Buffynicity #1: This one is very nice because it is so specific. Yesterday I started calling Kara “Sparky”. I decided that would definitely be her nickname in the gang. I used it several times. Then tonight, coming home from the spa, I was inspired to start watching “Speed Racer” again. I had completely forgotten that the mechanic’s name is Sparky. So that’s Kara.
2/19/2021 2:47 AM I’m listening to “Stand or Fall”, wondering whatever happened to this novel. It felt so exciting when I started it … doing Facebook live videos is changing how I feel about my projects.
2/19/2021 3:21 AM I bought “This is England” and I’m having psychic turbulence, trying to figure out all the cosmic significance of this. What do I focus on to make sure I move forward? I’m opened up to such pain now, I want to be one of the good guys. The world is in such horrible, sad shape. But
2/19/2021 3:32 AM I’m listening to the Police, remembering how hard and cold my life was back in the 80s.
2/19/2021 3:47 AM Working away, downloading 3D assets, listening to “Regatta De Blanc”.
2/19/2021 3:57 AM For a moment there I almost got an answer to “What am I doing in the middle of this garbage without clarity?”
What is the power of the artist? What justice does he advance? Art is perceived by the audience as a case for justice … what is the point of view I extend? At least I’ve made concrete progress.
2/19/2021 4:03 AM I’m listening to Firestarter by the Prodigy, thinking about how Keith committed suicide. I know a guy here in Chicago who makes music just as good, but he’s not a pop star … what do you get for putting this into the world? What would I get for making a picture tonight? What should I stand for? I know someone who writes memorials for members of a cosplay group – obituaries for members who died, lists of the charities they worked for … I think of their spirits … what is it worth to be in this world?
“Dancing with Mr. D” is playing now.
2/19/2021 4:38 AM I’m listening to Coyote Oldman, and I’m feeling a bit liberated. I first listened to this album more than 25 years ago.
2/19/2021 5:01 AM So much more is clear to me now … I was looking for justice earlier … when I embrace … I feel the centering of my life now … I got pulled off center a bit or somehow the search for justice brought me back. This is an increment. I was thinking of Jean-Claude Van Damme this afternoon, before I went to King Spa, because he was in the last episode of Friends I watched. I was thinking about the movie business. I felt really perfect, surrounded by the love of my guides. The spa was great.
I wanted to get work done tonight and that was the only struggle. I didn’t want to waste my night off and I don’t think I have, although as usual it’s difficult to keep track of all that I thought about. My boundaries are dissolving a little more.
I’m having fun, and I’m a little more in focus, which means I have some better boundaries with my guides. So now I’m asking them whether I should make a short video about Tethys, or work on another picture, or make another Facebook video, or work on my Premier tutorials all in a big bunch.
I was watching Speed Racer earlier. That’s got sentimental value for me because I watched it with my uncle when I was on vacation in Florida … I’m thinking about the dead now because my uncle died ten years ago and he was one of the few members of my family I spoke to, I now realize. My race is two thirds over now. I don’t mind, I’m glad to be free of this rathole world.
I realize I can get something tonight by trying to recall all I experienced and recording it in a form that’s useful for future journeys.
My job has annoyed me every day for weeks. I don’t like it, even though it’s more money and more security. In a month or so I might get more time off, which would make it easier, but still it’s not what I want to do all day for the rest of my life. My plan was to get a degree in social work, which would at least put me in the ballpark of something related to my skills.
This afternoon I was very cozy, I woke up around 3:30 and had an amazing sense of comfort and a wonderful daydream about Jean-Claude Van Damme, thinking about the movie business and playing “Big Log” by Robert Plant.
I drove across town to the spa but I mistakenly thought I’d left my alarms on so I wasted half an hour driving back. They were off after all but I did have some productive thoughts. I was listening to some Judas Priest and some early 80s new wave, like Sex Beat.
2/19/2021 5:24 AM The spirits just showed up in force to talk to me. Now I’m in the insulated part of my mind with a better perspective.
2/19/2021 5:58 AM So I got something, I just tightened my focus until I had a good communion with my spirits. I need to be doing things artistically that will help me understand the spirit world. So that’s something I need to plan for.
2/19/2021 7:49 AM I got some good 3D work done today. And although I was worried earlier I did get a solid spirit contact.
2/19/2021 10:17 AM In fact I was glowing and feeling transported out of my old life, even though I’m a little worried about the future. What’s going to happen now?
I watched the last of my T7S episode without Buffynicities, which is odd. Friends started out without them as well. I don’t mind. I’m very hopeful, feeling as though the spirit world is going to come sweeping into view at any moment. Maybe that’s why there are no Buffynicities, because I feel so distant from the astral churning of entertainment.
2/19/2021 12:59 PM I feel the presence of spirit very powerfully, and I think something’s going to happen, some kind of breakthrough. I feel very peaceful although at the same time I wish I didn’t have to go throught the effort of going to bed just to wake up again. I did succeed on my night off, though – I wanted to achieve something, and I did.
