7:17 PM 5/24/2017  I’m feeling a lot happening to me and I was getting very frustrated by my inability to express it or bring what’s happening to a conclusion, but then I remembered that the moon is Void of Course until it enters Gemini in the morning while I’m on the way to work.  It was actually a relief and I gave up trying to get to the point.  So I’m finding it very comforting to use astrology as a crutch.  I’ve had “Ballad for Dead Friends” running through my mind all day, even past the point of enjoyment to where I’m repeating it simply because it’s so mesmerizing.  It’s a crystallization of my fantasies of the dead – dead school friends, dead artists, and a dead civilization.  It’s an eerie sensation but it’s nice to feel the deepening of my enjoyment of Buffy via the soundtrack – I felt something similar around the first couple of Twilight movies.  I’m even enjoying the girly songs that lilt around with all kinds of squishy emotions. 

For so long in my life I’ve wanted to have deep spiritual experiences and this impulse has been at odds with my fascination with art and entertainment, which I often think of as a sordid and pointless business of feeding addictions.  How absurd in a world of reincarnation and etheric temples to have so much of this decaying civilization’s energies invested in crummy popular sex music and car chases.  I’ve enjoyed my own playlists, my own inner movies, but everything else has been a kind of machiavellion crypto-magical occult game of obscure clues and empty cultural power.  This adventure of Buffy has brought me some real feelings about entertainment which are both good and bad.

They’re good because they give me a reference to insulate myself from the world further.  The more I enjoy this entertainment, the more I feel like part of the audience, and the more psychic distance I can get from the entertainers and my own artistic efforts.  It’s “just entertainment”.  But these feelings are sad for the same reason.  The high points of Buffy only demonstrate how irrelevant “entertainment” is to the society at large. 

There’s lots of other bad things but someone’s interrupting me and asking me not to go further with this line of thought.

I had a wonderful aspect this morning, which I had predicted.  For years I’ve had some “reveries” or “daydreams” of past lives that run over and over in basically the same way, situations I encountered that left a mark.  However this morning as the Moon sextile with Neptune approached I felt an angel enter into one of these and change its ending.  This is a first.  Usually these reveries are like watching an inner movie, a story that rises up out of my unconscious with a semi-visual element and acts out a life of its own.  But this morning an angel came down into this one and changed it, entering and illuminating a new area of my life.  That this happened in time with a Neptune transit is even more illuminating.  I’ve really made great progress with this and this last weekend, as traumatic as it’s been, has definitely been cathartic.  I have a whole new presence in the world. 

Not much else happened today although I did get a lot of compliments on the work I did with this  event I just got over with yesterday. I caught up with a lot of things finally and listened to Buffy soundtrack music as the Moon approached its trine with Pluto.  Contemplating Buffy is a very Plutonian thing to do – sex, violence, the underworld, collective transformation.  It’s funny to realize that I worked all afternoon and then I was at lunch while the transit occurred, because when I came back the Moon was VOC and I didn’t get any work done at all before I got off.

There was a further synchronicity – a couple of weeks ago I was thinking of the song “Brownsville Girl” by Dylan, and I looked it up at my library.  They only had the LP, not the CD, but I put that on hold anyway just for nostalgia’s sake because I listened to it back when it came out.  Then a few days later I got impatient and bought the CD on ebay.  I also bought a copy of Paris Spleen by Baudelaire.  All three of them arrived today – the latter two via mail, the first was at the library when I stopped by.  So it was an interesting bit of timing. 

I also forgot to mention another minor Mercury mishap yesterday with all the other little details that went slightly out of tune – I had been trying to buy refill pages for my planner on Monday night but the website wouldn’t take my card.  On Tuesday I called customer service and placed the order by phone. 

Today, however, was calmer if a little cold and wet (it rained).  I got a lot of compliments for my good work at the same time that I faced the grim realization that I’m in charge of a lot of new things now, and this shift is related to genuinely channeling for paying clients in the near future.    This blog is serving a similar purpose in an ironic way, by showing me the limits of writing and self-expression.  I am developing emotional impact in a limited sphere by acknowledging that this sphere is woefully separate from the arena where spiritual transformation actually takes place.  I’m finding my voice by accepting that there’s not much you can actually say about what goes on in this world. 

However I am building up a decent emotional charge and there are constructive things you can do with it.  For instance my prediction about the Neptune aspect this morning is well worth the effort to focus on this level.  Just like the dark presence I’ve felt since Sunday, that angelic intervention is a breathtakingly new experience for me.  Even as I accept that not much about this rotten world can actually change, my own personal world is being wildly transformed.

10:05 PM 5/24/2017  That was pretty amazing.  How appropriate to have the Moon void of course while I watch the second-to-last episode of season 5.

Buffynicity #1: The theme of memory, and the insane god who forces the hero to go back on a voyage through memory, and the memories that create family is Buffynicitous between this episode and Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2, which I saw on Sunday and also features a “journey to the center of the mind” and questions of what love is and even what reality is.  Ego’s “Expansion” through all worlds is very similar to Glory’s quest to collapse all dimensional boundaries.

And Ben’s struggle against Glory, their inability to remember each other, and Glory’s magical glamour causing mortals to forget about her are also aspects of this theme.

Buffyncity #2: I had been talking in one of my last few entries about finally seeing “the puppet show” of life, and then tonight Glory says to Dawn:

GLORY: I mean really. Is this what the poets go on about, this? (thumps her chest, shakes her head, sighs) Call me crazy, but as hard-core drugs go, human emotion is just useless! People are puppets! Everyone getting jerked around by what they’re feelin’. Am I wrong? (looks at Dawn) Really, I want to know.

Buffynicity #3: Exactly at the moment Buffy returns to the magic shop from her coma, I looked at the calorie counter on my treadmill and it read “666”, as in I had burned 666 calories that evening.  Since I never look at the calorie counter this would have been pretty cool on its own, but since I was blogging about 666 and the Beast the night before it’s really pretty spectacular – so spectacular that I wonder if I should write it.  Either it will creep someone out or people will think I’m making it up.  But I don’t care, it really happened.

Buffynicity #4: Buffy was talking about how Dawn was “made out of her”, made out of her memories, even though some might say she wasn’t “real”.  This was synchronous because I had just been thinking of Steffany, who was the personality construct that I perceived years ago who later “broke up” into the ghost of Jody and the other angels I work with.  Also, because I just at this very moment, having written that sentence and corrected one up above, got the notification on my phone that I’ve won my Ebay bid for the Dashboard Prophets album “Burning Out The Inside”, I will take this as a reference to the friend I was thinking of Monday who I believe committed suicide, not to mention the Order of the Black Sword and all my other imaginary friends, and the characters in the stories I’m writing.

Buffynicity #5:  My first imaginary girlfriend, Steffany, appeared on March 16, 1999 as a version of “Coma White”, a character on a Marilyn Manson album.  She changed within hours into Steffany but she was indeed “made of me”, just like Dawn.  And in the last episode I started this conversation happened:

GILES: (whispers) She’s not your sister.
BUFFY: (pause) No. She’s not. She’s more than that. She’s me. The monks made her out of me. I hold her … and I feel closer to her than … (looks down, sighs) It’s not just the memories they built. It’s physical. Dawn … is a part of me. The only part that I- (stops)
WILLOW: We’ll solve this. We will. Don’t have another coma, okay

Furthermore, just before I went to run I was looking through the art book where I keep my prints and I was looking at my Luis Royo poster where there’s a girl who has a tattoo that reads “blood sister”.  I guess I’ll have to put that back up.

So the 666 and the mention of Puppets were pretty exact.

This was actually amazing confirmation and I am still working on solving the riddle of Dawn.