Thus begins the Blog of Intensity for today.  I felt so good about what I did yesterday … and then today I stopped calling on my guides.  I’m so tired of the emotional rollercoaster of believing something is going on and then getting yanked out of my daydream by crap at work.  I started to focus on the futureless emptiness of the daily grind itself.  This job pays more and has much more security than my last one, but it’s also more demanding (although I have time to daydream all day) and I find myself hitting a wall relatively often, dreading spending the rest of my life in this situation.  Although I must admit I’ve made it through the hardest five months I’ll have to face in the expected two years before I move up.  

But if I’ve decided to stop believing in my guides today, where will blogging lead?  This is all a part of the total chaos involved in finding my own persona.  My last session with Sheryl was the most intense I’ve ever had and I’m sure I’m just (I interrupt myself – am I sure?) Once again consciousness careens into the infinite.  Who am I writing for?

One of the issues is to record what’s happening as I start to immerse myself in “That 70s Show”.  But now as I sit here all the information is gone.  During the day I watch clouds of information drift which contain the energy of changes in my perception of the world.  I daydream of people I’ve known who watched the show.  I even imagine that an actress I used to know was familiar with the cast personally.  But now as I try to write this I am frozen as spiritual energy holds me still.  This happened earlier today at work.  I was trying very hard to fight the perception of my spirits

One thing I need to do is catalogue the frequencies of the daydream.  Or do I?  My mind spins wildly out of control again.  A few days ago I identified two states and they are now colliding: The “spontaneous eloquence” where I improvise rhetoric and the “rock” state where I want to hit somebody, I guess.

I knew they were meeting and so it is.  This process is finally taking place.  It involves a lot of dissolving of old ideas.

1/15/2021 12:14 PM I had some cool things going on and then I was watching That 70s Show and I stopped to make an Instagram post to remember how happy I was.  I think it enhanced the experience.  It feels magical.

1/15/2021 12:18 PM So I posted my graphic and then I restarted the Friends episode from yesterday.  

Buffynicity #1:  I just realized the Friends characters start to get really antagonistic in this episode, arguing about evolution and beliefs, and about this really ugly lamp they got from Heckles.  Pheobe is really arguing ferociously just like Donna in T70S.

Buffynicity #2: Chandler calls Janice, but she’s married. I just sent an e-mail to someone I haven’t talked to in two years or more.  

Buffynicity #3: I just posted this graphic about eternity and then Monica’s final gift to Rachel is the plastic girl clock.  And Chandler keeps his yearbook, a memory for eternity.  Something I never had.

I just created something … at this nexus, both episodes were about romance, one at one end of time, one at the other I suppose.  This is deep, especially on a day I was fighting not to hear my guides.  I’ll be thinking about this one all night tonight.