“Dark
information futility”

12/21/2020 7:30 AM I got this information last
night before I went to work, a wave of darkness depicting the horror and futility
of everything, but it was so psychically clear that I knew it contained a
genuine insight.

12/21/2020
8:13 AM Whatever persona I was performing when I started this section of The
Buffy Diaries, it’s gone now.  Now I’m
looking for something to crystallize the energy I feel.      

12/21/2020 9:49 AM I did laundry today because I’m not getting a day off until
after Christmas.  It’s going to wind up
being at least 13 days in a row, I think.
At least I’m getting overtime. I’m very tired.  I couldn’t decide what to do first,
eventually I wound up listening to the Depp/Heard audio.  It’s an interesting bit of voyeurism,
changing a lot of my psychic landscape, as I have spent so much time
daydreaming about Hunter S. Thompson and
other friends of his.  I can tell
this is the year for “collapsing the waveform”, for excavating all my
entertainment fantasies and getting to the hard information that will burst my
fantasy bubbles.  

ALL
CRUSHING Johnny Depp/ Amber Heard Audio Evidence EXPOSED! (1)

I
got caught up in “Bang-Shang-A-Lang” for a while, but I did
ultimately complete this audio.

12/20/2020 8:47 AM I’m still burning but I’m very happy with Pisces Moon.  I think of all these things to write about but they never make it to the keyboard because there is so much going on.  

12/20/2020 10:53 AM I got quite a bit done today, my WENUS is fully engaged.  I didn’t do much performing today.  I was very calm with the Pisces Moon and I watched a lot of video, including a YouTube video of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard arguing.

Buffynicity:  The Friends episode I watched was “The One With All The Poker”, which wound up with Rachel versus Ross in a game for big money, and a question of which one was lying.  Although I had listened to a few minutes of the Depp/Heard recording before, today was the day I really dived in and got half way through.  There were interesting parallels between the two scenarios.

At work I have been dreading the Christmas rush, I still have probably eight days before I get another day off, but at least the months-long buildup is over, business will drop off and with the COVID vaccines possibly life will return to normal in January.  Meanwhile, today was good.  I got a lot done.

I had an amazing day at work and now I’m home and my head is spinning with exhilaration again.

12/18/2020 8:32 AM I took care of a lot of business, I’m being very productive.  But my head hurts because keeping these logs and reviewing them is killing me.  Something is coming out of all this but it’s a wrenching experience.  Where do I focus to bring the magic down? I’m going to try the middle pillar now to see if it helps.

The problem is I feel the infinite potential of magic but it’s a zero sum game.  To what do I apply this power?  To who?  Kara must be the target.  I set my “eclipse intentions” solely on her.

12/18/2020 8:37 AM The middle pillar does indeed make me feel more focused about my life.  

I’m listening to an interesting recording of an argument between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.  I don’t usually indulge in tabloid voyeurism, but I feel the world is ending now and it’s time to bring down alll the daydreams I’ve had of Depp over the years.  I’m convinced Heard is lying.  

At least the Middle Pillar has got me moving now, so I can focus on having the fun I want, which comes from watching Friends right now.  I’ve already made plans to finish watching Angel after I get done with the 200+ episodes of this show.

Buffynicity redux:  Yesterday I started my 12 Week Year sorecard and Chandler was talking about his WENUS, which is basically the same thing.  Today I was thinking about the Angelish significance of “Touhy Avenue”, which I have driven back and forth across Chicago on thousands of times in the last 12 years.  It’s the road I drive on most and I have concluded that the significance is that “Touhy” means “To We”, where I evolve from feeling by myself, to being part of a “we”, i.e. my guides and I.  Then just now on “The One With Two Parts (Part 1)” Chandler was talking about his WENUS again and I just realized that WENUS breaks down into “We-Ness”, which is exactly what these journals are on another level, that blending state where my guides and I process our emotional reactions to the world.  

12/18/2020 9:49 AM I’m extremely happy with this episode, there’s something magical about watching Lisa Kudrow playing twins.  I had to bring myself down by watching a Photbacks tutorial.

12/18/2020 11:45 AM I guess twin Kudrows in “The One With Two Parts” as I weave the inside and the outside of my trances together through this blog counts as a nebulous Buffynicity.  I did have the insight today that that is what I am doing … somehow just continuing like this is gradually tying up loose ends in my understanding of that “middle range” of emotions that has long eluded me.