ll get to keep up with that.  I noted that I got into a little conflict with one of my managers at a meeting in the morning, but still that worked out in the end.  She was pushing us all to take care of this project.  I was feeling like crap about all the rush, and that feeling stayed through the week.  

I’m going to take a brea now and then finish up the last week after I’ve assimilated some of these states.