Buffynicity #1: This one is very nice because it is so specific.  Yesterday I started calling Kara “Sparky”.  I decided that would definitely be her nickname in the gang.  I used it several times.  Then tonight, coming home from the spa, I was inspired to start watching “Speed Racer” again.  I had completely forgotten that the mechanic’s name is Sparky.  So that’s Kara.

2/19/2021 2:47 AM I’m listening to “Stand or Fall”, wondering whatever happened to this novel.  It felt so exciting when I started it … doing Facebook live videos is changing how I feel about my projects.

2/19/2021 3:21 AM I bought “This is England” and I’m having psychic turbulence, trying to figure out all the cosmic significance of this.  What do I focus on to make sure I move forward?  I’m opened up to such pain now, I want to be one of the good guys.  The world is in such horrible, sad shape.  But  

2/19/2021 3:32 AM I’m listening to the Police, remembering how hard and cold my life was back in the 80s.  

2/19/2021 3:47 AM Working away, downloading 3D assets, listening to “Regatta De Blanc”.  

2/19/2021 3:57 AM For a moment there I almost got an answer to “What am I doing in the middle of this garbage without clarity?”

What is the power of the artist?  What justice does he advance?  Art is perceived by the audience as a case for justice … what is the point of view I extend?  At least I’ve made concrete progress.

2/19/2021 4:03 AM I’m listening to Firestarter by the Prodigy, thinking about how Keith committed suicide.  I know a guy here in Chicago who makes music just as good, but he’s not a pop star … what do you get for putting this into the world?  What would I get for making a picture tonight?  What should I stand for?  I know someone who writes memorials for members of a cosplay group – obituaries for members who died, lists of the charities they worked for … I think of their spirits … what is it worth to be in this world?

“Dancing with Mr. D” is playing now.  

2/19/2021 4:38 AM I’m listening to Coyote Oldman, and I’m feeling a bit liberated.  I first listened to this album more than 25 years ago.  

2/19/2021 5:01 AM So much more is clear to me now … I was looking for justice earlier … when I embrace … I feel the centering of my life now … I got pulled off center a bit or somehow the search for justice brought me back.  This is an increment.  I was thinking of Jean-Claude Van Damme this afternoon, before I went to King Spa, because he was in the last episode of Friends I watched.  I was thinking about the movie business.  I felt really perfect, surrounded by the love of my guides.  The spa was great.  

I wanted to get work done tonight and that was the only struggle.  I didn’t want to waste my night off and I don’t think I have, although as usual it’s difficult to keep track of all that I thought about.  My boundaries are dissolving a little more.

I’m having fun, and I’m a little more in focus, which means I have some better boundaries with my guides.  So now I’m asking them whether I should make a short video about Tethys, or work on another picture, or make another Facebook video, or work on my Premier tutorials all in a big bunch.  

I was watching Speed Racer earlier. That’s got sentimental value for me because I watched it with my uncle when I was on vacation in Florida … I’m thinking about the dead now because my uncle died ten years ago and he was one of the few members of my family I spoke to, I now realize.  My race is two thirds over now.  I don’t mind, I’m glad to be free of this rathole world.  

I realize I can get something tonight by trying to recall all I experienced and recording it in a form that’s useful for future journeys.  

My job has annoyed me every day for weeks. I don’t like it, even though it’s more money and more security.  In a month or so I might get more time off, which would make it easier, but still it’s not what I want to do all day for the rest of my life.  My plan was to get a degree in social work, which would at least put me in the ballpark of something related to my skills.  

This afternoon I was very cozy, I woke up around 3:30 and had an amazing sense of comfort and a wonderful daydream about Jean-Claude Van Damme, thinking about the movie business and playing “Big Log” by Robert Plant.  

I drove across town to the spa but I mistakenly thought I’d left my alarms on so I wasted half an hour driving back.  They were off after all but I did have some productive thoughts.  I was listening to some Judas Priest and some early 80s new wave, like Sex Beat.  

2/19/2021 5:24 AM The spirits just showed up in force to talk to me.  Now I’m in the insulated part of my mind with a better perspective.

2/19/2021 5:58 AM So I got something, I just tightened my focus until I had a good communion with my spirits.  I need to be doing things artistically that will help me understand the spirit world.  So that’s something I need to plan for.

2/19/2021 7:49 AM I got some good 3D work done today.  And although I was worried earlier I did get a solid spirit contact.

2/19/2021 10:17 AM In fact I was glowing and feeling transported out of my old life, even though I’m a little worried about the future.  What’s going to happen now?

I watched the last of my T7S episode without Buffynicities, which is odd.  Friends started out without them as well.  I don’t mind.  I’m very hopeful, feeling as though the spirit world is going to come sweeping into view at any moment.  Maybe that’s why there are no Buffynicities, because I feel so distant from the astral churning of entertainment.  

2/19/2021 12:59 PM I feel the presence of spirit very powerfully, and I think something’s going to happen, some kind of breakthrough.  I feel very peaceful although at the same time I wish I didn’t have to go throught the effort of going to bed just to wake up again.  I did succeed on my night off, though – I wanted to achieve something, and I did.