10:01 PM 5/22/2017 

Buffynicity #1: I was sick and stayed home from work today.  I had a tense discussion with one of my housemates, which ultimately worked out but I have been a little insecure all day.  I am going through a very big transformation and I’m really wondering what the future will bring.  When I did get to work things went well but I still have this big project looming ahead and in some ways I still feel very behind.  So on the show Ben got fired for not showing up at work, Dawn got in trouble for not showing up at school, and Buffy quit college. 

There were also a couple of other verbal ones, things that were mentioned that I had just been thinking about, but I don’t remember terribly well because I felt like crap after having been sick and tired all day. 

I must say that I’m really loving season five, and falling more in love with Buffy all the time.  What a fantastic show. 

Even though it was a gloomy day of feeling terrible, it was also a very dramatic telepathic breakthrough.  My angels are also very real, the increased closeness of contact I felt yesterday is stabilizing.  It is part of the reason for my anxiety – my future is disappearing. 

I was sick all day, I didn’t wake up until right before the Moon conjuncted Venus when my housemate and I had this discussion, which was very odd.  I’m not sure what the Moon conjunct venus was supposed to be, but this was slightly unpleasant.  Although despite my sickness I was getting a very clear picture of the afterlife, and specifically one friend I’d had my freshman year in high school.  I could see her very clearly on the other side.  Part of this was provoked by Guardians of the Galaxy, which I saw yesterday.  I could feel some of the pain that led her to commit suicide.  In fact, this is a big part of what’s happening to me this weekend, the intensive has opened a kind of door for me and I am able to feel the reality of other peoples’ suffering.  What is coming for me is beyond anything I’ve ever imagined.  It’s exhilarating and I am very happy to have succeeded in building this bridge to the angelic realms, but it’s also a very disturbing experience because I’ve spent years searching through so many spiritual paths and nothing I’m getting from life has ever been described by any of them. What is the beauty in a world so littered with chaos and mental garbage? 

So I slept on and off, my spirit halfway out of my body, taking in information about some old friends in the afterlife, rethinking my career as an intuitive.  I began rousing myself to work around the time the Moon squared Pluto, which is very appropriate.  I was thinking of my friend and how miserable she was all the time, how she made herself work even when she felt terrible. 

I did eventually make it across town and things were fairly smooth.  Then after work I went to get an emissions test on my car.  It was interesting and simple.  Then I did my Friday geek-shopping rounds, which I’ve been missing due to the intensive but which I look forward to resuming.  I also went to Dairy Queen.  I stopped at the library too and got a bunch of Megadeth CD’s and some more Dylan.  I haven’t gotten this interested in new music in more than ten years.  The Moon was sextiling Mars around this time and I was feeling better, more energetic and happy to see familiar faces after what seems like an eternity away.  This weekend felt like it lasted years somehow, and I think this has to do with this new link I have with the Angelic kingdom.

Looking back at my predictions for today I was expecting to get caught up with work but it was just the opposite.  I can see how the Moon squaring Pluto was related to death, and work, and society, but the conjunct with Venus seems to have pulled me away from work toward my inner world.  I’ll have to remember that in the future.

Now we’re approaching the Moon trining Saturn and conjuncting Uranus and I feel good about all the limitations I experienced – even though today was a trial I got a lot of great information and I feel like I’m entering a new era of my life.  Before I was worried about how I would market myself as an intuitive but ironically after today I’m not worried at all anymore.  I have a sense of how this is all supposed to fit together.   

Tomorrow my project should conclude successfully after the Moon enters Taurus and tomorrow night I’m going to be trying to channel when the Moon conjuncts Mercury. 

I’m looking forward to the Moon sextiling Neptune early on Wednesday.  After the trine with Pluto there will be void of course all night. 

My bosses have scheduled a conference call for Thursday and I’m a little wary of it, I hope they don’t want to talk about something unpleasant.  Venus is squaring Pluto that morning and I’m going to be paying close attention to how that works out.

My project this week is to use astrology to figure out what’s the best time to go to King Spa this weekend.

So now that I’ve taken care of those topics I’m going to shift gears and try to deal with what’s going on in my feeling world.  The presence of the angels at this level is giving my feelings more consistency.  They’re not distant anymore and energetic situations that used to confuse and paralyze me are not a problem now.  I remember when I moved into this house I often found it difficult to speak when I was experiencing deep spiritual presences.  I used to feel so awkward about relationships with psychic people.  Now however I feeling I’m being initiated into “the puppet show”.  Instead of having to navigate surface feelings by means of shallow pop-psych slogans, I am perceiving the deeper structures of relationships and destiny. 

With all the things that are crammed into my mind, the purpose of this blog (as frustrating and repetitive as it is) is being fulfilled.  I’m finally getting my connection with the angelic host “Inside” my mind and my imagination of the audience “outside” my mind. My angels are “in here” with me and we are working together to decide what to write for all the people “out there”.  I’ve actually hit upon a couple of pieces of music that give the emotional keynote of what I’m expressing, although I’m not going to reveal them I’m very content to let it be that and I feel now that I’m going to start cranking out the fiction I’ve always wanted to write, and also that I’m going to be able to take a lot of clients soon.

Fiction is making me happy.  Buffy TVS has showed me how to crystallize a mood and not worry too much about living every detail of the action vicariously.  I’m also getting more able to tear myself away from the fascination of imagining my characters while listening to music and accepting the relative abstraction of the written word. Whereas I used to want to write in such a way as to realize every scrap of what fascinates me, in some ways I now see writing as a way of actually removing some of the fascination, distilling out the excess. 

My angels have been sitting with me the whole time I was writing this and by repeating this process I am somehow bringing this energy into a useable form.