1/20/2021
12:06 PM I
had fun today.  My energy was very
high.  The Angel Picard is here and much
of his communication is crystal clear.
But I’m so excited I wasted an hour, and now I’m not getting as much
done as I want.  But it’s a familiar
trance, which I associate with Kara.

I
just wish I knew how to get control of it.

1/20/2021
12:24 PM I made myself watch the last six minutes of “The One With
Phoebe’s Husband”.  Now I’m in the
tunnel and even though it’s late I’m going to start T7S.  Where is the intense, driving energy I felt
just a few minutes ago?  I don’t know,
but there has to be a way to capture this fury.

There
was a bit of Buffynicity.

Buffynicity
#1:  In “The Keg”, from T7S Kutcher was
squeezing Kunis very tightly, holding her in the air to make her let them have
a party.  Then, that same day (yesterday)
Phoebe was meeting her husband and when they hugged she wouldn’t let go.  So it might not be much but it was two such
embraces in the same day.  Now that I’m
writing it it does seem a valid Buffynicity.

1/20/2021
12:43 PM

Buffynicity
#2:  This is fascinating, I just had time to get
through the beginning of “That Disco Episode”.  Whereas today I finished off “The One
With Phoebe’s Husband”, which ended with Ross feeling very chipper after
his first lovemaking with Julie, “That Disco Episode” begins with Fez
making a joke about the probably “first lovemaking” of Donna and
Eric.  So the cosmos snuck in one more
before bed.

Buffynicity
#3:
Yesterday I posted a gif of Hyde on Facebook.
I’ve been thinking about the actor, Masterson, who’s been charged with
rape.  I think he’s innocent.  I downloaded some images to use in a meme
about him.  Today he is learning to dance
from Eric’s mom.  This is the first time
I’ve seen Hyde do anythin on his own in this show.  So it may not be a full-blown Buffynicity but
it’s a current of thought.

I’m
feeling much calmer now, but that power is still there, just under the
surface.  I could tap into if I want
to.  What I really want, though, is to
know what to do with it.

I’m
feeling pretty good now because I’m at the “boundary”. Genvieve’s
energy has

1/19/2021
7:04 AM  Well, damn, I had an amazingly
productive night. I can barely believe it’s already gone by.  My party was a success.  I just wish I had more time to do all the
pictures I’ve thought of.

1/19/2021 11:49 AM I didn’t have time to write
a lot because so much happened.  I
started the application process for college and talked to two different
counselors.  I think I’ll probably be
going to the Chicago School for Professional Psychology.  This is so appropriate for an Aries Moon!

I
did do a cool picture and thought of a couple more.  I felt as though I was contacted by Harry
Brant, who just died and I want to do something for him.  I had an amazing session with Sheryl and I
recorded a lot of it, including myself channeling for several minutes.  Although it’s still a drag to be working so
many hours at work, I’ve never felt better about my future, like in my entire
51 years of living.

Most
exciting is that I get to listen to this recording of me channeling for several
minutes.  They told me to listen to it at
least three times to build on it for next week’s session.

1/18/2021 It
was another day of crazy ups and downs, but the magic is happening now in spite
of my moods, for which I am grateful.
I’m so grateful I don’t even want to think about the crummy things that
happened.  The spirit world is here and
I’m building up to another amazing session with Sheryl tomorrow.

That 70s
Show is like a lens for me.  It is a
journey back in time to a society that had a spiritual center, even if it was a
shallow one.  It’s also a journey into
the telepathic influence of entertainment.  The thirty second theme song is like an
encapsulation of all rock songs for me.

Right now I
feel like Doctor Strange.  The spirits
are here and they’re not letting me go.

I found out
something terrible about work, but then I got off early.  Now I am sitting here absolutely convinced
that someone is transmitting to me, and that all the answers I want are going
to be given to me.  I’m very happy
because I’m having just the same state I had last week, when I was sitting in
the dark in my living room at 3AM feeling the presence of Genvieve so
completely that I was content.  I didn’t
have to try to get at her any more.  So
this is my dream coming true, right now.

Right now I
can’t decide if I want to make an Instagram post with Doctor Strange, or watch
T7S.

1/18/2021
8:38 AM My mind stalled so hard.  I feel
the spiritual emanations, I sense the presences.  What is the next element I want to put in
this graphic? I can’t decide so I’m going to watch T7S.  

1/18/2021
8:47 AM Buffynicity?  I’m not sure.  The T7S gang found a keg, and I suddenly got
half the day off at work.  I wonder if
the sudden windfall is a synchronicity. I am having a Tea Party tonight.

Buffynicity: Mr. Pinciotti made
the comment “How many stories do you think there are in this naked burg?”.   I saw that word today at work, although I
can’t remember where.

1/18/2021
10:09 AM This is a huge trip I’m on now where Tanya Roberts appears and says
“There’s a movie in your future.”
Very bright light is coming down.

I’m very
happy that I’m getting so much energy, but I’m still desperate to know what to
do with it.

My head
fucking HURTS, man.

It’s great
that I’m having

1/18/2021
8:08 PM I’m in the middle of the game, it’s very interesting.  I may be making progress with the horrifying
emotional emptiness of Peoria.  Did
something go wrong or not? I’m having flashbacks … these things did
happen.   I’m glad they’re over.  There’s some presence communicating now and I
want to receive all of it.  I’m glad for
the specificity of this, that it can be over.
It’s disorienting with this game going on but I’m focusing on feeling
better.

It’s so
strange having this while they’re playing but I’m happy for the vividness of
it, the focus, and the sense that something is happening.

We fought
the creature from the well. There was a train wreck in my mind, my watch was
missing.

1/18/2021
9:47 PM There was a lot of confusion and twisted feelings, but it was a
liberation from the ugliness of Peoria somehow.

Will my blog save me from the tedious emptiness of life?  I had a day of bizarre ups and downs.  I felt something ominous and yet peaceful before work.  It was a very dark spiritual presence that felt very powerful but I could not reconcile it to my usual habits of positive energy. All night I felt energized and very psychic but still I turned over the same old scenes of personal disaster and suffering in my mind.  One thing I’m grateful for, is that the nebulous daydreams I’ve always had about entertainment are dissolving from my mind.  Watching Friends and T70S is definitely helping, soaking up the loose feelings like a sponge.

I just watched the intro to T70S “The Keg” … they’re all in high school acting like dumb kids.  I can remember not wanting to watch the show then, but now it’s layered over with new feelings as I reconnect myself to the world.  It’s exciting to be on the journey of eight years worth of sitcom, although I just realized it ended fourteen years ago so it’s basically ancient history.  It’s so good that my illusions are collapsing.  

A transformation is taking place …  

The inside of my mind is burning and who is there to hear?  I’m remembering the intensity of the feelings I had about episode 3.  I’m remembering a few days ago when blogging put me into shamanic ecstasy.  I’m a little more tired now, the moon is in Pisces all day and I don’t have the driving force I had during the Aquarius moon … but I have the same audience.  

This is the most sharply focused performance yet.  I’m still in the darkness I felt this morning, I find.  It haunted me all night, while it was covered over by thoughts.  And yet it’s still here.  What do I do with it?

The Moon conjuncted Neptune this morning and I could feel it.  I am blazing right now but who am I telling about it?  I know I’m going to post this but at the same time I feel totally insulated from anyone ever reading it.

This is new, I’m recording my struggle to get out of one of these paralyzed states in real time.  It’s very close to channeling.  I’m conversing with the spirit world about the intuitive session I have booked for Tuesday and whether to name the person.  I see another dimension open up and there’s a person there.  His life is over and he wishes he could talk to his wife.  I suppose I should look up some of the people from high school that I daydream about.

It’s good now, that I have validation as a psychic, to dwell on the loneliness that television always inspired in me.  So many hours wasted watching MTV!  That damage could perhaps be healed now.

I’m falling through dimensions – toward what?  I’ve never had such a sensation of being drawn through the veil of some mysterious energy.  I’m very glad.  

Today I hit a challenge with That 70s Show, moving past sentimentality to actually imagining the world of 1998.  I had been doing Shamanism for about a year.  

Now I’m actually channeling a conversation with the other world … in the mysterious junction between fantasy and reality.  I’m asking a question as something that feels solid in my mind shifts its imaginal location.  My feelings are entwined with something.  I see an imaginary landscape unfolding.  I’m blogging from a new state of concrete spiritual manifestation.  The dark energy I felt this morning flows down through me into the world.  Is it one of my guardians?  

Could I hope against hope that …

Damn, I got distracted by how intense the feeling of presence was, and then I got even more distracted looking for images to make a meme with.  Because it feels like a door to another world is open, but it triggers my concrete desires.  What do I get from this?  When do I get something?

1/17/2021 11:21 AM There, I just slapped together an image for Instagram and now I feel better.  The spiritual presence feels closer and calmer.  However I got so excited I didn’t want to take my tutorial for the day, on Color Theory in Photography.

1/17/2021 12:44 PM Eventually I took a bunch of tutorials and got things done.  But it was hard to contain the furious energy that’s being released in this.

1/16/2021 9:00 AM I’m a little drowsy but feeling very productive.  Yesterday was a big day.  I had a very intense energetic experience after making a social media graphic about That 70s Show.  

Tonight I was still toying with the idea of not believing in my guides any more, but then when I was on break “Iris” was on someone’s radio, which is just the kind of feeling I got, a song began listening to frequently after I started “Friends”, reminiscing about scenes I worked on for a rewrite of “Notting Hill”.  Right after that, “Pretty Woman” came on.  I have that movie on my phone right now and so I found this to be a profound synchronicity.  Probably no one else in the world associates the song “Iris” with Julia Roberts movies, so to have them back to back like that was very significant.

Work is still a drag and I think about quitting all the time, but I am continuing to make increments of telepathic development every day.  I think it’s toughening me up.  

Drop Dead Buffynicity #1:  yesterday I posted an Instagram photo with a picture of Snoopy in it and today’s episode of Friends mentions that Phoebe’s husband is in the Ice Capades with Snoopy.

1/16/2021 11:06 AM So I had to sit and marvel at how telepathic I am for a while and now I can’t move.  The Moon is in Pisces, after all.  

I wanted to do another web graphic but my feelings are too unfocused.  Where am I supposed to go in my life?

I have discovered that the video screen is the exact reflection of the corporate inhumanity of today’s work environment, flat and emotionless.  

1/16/2021 11:24 AM Anyway that one was so deep that I messed around on the computer for a while looking for images to make a meme with, but then I decided to move right on to That 70s Show because that one is still new for me.

1/16/2021 11:46 AM Okay, that was enough for today, partway through two episodes.  I’m totally disoriented now by the Snoopy synchronicity because I spent a great deal of time thinking about Snoopy today at work, and there is all this Piscean energy flowing around and I can’t get anything done until tomorrow night when the Moon is in Aries again.

But I love these shows.  They’re really working for me.  

1/16/2021 12:32 PM I made another Instagram post for the day.  I’m going to try to do one every day so I can remember the fluidity of the energy … It is frustrating as hell, being inside this energy and not knowing what to do with it.

Buffynicity #2:  I almost didn’t include this one, although it was on my Facebook profile.  Yesterday was the episode where Heckles died.  In the previous season Sweet’N Low was the death totem for Nana, Monica’s grandmother.  Today came the news that yesterday Donald Tober, the man who made Sweet’N Low famous died.  

Buffynicity #3: This one’s a little more complicated but I also had it on my Facebook profile.  Back when I started watching “Friends” I was listening to the song “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls quite a bit, thinking about bittersweet romances, especially “Notting Hill”, which I wish I could rewrite.  Today I was once again trying to get away from my guides but when I went on break “Iris” was playing on the radio, a sign from them because that person usually plays a completely different kind of music.  And then, to add to it, the next song was “Pretty Woman”.  I have the movie “Pretty Woman” on my phone, I’m alternating it with my sitcoms.  I bought it when I started thinking of rewriting “Notting Hill” (because I’ve already seen that).  So these two songs back to back from a guy who usually listens to R&B music I can never identify were a definite revelation.

Thus begins the Blog of Intensity for today.  I felt so good about what I did yesterday … and then today I stopped calling on my guides.  I’m so tired of the emotional rollercoaster of believing something is going on and then getting yanked out of my daydream by crap at work.  I started to focus on the futureless emptiness of the daily grind itself.  This job pays more and has much more security than my last one, but it’s also more demanding (although I have time to daydream all day) and I find myself hitting a wall relatively often, dreading spending the rest of my life in this situation.  Although I must admit I’ve made it through the hardest five months I’ll have to face in the expected two years before I move up.  

But if I’ve decided to stop believing in my guides today, where will blogging lead?  This is all a part of the total chaos involved in finding my own persona.  My last session with Sheryl was the most intense I’ve ever had and I’m sure I’m just (I interrupt myself – am I sure?) Once again consciousness careens into the infinite.  Who am I writing for?

One of the issues is to record what’s happening as I start to immerse myself in “That 70s Show”.  But now as I sit here all the information is gone.  During the day I watch clouds of information drift which contain the energy of changes in my perception of the world.  I daydream of people I’ve known who watched the show.  I even imagine that an actress I used to know was familiar with the cast personally.  But now as I try to write this I am frozen as spiritual energy holds me still.  This happened earlier today at work.  I was trying very hard to fight the perception of my spirits

One thing I need to do is catalogue the frequencies of the daydream.  Or do I?  My mind spins wildly out of control again.  A few days ago I identified two states and they are now colliding: The “spontaneous eloquence” where I improvise rhetoric and the “rock” state where I want to hit somebody, I guess.

I knew they were meeting and so it is.  This process is finally taking place.  It involves a lot of dissolving of old ideas.

1/15/2021 12:14 PM I had some cool things going on and then I was watching That 70s Show and I stopped to make an Instagram post to remember how happy I was.  I think it enhanced the experience.  It feels magical.

1/15/2021 12:18 PM So I posted my graphic and then I restarted the Friends episode from yesterday.  

Buffynicity #1:  I just realized the Friends characters start to get really antagonistic in this episode, arguing about evolution and beliefs, and about this really ugly lamp they got from Heckles.  Pheobe is really arguing ferociously just like Donna in T70S.

Buffynicity #2: Chandler calls Janice, but she’s married. I just sent an e-mail to someone I haven’t talked to in two years or more.  

Buffynicity #3: I just posted this graphic about eternity and then Monica’s final gift to Rachel is the plastic girl clock.  And Chandler keeps his yearbook, a memory for eternity.  Something I never had.

I just created something … at this nexus, both episodes were about romance, one at one end of time, one at the other I suppose.  This is deep, especially on a day I was fighting not to hear my guides.  I’ll be thinking about this one all night tonight.