10:26 PM 5/30/2017 

Buffynicity #1 was minor, when I was at lunch today my boss walked in with pizza and cake left over from some meeting, so I ate a bunch of pizza.  Then tonight Dawn and Spike were eating pizza.  It seemed minor but now that I’m writing it down I realize that it is significant that my boss walked in just as I was sitting down and was really enthusiastic about me having some. 

Buffynicity #2: a major one –

ANYA: (grabs a small statue from the desk) You’re taking the Ramadan effigy?!

That’s from the beginning of the episode, and the Muslim holiday Ramadan began on Saturday the 27th.  There’s another resonance to that because I associate Anya with the planet Saturn.  Anya is looking totally hot in these episodes, by the way.

Buffynicity #3 We had a house meeting tonight and Lin was apologizing unnecessarily for being uptight about housework.  It was unnecessary because she’s not that uptight and she’s a really great person to live with, but then Anya was saying,

“And it all just leaves me with this stress and bossiness stored up, and it just … leaks out.”

So the Ramadan Buffynicity was major, which is nice.  I’m suprised because I forogt about it until I started writing, which just shows that even though my blogging is repetitive, it’s necessary to develop my memory of channeling states and transitions between levels of awareness.

Now, as for aspects, Sunday the Moon squared Venus at 6:02 PM just as the circle was starting.  I had messed up and stayed in Edgewater too long to work out.  It was a powerful afternoon, however.  I began having the kind of conversation I want with the angelic kingdom – a conversation so clear I now hesitate to write about it because it’s like revealing a personal confidence.  However even as I evasively refer to this conversation without reporting its contents, I can feel some energy shifting in my 6th chakra, separating my sense of identity from its expression on the physical plane and moving me into a “temple space”, an inner space where I can see the one I was talking to. 

I tried to hang on to that experience throughout the evening, through the Venus aspect with the Moon.  I’ve been noticing over the last few days that Venus aspects are a mystery to me.  I have no idea what they’re supposed to mean and I can’t really pin down what they feel like as they happen.  I’m really focusing now, trying to bring that back. 

I know I got home about a half hour early.  There were a lot of people here, more than 15.  People kept coming in late, as well.  I was feeling pretty rushed and *** this is a good trance.  This is the most effort I’ve made to remember the actual feeling of a dreaming circle in a long time.  It’s amazing how the trance slips away.  What’s even more amazing is how solid the barrier to remembering seems to be.  The new solidity of my otherworld contact is giving me a reference point to observe this huge distance between the various states of focus I find myself in. 

I met a couple of new people, which was nice, and then afterwards I stayed up for a while I know, but now I can’t remember a damn thing.  I think it went by pretty fast.

Monday when I got up the Moon was already in Leo.  I felt slightly out of my body.  The ghost of Patrick Swayze came and gave me a lot of character notes for the hero of my heptalogy.  He is really taking shape as a living character now, so my books have a motive force they’ve never had.  I am spending all day these days thinking of new scenes, which I haven’t done in years. 

I went back to Edgewater and found a few more back issues at Graham Crackers that I wanted, and I also got some Guardians of the Galaxy MTG sleeves.  There weren’t any aspects until the Moon sextiled the Sun in the evening.  I was doing laundry and stuff.  I think I fell asleep early.  I woke up around 3 am, I was looking for my astrology books so I could blog about aspects but it took me an hour to find them.  However I felt well-rested and it was a bit of an eerie feeling to be awake so early.  I feel as though this weekend lasted a year.  I feel like a different person and I must say Memoral Day was a profound shift in the sense of stability I feel, and my ability to converse with the angelic kingdom.

When the Moon sextiled Jupiter I was taking a shower upstairs for the first time in a month.  A strange thing happened to me weeks ago that just got resolved – as I blogged at the time, John went on a trip and minutes after he left I tried to take a shower and the faucet knob broke.  The landlord came and fixed it but I couldn’t get hot water out of the shower after that, even though everyone else in the house could.  For weeks I was showering downstairs but only this weekend did I figure out that if you turn the knob all the way to the hot side, only cold water will come out.  You have leave the knob only partially turned to get hot.  It was some kind of life lesson.  So my morning routine was back to normal for the Moon-Jupiter aspect and I was feeling very happy to be able to bring the trance states from my weekend with me to work.

The Moon inconjuncted Neptune at 7:21 as I was settling down to work.  I remember feeling very confident, like I was ready to clear up the backlog that built up while I was organizing last week’s special event.  I was listening to Dashboard Prophets. 

John called and said we were having a house meeting tonight.  I wondered if I should be worried, if there was some issue (it turned out there wasn’t).  Then all day as the Moon approached a square with Mercury I managed to get work done, but I went through my usual routine of hating the tedious emptiness of American cocreation.  I am really ready to write a scathing novel of satire about what a messed up piece of crap this world it.  Scenes are coming in very clear and the motivations and lifestyles of the villains are revealing thesmelves to me in concrete form.  I’m totally fucking sick of America and I’m ready to have my heroes kill a bunch of morons as a way of demonstrating just what I’m talking about. 

The Moon inconjuncted Pluto at 3:46 and I was getting some substantial work done but there were also a few things that had to be left until morning.  Still, I was feeling pretty in control as no one is breathing down my neck.  I am getting more confident that i can manage the rest of my life with increasing skill, as my angels are becoming spectacularly clear and I am finally getting answers to a lot of my questions about why the Western World is such a totally disastrous disappointment.

Mars was sextiling Uranus at 9:39 while I was running and I was feeling very excited about the upcoming season, happy to see Buffy again for the first time since Thursday. 

There’s lots of good stuff going on tomorrow, but I’m too tired to make predictions.  I will say that even though it may not appear to be much, with tonight’s entry I am proving to myself that something very important changed this weekend.  I’m able to maintain a more distinct awareness of my parallel presence in another world.  I’m able to coordinate the two levels much better.

12:13 PM 5/28/2017  My blogging should take a quantum leap now as I am starting to reread old entries.  This feels like the place where things really turn a corner in a number of ways. 

Mercury inconjuncted Jupiter yesterday afternoon and what I was experiencing seemed to fit because I’d wanted to go to King Spa in the morning but instead I wound up receiving telestic messages and struggling to get a handle on my own mind.  I want to thank Dave Mustaine for giving me the word “telestic”, by the way, in the lyrics to his song “Vortex”.  Now I have a new synchronicity to think about because lately I have been concerned with the moon Telesto, named after the daughter of Tethys.

But the angels were coming down hard like rain all morning and I was very grateful to have my mind bathed in their shimmering, incandescent light but at the same time I wasn’t getting much done.

Here’s another corner getting turned: I have had a specific problem with being overwhelmed by imaginal states, a feeling of expansion that comes over me and makes me feel like I can do anything in the world, and yet which continually distracts me from my life, keeps me from getting things done.  And yet over the last couple of months I have managed to evolve this state by means of ritual magic to bring it into a manageable form.  Flickering images of the forces I have felt pass before my eyes, simultaneously occupying a reality in another dimension.

Eventually I managed to run and then get to King Spa.  It was a powerful experience.  I discovered that place last fall, around the time of John’s last intensive, and it was overwhelmingly powerful, even disorienting, taking me into magical states I’d never before known.  I haven’t been in a few months but this time I found I was more familiar with the energies involved, and I can learn to exist in the heightened state of awareness they represented.

I managed to do two sessions in the Sudatorium, the hottest sauna, one for 6 minutes and one for 8.  My goal is to stay longer each time.  I’ve already bought another ticket and I’ll go again soon, although first I have to try to see Whistler’s mother in the next couple of weeks.

I didn’t realize it at the time but Mercury was sextiling Neptune when I got out of the spa and went shopping.  That would certainly account for the blissful immersion in higher dimensions which I was feeling.  I had the sense of having spent years away from reality.  The trance space from which I’m blogging has changed as well.  I’m looking forward to reviewing my old entries and focusing my range of expression so I can communicate something real.

At the store I was disappointed to see a cover story in “In Touch” saying Angelina Jolie is already engaged to someone else.  Damn!  I wanted her.

I got home around the time the Moon was squaring Saturn, and that was timely because I was feeling frustrated to be going to bed so late.  I found my copy of “Burning Out the Inside” by the Dashboard Prophets had been delivered.  On the whole, it was a Saturday well spent.  Especially because now I have made an important advancement. Before now I would “feel” presences and then write about the feelings.  It was frustrating because I never had anything to say but basically “wow, this feels real”.  Now however I have a visual-energetic perception of my angels that is stable in another dimension.  I believe that I am perceiving the world where they are and the “feelings” that had seemed interior and subjective are now related to a semi-transparent energy perception that seems to be stable and three dimensional and extend beyond the limits of my aura – so I can stop dwelling on it every time I feel it, and move on to more relevant topics for my blog.

The Moon is opposing Pluto in a little more than an hour.  I believe this is pulling me into more relatedness with humanity.  I have Pluto in Virgo in the 7th house.

I am beginning to catch up with myself in time.  My cycles are are becoming familiar.  For instance after blogging about transits for months I’m used to them and no longer hope for the world to stop at each one.  The same is true of comic conventions.  C2E2 was very dramatic for me, but it also went by very smoothly.  Conventions no longer feel like scary voyages into the unkown wilderness.  I belong at them, I get along fine.  I do have ever more powerful telepathic experiences at them but they are not chaotic now.

I’m going to make predictions for this evening.  I’ll probably be running when the Moon squares Venus, but I’ll pay attention to see what happens.

But then tonight there could be some fun craziness after the circle with the Moon inconjunct Saturn, Mars opposing Saturn, and Moon squaring Uranus on a night when I don’t have to go to work in the morning.  I’ll try to make it happen.

9:04 PM 5/29/2017  I never did get back to writing that night, but I got drunk and had a pretty good time.  I slept in all day and missed my workout because the club closed early for the holiday, and now I’m having a really good experience with my guardians.  I think I’m calling them guardians tonight because I get sick of calling them angels.  Also I want to shut this world further out.  I’m feeling very content.  I’m beginning the project now of actually rereading my entire astrology blog from the beginning.  This should give me the perspective I need to deepen my style. 

3:33 AM 5/30/2017  Oops, I fell asleep, I’ll have to move on to the next entry.

10:49 AM 5/27/2017  It’s Saturday morning and I’m trying to get focused to get the most out of my 3-day weekend.  I feel pretty good about my blog because I can feel the tightening of the emotional focus; I’m getting used to hearing my own voice in the world.  I’m thinking a lot about Sarah Michelle Gellar this morning.  Maybe I should keep a log of which pop culture femme I’m daydreaming about at any given time.  I’m also thinking a lot about Dave Mustaine from Megadeth, as I ripped a bunch of his albums recently and when I looked up his bio online I found that he’s a conservative Christian who named his album “Endgame” after a movie by Alex Jones.  I find that interesting. 

So as I predicted the Moon squaring Neptune on Friday morning did bring a new insight into the world.  I’m a bit reluctant to describe what it was but I gained a new insight into the world right on queue, one that changed the way I see politics very dramatically and also set me free from a lot of personal limits.  Although I’m not going into details I will say that it was a telepathic insight into American public figures and why their lives are the way they are that made me see the whole “game” of America from a new angle.  So once again Neptune came through for me. 

Moon inconjunct Pluto at 1:11 PM, I was listening to Megadeth and thinking about how well my life is working out.  The long-planned event went smoothly and I got a lot of credit for it.  The meeting I was dreading on Thursday turned out to be nothing major at all. I was gearing up for the weekend and also feeling in control, if at the same time a little alienated.  Part of it does have to do with the mood I’m in from Megadeth – that band was getting popular in the 80s when I was very disappointed because I felt rock music was dying.  I liked their song “Symphony of Destruction” and even though I’m enjoying heavy metal now I’m also being continuously reminded of how the art of music has died in our civilization and how everything in our culture is total bullshit, and also what a bizarre inward journey I’ve been on.  The Moon sextiled Venus at 2:49 PM and I was about to leave work early, having skipped lunch but then I felt a little rushed and went back to work another hour, catching up on various things. 

A Buffynicity I somehow forgot, I think:  After I saw Guardians of the Galaxy vol. II I was thinking about the “Zune” that Star Lord gets.  On Thursday I looked them up and thought about buying a 4G for $15 just to be stupid.  It turns out that the music service for them is cancelled; they were all converted to Microsoft’s “Groove” service.  So I was reading articles that mentioned “Groove” and then that night this line was in the episode:

GLORY: (clutching her head) She made a little … she made a hole. Uh, I need a brain to eat.
 MINION: Oh, take mine, oh groove-tastic one! (bows)

I’m finding Venus transits difficult to pin down, and maybe that has to do with my daydreaming.  Maybe it’s te “venus” part of my awareness that’s drifting.

Anyway I got of work and went back to my usual Friday rounds.  I put some money down on a statue of Mickey Mouse as Cupid.  I subscribed to Cable, which is coming out next week.  I got some more CD’s at the library, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Warren Zevon, and Neil Young.  I stopped at Red Robin for the first time in a month and got the salmon.  I walked around the mall a little bit, and went to Level 257 where I found they’ve moved a lot of the games down to the other end of the restaurant and also put in a couple of new ones, including Tron and Joust.  I could feel a lot was happening with the ghosts that follow me around.  I was wandering around there thinking about how my magic has worked, I am able to leave the past behind because I went through this extended nostalgia trip.  I left there around the time the Moon conjuncted Mars.  I think that was what was making me feel so confident.  I went to Gameworks and won at Kung Fu Panda on the first try.  I played “Cherub Rock” on Guitar Hero for old time’s sake and got 98% on medium.  Then I went to see Alien: Covenant.  It was okay.  I saw the trailer for Blade Runner 2049 which looked pretty good.

The Moon opposed Saturn while the movie was playing.  I guess I was feeling frustrated that Ridley Scott was such a good director, but the scripts of these Alien movies are just one-dimensional.  They don’t do anything but horrify people.  In a way that’s all they ever did but the novelty has worn off.  I did like the eerie victorian-era sickness of the synthetic though, with all the creepy drawings on his walls.  I just wish there was a greater sense of relevance to it.

So the Moon sextiled Uranus in the morning as I was driving home and then went void of course.  I guess that might have been associated with my own twinge of satisfaction as I noted the resemblance between myself and David from the film.  I love that he killed the giant “old ones”. 

I’m very glad the Moon is in Cancer now.  It helps to not feel guilty for being so lazy.  I’m just clinging to the emotions I want to have and not doing anything.  I’m planning to go run and then go to King Spa.  I’m trying to decide what to read, something from the past or something to get me in tune with what’s happening in entertainment, like “City of Bones”.

1:49 PM 5/27/2017 I worked on a couple of models and cleaned a bit.  I’m still trying to decide whether to start reading “City of Bones” or “Armageddon Rag”.  Now I’m going to go run.

11:57 AM 5/28/2017  I went to run and then I spent the evening at King Spa but I’m going to go to the next entry for that.

5:57 PM 5/25/2017  I’m on episode 100, I think, only two thirds of the way through the series.  I just checked and I think the Jupiter retrograde with which I started “The Buffy Diaries” will be over on the 9th, so I’ll still be watching season six when it ends, and then I’ll be on into the future.  What a wonderful 3 months this has been.  I really feel like a part of the Buffyverse now.  I have to decide if I want to go on and watch Angel when I’m done, or go back and start over, maybe this time reading the scripts as well.  There’s quite a bit going on with this, telepathically.  At the moment I’m struggling with the balance point of my self-awareness – I have a lot of different strands of information I wouldn’t mind writing about but it’s hurting my head to choose between them because I have so much energy.  I got home a little early and made myself happy by sweeping the floor – I’ve started doing it in small sections every day instead of taking an hour to do it on weekends.  I feel very productive, especially after making it through another day downtown with everyone taking me seriously and respecting me for organizing all the insanity that was down there when we took over.  Also I am developing the ability to simply work without falling into distracting daydreams.  The fragmented pieces of my mind are coming together. 

Now I’ve hit kind of a wall and I’m debating whether to write about the music I listened to today or to go to the trouble to dig my astrological guide  out of my bag and go over transits.  But I’ve already done that and the book is sitting next to me, I realize.  Also it’s cold in here.  Since the horoscope book is here I’ll start at the beginning. 

I stayed up late last night, until 1 am, very excited about the new wave of orderliness and organization I’m feeling.  Only now when I check back do I realize that I kept myself awake with nervous energy until the Moon inconjuncted Saturn.  Given that getting enough sleep for work in the morning was a concern, once again I see that a Saturn transit brings a crisis concerning time.  However I did get a lot done and I did have some extra time this morning because I leave later to go downtown.  The moon entered Gemini just after I got on the train.  It was a pretty comfortable ride, it never got crowded.  I was listening to “Ballad For Dead Friends” again, as I did on and off all day.  I actually got to work on time as well.  Everything was going well. 

So what did I experience while the Venus/Pluto square was approaching?  Mostly good things.  I was able to get a lot of work done and feel very in control while at the same time enjoying myself.  The climax of season 5 of Buffy was on my mind, and the amazing Buffynicities I’ve been experiencing.  The latest resonance between the memory trips in Guardians of the Galaxy and Buffy, in which the relationships turn out to be significant, is very relevant to my life, and very healing.  I take it as a kind of sign from my angels that they are real and whatever I’ve experienced on my long, strange, psychedelic trip it has substance and relevance in higher planes. 

I also found a couple of great Megadeth songs to go in the soundtrack of my heptalogy – “Vortex” and “FFF”.  I really like Megadeth now and it’s like collapsing time to go back across all those years I avoided metal. 

My writing is getting more peaceful because I’m accepting the limitations of it.  I think that’s part of what my Buffy watching is about, it’s getting my emotions going while at the same time showing me that there are limits to what can be said about what is going on.  There are all kinds of amazing resonances and synchronicities but now I know first-hand that even if you do describe them in detail it doesn’t stop the world, it doesn’t make people any better than they are.  It takes some of the pressure out of writing for myself.  I know I can’t depict all the magic anyway so I might as well go on with some nice characters who will give people fond memories like the ones the characters in Buffy give me. 

I’d have to say that Venus squaring Pluto coincided with me feeling more like a part of the world than I ever have, and more like I could do some things that I want to than I ever have.  I think enjoying heavy metal for the first time is a part of that.  I’m accepting that even though the world is a disaster I can still live in it. 

My boss showed up a little after noon and then I had a big conference call.  I was ***

10:26 PM 5/25/2017 I was interrupted by an angel at that point and fell asleep for a little while, then I woke up and I was having some pretty good interactions with them, accompanied by very powerful energetic experiences that made me not really care if I make sense anymore.  I am reporting it however.  Then I cleaned up my model table which was important as I will explain shortly.

Buffynicity #1: As I cleaned up my model table, I had a large plastic jar that had held Jelly Bellys, which I finally cleaned out and I put it on the table to hold paintbrushes and files and stuff.  Then, during the episode Buffy says to Willow “don’t get a jelly belly on me now."  That was nice but then as the episode went on and I collected Buffynicity #2 I forgot this one until in the first episode of season six Willow is relishing the thought of breakfast with "pancakes in bellies”, which reminded me.  So that was a minor one, but it was reinforced. 

And having said that I note how, after months of this and 5 seasons, having characters on Buffy mention things I was just thinking of has become so regular that this is minor.  Even though it was only half an hour or so before I went to run that I was setting out that jar.

On another, minor note, I was wondering whether Anya’s terror –
ANYA: No, no, it’s an omen. It’s a higher power, trying to tell me through bunnies that we’re all gonna die. Oh god.

Was a reference to Donnie Darko.

Buffynicity #2 was even more dramatic although I’m disappointed because I have no evidence again.  However as I was cleaning up my model table I started thinking about Angels in movies and how the original film “Escape to Witch Mountain” was a great metaphor for angels because the little telepathic girl who talks with her mind without moving her mouth evokes the kind of presence angels have, appearing very clearly but not seeming to speak.  Then I walked down the street and I was seeing the advent of Willow’s telepathy which is handled just that way.  That was powerful for me.  Jelly Bellys are kind of goofy but I’ve always loved that movie and to start thinking about it in detail just an hour before I saw Willow start doing that was so smooth, so perfectly timed – even though I’ve had other more spectacular Buffynicities the total clarity of this one, the vividness and distinction with which I was imagining that specific aspect of the movie, the fact that I saw Willow doing it within an hour, makes me feel like I’m supercharged telepathically. 

So now I’m wrapping up loose ends for the night.  New moon in Gemini, the crap season of the Moon is almost over.  Tomorrow I’ll be waking up right when the Moon squares Neptune so I bet I’ll have some really wild telepathy.  Moon inconjunct Pluto at 1:11 PM, I’ll be getting more answers.  Pluto aspects are all about answers now, the ones I’ve been waiting for for decades about society and justice and even entertainment.  Moon sextile Venus I’ll have to watch closely.  Since the Venus conjunct on Monday turned out to be unexpectedly dark I’m going to be examining that planet a little more closely.  For instance, in my chart Venus and Lilith are both in the same house.  Moon conjuncting Mars at 9:21, the first Friday I won’t have a dreaming circle in two months.  I should do something crazy.  Possibly I’ll go see Alien: Covenant or maybe Guardians again.  Moon opposing Saturn at 11:53.  Will I be rushed for time again?  I’m expecting something fun.

7:17 PM 5/24/2017  I’m feeling a lot happening to me and I was getting very frustrated by my inability to express it or bring what’s happening to a conclusion, but then I remembered that the moon is Void of Course until it enters Gemini in the morning while I’m on the way to work.  It was actually a relief and I gave up trying to get to the point.  So I’m finding it very comforting to use astrology as a crutch.  I’ve had “Ballad for Dead Friends” running through my mind all day, even past the point of enjoyment to where I’m repeating it simply because it’s so mesmerizing.  It’s a crystallization of my fantasies of the dead – dead school friends, dead artists, and a dead civilization.  It’s an eerie sensation but it’s nice to feel the deepening of my enjoyment of Buffy via the soundtrack – I felt something similar around the first couple of Twilight movies.  I’m even enjoying the girly songs that lilt around with all kinds of squishy emotions. 

For so long in my life I’ve wanted to have deep spiritual experiences and this impulse has been at odds with my fascination with art and entertainment, which I often think of as a sordid and pointless business of feeding addictions.  How absurd in a world of reincarnation and etheric temples to have so much of this decaying civilization’s energies invested in crummy popular sex music and car chases.  I’ve enjoyed my own playlists, my own inner movies, but everything else has been a kind of machiavellion crypto-magical occult game of obscure clues and empty cultural power.  This adventure of Buffy has brought me some real feelings about entertainment which are both good and bad.

They’re good because they give me a reference to insulate myself from the world further.  The more I enjoy this entertainment, the more I feel like part of the audience, and the more psychic distance I can get from the entertainers and my own artistic efforts.  It’s “just entertainment”.  But these feelings are sad for the same reason.  The high points of Buffy only demonstrate how irrelevant “entertainment” is to the society at large. 

There’s lots of other bad things but someone’s interrupting me and asking me not to go further with this line of thought.

I had a wonderful aspect this morning, which I had predicted.  For years I’ve had some “reveries” or “daydreams” of past lives that run over and over in basically the same way, situations I encountered that left a mark.  However this morning as the Moon sextile with Neptune approached I felt an angel enter into one of these and change its ending.  This is a first.  Usually these reveries are like watching an inner movie, a story that rises up out of my unconscious with a semi-visual element and acts out a life of its own.  But this morning an angel came down into this one and changed it, entering and illuminating a new area of my life.  That this happened in time with a Neptune transit is even more illuminating.  I’ve really made great progress with this and this last weekend, as traumatic as it’s been, has definitely been cathartic.  I have a whole new presence in the world. 

Not much else happened today although I did get a lot of compliments on the work I did with this  event I just got over with yesterday. I caught up with a lot of things finally and listened to Buffy soundtrack music as the Moon approached its trine with Pluto.  Contemplating Buffy is a very Plutonian thing to do – sex, violence, the underworld, collective transformation.  It’s funny to realize that I worked all afternoon and then I was at lunch while the transit occurred, because when I came back the Moon was VOC and I didn’t get any work done at all before I got off.

There was a further synchronicity – a couple of weeks ago I was thinking of the song “Brownsville Girl” by Dylan, and I looked it up at my library.  They only had the LP, not the CD, but I put that on hold anyway just for nostalgia’s sake because I listened to it back when it came out.  Then a few days later I got impatient and bought the CD on ebay.  I also bought a copy of Paris Spleen by Baudelaire.  All three of them arrived today – the latter two via mail, the first was at the library when I stopped by.  So it was an interesting bit of timing. 

I also forgot to mention another minor Mercury mishap yesterday with all the other little details that went slightly out of tune – I had been trying to buy refill pages for my planner on Monday night but the website wouldn’t take my card.  On Tuesday I called customer service and placed the order by phone. 

Today, however, was calmer if a little cold and wet (it rained).  I got a lot of compliments for my good work at the same time that I faced the grim realization that I’m in charge of a lot of new things now, and this shift is related to genuinely channeling for paying clients in the near future.    This blog is serving a similar purpose in an ironic way, by showing me the limits of writing and self-expression.  I am developing emotional impact in a limited sphere by acknowledging that this sphere is woefully separate from the arena where spiritual transformation actually takes place.  I’m finding my voice by accepting that there’s not much you can actually say about what goes on in this world. 

However I am building up a decent emotional charge and there are constructive things you can do with it.  For instance my prediction about the Neptune aspect this morning is well worth the effort to focus on this level.  Just like the dark presence I’ve felt since Sunday, that angelic intervention is a breathtakingly new experience for me.  Even as I accept that not much about this rotten world can actually change, my own personal world is being wildly transformed.

10:05 PM 5/24/2017  That was pretty amazing.  How appropriate to have the Moon void of course while I watch the second-to-last episode of season 5.

Buffynicity #1: The theme of memory, and the insane god who forces the hero to go back on a voyage through memory, and the memories that create family is Buffynicitous between this episode and Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2, which I saw on Sunday and also features a “journey to the center of the mind” and questions of what love is and even what reality is.  Ego’s “Expansion” through all worlds is very similar to Glory’s quest to collapse all dimensional boundaries.

And Ben’s struggle against Glory, their inability to remember each other, and Glory’s magical glamour causing mortals to forget about her are also aspects of this theme.

Buffyncity #2: I had been talking in one of my last few entries about finally seeing “the puppet show” of life, and then tonight Glory says to Dawn:

GLORY: I mean really. Is this what the poets go on about, this? (thumps her chest, shakes her head, sighs) Call me crazy, but as hard-core drugs go, human emotion is just useless! People are puppets! Everyone getting jerked around by what they’re feelin’. Am I wrong? (looks at Dawn) Really, I want to know.

Buffynicity #3: Exactly at the moment Buffy returns to the magic shop from her coma, I looked at the calorie counter on my treadmill and it read “666”, as in I had burned 666 calories that evening.  Since I never look at the calorie counter this would have been pretty cool on its own, but since I was blogging about 666 and the Beast the night before it’s really pretty spectacular – so spectacular that I wonder if I should write it.  Either it will creep someone out or people will think I’m making it up.  But I don’t care, it really happened.

Buffynicity #4: Buffy was talking about how Dawn was “made out of her”, made out of her memories, even though some might say she wasn’t “real”.  This was synchronous because I had just been thinking of Steffany, who was the personality construct that I perceived years ago who later “broke up” into the ghost of Jody and the other angels I work with.  Also, because I just at this very moment, having written that sentence and corrected one up above, got the notification on my phone that I’ve won my Ebay bid for the Dashboard Prophets album “Burning Out The Inside”, I will take this as a reference to the friend I was thinking of Monday who I believe committed suicide, not to mention the Order of the Black Sword and all my other imaginary friends, and the characters in the stories I’m writing.

Buffynicity #5:  My first imaginary girlfriend, Steffany, appeared on March 16, 1999 as a version of “Coma White”, a character on a Marilyn Manson album.  She changed within hours into Steffany but she was indeed “made of me”, just like Dawn.  And in the last episode I started this conversation happened:

GILES: (whispers) She’s not your sister.
BUFFY: (pause) No. She’s not. She’s more than that. She’s me. The monks made her out of me. I hold her … and I feel closer to her than … (looks down, sighs) It’s not just the memories they built. It’s physical. Dawn … is a part of me. The only part that I- (stops)
WILLOW: We’ll solve this. We will. Don’t have another coma, okay

Furthermore, just before I went to run I was looking through the art book where I keep my prints and I was looking at my Luis Royo poster where there’s a girl who has a tattoo that reads “blood sister”.  I guess I’ll have to put that back up.

So the 666 and the mention of Puppets were pretty exact.

This was actually amazing confirmation and I am still working on solving the riddle of Dawn.

10:09 PM 5/23/2017

I’m not sure whether the Buffynicities have been overwhelmed by the movie references in tonight’s episode, Spiral.

Glory asks “Did anyone order an apocalypse?” in the previous episode, and then at the end the RV is being attacked by archaic warriors with arrows just as in Apocalypse Now.  This is a bit of a journey to the Heart of Darkness, as Giles (the “captain” who gets hit with a spear, just as Mr. Clean does in Apocalypse Now) tells Buffy she’s found her heart. 

So when they set out in the RV I was catching major references to the movie “Near Dark”, which I have loved for years – Vampire in an RV with black goggles, windows blocked with tinfoil, the standoff in the abandoned building.

The chase with the “templars” also was a bit of a reference to the Matrix and Mad Max as well. 

And then the “templars” were calling Glory “the Beast” which reinforces the Crowley imagery.  Also when Willow goes against Glory in a magical battle she opens a grimoire called “Darkest Magick” spelled with a Crowleyan “k”.  And when Tara goes crazy she says “Plastic and their six sisters. Six sick sisters. Willow?"  I noticed this use of six and now I see it as related to the "number of the beast”. 

Buffynicity #1:  This is actually major.  Last week on the train, either to or from work, I saw a girl with a tattoo of a can of Spam on her thigh.  As you might imagine Spam is not a common subject for me and so when Anya pulled a can of Spam out of her bag to eat on the RV it was definitely synchronous, especially considering Monday’s Buffynicity of the guy forcing open the car doors right before I watched Spike forcing the elevator doors – that one is still very spectacular to me, and now it is reinforced by SPAM!!!

Buffynicity #2: Strangely it seems possible that it’s never occurred to me that Dawn as “the key” is related to the Princess played by Lalla Ward in “The Armageddon Factor”, an adventure of Doctor Who.  The princess was the sixth segment of the “key to time”.  And then  On the other hand, maybe I noticed it when the character was introduced and just forgot, I’ll have to go back and check my previous entries about that.  However it is a kind of Buffynicity that tonight it occurred to me and then all the crazies started chanting “time, time, time”. 

Furthermore, the “Plastic and their six sisters” comment of Tara in the previous episode seems related to the “sixth segment” of the key to time. 

Buffynicity #3: Relatively minor, but I started organizing my comic collection on Sunday night and tonight Xander was mentioning Seargeant Rock and Anya was referring to Bugs Bunny who I have been thinking of recently.

Now, as for my day, I feel as though the angelic kingdom has taken big bite out of me.  This weekend, including my illness, has just somehow removed a big piece of my imagination and replaced it with this very solid, very dark otherworldly presence which is very comforting but leaves me feeling a little numb.  The world seems a little colder, a little less hopeful, and yet I am more secure in it than ever, more convinced that I can finally communicate clearly with my own guides.  The continuous cycle of resentment against the “western school” that drove my moods for years seems to be alleviated. 

The long-anticipated work event went off relatively smoothly.  It was actually much easier than I’d anticipated – right up until then end when there were a couple of ridiculous near-disasters that didn’t take too much time but still proved that if anything can go wrong it will.  After all the anticipation and the weeks of maneuvering to make it happen it is finally over and I am left in a new role – I am managing three sites for this company and my job is no longer about what’s in front of me, I have to keep it all in my head and instead of finishing work every day I am now having to adapt to always having something somewhere that needs doing.  This is probably good preparation for being a serious channel.  It’s certainly good job experience that helps me understand society better, but it also reveals how utterly bleak and economically hopeless our society is – I know at an even deeper level that as jobs go further up the corporate ladder they only become more and more draining and empty.  There’s nothing in this world but bloodsucking corporations and filth and emptiness.  But that’s okay, I have the weapons to thrive in it even though I can’t change it. 

I was listening to Buffy TVS soundtrack music today, especially “Bohemian Like You” by the Dandy Warhols and “Ballad for Dead Friends” by Dashboard Prophets.  Even though I’ve been slow to start on these albums, I’m getting used to them and the sense of belonging I get from listening to them.  I’m thinking in terms of recreating the inner experiences I have while listening while at the same time coming to accept the difference between having these experiences and writing something that might be related to them.  I’m really getting a solid handle on the interior perceptions and excitations that keep me listing to music and imagining characters, and as I do this it gets easier to write, because I know better that I can never write anything that would be as fun for me as listening to the music. 

But this solidity of my perceptions of the music trance is also related to my angels, who I realized today used my iPod listening to communicate with me metaphorically what it’s like to be with them, always so consistent in their vibration.

I’m still having some discussions with them about how to present the information, but in general if I keep plodding away with these blog entries I’m going to get it.  I’m finally getting the distance I need and the sense of presence I need as well.

After all the anticipation of this event that I managed today, I found it odd that there were no significant transits during the day after the Moon entered Taurus at 7:33, even before I got to work.  But it fit as the day went by so fast that I barely felt like I was in it.  Perhaps this is a good sign. 

There were a couple of disappointments about spiritual groups I belong to wanting more money from me than I was expecting, a couple of things went wrong – one ceremony I was expecting was delayed, another group wants money sooner than I thought, and then I had an overdue library book that I won’t get back until tomorrow.  And furthermore, last night I parked at a meter and I forgot to move my car before I took the train downtown.  When I remembered as I got home I had to walk all the way out to my space in the rain wondering if it had been towed, but fortunately I didn’t even get a ticket.  And one of the disasters at my job was that just as I was tying up the event I found that the printer I had access to suddenly didn’t work for me.  So it does seem to have been a theme today of failed communication even as everything was leading up to the Moon conjuncting Mercury at 9:13 while I was running.  What can that mean?  The Venus conjunct yesterday was also problematic.  Maybe it represents a change in frequency. 

All of these issues, although they were intially disruptive and unpleasant, turn out to be minor and temporary however.  Even the Thursday meeting that I wrote was worrying me has turned out to be about nothing special.  It’s some kind of resetting having to do with the new angelic solidity I’m feeling. And I know I am moving toward something else that’s pretty amazing, something I’ve never thought of before.

Moon will be sextiling Neptune as I’m getting ready for work in the morning.  I frequently wake up with new insights so I’m looking forward to what I get.  Moon trining Pluto should bring some insights but then the Void of Course will last all night and coming on today’s string of minor irritants I’m feeling like tomorrow should be a low energy day, right before the new moon.  I’m looking ahead to the weekend.  Moon entering Cancer on Saturday marks the end of my lousy Lunar season – Cancer is cold but at least it’s famililar. 

This event hung over my head for weeks and now it’s over.  As I expected I’m feeling “back to normal”, although with this new supernatural presence and this greater sense of responsiblity that is both grim in its prospect of the endless halls of bureaucracy but satisfying in the sense that I’m finally getting to the “next level” of power and effectiveness.  It’s such a shame that I have such a loveless, tedious world to be effective in, a world filled with such loveless, tedious people.  But my angels are going to help me with that prospect.

10:01 PM 5/22/2017 

Buffynicity #1: I was sick and stayed home from work today.  I had a tense discussion with one of my housemates, which ultimately worked out but I have been a little insecure all day.  I am going through a very big transformation and I’m really wondering what the future will bring.  When I did get to work things went well but I still have this big project looming ahead and in some ways I still feel very behind.  So on the show Ben got fired for not showing up at work, Dawn got in trouble for not showing up at school, and Buffy quit college. 

There were also a couple of other verbal ones, things that were mentioned that I had just been thinking about, but I don’t remember terribly well because I felt like crap after having been sick and tired all day. 

I must say that I’m really loving season five, and falling more in love with Buffy all the time.  What a fantastic show. 

Even though it was a gloomy day of feeling terrible, it was also a very dramatic telepathic breakthrough.  My angels are also very real, the increased closeness of contact I felt yesterday is stabilizing.  It is part of the reason for my anxiety – my future is disappearing. 

I was sick all day, I didn’t wake up until right before the Moon conjuncted Venus when my housemate and I had this discussion, which was very odd.  I’m not sure what the Moon conjunct venus was supposed to be, but this was slightly unpleasant.  Although despite my sickness I was getting a very clear picture of the afterlife, and specifically one friend I’d had my freshman year in high school.  I could see her very clearly on the other side.  Part of this was provoked by Guardians of the Galaxy, which I saw yesterday.  I could feel some of the pain that led her to commit suicide.  In fact, this is a big part of what’s happening to me this weekend, the intensive has opened a kind of door for me and I am able to feel the reality of other peoples’ suffering.  What is coming for me is beyond anything I’ve ever imagined.  It’s exhilarating and I am very happy to have succeeded in building this bridge to the angelic realms, but it’s also a very disturbing experience because I’ve spent years searching through so many spiritual paths and nothing I’m getting from life has ever been described by any of them. What is the beauty in a world so littered with chaos and mental garbage? 

So I slept on and off, my spirit halfway out of my body, taking in information about some old friends in the afterlife, rethinking my career as an intuitive.  I began rousing myself to work around the time the Moon squared Pluto, which is very appropriate.  I was thinking of my friend and how miserable she was all the time, how she made herself work even when she felt terrible. 

I did eventually make it across town and things were fairly smooth.  Then after work I went to get an emissions test on my car.  It was interesting and simple.  Then I did my Friday geek-shopping rounds, which I’ve been missing due to the intensive but which I look forward to resuming.  I also went to Dairy Queen.  I stopped at the library too and got a bunch of Megadeth CD’s and some more Dylan.  I haven’t gotten this interested in new music in more than ten years.  The Moon was sextiling Mars around this time and I was feeling better, more energetic and happy to see familiar faces after what seems like an eternity away.  This weekend felt like it lasted years somehow, and I think this has to do with this new link I have with the Angelic kingdom.

Looking back at my predictions for today I was expecting to get caught up with work but it was just the opposite.  I can see how the Moon squaring Pluto was related to death, and work, and society, but the conjunct with Venus seems to have pulled me away from work toward my inner world.  I’ll have to remember that in the future.

Now we’re approaching the Moon trining Saturn and conjuncting Uranus and I feel good about all the limitations I experienced – even though today was a trial I got a lot of great information and I feel like I’m entering a new era of my life.  Before I was worried about how I would market myself as an intuitive but ironically after today I’m not worried at all anymore.  I have a sense of how this is all supposed to fit together.   

Tomorrow my project should conclude successfully after the Moon enters Taurus and tomorrow night I’m going to be trying to channel when the Moon conjuncts Mercury. 

I’m looking forward to the Moon sextiling Neptune early on Wednesday.  After the trine with Pluto there will be void of course all night. 

My bosses have scheduled a conference call for Thursday and I’m a little wary of it, I hope they don’t want to talk about something unpleasant.  Venus is squaring Pluto that morning and I’m going to be paying close attention to how that works out.

My project this week is to use astrology to figure out what’s the best time to go to King Spa this weekend.

So now that I’ve taken care of those topics I’m going to shift gears and try to deal with what’s going on in my feeling world.  The presence of the angels at this level is giving my feelings more consistency.  They’re not distant anymore and energetic situations that used to confuse and paralyze me are not a problem now.  I remember when I moved into this house I often found it difficult to speak when I was experiencing deep spiritual presences.  I used to feel so awkward about relationships with psychic people.  Now however I feeling I’m being initiated into “the puppet show”.  Instead of having to navigate surface feelings by means of shallow pop-psych slogans, I am perceiving the deeper structures of relationships and destiny. 

With all the things that are crammed into my mind, the purpose of this blog (as frustrating and repetitive as it is) is being fulfilled.  I’m finally getting my connection with the angelic host “Inside” my mind and my imagination of the audience “outside” my mind. My angels are “in here” with me and we are working together to decide what to write for all the people “out there”.  I’ve actually hit upon a couple of pieces of music that give the emotional keynote of what I’m expressing, although I’m not going to reveal them I’m very content to let it be that and I feel now that I’m going to start cranking out the fiction I’ve always wanted to write, and also that I’m going to be able to take a lot of clients soon.

Fiction is making me happy.  Buffy TVS has showed me how to crystallize a mood and not worry too much about living every detail of the action vicariously.  I’m also getting more able to tear myself away from the fascination of imagining my characters while listening to music and accepting the relative abstraction of the written word. Whereas I used to want to write in such a way as to realize every scrap of what fascinates me, in some ways I now see writing as a way of actually removing some of the fascination, distilling out the excess. 

My angels have been sitting with me the whole time I was writing this and by repeating this process I am somehow bringing this energy into a useable form.

8:48 PM 5/21/2017  It’s been a very heavy weekend, indeed.  It feels as though it’s been very long, as well.  The magical states are blending and instead of reporting what I experienced from the outside, I feel positively chatty.  I saw Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 this morning, and I was very pleased.  They may be the best movies of the MCU.  The spirit energies were there very powerfully, I definitely did not feel that I was alone in the theater, even though I went by myself.  I used to imagine someone was with me, and feel some things that I wasn’t sure were real, but today their presence was very full, independent of my desire to experience them.

I have three major days of transits to catch up on but first a whopping five Buffynicities:

Buffynicity #1: I’m still reeling from the news of Chris Cornell’s death on the same day I watched Joyce Summers’ death.  This takes Buffynicities to a much deeper level.  I have often thought, as I write about these conicidences, that the disbelieving reader could think of ways in which I might be faking this.  The easiest of course, is that I’m simply making things up, but even for coincidences such as writing about something and then having it show up in an episode a week later one might believe I was watching the episodes ahead of time and preplanning everything.  Now, I don’t expect that this latest Buffynicity would convince anyone, but I’m very impressed by the fact that I have been systematically going through the episodes so it’s obvious that the death of Joyce was immanent and there is no way I could have predicted the death of Chris Cornell. 

So I don’t care if this proves anything but I am reassured that the web of evidence is growing thicker. 

The Buffynicity surrounding this event got more intense on Friday night, however, when Amy led an exercise during the final circle of the intensive in which everyone took turns lying “dead” in the center of the floor while all the other participants spoke over their body, a kind of shamanic eulogy of death and rebirth.  This is definitely a week for me to remember.  Furthermore, there was even a deeper specificity because when Willow was torturing herself over what she was going to wear to Joyce’s service, she was talking about the color purple being for royalty, and then Friday night one of the participants saw one of the others surrounded in purple light and there was a discussion about the symbolism of purple and royalty.  So I would have to say that this week has been one of the most synchronicitous of my life.

Buffynicity #2  Joyce was in the hospital, and so were my father and one other of my friends.  I was thinking of my father when I saw a bumper sticker on a car parked on my block that read “What if the hokey pokey is really what it’s all about?” My father has this on his Facebook profile.  Then tonight Buffy went on a shamanic vision quest, very like my Friday night circle, but before she went she joked to Giles about gaining the vision of doing the hokey pokey.

BUFFY: I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around.

Buffynicity #3 Someone at the circle was talking about having been “needy” in the past, which was not a big deal except it’s an unusual word and then in the next episode I watched with Buffy and Angel in the cemetery –

She turns her head to look at Angel, sighs and sits up to look him in the face.

BUFFY: (apologetically) That’s a bad idea. I’m seriously needy right now.

Also in the next episode Glory calls Spike “needy” as well.

Buffynicity #4: Recently there was a big demon that looked like an Iguana, the “ghora” demon whose egg Dawn stole.  I was thinking of “Night of the Iguana” and then tonight Spike had a robot copy of Buffy made with which he was doing some very Night of the Iguana things.  Also, I saw Guardians of the Galaxy this morning and Yandu had a new fin on his head that looked kind of like an iguana fin.

Buffynicity #5: Eerily spectacular, I was riding the train home around 6, right before I ran, and at the stop right before I got off the door opened and it wasn’t until it was almost closed again that a guy tried to get through it.  He put his hands in the narrowing crack and forced them back open.  I watched him slightly disdainfully, but then within an hour I was running and watching Buffy and as Spike tries to escape from Glory he runs down a hall and does exactly the same thing at the elevator doors.  So in addition to this grand, sweeping Buffynicity about death I have this extremely specific one.

Buffynicity #6: May or may not be minor but I’ve been thinking of Saint Bartholomew, who was skinned and so in pictures often holds a skin and a knife.  Glory had spike tied up and she was cutting him and threatening to peel off his skin in one long strip like an apple.   

As I write I am focusing on trying to remember the experience of thinking these things.  I know that writing all these subtleties, even though they don’t make for the most exciting blog in the world, is helping me to develop my channeling.

So as for aspects, I’ve forgotten what was going on when the Moon opposed Venus in the morning, except I was on my way to work and I don’t think I felt too bad about it.  I was looking forward to a big weeekend, which I ultimately had.  However as I write this narrative I can feel the point of view shift in my unconscious, and I am moving from merely listing events to some kind of intentional narrative.  I was making good headway at work although in general I still feeling I’m pretty behind on a lot of things.  I was looking forward to Tuesday, and the event I’ve been planning for weeks.  After that I feel some of the pressure will be off.  I also had to make plans to get my car inspected and my registration renewed.  Those worked out easier than I’d thought and there were some work projects that also got taken care of faster than I thought they would.  I’m trying to remember what music I was listening to, I know it was a lot of Dylan, from my “Blackjack Douglas” script.  Also I was listening to Kamelot and looking up the Zodiac Killer to understand their song lyrics.  I’m definitely putting their song “Necropolis” in my soundtrack.  I was also thinking a lot about Chris Cornell, and this incredible synchronicity.

I drove straight home and although I was expecting my one-on-one session there was a mixup and it didn’t start until late, so I’ll be following that one up in a month. 

So as the Moon conjunct Neptune and inconjunct Jupiter approached we all did an amazing group ritual about death which, as I noted above, dovetailed perfectly with the Buffy I had been watching.  I did some voice channeling of Kara as well, and thus begins a new era of my life, when I can talk directly to the angels. 

The next morning I woke up feeling great and as the Moon sextiled Pluto and squared Mars I felt a bit lazy, it still being a Pisces Moon, and ultimately I didn’t get to running until it was late.  My friends were supposed to show up at 3, but they were both delayed and didn’t come until 3:45 or so, after the Sun had entered Gemini.  We played a couple of really cool games of Magic the Gathering, and then we went to Dice Dojo.  This was big for me because I usually go to Dice Dojo by myself to look at the auras of the gamers and think about the “game” of reincarnation.  I get a lot of deep information there but now someone from my shamanic world has visited with me and it represents some kind of grounding or completion. 

After we split up for the evening I ran an errand across town and then went shopping.  I fell asleep before the Moon squared Saturn. 

All in all the main event of the day was the games we played as the Sun entered Gemini.  It was a very important insight, but I do believe the Pisces Moon had a lazy influence. 

I was awake when the Sun entered Aries and sextiled the moon in the morning, feeling very powerfully involved in my life as I will write about later.  I spent a lot of time messing around before I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy at 11:05.  My feelings were very signficant: I am getting control of my weekend energy at last, but man as I wrote that I had a sudden wave of tiredness and now I think I’m just going to have to go to bed. 

The big thing is that the Moon will enter Taurus and conjunct Mercury on the morning of my big event so I think it should go pretty smoothly.  Now that the intensive is over the week in general should be more relaxed, especially with the three day weekend coming up, when I plan to go to King Spa for the first time in months.

Interestingly, Ramadan also begins that weekend.  I’m too tired to go over the whole week, but for now I’ll look at tomorrow.  Moon conjuncting Venus in the morning means I’ll be getting caught up with work, especially with all that I experienced today, which I’ll write about in a moment.  The square with Pluto in the afternoon should be expansive.  I always get the big picture with Pluto transits.  In the afternoon while the Moon sextiles Mars I’ll be getting my car inspection out of the way and also grocery shopping, and possibly picking up comics which I’ve been missing on Fridays during the intensive. 

All in all some good aspects with good momentum. 

Now I’m going to experiment a little with trying to depict the very definite spirit presences I’ve been experiencing today. 

They’re definitely here and much stronger than ever.  I still have to sort through the tangled layers of emotion that connect me to this world. 

I worked on my playlists for a little while.  My characters are coming alive.  I’m going to try to write about what happened to me by depicting the negative space.  I was not alone in the movie theater.  I did not feel confused about the feelings of my angels for me.  My feelings were dark but they were not unfocused.  I do indeed have a sense that I am nothing in this world but it is not uncomfortable.  The illusion of the space in my imagination is disappearing to be replaced by a contradictory pair of feelings, one that I am nothing more than what I seem to be, there is no more future or potential of life, and two that I am very solidly present in a higher dimension which matters much more than the physical plane.

10:52 PM 5/21/2017 Even more negative is the knowledge that what I’m saying about the feelings I’m getting can’t mean a whole lot to anyone.  I’m sitting right here in the presence of this angel and I’m trying to figure out something to type that will be relevant, but it’s not happening.  Maybe I should just switch to my story.  I’m going to try that.

8:34 PM 5/15/2017

Buffynicity #1, which I forgot from last night – for several days I’ve been listening to the song “Shooting Shark” by Blue Oyster Cult.  Last night Glory got teleported into the sky and fell from a great height, leaving a comet trail like a shooting shark.

As repetitive and frustrating as my blog may be sometimes, I can feel that it is helping me find the emotional presence of my own writing – a consistent emotional center for it which will help me write stories and do other things.

11:11 PM 5/16/2017  I had a blog entry of decent length written and then the power went out.  However going back over it, during the runup to the Moon inconjuncting Mars in the morning I found out my long-planned project, which was supposed to come to a climax Tuesday, has been postponed a week.  When the Moon conjuncted Pluto in the afternoon I was feeling pretty good, as the postponement has given me some time to catch up on other work and I am getting more focused and productive as my psychic experiences become more manageable.  I went grocery shopping and dropped off the books for Chicago IANDS.  One of the only Buffynicities I can remember –

Buffynicity #2, I had been pricing tire irons on the web last week, as they are awesome symbols of angels of Saturn, and then Xander was swinging one at Glory over the weekend, and then when I was visiting a friend last night I was in her garage and there was one sitting out there on a shelf.

As Mercury entered Taurus I was very excited about being a channel and about writing fiction, as I have all kinds of scenes and watching Buffy has helped me get a feeling for how characters should be in fiction, the kinds of things that make them fun and memorable.  More of my characters are speaking clearly now, especially with all the new heavy metal I’m listening to.

I think I went over all the stuff about Dawn and blood in a previous post.  I wound up staying up late and cleaning and stuff, I wrote a long blog entry with 5 Buffynicities but then as I said I woke up in the morning and decided to go into work late because I’d gotten so excited the night before that I stayed up until 2 am, as the Moon trine with the Sun approached.  I woke up around the time the Moon squared Uranus and went VOC and made the decision to stay home – a very VOC thing to do.  I was feeling very deep, getting a good sense of the afterlife, feeling very at home on higher planes for a couple of hours and not regretting blowing off work at all.  The Moon was approaching a sextile with Chiron during these hours and I believe I felt it.  I think I’m getting a good sense of the emotional tone of Chiron aspects.  But then the aspect happened and within two minutes the power had gone out.  This was not such a big deal, because I needed to get up for work anyway, but the timing was eerie.

I went in to work feeling as though I were moving into totally unknown territory.  The angelic presence is so powerful in my life now that all bets are off.  I felt good that nothing disruptive had happened during my mini-vacation, and did my best to catch up on all the work that stacked up last week with the assessment and various unusual projects.  I did notice that the Capricorn moon had achieved total suckiness, once again.  I don’t think I noticed when it shifted to Aquarius at 12:50, but I definitely feel better knowing that is over for another month.

Buffynicity #3: I am not going to bother to look back and see if I wrote about this one Sunday, however I just remembered that on Sunday I was listening to “All Night Long” again for the first time in a while.  This is the song I was playing when I got a big crush on Juliet Landau months ago when I was watching season one.  Coincidentally Drusilla showed up for the first time since then in the episode I started yesterday.  She was totallyl hot and reminded me of why I got a crush on her to begin with.

I forget what was going on when the Moon squared Mercury although I was feeling a bit worried that I wasn’t going to catch up with everything I wanted to.  I was listening to “American Girl” and “Here Comes My Girl” all afternoon, thinking about the female lead in my heptalogy and how I want her to fulfill a lot of my high school fantasies.  I’m sure if anyone reads me admitting here that I also have been rocking out to some Eddie Money that their opinion of me will be ruined!  Ha ha.  It’s true, I reall love his song “I Think I’m in Love”.

Anyway here I am staying up late, catching up on my blog and my laundry as we approach the Sun inconjuncting Saturn.  I’m pressed for time during a Saturn transit once again.  Jupiter is inconjuncting Neptune at 3:37.  I’ve never consciously experienced a Jupiter/Neptune aspect before, although now that I see that’s what’s coming it may explain my weird experiences of the last two days.  

I had a one-on-one session tonight that was very powerful although much gentler than the others of this intensive.  My partner is a long-time nurse and healing touch practitioner and I got quite a bit of love from her, and the effect on her aura of her decades of substantial healing practice showed me quite a bit of how the angels want me to be now.  As I write this it also occurs to me that she has some similarities to what the female lead of my heptalogy is supposed to be.

Tomorrow is going to go smoothly, I can tell, with the Moon sextiling Venus and trining Jupiter and Mars.  

Thursday is going to be wild with the Sun sextiling Chiron, and the Moon sextiling Uranus and Saturn.  Before it enters Pisces.  I wonder if I should stay awake to experience the Saturn-Uranus trine late that night.  

Looking ahead, the Sun is entering Gemini this weekend.  I’ll probably be playing Magic: The Gathering with some friends and I’m going to try to see the Guardians of the Galaxy movie as well.

Slowly but surely blogging is wearing away at the emotional “dross” of the act of writing, planing it down to where I can write other things with a relevant clarity.  It’s a two-part process, drawing out my expression of feelings while getting me used to the lowered expectations necessary for writing in the 21st century.