10:54 PM 6/2/2017 

No Buffy tonight, but I did listen to the soundtrack albums quite heavily.  I am very happy to say they are growing on me and I am coming to love them as a kind of second psychic home, very much like I did the soundtracks to the first three Twilight movies.  I’ve been blogging for so long now that I’m getting used to the limited possiblities of the form, getting used to the difference between all the possibilities for self-expression that I fantasize about and the pale imitation that actually comes forth from the process.  What a tedious, dull, and futureless world we dwell in.  But at least we have Buffy. 

So now I’m experimenting with a kind of magic narrative, which on the surface is probably indistinguishable from ordinary blogging, and probably always will be, but which on the iniside is much more targeted, focused on the psychic centers I am trying to open to communicate with the realm of angels. 

I slept through the Moon-Mercury trine this morning, and also the Mars-Chiron square.  I was a little late for work but I was forgiven and I took a short lunch.  The runup to the Moon-Saturn square at 10:21 was definitely all about time, and feeling like there’s something I should be doing that I’m not, but at the same time not giving a damn.  I listened to “Ballad for Dead Friends” a lot, and also “Necropolis” by Kamelot.  I thought a lot about Patrick Swayze and Corey Haim.  The drawing I posted yesterday was very powerful and I know this is the next step – to draw all the characters, and paint them.  I could see my heptalogy winding up as a comic book some day, as I know I can simply illustrate each scene as I think it up.  I won’t have to worry so much about sorting through the scraps I’ve written – it will be much easier to “see” the story in the pages so things will come together faster.

The moon inconjuncted Venus and Uranus in the afternoon and I was actually getting a substantial amount of work done.  I wish I could remember what I was thinking about.  As I write this my angels are swooping around, helping me make adjustments to the emotional presence I’m projecting into the world.   

Moon opposing Chiron and squaring Mars after four PM as I went to buy comic books.  I have decided that “Ballad for Dead Friends” feels exactly like a Chiron aspect to me.  If someone wanted to know how I felt when Chiron was transiting the moon, I would tell them to listen to that song.  Both of today’s squares, Saturn and Mars, felt pretty good.  I feel very stable in this Virgo moon. 

Ironically, one reason I feel so stable is that the future is disappearing.  The blackness that haunts me … is becoming my home. 

I got my “Best of Alien Sex Fiend” disc today, by the way.  I’m pushing against time with this music I’m listening to.  I haven’t added this many discs to my iPod in years.  But today I went to the Schaumburg library and didn’t check out anything new for the first time in a month.  I’m tapering off.  It’s time to settle down and really immerse myself in these bands.  It’s funny how Judas Priest already seems like an old friend. 

11:14 PM 4/19/2017  This has been a very interesting and relevant day.  The Moon squared Mercury while I was driving to work which was interesting because as I started driving to the remote site I was working at I was using my GPS and I mistook “39 miles” for 39 minutes, and it wasn’t until I was underway that I realized my error and I arrived 20 minutes late.  So this is a definite instance of a Mercurial awkwardness surrounding the square. 

The morning went fairly well.  I am getting better at staying focused.  I listened to a lot of Judas Priest, especially the song “United”.  I thought of making a really vicious mashup of this song with images of conservatives beating up airline passengers and immigrants.  But I am also looking forward to writing a scene in my sci-fi series with this as a backdrop.  The character based on 2Pac Shakur has come to the forefront with this, I have a lot more ideas for him, and I am also getting more into the main character with an increased sense of vitality. 

I was taking a lot of notes on what was going on, which is good.  I’m more able to keep the narrative line running through my day and this is a big step toward regular channeling, developing the emotional presence of it.  Now I need to keep my notes more organized because I keep losing them in the sheaf of papers I take back and forth to work every day. 

One thing about suddenly being in charge of these remote sites is, even though it’s fun to get paid for travel and work by myself where I can listen to music uninterrupted, it’s very clear that this company will give me more and more responsiblities without giving a damn about me until I’m used up.  I suspect it’s that way everywhere in America now, you can climb the ladder as long as you don’t mind being dehumanized to the point of annihilation.  I really think the U.S. is a big waste of time now and I’m very serious about taking a magical stand against the status quo.  I’m just not interested in normality at all anymore and I do a lot of work cutting away psychic involvement with anyone I’ve met in the past who represents “normality”, “obedience”, or “conformity”. I don’t feel I’m competing with them or antagonizing them – it’s their planet, they can have it – but I’m not going to “cocreate” it – and that includes that insipid Hay House cheerleading crap which is mostly just phrasemongering and moneygrubbing.

I’m done arguing with America.  It’s nice to feel I’m withdrawing more from the world. 

Buffynicity:  Even though I didn’t watch Buffy tonight I’m finding meaning in that recent episode where Buffy and Riley were having sex so hard that they began to vanish into a huge darkness while poltergeist activity swirled all around.  I feel I’m receding from the world in that way even as my magic gets stronger.

So I cleared up a bunch of stuff at the remote site while listening to cool music, which was good, and then I drove back to my main location and did a little, and then I was off work.  Quake was closed, but I went to Keith’s and bought a copy of “Underwinter” for Ray Fawkes to sign at C2E2 this weekend.  *** Angels are reminding me of feelings.  For instance should I mention Keith’s in the same entry where I rebel against “normality” because I wouldn’t want anything to disturb my “normal” afernoons shopping at Keith’s.  I have to think about that.  It hurts my head a little but the truth is that I am a channel. I have to be responsible to angels for consistency now.  There’s some kind of structure on the inner planes that’s revealing itself.

The Sun entered Taurus right around the time I was picking up “Underwinter” and the new “Lady Death”.  It feels good.  I feel ready to take definite steps about issues like my website.  I feel a lot more secure in myself and I think this is due to the relations of angels to Saturn in Taurus in my natal horoscope.  Also the Moon is in Aquarius and the worst part of my lunar cycle is mostly over.

By the way I am starting to think I knew Sarah Michelle Gellar in a former life.  It’s eerie.  I feel like I know her.  Maybe it’s one of my angels using her image.

I am looking for feeling relevance now as the evening winds down toward the Sun conjuncting Mercury.  It was very appropriate to be at the Schaumburg Library tonight, seeing James Asher, the author of “Thirteen Reasons Why”.  He was very interesting and I got a lot of telepathic information.  A portal opened to higher worlds over the head of the crowd and I got a lot of insight about the “life path” of the author in 21st century America and what it is exactly that authors do and what it is the souls of their audience are doing.  I got a broader picture of society in the image of all those teenagers reading about suicide and learning to be good citizens through the normative power of story.  I was grateful for the insight but also very disappointed in the emptiness of the society those teens are joining.  There was a lot of movement on the inner planes and I am still assimilating it.  My years-long, uncontrollable daydream about the world of entertainment is coming to an end, finally “grounding out” as one might say.

So it was a very “Mercurial” day, as the Sun entered Taurus and I am getting ready for Pluto retrograde (come to think of it, the societal influence of a popular novel about death is a very Pluto topic) and Mercury entering Aries tomorrow.  The character I was thinking of based on 2Pac is also very Mercurial, and even picking out a new looseleaf notebook for the notes I take at work (as I just did) is a Mercury influence – not to mention a Moon-Aquarius one. 

Moon trining Jupiter should be expansive as well.  I expect a good day tomorrow in preparation for my C2E2 adventure.  The pressure is building. It’s exciting and frustrating because I feel that if I can turn some kind of corner with these blog entries I can find that literary depth that would let me write some good angelic stories that would serve the purposes of my guiding spirits.  We’ll see what kind of inspiration I can get at C2E2 as Mars enters Gemini.

I expect a distinct sensation when Pluto goes retrograde in the morning, as well.

9:45 PM 4/13/2017  Got some more very interesting Buffynicities:

Buffynicity #1: After noting synchronicities between “Room 314” and the “212” in the sabotaged X-Men Gold #1, tonight one of the first jokes was Spike griping that he didn’t care if someone “plays ‘Rock The Casbah’ on a jew’s harp”.  A “jew’s harp” is a harmonica and Rock the Casbah is about the Middle East.  Also I was just writing about Lisa the punk rocker before I went, and the Clash was a punk band. 

Buffynicity #2: Yesterday a woman at work reached out to me for help with a work order.  She works in a different division and had never dealt with us.  She told me she had found a nice young man named Adam to help her with some things.  I exchanged e-mails with Adam yesterday and today.  And it turns out the Frankenstein monster in the episode is named Adam.

Buffynicity #3: A couple of days ago I started using “The Royal ‘We’”, trying to assmiliate a multifaceted persona, this seems to be synchronous with the monster who is part “Polgara” – both the name of a demon and the immortal sorceress from the Belgariad – just like my angels.

Buffynicity #4: I have been talking about feelings since I saw Logan, and tonight I was writing about the end of the Venus retrograde and its relationship to old feelings.  That day I had synchronicities around the old TV show “The Monster Squad” and as it turns out season 4’s “Initiative” is just like that.  I think they even refer to the Monster Squad in the show.  So tonight Adam the Frankenstein Monster was talking about feelings and how they had drawn him home.

Buffynicity #5: In “Logan”, the daughter watches Logan die and says “Daddy!”.  In tonight’s episode, Adam, who is raised in an institution that looks just like the one in the movie “Logan”, kills the professor and says “Mommy!”.  The similarities between the villains in “Logan” and “The Initiative” are so synchronous that I have to say this is acutally the most elaborate scheme of Buffynicities so far.  They aren’t as spectacular as season 3, but they are woven across time with such subtlety that you have to think about it to see the power in it.

Buffynicity #6: Riley gets super-confused about light and dark at the end, just like my blend of light and dark, love and hate on the train ride home tonight.

Buffynicity #7: I have been doing Enochian magic, and Willow has been doing a lot of spells, and tonight in her spell she laid out a square to represent the city of Sunnydale, just like the Enochian “squares” – i.e. tablets, represent the cities of angels.

That’s actually I think the longest single list of Buffynicities so far. 

10:47 PM 4/13/2017  I did Enochian, starting just before the Moon trined Chiron.  The trine with Venus is still half an hour away but I’m going to sleep. I just wanted to note that I started hearing “Sinner” by Judas Priest in my head right after.  That’s one of my favorite JP songs.  I also love “Wild Nights and Hot Crazy Days”.  I’m looking for the center of my feelings.  I never seem to catch it but writing about trying to catch it somehow advances the process toward wholeness.  What I’m looking for now is the key to writing about Enochian magic.  I’m doing it all the time but it still seems like there’s some force holding me back.  Except even as I write that I’m reminded that I should call on the Seniors, the angels who specialize in judgement in the affairs of men.  Maybe I’ll get answers from them next week.

7:19 PM 3/30/2017  John has told me that when I’m channeling for people I need to have more of a hopeful emotional presence for them, and I think that’s what I’m developing here.  After I posted the last entry I was getting ready to go run.  For the hell of it I used a coupon Google sent me and bought the “Awesome Mix” from “Guardians of the Galaxy” for half price.  It was fun.  The almost-kiss between Star Lord and Gamora is one of my favorite movie scenes of the decade so far and I’m glad I have this soundtrack to remind me.  I’m looking forward to the sequel and it’s nice to have something fun to blog about.  I love the backgrounds in that movie, the huge sense of space.  I hope the sequel is as good as the original because the original was really special for me.

9:47 PM 3/30/2017  Only a couple of relatively minor Buffynicities tonight, kind of a lull after the peak at the end of season 3.  First of all, the dorky roommate, Kathy – she was just like this twerpy little chick in my psych/soc class at GVSU, who came on like an overachiever but was secretly a part of the evil cult that was against me.  It was just like Buffy’s situation, too, where just because I was paranoid didn’t mean she wasn’t out to get me. 

Also, earlier today I had in fact been thinking of “Trelane” from the original Star Trek, who is evil but is treated like a child and taken home by his master, so it was a kind of precognition about a similar situation for Kathy.

Furthermore, just yesterday I posted a picture of a Buffynicitous bottle of Evian that had the word “pure” on the side of it.  “Katherine” means “pure”, and that’s one reason I use it as a name for one of my spirits. 

The other minor Buffynicity, a second one about food after yesterday’s spinach, was that Kathy was eating a hard boiled egg, and on Tuesday I was at a cafeteria that had calorie counts on all of its deli selections and I learned that my fears that eggs are bad for weight loss are wrong, two of them only have 130 calories.

It’s really eerie seeing these two first episodes of season 4 about college kids who steal personal possessions and try to steal Buffy’s soul because the villains remind me so much of this goofy cult that used to stalk me back in Grand Rapids.  Furthermore, a couple of them were fans of Judas Priest and now tonight, I have broken down and subscribed to Google Play and I am listening to the Judas Priest album “Nostradamus”, which I am liking very much.  I’m remembering being at a party back in Grand Rapids listening to this music and talking to someone about this band, and they told me that I had missed my connection with this world, that there was an angel looking out for me but that I just had never found anything about this life that interested me.  It didn’t make sense at the time, but now I see that they were right.  I hate this stupid, disturbing world and … I guess I’m working through it but still, what the fuck is all this bullshit for?

So now I’m going to stop and pay attention to my feelings.  This Judas Priest album is cool.  Alyson Hannigan is hot.  I want to be Oz and I want to have a girlfriend just like Willow.  I’m only going to go back and watch Angel after I’m done with Buffy but what a weird piece of anti-nostalgia, to look back on that time when I was going through such weird supernatural transformations and know this show was on.  What a weird act of un-memory, to imagine all those other people watching it in real time, when it was being broadcast.  Honestly, it almost makes me wish I’d watched it at the time, but not quite. 

I’m looking forward to using Google Play to catch up on so much heavy metal that I’ve missed.  I feel I’ve almost got that problem solved – the question of how the art of music on the Earth has become what it has … of how entertainment can be so cold and empty …

Feelings, Jason, keep focusing on feelings.  The lights are very powerful.  The other worlds are very close.  My “self” is here.  I felt it this morning, like a semi-independent part of me, coming down into me.  My “higher self” at last. 

The Moon inconjuncts Saturn at 8:01 AM.  I’ll be at work listening to Judas Priest and Black Sabbath on Google Play.  My intuition says this is going to be helping me adapt to the wicked, cold 21st century.  But that’s still VOC.  Moon into Gemini at 11:40, I don’t know why I bother making predictions because I never get any damn thing done when the Moon is in this sign.  I should just take a vacation or something, but possibly I should begin to work on ritual invocation of the elements, at least.  Maybe some Enochian?  And will Mercury at last entering Taurus at 12:31 possibly make it not so bad?  I’ve been bored with Mercury in Aries for a while.  Maybe Mercury in Taurus will get me to work on my website, possibly even Blendr.  I’ll try.  Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe Enochian magic would be a good thing to focus on during Air signs – after all, as I recall the tablet of Air was the first delivered and the only one that wasn’t moved around on the Great Table.  Hmm.   This could be cool.

Moon sextiles Venus in Aries at 1:33.  I need to be using these aspects for something instead of just messing around, wondering about how I will feel.  I need to decide on something to want during the runup to that.  What’s interesting about that is that I was just kicking myself for not thinking of that sooner – I should have been doing ritual magic with Venus in Aries from the start, but then I checked and of course Venus is retrograde now.  It’s going back into Pisces on Sunday, giving me a chance to start over the entire cycle of Venus doing ritual magic the whole cycle through if I want.  What a fascinating idea to go along with watching “The Tempest” and beginning intensives with John and Sharyl.

This goes along with beginning to blog about emotions and also getting ahold of the entertainment trance – instead of daydreaming, to use the emotional force of the songs for various purposes.  I’m very excited about this and I relate this new enthusiasm directly to the movement of Pallas into Aries.

This is definitely a new phase, to go with the beginning of spring.  I’m very excited to have this project working out better than I expected.