10:05 PM 4/1/2018  I just worked a long time on 3D, and I feel very rewarded.  I’m starting to get a handle on what I actually enjoy for its own sake versus what’s a reference to the vague sense of possibilities I always have.  I’m too tired now to articulate that completely.  I’m just going to try to catch up some more days in the next half hour before I go to sleep.

So Monday I was still thinking about how much stuff I was dreading the week before, and how I got out of it so easily.  The Moon inconjuncted Mars and trined the Sun.  I don’t remember much except I think I was pretty confident I was going to take care of everything.  I felt a bit of momentum, and even self-satisfaction looking back on the huge event I had managed the September before.  Compared to that one, the one I did last Tuesday was small and easy, and I was looking back on how far I’ve come in a year, especially since I associate my early activities downtown with my “discovery” of Buffy the Vampire Slayer during the last Jupiter retrograde.  It was one of the times I look back on most fondly in my life and really, I’m looking to recreate it.

So I had some energy and I bet the Moon inconjunct with Saturn that evening wasn’t much more than wishing I didn’t have to go to bed on time, which I did.

But then when I woke up, during the runup to the Lunar incojunct with Neptune, I had a sudden event so powerful that I’m not even going to write about it.  It’s something I’m definitely going to remember forever but it’s between me and Kara.

But it certainly validated the transit.  After that I got to work and the big project started just a few minutes after the Moon trined Mercury.  Everything went smooth as glass pretty much, validating the transit.  I did have another Pluto transit that day, this time the inconjunct in the evening, after it was all over and I felt great, as if I’d accomplished something.  The Moon squaring Jupiter in the evening had me feeling expansive and successful, with just one more big project to tie up to get over this month-long ordeal of nothing being truly fun at all, and then get ready for C2E2.

The Moon inconjuncted Chiron early on Wednesday the 28th.  I was picking up some awesome 3D stuff on sale, feeling very healed.  I was feeling kind of vague about life but just around 10:30 I finally managed to pick up my planner and get back to organizing my life – only to see that the Moon had entered Virgo just a few minutes before, validating the transit.

Venus conjuncted Uranus that evening.  This was totally validated in the afternoon before the transit by a sudden e-mail informing my department that management had moved a task up a week and I would have to return downtown for the third time in a week – and this right in the middle of the rush to complete the final and most important project of the month.  It was brutal.  Then, the pumps at the gas station were unexpectedly closed.  I was having unexpected difficulty for the next several days in updating my iPod.  For a little while I thought I’d lost all my playlists.  And the next morning I was downtown and the computer system I was supposed to use had suddenly and unexpectedly been changed so I had to waste an hour or two fixing that before I could get back to the main migration which I was suddenly informed was going to be due on Friday.  So it was like a huge trainwreck in my life.  That was all the fallout from that conjunction, although Wednesday night I was still feeling okay with the Moon trining Mars, looking forward to a “relaxing” morning downtown, which of course did not work out.

As I said before, I spent Thursday in a state of quiet and quite unexpected desperation.  The Moon was squaring Saturn as I got downtown, definitely validated in the rush for time and the fact that I had to wait to receive two packages, going back and forth from my office to the mail room several times, and finally when I did receive them the computer system wasn’t working so I had to call managers around the country, wasting time I needed for the big migration due Friday.  A definite validation, also reinforced by the retrograde Mercury inconjuncting the Moon.  I felt the Moon opposing Neptune in the overwhelming workload.  As it turned out I wound up working until 9 pm, going back and forth across Chicago twice, feeling totally put upon but still satisfied that I was able to do the work and get ahead of the game.  Nevertheless this Lunar opposition with Neptune had me feeling totally outside my own dream.  As I said before, I even thought I might have lost the full use of my iPod.

Then in the evening, around the time the Moon trined Pluto (another Pluto transit on a day I worked downtown), I got pulled over for having a headlight out.  More collective interference – unusual for a trine though.  Trines and oppositions are usually fun for me, but this last month has been so crappy that it’s not working out that way.  Maybe it’s the Mercury retrograde.  Not to mention losing the thread of my blog has made me feel not myself.

So Friday morning I had some good news with the Moon inconjunct Uranus – the project wasn’t going to be as cutthroat as I thought, although I did get in a little trouble for cutting corners the night before.  The Lunar opposition with Chiron was lousy.  I felt totally inert, like there was no healing in the cosmos, as I basically just worked and brooded about how empty America is.  The inconjunct with Venus was like hitting a big emotional pothole.  I was only emptiness and momentum to get the job done.  That was very appropriate I guess as the Moon entered Libra.  

As I said earlier, I was feeling absolutely lousy and emotionally exhausted, but also I felt like a survivor.  And I did manage to get my headlight fixed, and saved 15 dollars in the process.  Some really special things happened that night, although they weren’t associated with transits so much.  Possibly the concrete benefit I was getting was related to Venus entering Taurus.

Saturday morning as the moon opposed the Sun and Mercury I actually drove to a meditation meeting that had been cancelled.  So that was a wasted trip out.  The opposition was also validated when I stopped at the store and tried to play some songs as I shopped – I realized I’d fucked up my iPod even worse than I thought and only synced the first four or five letters of the alphabet in the artists list.  Disaster!  And then it turned out the store had removed the keypad locks from the bathroom and was now asking customers to get a key from the service desk – a sign from the cosmos, I felt, that I should wander around there aimlessly listening to my iPod so much.  So the Mecury opposition made itself felt clearly.

The Moon inconjuncted Neptune in the afternoon.  I was cleaning my bedroom – I’m really making headway on throwing things away, and fooling around with 3d.  But I screwed myself by starting a malware scan on my newly-reinstalled system maintenance software that took more than an hour.  And then I took another couple of hours to fix my iPod.  I had to restore it and sync several times before I figured out my dumb mistakes.

But then the rest of the evening went well.  I attended a ritual and saw a cool horror movie.  I was driving home while the Moon squared Pluto in the morning.  I guess it was a beneficial feeling.  I’d had a good day and felt like I was functioning in the world, even if the world sucked.  It was magical.  I guess it moved my position relative to the collective.

Today the Moon conjuncted Mercury and I did some awesome, deep magic with 3D (I’m getting ready to post more pictures online) and I also of coures caught up with my blog.  The transit is validated.  I’m not sure what the opposition with Uranus could have been.  I don’t recall too much unexpected except that I made a massive breakthrough in my own personal 3D symbolism.  I finally got a character working which I’ve wanted to represent me for months. I’d been frustrated because he’s asian and I just got his eyes to work.  I made a spectacular breakthrough in assoicating my 3d with kabbalah.  So that must have been the higher-octave influence of the opposition.

So this time it wasn’t an unexpected event, it was an unexpected breakthrough to a sense of magical focus and control I’ve never had before.  The Moon inconjuncted Chiron in the afternoon as I had a big breakthrough with my ghosts, as well, especially Amy from West Lafayette.  Something amazing happened and I’m seeing much more than I expected.  I’m feeling positively grounded now, like the magic is beginning to take hold.

The Moon entered Scorpio and I can feel it as I plot all my secret, sensual strategies of 3D.  I can feel the energy focusing.  I even put a scorpion in the 3D image I’m working on.  I feel very stable and much clearer about the afterlife than ever.  The Moon just opposed Venus and I’d have to say I felt stressed, rushed to get this blog done, but at the same time rewarded by my return to synchronization and also thrilled with the 3D work I’ve done, deeply immersed in the inner spheres.

Tomorrow morning is the conjunction of Mars and Saturn I’ve been waiting for for weeks.  I know it will be big, but it’s already validted in the power of the 3D work and the shamanic insights I’ve gained tonight.  Maybe I’ll try to post a picture tomorrow to commemorate the Lunar trine with Neptune.  It promises to be a magical day.

Tomorrow I’ll try to do predictions for C2E2.

5:12 PM 4/1/2018  I had another huge project that needed to be done Friday.  I spent two days on it and by the end I was very exhausted, not physically but emotionally, although Thursday had been rough as I had to go downtown and then back out to the suburbs and after all that travel I wound up working until 9 PM.  Then on Friday my bosses never got around to answering some very important questions and I was nervous and upset all day.  I’ll get back to this in a minute but I find that the 3D work I am doing is genuinely magical and emotionally transformative so I feel much more coherent about what I’m saying now, and much more confident that someone is listening.

ON Wednesday the 21st I had a conference call earling in the morning as the Moon trined Pluto.  I noted that I felt very good, very confident about upcoming projects although the Moon opposing Jupiter made me feel like a total nothing.  Having just recovered from weeks without my computer I was feeling like my life is very small and way beyond my control.  Fortunately as I look back the 3D work I’m doing is helping me get emotional control of my imagination and my “understanding” of how this world works is improving.  

But the Moon opposition with Jupiter and the following VOC was especially validated when, fifteen minutes before I got off work, my boss announced a surprise audit the next day.  The forces of law indeed descended from the heavens.  I did convince myself it wouldn’t be too bad and I actually just went home and fell asleep early, sleeping through the Moon sextile with Chiron.  

I’m finding that although oppositions can be fun, wild rides like full moons, some, like for Jupiter and Chiron can really just feel like crap.

I’m noting now that since my big appointment on March 6, which really did sum up a 2-year drama for me, I have had one “disaster” after another, huge projects at work, the loss of my computer, and a bunch of other things.  I see this, however as a “shriving”.  I’m genuinely letting go of my old identities.  There’s really nothing holding me to anything I used to be any more.  

The audit actually went smoothly.  I still haven’t heard any negative reactions about it, a week later.  There were some minor time issues during the runup to the Moon inconjunct Saturn, I wanted to go to lunch and we all had to make agreements when the auditor would need my help, but other than that we did well and it was fairly painless.  I think the general full-of-shitness of the Moon in Gemini was validated by the whole process, however, the testing and the finding fault over mistakes, and hoping they didn’t look too hard at things I hadn’t covered as well.

All in all though it was another dreaded event that turned out better than expected.

Then Mercury went retrograde that night.  I don’t remember too much about it but I was thinking about the fact that I’d “just” gotten my computer back.

My life had been disrupted by the audit, preventing me from working downtown exactly when I needed to be there to prepare for a very large event the following week.  The company I work for has ways of scheduling things at the most inopportune moments.  Nobody I work with feels like my company gives a shit about us on a personal level.  I feel lucky that it’s relatively pleasant, but it’s also a daily reminder of what a hollow piece of garbage the American Way has become.

Still on Friday I was catching up with things, clearing out old backlogs, because the massive project is a permanent migration to a new data system and all the old stuff had to go – things I’d been putting off for months, or had forgotten about for years.  Fortunately no one bothered me too much about it.  But at the same time I was getting personally involved with my bosses much more than I wanted to.  

The Moon sextiled Venus and inconjuncted Pluto.  I was a little nervous about Monday and Tuesday but also looking forward to the chance to work downtown, on my own, and furthermore the countdown was beginning for C2E2.  I was getting into the flow of my desires again.  And yet with the inconjunct between Luna and Jupiter, I noted that I was “febrile”.  I had a lot of energy but it wasn’t grounded at all and I felt it was pulling me out of the world.  

Venus was squaring Pluto after work.  I found a “Calamari” at WaxPax toys, one of the robot octopoids from “The Matrix”.  It was very cool and represented a kind of union with the collective as I’d just bought a 3d model of a woman with an octopus tattoo.  

Looking back, I just reviewed my blog for the 24th.  I was writing during the aspects of Mars with the Sun and Moon, and I “felt” them in a very dramatic case of perfect timing, which I wrote about at the time.  Now that I’m reviewing that entry, I feel I am fully reinvolved in my own narrative after the disruption that began on the 6th.  I’m hoping April is a little easier.  It’s still interesting to look back on how full this March has been, how my work dropped four or five massive projects on me, an unheard-of amount of pressure which I’ve now survived – but to have my computer break down in the middle of it all was no coincidence.  And now I’m back with a thousand times more emotional coherence than I had before. I am confident that I’m finally getting to the bottom of the mystery of what’s been going on here, why my life has always felt so damaged and incomplete.  

The day at King Spa was fantastic, and I can’t wait for the next one on the ninth.  I took an extra day off for my C2E2 weekend just to go back.  It’s an amazing feeling.  I’m feeling much better about C2E2 as well.  A lot of the mystery has worn off, a lot of the panoramic suffering of wondering what all those people are doing, or why life on earth is so unpleasant and smarmy and noisy and filled with cheap trickery.  

I wound up spending the night there.  I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed.  I was awake when the Moon squared Mercury.  I think I felt some part of my life was complete.  

I came home and slept.   I woke up as the Moon opposed Pluto and went shopping, feeling fully at odds with the collective energies of Pluto, somehow feeling very cozy and secure in my total lack of belonging in the United States of America.  What a dreary, sad, empty little country this is.  I was gearing up for the dream circle.  The Moon trined Jupiter.  John told me to look for “innocence” in this world instead of the next, but then he accused me of something and I was “innocent”, so the innocence was in myself, but the event does remind me of how “deep” I feel my connection with higher planes is now.  It’s deep but not solid enough for my liking.  I can get there but it’s still a challenge to hold on during work at my amoral corporate job or negotiating all my empty, sad, manipulative relationships, or wondering how I fit into the revenue streams of the grand spiritual failur of America.  

The circle was very productive, however.  Kara made her presence known as I purchased a 3D model of a bow and arrow right before the circle and then members were talking about one during it.  There were other signs that she was there and she was showing me the chaos that she seems to bring, and how there are very deep meanings in it.

This entry, as I write now, 5:53 PM 4/1/2018, is itself a kind of channeling and re-merging with that week old information, having passed through the hectic fire of this week at work.  

I’m not sure I want her back!  I was in a totally different mood.  But it’s validating for my blogging to see how this process of re-entering my narrative is weaving together different innner states into a more coherent whole.  The Moon squaring Venus was validated in the emotional arc of tension through John’s erroneous accusation.

I had used the name of WaxPax earlier, unusual for me to name an actual place I go in this blog.  And then I referred to a specific conversation with John.  I’m merging my blog states with my daily life.  For instance I wrote about how unfeeling the corporation I work for is and I don’t care who reads it.  When I first started this blog I was actually afraid to be “found out” but now I don’t give a damn who knows what about me.  The different facets of my life are merging and I hope to have some grand revelation of a new direction soon.  Certainly I feel like some kind of searching is over.  I just found my first convention tickets and I realized I’ve been doing this circuit of C2E2 and Wizard World for six years now.  It’s amazing.  I’m no longer concerned with the mysteries of the entertainment business.  Now I’m expecting to be able to hold my own intuitive states amidst the throng and the astral influence.  This should be good.

On March 26 the Moon was entering Leo in the morning.  I was feeling good to be downtown, “on my own”.  I like working on my own in an environment like that and I hope when I’m a billionaire professional intuitive I’ll get to keep up with that.  I noted that I got into a little conflict with one of my managers at a meeting in the morning, but still that worked out in the end.  She was pushing us all to take care of this project.  I was feeling like crap about all the rush, and that feeling stayed through the week.  

I’m going to take a brea now and then finish up the last week after I’ve assimilated some of these states.  

10:44 PM 3/29/2018  I just got done with the biggest project of all at work, and now my month of huge challenges seems to be ending.  Since that dreaded meeting on the 6th my life has fallen apart and been put back together again.  I feel pretty good about it but I just put in a 12 hour day at work and now I’m torn between finishing this, working on 3D, or just going to bed.  I even had to restore my iPod, which is syncing as we speak.

The licenses for 68 of my songs expired when I changed my hard drive, including the entire original soundtrack to the first “Twilight” movie, which is interesting.  Versions of “(Don’t You) Forget About Me” and “Cat People” didn’t make it, either.  I’ll have to check how many of those I have left.  "Sausalito Summer Night" also fell by the wayside.  We’ll see if I ever bother to get it back.

So I’d made it through Friday the 16th when I left off.  I barely remember that weekend.  I can’t remember Saturday at all.  I was probably cleaning my bedroom.  I think I got some good stuff done.  The Moon conjuncting the Sun and Chiron on Saint Patrick’s day, I remember I was thinking about magic and Baron Samedi, getting ready for King Spa the next day.  My game the night before had me feeling very magical.  I was still waiting for my computer, as I recall.  Venus entered Capricorn and the Moon entered Aries, squaring Mars.  Thinking back now it was significant.  I was seeing myself in a different way, hanging around with these psychic people, feeling much more immersed in my own magic.  Kara seemed to have been watching over me while I played, and stayed with me all day Saturday as I finally moved some furniture around that’s been stuck in the same place for years.  I think I got rid of my old CRT TV, but now I can’t remember.  Interestingly I do remember Sunday morning so perhaps when I start telling that story some of Saturday will come back.  But the Chiron conjunct made me feel like a part of the world – Chiron always brings back the past and playing MTG with some buddies, setting up a regular game, made me feel like less of an outcast.  

Saturday was so boring I didn’t even spend any money!  I just checked my bank account to jog my memory but I spent nothing on Saturday at all!.  Venus entering Capricorn was important because one of my angels is from Venus and the other two are from Mars and Saturn, which govern Capricorn, so it marked a new beginning of focus and purpose for me with the Moon giving the forward momentum, swinging past Mars on the way to adventure.

Sunday I was going to King Spa again.  I felt great, on my way to a deep experience.  My main concern was getting white candles to honor Saint Patrick’s day and also charge one of my oracle decks, one I’ve had for years.  I dithered a bit and then wound up stopping at Walgreen’s on the way out.  It was a morning filled with fun and adventure for me.  I was a true magician at work.  Possibly the Moon squaring Saturn earlier had to do with the sense of being rushed, wanting to get candles but not wanting to waste a moment of spa time either.  But it also filled me with happiness, as Saturn transits usually do now.  In the evening the Moon conjuncted Venus and Mercury, and the Sun conjuncted Chiron and I got everything I wanted from King Spa.  I knew that this year I’m going to go there several times, each time getting more focused, until some alchemical process is completed and I am fully grounded in this world at last.  I can feel it working.  

Monday the 19th I had a nice feeling left over from the day before.  The inconjunct with Jupiter in the morning was pleasant enough.  The Lunar conjunction with Uranus in the afternoon brought an unexpected delay with my computer, as I’d been hoping to get it back but nothing worked out for me.  As I recall I also had some other errand to perform.  I probably just coasted through the VOC moon as I went shopping.  The Moon entered Taurus that night and trined Mars, but I don’t remember much.

On Tuesday the Sun entered Aries, beginning a new cycle on the day I got my computer back, which was very appropriate as my life feels very different now that I am getting reintroduced to all I missed for those two weeks.  The Moon trining Saturn I think was related to the benefit I received from this time of “loss”, and also the time-cruch in reacquiring my computer in the evening.  There were a few unpleasant surprises in picking it up.  It cost more than I’d hoped.  But the Moon sextiled Neptune in the evening as I was reintroduced to all the dreamlike activities that my computer allows in my life.  

11:13 PM 3/29/2018 Speaking of which, I just checked and my iPod sync is complete so my life is almost fully restored, except I am still 9 days behind on my narrative.  Fortunately I’ve been taking much better notes since I “got my life back” and I should be able to catch up tomorrow.

The Moon is opposing Chiron tomorrow.  I wonder what that will mean?

3:45 PM 3/25/2018  I just had an interesting dream wehre I read some orders and then I went to some kind of industrial park and met a guy named Andy, who I met at a party once in this world.  We talked a little bit.  I looked out a window at another building.  And then someone he knew came in and he left.  I was looking around and then I was trying to do some task that were on a list.  I walked to another part of the “park” and saw my waking-life boss in a driveway.  I told him about the problem.  There were some other people there as well.  And then I was thinking about my lousy relationships with women and I saw someone I know who is a priestess.  I think that meeting these people from three different arenas of my life has something to do with three parts of my mind coming together.  In addition one had black hair, one red, one blonde.  I think my angels are showing me something about their relationship to my life.  

At some point before or afte I was watching a movie made by that Nazi burlesque show from Grand Rapids I despise, so there’s another arena of my life that was in this dream.  There was a little acting but it was mostly CGI that was not put together with the film very well.  It was like someone had taken a video game and stuck some footage in it.  

When I woke up I was thinking about How stupid people are, like my idiot grandmother for instance.  

This was a fun dream because I haven’t had too many deep ones in a while.  I had a few some weeks ago but they aren’t usually this clear.  The main feeling of it was boredom and sadness and isolation.  I do have a greater sense of isolation.  I’m not sure I wrote that.

5:39 PM 3/25/2018  I swept the floor and went shopping.  I wish there was a way to capture the amazing sense of peace and fulfillment I had this morning at King Spa.  The days go by faster there now, but I have an increased sense of accomplishment.  I have a dream circle in a few minutes and I wish I had time to work on 3d but I want to get a few more days of transits recorded.  I know now that this is a truly magical act.  I feel another world just on the other side of a think veil.  I wish I had a focus so I could get all of this right.  

Monday the 12th was full of dread, I had two huge projects going on that week, one that would take everyone else out of my office and leave me on my own, and another big one I was terrified wouldn’t work out right.  I was feeling very intimidated by my boss.  But during the morning the Moon squared Uranus and even in the midst of the unpleasantness I had a new sense of a new angel with me, or a better contact with Kara, which validated the transit.  I felt better in the afternoon as the Moon sextiled Chiron and entered Aquarius, but I don’t remember much about the details except I dropped off the IANDS books and I felt very good about all the spiritual progress I’ve made there.  Even writing about it now I have a new sense of perspective.

Tuesday the 13th Venus squared Saturn and I was at work by myself, feeling pretty good, managing to use the experience to focus better on my life.  Then there was a surprise around the time the Moon sextiled Venus and my co-workers came back.  Their project was cancelled which meant I would have plenty of resources for my own deal on Thursday.  So like the meeting of the week before, things turned out much better than planned.  But the Venus/Saturn transit was validated when I learned that I wouldn’t be getting my computer back for another 3-5 days.  It was interesting that the Moon sextiled Mercury in the afternoon.  I’m not sure what that meant, but I’m noting now that, without my computer, astrological transits were harder to trace.  A lot is happening with this and since this transition I’m seeing better how the magic applies to the world of computers and the life of a computerized people.

Wednesday the Moon squared Jupiter and I was feeling hard-pressed to get my big project done, put-upon by the world and annoyed at being such a total nobody working for such a boring, amoral corporation.  As I write this I’m drawing on a deeper intuitive sense of what was happening at the time.  It’s like the inner world are more clear.  I was probably asleep when the Moon sextiled Uranus in the evening.

Thursday my project got off to a bad start but I resolved it within half and hour and then it went off very smoothly.  Once again a problem that seemed burdensome was resolved with relative ease and looking back on that time without my computer I can see that I passed through some kind of dark cloud and emerged with a different worldview and a much better understanding of the spirit world.

I don’t recall much about the Moon sextiling Saturn that evening but I was at my friend’s astrology salon.  There was another friend who surprisingly also came and suprisingly had a story of conflict to tell with a third person we know.  It was a very productive night and I think the transit revealed itself in the different attitude I was having toward relationships, seeing the conflicts other people were in and getting a greater sense of withdrawal into my own Saturnine energies.  I do love Saturn transits and this one was very powerful and encouraging.

Friday was actually very relaxing at work, as I’d made it through most of the unpleasantness and I was feeling optimistic, with a relatively light workload.  The Moon conjuncted Neptune early in the morning and I did feel very compfortable in my own dream.  In the evening I had a date to play Magic: the Gathering with some friends but my phone charger ran down and I had an epic struggle to recover it, and with it my GPS for the long journey to Naperville.  However I ultimately made it and had a very deep time while the Moon sextiled Pluto.  I think the struggle had something to do with adjustment to collective energies around gaming.  We played until late and the evening ended as the Moon sextiled Jupiter, leaving me feel quite Jupiterian, very accomplished and optimistic about the future.

9:54 AM 3/24/2018  I’m experimenting with my narrative again.  I plan to go to King Spa today, but I also just got my computer back and I want to immerse myself in 3D.  Also I have two weeks to aspects to catch up on.  My narrative broke on March 4th, as I wrote a few things “intending” to see what happened during the day.  It was spectacular, with Mercury conjuncting Venus making me feel like I was finally getting answers.  The Moon squaring Pluto was a thrill-ride, and the Mercurial answers seemed to be about where I belonged in society.  I got a glimpse of something – maybe Pluto energy is a kind of “underworld” of imaginal material in my own psyche that’s visual on a subliminal level.

Mercury and Venus conjunct Chiron contributed to the clarity, the sense of feeling “at home” at King Spa and an enthusiasm for going back again and again.  I went again last weekend and here I go one more time as soon as I finish this.  I felt exhilarated, as though I could do anything, while at the same time dreading the meeting I had scheduled for Tuesday which was going to be both liberating and frightening, brining an end to a drama that’s taken years to play out.

The Moon sextiled Mars and gave me an amazing sense of momentum in my life, as I made plans to go back to King Spa regularly and frequently.  I feel I’m “getting” the meaning of that experience, learning to be able to use it in a focused way, and that it is an extended process which will bring me to a clear occult goal. It’s possible that I can really use these experiences to “ground” myself fully.  

The Lunar opposition with Uranus was like a Full Moon, bringing sense of completeness in the influx of supernatural power.

Monday the 5th I don’t remember much about.  I know I was dreading Tuesday’s meeting and the work that was piling up for the weeks ahead.  There was a threat of an audit at work (which was just fulfilled two days ago).  There were no aspects during the day however.  The Moon entered Scorpio in the morning and sextiled Saturn in the evening, both bringing a sense of the impending power of Tuesday.  Mercury entered Aries during the night and I think that was related to the pivotal power of Tuesday’s meeting, brining an end to the old and the beginning of a new sense of my role in the world.  I think the Lunar sextile with Saturn was also an encouraging thing, bringing a feeling of “getting it over with” at last.

Tuesday morning I was downtown and as the Moon trined Neptune I was struggling with dread of the afternoon’s affair, but also feeling exhilarated from the momentum of Saturn, moving forward and feeling competent, keeping my energy focused and positive.  It was truly cathartic, a pivotal day I will remember for years to come.  The Moon trined the Sun as I left for the meeting, as ready as I could ever be, finally in the thick of the action.  As it turned out the meeting was routine, taking an hour too long to get started as is often the case with such things, and it was over in a flash, totally painless.  All that dread had been for nothing and I was totally liberated.  Venus joined Mercury in Aries later, bringing a sense of lightness and forward momentum – I was off to a brave new future and free of the past, and amazing drama of years now completed.

Once again there was a Pluto transit on a day I worked downtown – a Lunar sextiled that evening which was associated with a greater sense of belonging to and in the world.  I had had problems which I worked out like anyone else and I was finally at home in the world.

I don’t remember much of the day Wednesday, except probably the Moon inconjunct Uranus was fun, as I continued to feed off the energy I’d gotten Sunday at King Spa and the life changing meeting of Tuesday, feeling like anything was possible and I was ready to go forward in the world as never before, feeling complete and more in control than ever as the Moon trined Chiron, bringing a sense of satisfaction at the success of all I’ve done to clarify my life.  Then when I got home the Moon entered Sagittarius and POW! – my computer didn’t work.  I couldn’t get online.  This messed up my energy even though the Moon was trining Venus and Mercury.  

It’s odd for something negative to happen while such great aspects were taking place, and yet there could be no coincidence that after waiting for days for the catharsis of Tuesday, feeling like I had a new lease on life, I should be hit with this computer disaster.  

I still don’t know what to think of these awesome aspects during this moment of catastrophe, but the Moon entering Sagittarius makes sense as this phase has always scattered my life and brought my forward momentum down.  Furthermore, on Thursday the 8th the Moon squared Neptune, bringing an intensity of psychic change as I adapted to the suspension of my 3d habit.  

It was definitely validating for the Neptune aspect as I began a time of “feeling” the loss or gap left by the interruption of my habit, and furthermore Jupiter went into retrograde that day as well, after I dropped off my computer at the shop.  So it was as though I had this time without 3D, to look back on last year’s retrograde when I was first getting into Buffy.  Jupiter retrogrades are now marked for me as major life events.

Friday the 9th Moon conjuncted Mars and trined Uranus.  I went to a movie with a girl for the first time in a while.  The movie was really good, too.  The unexpectedness came through the sudden realization of how far away she lived and all the time I had to spend driving, but it was still good.  I can imagine though that the conjunct was validated by a sense of power in that this computer crisis happened in such synchrony with Tuesday’s cathartic meeting and the Jupiter retrograde that ironically the very disaster shows that something I’m doing is working.  That’s an unexpected, Uranian benefit from all this.  Furthermore the “date” was fun and a validation of Martian power for me.  

Saturday the 10th the Moon squared Venus during the IANDS meeting.  It was mostly fun.  

As I’m writing now I’m exchanging telepathically with someone, getting a different perspective on how I feel now versus how I felt a half hour a go when I started this process.  I want to get to King Spa, but I also want to catch this narrative.  Something or someone is here and I want to handle this right.  I feel rushed.  I just stopped to look at my planner and I find that the Moon is squaring the Sun in just a few minutes – that’s also a good validation, to sense the transit that way.  Also I note that the Moon entered Cancer this morning, bringing the cold comfort of the familiarity of my routine today, but also a sense of inertia.

Anyway, back to the 10th when the Moon conjuncted Saturn in the evening.  I believe I was at home trying to watch “Bound”, a very Saturnine film.  I was even concerned with time as I was using my Playstation and had a little trouble understanding the various forms and speeds of playback, fast forward, fast reverse, etc.  I was making the best of the limitation of not having my computer by going in a different direction.

Sunday the Moon sextiled Neptune during the day and I felt pretty good, cleaning my bedroom and bringing a new order to my affairs.  In the evening the Moon conjuncted Pluto just after the dreaming circle.  I definitely got good stuff that night, feeling more and more like I understand the various spiritual forces.  There were a lot of old friends there and I definitely felt like I belonged.  Writing this now I realize it was a continuation of the Plutonian influence from Tuesday.  It was very rewarding to be so recognized for my psychci gifts and this validated the Neptune transit as well.

I think that’s enough of catching up for now.  I’m going to go to King Spa.  I just had this sudden feeling of “full stop” and loss of momentum.  I looked up and found that it is exactly 10:35, the exact moment of the Moon squaring the Sun.  So it’s like I actually felt that transit.  And then the Moon opposing Mars one moment later.  I think this is why I’ve had such a delay this morning, and a sense of conflict between my desire to go to King Spa and my desire to stay home and do 3D.  The sun will square Mars in 40 minutes while I’m on the way out there.  

The Moon is opposing Saturn tonight, which is probably one reason I feel I don’t have enough time to do everything I want, and I feel rushed to make a decision.  It’s good to know that so I can simply make myself slog on with this even though it could feel better.

It’s interesting that I felt this desire to catch up with my narrative as a way to resolve these astrological oppositions.  The Moon in Cancer also makes me feel like just doing things and not thinking about them.  It will be a very inward turning night but astrologically it feels very right to just go out there and sit.  So here I go.

7:16 PM 3/21/2018

When I got my computer home I was horrified that my internet connection still kept going bad, but then I updated my drivers and now it’s better than it has been since I installed Windows 10.  Now that I’m reinstalling everything into a fresh drive I’m going to get very much into backups and web security.  My job in IT has been pushing me in a detail-oriented direction for several months now.  They’re making me into a manager and I have to think about abstract tasks all the time now.  

I did watch a little video while my computer was down.  I got about halfway through “Bound” by the Wachowskis.  I played some video games.  Another interesting synchronicity was that just a couple of days before my computer went down I bought Final Fantasy VII and the first five Tomb Raiders on Steam, and I sold my Playstation 2 and trashed the CRT telvision I’ve kept for years just to play them.  Although I’ve worked in IT for years, 3D animation is really pushing my life to revolve around computers and I think this is some kind of shift in my sense of who I am.

Another weird thing that happened during this time was that my charger cables started going bad.  I kept finding my phone dead at the worst times, especially last Friday when I was on my way to play Magic: The Gathering and I was late and almost had to not go because I couldn’t use my GPS.  I had to stop at a Walgreens to pick up a new cable.  I had similar problems when the cable for my tablet stopped sticking in the socket and I kept finding it run down.  And the mini-jack cable I used to plug my phone into my car stereo stopped working altogether.  So I had to order several new cables for different devices.

7:40 PM 3/21/2018  I’ve started visualizing grounding cords regularly, and I think it’s helping.  

7:49 PM 3/22/2018  Now that I’ve gotten my computer back, I’ve taken another look at it and discovered something about it I hadn’t realized in the five or more years since I’ve owned it.  It’s very embarrassing and shows what an idiot I am.  However it does make my life a little easier.

8:05 PM 3/22/2018  So I’m kind of being torn apart by desires now, he said ironically.  I’ve got Poser up and running again and I’ve got all the stuff I bought over the last two weeks to play with, but I have other things on my mind as well.  I need to do my taxes, for instance.

9:14 PM 3/22/2018  So I did them, and I’m getting some money, which is nice.  And I’m fooling around with Poser, actually needing to go to bed now even though I have a whole bunch of new stuff to install.  I also reinstalled my iTunes library, smooth as glass, and I must say all this fooling around with money and computers this week has me thinking very seriously about my future.  Great big changes have taken place and I’m looking forward to going over the last two weeks in depth – tomorrow when I am not so sleepy.

6:43 PM 3/21/2018

What an amazing ride!  Sixteen days without a blog entry, due to improperly installed drivers for my internet adapter, I think.  Whatever it was on the night of Wednesday the 7th I came home and I couldn’t log in to Windows 10 because it couldn’t get on the web.  I got it back last night and now I’m in the midst of reinstalling everything on my new hard drive, which is much bigger, faster, and quieter than the old one, which is now an external drive from which I am transferring my Poser libraries as we speak.  Sadly, I left my astrological planner at work today so I’ll have to rewrite this whole entry again tomorrow night, but that’s probably ultimately a good thing because this has been a very dense two weeks of transformation for me. 

I remember how excited I was as I wrote my last entry, in the morning before I went to King Spa.  I was looking forward to recording my reactions that evening.  Some of them I’ve noted in the astrological planner I left at work, but for now I must say that it was as rewarding as I expected. It’s a deeply meditative experience for me and I’m getting more into it.  I went again last weekend and I plan to go every two or three weeks until some kind of interdimensional gateway opens and I am sucked into a higher realm or something.

The specific aspects I’ll work on tomorrow but I just want to capture now the intense transformation of being without 3D illustration for two weeks.  It was my constant preoccupation for months and then I was without it for two solid weeks.  I thought about it all the time, and about the meaning of the astral desires involved in it.  It’s gone from being a distracting indulgence in entertainment to a very focused occult process.

Other things have happened to deepen this sense of transformation.  I devloped a nagging pain in my right foot and had to quit working out every night.  I think the pain came from my new car, which is relatively small.  I’m glad it’s small, because I get so many more parking spaces than when I had a minivan, but I’ve been wedging my foot into the steering well and I think it bruised a bone or something so after years of working out five to six times a week I have stopped coled while I heal.  I’m gratified that I’ve been able to continue to control my weight, and also had more time to do other things. Come to think of it, this is also an astral issue because it’s only when I run, really, that I watch video.  So this has been a time of major readjustment relative to the astral plane for me.

Also my computer went bad the day before Jupiter went retrograde.  The last time Jupiter went retrograde was when I started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, marking a new era in my life.  Now I’m looking back on that time and what changes have taken place because of my new involvement in the astral and emotional worlds.

I also took a girl to see a creepy horror movie at the Music Box, which was cool, and astral.  And I started up a regular game of Magic the Gathering with a friend, another astral involvement.  So now that I’m writing my blog again I can see the trend and feel a different astral-emotional presence in what I’m doing.

I felt totally overwhelmed and insignificant at work but I did get over some major projects.  I’m having some relief that I’m able to do my job better, although today fifteen minutes before I got off work I found out that there’s an audit tomorrow.  So I’ll be seeing what happens and writing about it tomorrow.  There aren’t too many aspects.  It may work out well.

I keep thinking back to a time four or five years ago when I was trying to talk to a friend of mine about the psychic state I was in and being totally unable to relate it.  Now years later my life is nothing like I’ve expected.  I’ve lowered my expectations for the world considerably.  But at least I’m beginning to feel like I’m in one piece and the terrible isolation is mostly over, even if I find myself “non-isolated” in a crappy, disgusting, pointless doomed world of corporate amorality where I would rather not be. 

My Poser library has finished migrating so I’m going to go work on installing Daz, but I’ll probably be back later tonight.  I do plan to cover every aspect in the last 16 days, including an amazing 2nd trip to King Spa on Sunday.

1:45 AM 2/28/2018  Once again I’m surprised at how long it’s been since I’ve kept up with this blog.  Tonight I’m having a very productive confrontation with the dark shadow that bothers me.  I can see the ghosts of my wretched, evil grandparents and sense the astral doubles of my empty, sad family lurking all around.  I’m on the verge of understanding their evil, I think, and the astral presence of it.

Today the Moon inconjuncted Saturn in the morning, and it was very evident by the hassles I was getting at work as we tried to put some new policies in place and everyone was making awkward demands on my time.  The Moon inconjunct the Sun was a similar influence.  I didn’t feel too bad about the hassles, but they made it necessary that I change some comfortable habits.  Then I came home and had an interesting phone conversation and fell asleep early, before the Moon inconjuncted Neptune.  It was a strangely disappointing day that I knew at the time was a “focusing”, stripping away delusions so I can see the dark machinery underlying so much of what I’ve experienced in this lifetime.

Monday at work we put these new procedures in place, related somewhat to the Moon opposing Pluto.  I had to change some aspects of the way I approach my job and I was also feeling more identified with it than ever.  The nebulous sense of infinite possiblities for the future I’ve always had is narrowing down.  I’m accepting (after all these years) the simplicity of my environment, which is a good thing – it’s very closely related to the spectacular power of the psychic energies I’m tapping into, and the brilliant white lights of the spirit world I’m seeing. 

But I also had no forward momentum, just drifting around in my work environment not feeling like anything or feeling like being anything.  As the day went on and the Moon trined Jupiter I began picking up momentum.  I found some awesome 3D stuff for sale and as I listened to the theme song from “The Rockford Files” I began to relive some past energies of enthusiasm, with a new insight as to the process I’ve been through since I first heard that song 45 years ago.  I’m beginning to see how this crazy life I’ve led fits into the cosmic laws I’ve read so much about.

The Moon squared Uranus in the afternoon and went VOC.  I was shopping and taking care of important business. It all went really well and I can’t exactly remember what the Uranus transit brought.  But the Lunar trine with Chiron was very nice as I took care of some long-standing business, some things I’ve been putting off for more than a year, and took some steps to make a final break with my past in Grand Rapids.

The Moon in Cancer was validated in that on Saturday night I made plans to call a woman who is a Cancer and thought about it for several days.  I was also feeling very Cancerian in that my life seemed very familiar and under control but a little cold at the same time.  I could see from the reflection of this Cancer woman’s psychic imprint a lot of things about my mother – and also this had something to do with listening to “The Rockford Files” over an over, hearkening back to the original Cancerian, cardinal origins of the “stream” of my dream life.

Sunday the Moon opposed Saturn and the Sun sextiled it.  I wasn’t very rushed for time, strangely, but I do have this big deal coming up next week and I was thinking all about money and massive changes in my life that are taking place.  The underlying darkness is being revealed.  But strangely I felt like I had plenty of time. 

The Moon trined Neptune and Mercury during the dreaming circle and this was accompanied by spectacularly brilliant and piercing light from the spirit world which made me feel fantastic and very confident in my higher contact.  The doors are opening and the long-term mysteries of some of my experiences are being resolved.  This is very evident in the darkness I can feel tonight, the sense of the mysteries of my fate being resolved and my new understanding of the ugly, horrifying reincarnated Nazis I’ve had to deal with in this life.

2:07 AM 2/28/2018  Interestingly, I just now checked my e-mail and saw that a figure I was looking at two days ago, the “Dreamy Dress” for V4, just now went on sale.  Some materials for it had been on sale and I bought them because they were so magical, even if I found the dress they were for too expensive given the other things I wanted.  But just now it went on sale.  That’s kind of a telepathic hit.

The dress is interesting because it can be made to look like flames covering a woman’s body and that shows me that my alchemical operations with 3D are on track.  Especially since I was just doing a picture with an “anvil”, and thinking about the symbolism of the anvil, the forge, and the meaning of society.

This reminds me that I had the first major dream I’ve had in a long time, the first memorable one which I wrote down, on Saturday morning and at the circle John validated that there were four or five planets in Pisces and everyone was having amazing dreams. 

So Saturday morning I woke up from this cool dream just after the Moon inconjuncted Pluto.  It was a dream about sex and water and movies.  I skipped meditation and as the Moon inconjuncted Jupiter I was working on 3D.  I wish I could remember what was going on as the Moon sextiled Uranus.  Something unexpected did happen that evening, I wound up talking to someone I didn’t expect to talk to.  Also I made a trip down to Edgewater, my first in weeks.  I felt really great in Edgewater, very validated for my months or possibly years of going down there every Sunday, but at the same time I could feel I’ve grown beyond it.  It’s not a regular trip for me anymore and I cut my last ties with it.

That was related to the Moon squaring Chiron, I think, the nostalgia for the healing of all I went through down there, but also the sense of letting go because I have indeed been healed and I don’t need to be there, although it’s bittersweet because I enjoyed it.  The daydreams I savored there are collapsing into a more pointed focus.

Then I had an unexpectedly cool evening as I attended a ritual and made an appointment to talk to a Cancerian woman on the phone even as the Moon entered Cancer and I began gathering emotional energies to make the leap through my best Lunar arc again.  I’m definitely getting some good insights into Cancer, my mother, and the Angel that brought me to this world. 

Friday did indeed validate the day of lunar squares, Mercury, Neptune, and Venus.  The Neptune and Venus squares were probably related to the vivid dream I had that night.  In general I’d made plans for new procedures at work to take effect Monday morning so there was a sense of detachment, waiting for the new beginning.  I ate too much at lunch.  I ordered a novelty item and it filled me up and made me uncomfortable.  I did some shopping on the way home and got rid of a board game, “Castle Ravenloft” which has been sitting in my car for weeks.  I saw some cool ideas for things to get at Michaels. 

Right now, as I write I’m struggling a bit, I want to go back and meditate on all I’ve been through, so I can get deeper into it.  In general there’s a current of the past resurfacing as I hear “The Rockford Files” in my head and think back on my disgusting, empty family, and see the shadows they bring ever more clearly in my mind.

I’ve been through something insanely weird in my life but for better or worse I’m getting some good answers.  I feel my self is being restored.  There are a lot of aspects coming today as we approach the full moon.  I’m excited to see what happens.  After a very long time of experiences that were more “psychological”, I’m starting to have extremely vivid energetic experiences.

6:07 PM 2/22/2018  I feel like nobody from nowhere.  It’s an interesting confrontation.  I had a lot of ups and downs at work.  I woke up feeling doomed, but insisting on thinking better-feeling thoughts.  I made it through a lot of the day but then there was a big upset which caused me to change a lot of my feelings about work.  Adding that to a lot of other gloomy things going on, and I just feel like crap but at least I also feel as though I’m making progress.  The dark shadow that haunts me is getting more solid, which means it’s more manageable.  As a matter of fact, that’s also what’s happening at work.  I need to become more of a manager.

Monday the Moon trined Mars and I was still sick.  I just totally out of touch with everything.  Doom is looming on the horizon and I don’t care because America is totally unworthy of me.  I feel like I’m getting more telepathic.  The trine with Mars made me feel more comfortable with not giving a damn, I think.  Or it made the sphere of philosophy and beliefs (the ninth house, where my Mars is) more clear and so it made the silly drama of this world less significant.  Even now as I write I feel forces descending upon me, changing the way I see everything. 

The Moon squared Pluto in the evening and I just slept off the last of my cold, totally distant and apathetic toward this lousy Earth and the sad stories of the silly, ugly people that swarm over it.  But I was also happy knowing I’d be working downtown the next day and this Pluto transit does validate that pattern of me working in the “underworld” of that tower around the time of Pluto tranists.

Early Tuesday the Moon conjuncted Uranus and went VOC and the delivery I went downtown to see off got messed up.  It took an extra couple of hours.  It wasn’t until after lunch, when the Moon entered Taurus, that things began to calm down and I got a bunch of work done.  That night the Moon sextiled the Sun and Mercury and I was very thrilled to be watching Sense8, feeling very magical like I got a lot of good psychic stuff to think about.  I also did some cool stuff with 3d and posted a ghostly picture which made another magical change in my astral environment.  Those two planets represent “communication” and “the self” and I feel as though by posting this picture I was expressing something deeper about my inner world, actually finding a deeper connection with my astral environment.  My 3D just gets more magical all the time.  The various planes of my world are interesecting at last, for good or ill.  There’s some negativity I have to accept but it’s worth it just to get the drifting sensation over with.

I was so excited about this picture that I stayed up way too late working on it, getting back up again over and over to make just one more adjustment.  This was very validating for the Moon trine with Saturn that was going on at the time.

Wednesday was a very exciting day.  I purchased the “Reality” plug-in for Poser, so I can get highly realistic renders.  This was very appropriate since Venus conjuncted Neptune.  The influence of the magical, ghostly picture continued to make itself felt.  All afternoon the Moon was sextiling Neptune and Venus, and then Mercury was sextiling Saturn.  I wish it had been more vivid but it was more like a total “grounding” of my inner energies, a bringing of telepathic presences to work.  I had an awesome evening, very exciting as I rode the wave of these transits while the Moon inconjuncted Mars.  I felt utterly blissful having the whole evening to work on 3d.  I am approaching it as a spiritual practice that is almost ecstatic.  After years of semi-delusional daydreams I’m actually bringing things all the way down.  I would be happy doing this for the rest of my life. 

I would have to say the Venus/Neptune conjunct was totally validated in the nearly erotic bliss I felt in having a whole evening free to focus on 3d, which as I said gets more immersive every day.  My ghostly picture was related to the element of air, but now this conjunct pushes me forward to do a picture on the element of water.

Today the Moon was oppposing Jupiter and VOC all morning so it makes sense I would have the rotten conflict I had at work today, but a the same time the transit is validated and I did use the experience to move forward.  What’s funny is that I just checked and the Moon went into Gemini at 6:07, which is exactly the time I started this entry so it’s highly validating to get moving with my own narrative and resolve the tension of the day just as the VOC ends. 

Meanwhile the Moon did sextile Chiron in the afternoon as I recovered from the conflict and I did wind up doing a good job of fixing things.  I feel enthusiastic about the future and more focused than ever – and I just found a really cool figure on Renderosity, a girl who is covered in Enochian tattoos – this is pretty cool. 

Also I streamed Braco for the last three days.  I only caught him once a day but I was grateful to experience what I did.  It helped me focus on the endlessly swirling vagueness that plagues my mind and makes me unable to think clearly about what’s going on.  I felt the space around me move and I could see myself more as part of the world, although sadly this world looks more dead and pointless than ever before. 

I’m looking forward to the weekend, my second weekend without alcohol.  I have a reading scheduled on Saturday as the Moon sextiles Uranus, and a ritual that night, and then on Sunday a dream circle (John is back, I saw him for the first time last night) as the moon trines Neptune. 

So there was a lot that was actually very beneficial and healing even as I recovered from my cold and the Moon VOC in opposition with Jupiter made me feel like nobody from nowhere.  Moon in Gemini has me feeling positively chatty.  I wonder if tomorrow will be uncomfortable with the Moon squaring Mercury, Neptune, and Venus.  I miss watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer all the time.  I love my Firefly hat, and I have another one coming in the mail.  It was on sale for 7 and I bid 5 and got it.  My “Serenity” DVD came in the mail today.  The region of my “world” (mind?) that blogs is crashing together with the region that does 3D.  I know this is all about some blank spot in my mind that loses boundaries, and life is tightening it up for me.  I can see the darkness.  It’s crystallizing.  I think I’m finding the nothing at the heart of America.  But I intend to survive it and make a better connection with my own spirit guidance.