10:26 PM 5/30/2017
Buffynicity #1 was minor, when I was at lunch today my boss walked in with pizza and cake left over from some meeting, so I ate a bunch of pizza. Then tonight Dawn and Spike were eating pizza. It seemed minor but now that I’m writing it down I realize that it is significant that my boss walked in just as I was sitting down and was really enthusiastic about me having some.
Buffynicity #2: a major one –
ANYA: (grabs a small statue from the desk) You’re taking the Ramadan effigy?!
That’s from the beginning of the episode, and the Muslim holiday Ramadan began on Saturday the 27th. There’s another resonance to that because I associate Anya with the planet Saturn. Anya is looking totally hot in these episodes, by the way.
Buffynicity #3 We had a house meeting tonight and Lin was apologizing unnecessarily for being uptight about housework. It was unnecessary because she’s not that uptight and she’s a really great person to live with, but then Anya was saying,
“And it all just leaves me with this stress and bossiness stored up, and it just … leaks out.”
So the Ramadan Buffynicity was major, which is nice. I’m suprised because I forogt about it until I started writing, which just shows that even though my blogging is repetitive, it’s necessary to develop my memory of channeling states and transitions between levels of awareness.
Now, as for aspects, Sunday the Moon squared Venus at 6:02 PM just as the circle was starting. I had messed up and stayed in Edgewater too long to work out. It was a powerful afternoon, however. I began having the kind of conversation I want with the angelic kingdom – a conversation so clear I now hesitate to write about it because it’s like revealing a personal confidence. However even as I evasively refer to this conversation without reporting its contents, I can feel some energy shifting in my 6th chakra, separating my sense of identity from its expression on the physical plane and moving me into a “temple space”, an inner space where I can see the one I was talking to.
I tried to hang on to that experience throughout the evening, through the Venus aspect with the Moon. I’ve been noticing over the last few days that Venus aspects are a mystery to me. I have no idea what they’re supposed to mean and I can’t really pin down what they feel like as they happen. I’m really focusing now, trying to bring that back.
I know I got home about a half hour early. There were a lot of people here, more than 15. People kept coming in late, as well. I was feeling pretty rushed and *** this is a good trance. This is the most effort I’ve made to remember the actual feeling of a dreaming circle in a long time. It’s amazing how the trance slips away. What’s even more amazing is how solid the barrier to remembering seems to be. The new solidity of my otherworld contact is giving me a reference point to observe this huge distance between the various states of focus I find myself in.
I met a couple of new people, which was nice, and then afterwards I stayed up for a while I know, but now I can’t remember a damn thing. I think it went by pretty fast.
Monday when I got up the Moon was already in Leo. I felt slightly out of my body. The ghost of Patrick Swayze came and gave me a lot of character notes for the hero of my heptalogy. He is really taking shape as a living character now, so my books have a motive force they’ve never had. I am spending all day these days thinking of new scenes, which I haven’t done in years.
I went back to Edgewater and found a few more back issues at Graham Crackers that I wanted, and I also got some Guardians of the Galaxy MTG sleeves. There weren’t any aspects until the Moon sextiled the Sun in the evening. I was doing laundry and stuff. I think I fell asleep early. I woke up around 3 am, I was looking for my astrology books so I could blog about aspects but it took me an hour to find them. However I felt well-rested and it was a bit of an eerie feeling to be awake so early. I feel as though this weekend lasted a year. I feel like a different person and I must say Memoral Day was a profound shift in the sense of stability I feel, and my ability to converse with the angelic kingdom.
When the Moon sextiled Jupiter I was taking a shower upstairs for the first time in a month. A strange thing happened to me weeks ago that just got resolved – as I blogged at the time, John went on a trip and minutes after he left I tried to take a shower and the faucet knob broke. The landlord came and fixed it but I couldn’t get hot water out of the shower after that, even though everyone else in the house could. For weeks I was showering downstairs but only this weekend did I figure out that if you turn the knob all the way to the hot side, only cold water will come out. You have leave the knob only partially turned to get hot. It was some kind of life lesson. So my morning routine was back to normal for the Moon-Jupiter aspect and I was feeling very happy to be able to bring the trance states from my weekend with me to work.
The Moon inconjuncted Neptune at 7:21 as I was settling down to work. I remember feeling very confident, like I was ready to clear up the backlog that built up while I was organizing last week’s special event. I was listening to Dashboard Prophets.
John called and said we were having a house meeting tonight. I wondered if I should be worried, if there was some issue (it turned out there wasn’t). Then all day as the Moon approached a square with Mercury I managed to get work done, but I went through my usual routine of hating the tedious emptiness of American cocreation. I am really ready to write a scathing novel of satire about what a messed up piece of crap this world it. Scenes are coming in very clear and the motivations and lifestyles of the villains are revealing thesmelves to me in concrete form. I’m totally fucking sick of America and I’m ready to have my heroes kill a bunch of morons as a way of demonstrating just what I’m talking about.
The Moon inconjuncted Pluto at 3:46 and I was getting some substantial work done but there were also a few things that had to be left until morning. Still, I was feeling pretty in control as no one is breathing down my neck. I am getting more confident that i can manage the rest of my life with increasing skill, as my angels are becoming spectacularly clear and I am finally getting answers to a lot of my questions about why the Western World is such a totally disastrous disappointment.
Mars was sextiling Uranus at 9:39 while I was running and I was feeling very excited about the upcoming season, happy to see Buffy again for the first time since Thursday.
There’s lots of good stuff going on tomorrow, but I’m too tired to make predictions. I will say that even though it may not appear to be much, with tonight’s entry I am proving to myself that something very important changed this weekend. I’m able to maintain a more distinct awareness of my parallel presence in another world. I’m able to coordinate the two levels much better.