10:54 PM 6/2/2017
No Buffy tonight, but I did listen to the soundtrack albums quite heavily. I am very happy to say they are growing on me and I am coming to love them as a kind of second psychic home, very much like I did the soundtracks to the first three Twilight movies. I’ve been blogging for so long now that I’m getting used to the limited possiblities of the form, getting used to the difference between all the possibilities for self-expression that I fantasize about and the pale imitation that actually comes forth from the process. What a tedious, dull, and futureless world we dwell in. But at least we have Buffy.
So now I’m experimenting with a kind of magic narrative, which on the surface is probably indistinguishable from ordinary blogging, and probably always will be, but which on the iniside is much more targeted, focused on the psychic centers I am trying to open to communicate with the realm of angels.
I slept through the Moon-Mercury trine this morning, and also the Mars-Chiron square. I was a little late for work but I was forgiven and I took a short lunch. The runup to the Moon-Saturn square at 10:21 was definitely all about time, and feeling like there’s something I should be doing that I’m not, but at the same time not giving a damn. I listened to “Ballad for Dead Friends” a lot, and also “Necropolis” by Kamelot. I thought a lot about Patrick Swayze and Corey Haim. The drawing I posted yesterday was very powerful and I know this is the next step – to draw all the characters, and paint them. I could see my heptalogy winding up as a comic book some day, as I know I can simply illustrate each scene as I think it up. I won’t have to worry so much about sorting through the scraps I’ve written – it will be much easier to “see” the story in the pages so things will come together faster.
The moon inconjuncted Venus and Uranus in the afternoon and I was actually getting a substantial amount of work done. I wish I could remember what I was thinking about. As I write this my angels are swooping around, helping me make adjustments to the emotional presence I’m projecting into the world.
Moon opposing Chiron and squaring Mars after four PM as I went to buy comic books. I have decided that “Ballad for Dead Friends” feels exactly like a Chiron aspect to me. If someone wanted to know how I felt when Chiron was transiting the moon, I would tell them to listen to that song. Both of today’s squares, Saturn and Mars, felt pretty good. I feel very stable in this Virgo moon.
Ironically, one reason I feel so stable is that the future is disappearing. The blackness that haunts me … is becoming my home.
I got my “Best of Alien Sex Fiend” disc today, by the way. I’m pushing against time with this music I’m listening to. I haven’t added this many discs to my iPod in years. But today I went to the Schaumburg library and didn’t check out anything new for the first time in a month. I’m tapering off. It’s time to settle down and really immerse myself in these bands. It’s funny how Judas Priest already seems like an old friend.