I
finished “The One With The List”.
I’m not sure how I feel about it.
I’m not as into the Rachel/Ross romance as I might have been if I didn’t
know how it works out.  It did bring up a
lot of emotions I couldn’t handle, so I broke it up into little sections.  I miss the feelings I had when I had just
started out, back in December was it?  It
was my fantasy.  Now I’m still involved
with the characters but there’s more distance.
Part of it is the fact that I’ve split off to “That 70s Show”,
so it’s not my main thing …

I’m
discovering something, but at this point I’m being interrupted by the spirit
world again.  That extended conversation
I had yesterday with a friend who’s also into psi phenomena was a turning
point.  I’m much more secure with my
perceptions now, I think they’re going to fit together into a whole much
better.  

1/30/2021
11:37 AM Today I was planning to make a picture of King Dannamor, who is a
vision I had early this year, with the caption “There was nobody
there”, and then I was reviewing and found almost the same phrase that I
wrote in my blog on December 6, 2020:

Someday
the nothingness of my life will wrap all around me and I will be gone from this
world.  It’s an increment of progress as
I travel through the blind spot.
“There’s nobody here, and there never was.”

So
this is a very magical Buffynicity.  I
searched for “The Angel Picard” and found an actress named
“Angel Picard-Ami”.  

In
an interesting side-note, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is making an appearance on
today’s episode of T7S.  He was in
Inception and Hesher.  I wonder if
anything will happen.  He was driving a
red car like the one in my picture of Blackjack and Zoe, “Getting Things Straight”.

I’m
getting ready to go to bed and the last thing I want to blog about in the midst
of this chaos is something so I can remember specifics.  Genny was very clear today, very soft and
gentle, but with a fully-realized presence.
I could see her face. My head is pounding with energy right now.  I feel like I crossed a line and my
subconscious knows now that no matter what I experience in the realm of spirit,
it’s never going to “matter” in the physical world.  And yet there’s still a boundary to be
explored.  I’m communicating with myself
in the future.  

Also
I began the process of recovering my original website with “Spanish Castle
Magic” on it.

1/29/2021
12:30 PM Buffynicity #1: Yesterday the same guy who hung up the strawberry
ornament suggested I look at a YouTube video called “A Piece of
Cake”.  Then today someone gave me a
piece of cake, celebrating a co-worker’s birthday.

I
didn’t have too many Buffynicities with the episodes today, although I did wind
up talking to a friend a lot about how much I hate my dead grandmother, and I
finished off “Sunday Bloody Sunday” which is about Eric’s rotten
grandmother, who resembles mine very closely.

I
talked to my friend for one hour and forty minutes.  That was awesome, and very psychic.

Today
I’m thinking about Harry Brant and the alternative “Iron Man”
scenario I developed at Ravenswood Kinowerks.
Laundry is doing, I’m going to have some fun with a Rendo cart, like I
used to in the old days.

{this is all the stuff in my shopping cart at Renderosity as I decided what to finally buy, and the reasons I wanted it, although the names of the models are abbreviated.} 

Futuristic
apartment – I could create a gloomy scene from the Nuunar, or even use it in
Blackjack

Techno
Town – more street hassles although I already have a couple

Bar
– would be good for Blackjack

Miniatures
– what’s it good for?  I’d just like to
have it.

Striptease
– has some potential for erotica

Overseers
– for villains in Nuunar

Spooky
props – erotica

I
spy – erotica in all stories must get

Gas
mask – erotica

Thunder
road – blackjack, nuunar, porn

70s
hotel resort, who knows?

Cubicle
office – unnamed satire

Colony
dome

600
ft under

1/28/2021
10:16 AM I’m losing it now.  I have no
focus and I’m worried the evening will slip by without me enjoying it.  The spirit presence is here.  What do I do with it?

1/28/2021
10:50 AM I’m going to time myself to see how long it takes to make a meme.

1/28/2021
11:43 AM The Moon is in Leo and we’re approaching a full moon.  My mind is burning but at least I made a meme
from deep inside my flight.  I didn’t get
as much as I wanted done, I have to find a way to harness this energy.  

1/28/2021
11:58 AM So I’m just not coming down from it.
I’m going to feel I did accomplish something today and just stay in this
frenzy, daring the universe to stop me.

1/28/2021
12:14 PM So I had an amazing imaginal journey discussing things with Harry
Brant.  I watched his video.  But he’s keeping me awake too late.

1/28/2021
12:22 PM Okay, tonight was a journey with a beginning, middle, and I’m pissed
off about the end because I don’t know how to wind it up, but Harry has pointed
out that I’m going on Night Flights, even though it’s daytime, something to
look forward to in the evening, an intensification of the ritual elements of
this.

1/28/2021
12:54 PM I’m off to bed now.  Somehow I
didn’t get as much done as I wanted because I was flying around in my mind,
although I did get a meme done, and I got a bunch of ideas and accomplished
some other non-creative tasks.

Still,
I wish I could do more.  I’m signing off
from inside the burn.

1/27/2021
11:25 AM Buffynicity #1: Today I’m watching “The One Where Ross
Finds Out”, which is a big argument

1/27/2021
12:32 PM I had to stop there because the psi presence was so intense and solid,
but I did manage to watch the end of “Thanksgiving”.  Both of these shows have these really intense
arguments between the romantic leads about jealousy that end with hot
kissing.  This itself is eerie because
these two shows seem to be in sync.

Buffynicity
#2:
Which is insane … on Sunday at work I was listening to my last channeling
session with Sheryl, feeling the cosmic vibrations, when my friend came up with
a large strawberry ornament – like a stuffed, plushy christmas tree ornament in
the shape of a strawberry and hung it up directly beside me.  I took this as a sign of the high vortex
energy because I’ve always associated strawberries with sweat lodges.  Then when I got home from work one of my
friends posted a picture on Facebook of his daughter eating a strawberry.  This was amazing but for some reason I didn’t
record it in my blog.  I had even thought
about it an hour ago when I got home – I made a note to do it but I  didn’t want to.  Then, just now in the last episode of T7S
Eric and Donna were kissing and to cool herself down afterward she was
thinking, and there was a visual montage of her thoughts, and one was a
strawberry.

So
not only is this a massive Buffynicity but the timing of it indicates a deeper
level of involvement, since I wasn’t going to record it at all today until now,
just before bed, I got the third hit.  It
shows that even my delays and confusion are somehow being psychically
synchronized.

In
addition I had a dream about winning some kind of bonus at work, and this
triple-strawberry synchronicity is certainly a sign that things there are
moving in order.

This
gives me much more confident in what I’m perceiving these last few days, that
the Angel Picard has truly returned with answers, and also that a spirit who
appears as Harry Brant, I’m almost sure his ghost, is helping me with
information about the afterlife and the living world from his viewpoint.

Just
before I watched this episode I was sitting in the living room unable to think
again because the presence is so intense.
I got a lot of infor … now they just interrupted me and said go to bed.

1/26/2021
3:21 AM I had an awesome night at King Spa, with a wonderful Cancer Moon. I’m
developing my own sense of where I’ll go in the afterlife. I came home and got
a lot done.  But now I’m frozen solid by
the ghost of Harry Brant.  What picture
does he belong in?  They say Audrey
Hepburn was one of his favorites. He liked “Citizen Kane”.

Harry
Brant in a field.  He wanted a movie
about him directed by Sofia Coppola.  The
information is coming down furiously now.
Rain.  

Harry
has me watching Fox News to see how bad things have gotten.  It’s important to know what’s going on.  I think he’s also giving me ideas for my
YouTube channel.  But the key is,

1/26/2021
4:38 AM I’m having big conflict between feeling this intensity and wanting to
get something done tonight.  I’m very
glad that I have this overwhelming sense of unity.  It has to do with all the forces of my life
coming together.  But where should I
direct this energy to make sure the upcoming week is as happy as possible.  How do I give myself a good memory to look
back on while I’m at work?  What will
make me feel like I accomplished something?

1/26/2021
5:26 AM I posted a meme, so now I feel better.
Maybe I could think about accomplishing something in the midst of this
turmoil.  Some picture that advances my
awareness of influences like the ghost of Harry Brant?

1/26/2021
6:18 AM Now I’m working on 3D and surprisingly, even though it was difficult to
get started because I was so confused by all the impressions, Harry is actually
helping me feel the “sacred moment” of 3D illustration.  I had perhaps gotten too lost in the mood of
“productivity”, making memes about the Capitol riots, etc.  But Harry is reminding me of the eerie beauty
of listening to albums from Cryo Chamber and just feeling in control of my
dream.  

I
have also noticed, during the week, an objectively real approach to my
“voice”, the point of view that arises from the merging of my inner
and outer worlds.  The
“ectoplasm” of my daydreams is getting contained in a self-aware
vessel.

This
is because his inner and outer live were unified.  For the public, he was himself.  Possibly this kept him from evolving?  He’s also given me the impetus to start
putting my 3D assets in databases, not worrying about one huge one for everything,
but breaking stuff up into individual projects.

1/26/2021
6:48 AM I worked on a simple pinup while listening to Hastur.  I’ve got the mood down pretty well.  It was good to get lost in time.  I need to remember that the point of the Tea
Parties isn’t to know what’s going to happen first, it’s to go into them and
get lost in timelessness.  This is very
inspiring advice I’m getting from having Harry Brant around.

1/26/2021
8:28 AM The magic is definitely here.  I
felt very peaceful at King Spa, if dark.
I enjoyed the Cancer Moon.  When I
got home I thought a lot about Harry Brant and I do think this experience has
pushed me that much farther into the spirit realm.  I struggled to complete some pictures with
Poser, though, although I did catalogue some things.  

I
think the loneliness problem is getting solved – in the sense that when I have
spirit perceptions now, they are more grounded so I don’t get “lost”
in them as much, which – they just interrupted me there.  I think Harry is helping me believe in Jesus.

I
think it’s because he had so much money and such overwhelming influence so
young that his spirit is impressing upon me that I’m not “going
anywhere” with these inner imaginings.
They have to be brought forth into the world in some way.  This isn’t just him, it feels like an
energetic shift associated with my upcoming session with Sheryl.

1/26/2021
9:05 AM I just watched a bit of a movie.
I just thought of something sad that might have happened to me in grade
school, or might not have.  It still
lingers.  And then there’s some other
memories crowding in, but all of it is 45 years ago, so what can it
matter?  This is the first time I’ve
written about these recurring phantasms of grade school.  I have them of high school as well.  I think this presence I know as Harry Brant
is helping me, although he might also be the Angel Picard.  Yesterday I was intending to work with the
Angel Picard all night, but instead I wound up with Harry Brant, looking at
news videos.  I felt very scattered but
at least he got me into the right mood.
Life must be nice as a billionaire, when you must often have the time
and money to set whatever mood you want.

Now
I’m having a very powerful glimpse of the evil people who were influencing me
then.  

1/26/2021
9:22 AM Then I was thinking of a couple of people I talked to about once back
when I was in junior high.  They’re very
gone now.  Why did I have all this energy
and imagery swirling in this?  However as
I was watching a video just now I was very sure someone was in the room with
me, watching.  Watching Friends I
remember a group of people I knew who were really into it.  They’re gone, too.  

1/26/2021
9:33 AM I feel the spirit world very close, but at the same time I feel
unhinged.  I wonder what will happen?

1/26/2021
11:56 AM  

Buffynicity
#1:  When Eric is pretending to be tired
and running off to bed he rubs his chest just like Sheryl told me to when I
came out of my channeling session an hour ago.

The
main thing is that I just had a spectacular session with Sheryl and I channeled
Kara for 24 minutes.  My entire world is
changed.  I have a lot of work to do this
week.  It’s a whole new world.  

1/24/2021
8:54 AM I’ve gotten a lot done today but there’s still the issue of remembering
what I did at work.  It’s difficult but
the dreamlike aspects of it are getting more available.  Today I “gave up” again.  More and more I just stop trying to find
meaning in anything, stop trying to contact my guides, and just drift.  It lasts about half an hour and then I get
bombed with psi awareness.  It’s a
relief.  I can just be present in the
world.  

I’m
afraid to talk about the bands I listened to because I have a new scene I’m
playing with my guides, and I think it’s supposed to be a secret, like a key to
my own dimension.

I
listened to the recording of my last session with Sheryl.  The audio quality wasn’t very good but it was
definitely transformative.  

I’m
a little rushed for time today because I want to get to sleep early for the
dreaming circle tonight, my first in two months.  Yesterday was also the first time in two
months I’d been to my comics store.  And
at the dentist’s office I saw my old Dentist for the first time in a couple of
years and switched back to him.  He
remembered me, which was nice, so it’s like a return to my old routine.

I
wish I could describe all the changes that watching these two shows is putting
me through, but I guess one of the changes is the “collapsing” of all
my potential feelings about entertainment.
It’s filling in the gaps about what actually went on during the years I
was getting deeper and deeper into occultism.

I
started my own entertaiment channel, “Die, Rock Journalist! Die!”,
and I may switch to vlogging soon.  I
feel there’s a lot of potential for developing my public persona.  The Capitol riot has changed the way I see
the world.  I know there’s nothing of the
Old Republic to cling to …

I
must admit, things are getting better.  I
have dreaded Capricorn Moons and Gemini Moons for a long time.  Capricorn Moons feel hopeless, and Gemini
Moons are uncomfortable because they’re so confusing.  But the last Capricorn Moon was positively
upbeat, and this Gemini Moon I’ve actually just relaxed and not cared what was
happening.  I don’t need hope
anymore.  I’m just here.  

I
desperately need to review this blog to see what I can build out of this.  

The
horrifying flashbacks I usually have to my terrible grandparents are getting
milder.  I’m able to just ignore them
now.  

Sitting
here, writing this, even though I’m frustrated because my job is boring and
takes too much time, I feel the presence of spirit all around me.  

It’s
interesting to watch the evolution of (my feelings about T7S) … I was
interrupted there.  

Buffynicity
#1:
“Look at me, notice me, stare at me!” This was Kitty’s line in Ep. 8
“Drive-In”.  Just this morning
I suddenly decided to play “Look at Me!” by XXXTentacion for the
first time in a couple of weeks.  How
much of a Buffynicity is it?  I don’t
know but it’s a fact I haven’t listened to that song in a while and just this
morning it hit me to play it again.    

1/24/2021
10:12 AM I think I’m ready for bed but I just want to try to capture this space
I feel increasing in my life … while I’m at work I do get a lot of magic done,
my intuitive abilities increase, more and more I find myself transported to
higher dimensions … inner certainty is improving … but now I’m tired, so that’s
enough.  I expect a quantum leap on
Monday after I review all that I’ve written in the last couple of months.

I
keep having Flashbacks that somehow my mother showed me this show when it was
in first run.

1/23/2021
10:14 AM Yesterday I had a dentist appointment so I didn’t get to blog or work
on any pictures.  … I had to stop there
because I was drifting into something.  

1/23/2021
10:42 AM I wish I could remember everything that happened.  Once again someone interrupted me when I
wrote that so I guess I’m not supposed to write about the experiences I had
today.  I do seem to be getting much
better perceptions of people like Trump.

1/23/2021
11:59 AM Buffynicity #1: A true Buffynicity, earlier today I was
thinking about Anthony Michael Hall smelling Molly Ringwald in 16 Candles, and
making up jokes about guys smelling girls, and then in “That Disco
Episode” Eric smelled Donna. 

I’ve
had a very wild, productive “evening”, with lots of improved
perceptions.  I have a lot of things
going on that spirits don’t want me to talk about, which is frustrating because
I know blogging and making pictures is changing my inner landscape dramatically
for the better.  The fascination with
entertainers is disappearing.  They can
all go to hell for all I care.

I
think I’m writing for my future self.
I’ve “moved inside” myself now, I’m in here with my spirits
and none of us gives a damn what goes out on the web.  

1/23/2021
12:25 PM Buffynicity #2: In the Friends episode I was watching, Chandler
is pretending to be someone else so he can get a hold of this woman who calls
his apartment looking for “Bob”.
In “That Disco Episode”, Fez and Hyde are making moves on
Kelso and Eric’s women …

I
was very happy during this episode, laughing out loud and rocking back and
forth as the gand did all that disco dancing.
I felt it was synchronizing the halves of my mind, because until now
I’ve always had to stop every movie I’m watching every few minutes … I just
can’t put up with video.  But I’m in the
world.

Buffynicity
#3:
This one is extremely powerful and I didn’t even realize it until I finished
blogging about #2.  For hours tonight I
was playing the same song over and over, visualizing my guides performing a
rock concert.  I decided to keep this
song secret.  But then in tonight’s
episodes, half of the Friends went to see Hootie and the Blowfish, while the
gang from T7S went to a disco, so not only is there a match between the two
episodes, there’s a match with this very powerful visualization I was receiving
this morning.  

I’m
glad I could enjoy these shows without having to stop them.  And I did feel like someone was there,
enjoying it with me.

1/21/2021 9:43 AM I started off the night with the Angel Picard, listening to Missing Persons.  

I interrupted myself there, I got caught up in an intense knot of energy.  But 1/21/2021 9:46 AM now I’m trying to record the night’s journey.  AP was very stable, but mysterious.  Sometimes he seemed very comforting, but other times I was very suspicious of him.  Is he a failure?  Is the failure of guides like him the reason the world is such a dismal emptiness?  However, as the night progressed, I got an amazing new level of clarity about my place in this world, and I must attribute it to him.

He also brings a new level of clarity in blogging as I can feel myself arranging the energies of the night in a vortex around me.  I’m so disgusted with this world.  Over and over, I still think about how I spent 51 years “cocreating” my lifetime in this lousy world, and all I got was a lot of bad memories of stupid people, lousy entertainment, and the chance to keep chasing money so I can participate in the expansion of a pile of garbage.  Why did I come to this ridiculous place of emptiness?

AP has answers. I need a name for him though, I don’t like using Picard.

1/21/2021 10:20 AM I feel I can contain the whirlwind of energy I felt yesterday if I can get some kind of symbol of him.

1/21/2021 11:32 AM I did some tutorials and had some amazing experiences of contact with higher planes.  It feels very stable although I’m still going through dark periods of suspicion and anger.

Buffynicity #1? I just posted another Instagram meme about That 70s Show and then in “The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant” Chandler meets a woman who claims to have been on a James Bond poster, just like Tanya Roberts from T7S.  Am I reaching for this one?

Buffynicity #2:  This one is goddamn spectacular, however.  Before I started watching shows tonight I was rearranging items on my shelves, and one thing I moved was the Coke bottle I got from Lon Duquette.  The first time I met him he asked me to open a coke bottle and then took a sip and gave it to me.  I kept it because I use Coke as a kind of astral symbol of “The Real Thing”.  I was replaying that old event in my mind just a few minutes ago.  Then I played a tiny bit of Friends and moved on to T7S “That Disco Episode” where I had stopped yesterday as Mrs. Forman was teaching Hyde to dance.  They finished the lesson and then had Cokes.  I’m glad for this confirmation and I think it’s also encouraging because the T7S meme I just posted was about Danny Masterson, who plays Hyde, being innocent.

Buffynicity #3: Red tells Eric to pick up the dry cleaning, and I was picking something up at Kenny the Kleener’s this morning.

Buffynicity #4: The gang are tape recording their conversations. I just recorded my first channeling session with Sheryl on Tuesday, and I am planning to listen to it tonight.