6:41 PM 5/14/2017 There’s some kind of dark magic on me now, I’m a little afraid of it, but I’m hoping it will get better.  It could be a powerful release from some limitations. 

8:12 PM 5/14/2017  Even though the above statement has almost no concrete value to anyone, I’m going to leave it just as a taunt to the universe, a dare to get it to give me something more specific to say.

*** And now there’s a presence here, interrupting me again.

Buffynicity #1: “My blood is the key.” A theme from season one that I’ve been recalling with the revelation that Dawn is “the key” in season 5.  Now Dawn comes forth cutting herself, with her blood flowing in the living room, and then Buffy mixes her blood with Dawn’s at the end of the episode.

This is a definite sign to look back into my Celtic ancestry, past my disgusting grandparents to someone who was a better person.

Buffynicity #2: Glory preys, via white light, on the force that gives the mind coherence.  I’ve noted her resonance with “Kara” which means “stormy”.  I was given the visualization of white light at Sharyl’s intensive the day before I saw Glory using it on a guy to wipe out his mind.  All this has resonance with what Kara is doing, and with the chaotic part of my own mind which I’ve been seeking to tame for years.

Buffynicity #3: Recently I have been using a new technique of viusualization which I’m not going to discuss here, one I’m finding more powerful than the goofy “perfect day” crap the goons of Hay House will feed you.  I’m really getting powerful results from it and intending to make it foundational to my practice (which is why I’m not revealing it), and tonight there was this line from dawn about her homework:

DAWN: We have to imagine what we’ll be like ten years from now and write a letter to our future self.

That was cut and pasted from a website which has scripts of all the Buffy episodes – a very nice tool for studying writing which I’ve discovered.

Buffynicity #4: There was a lot more imagery in this episode related to the Knights Templar.  I’m not going into it in detail, just noting the resonance.

Buffynicity #5: I was looking up tire irons on the web last week, they are an awesome symbol of Angels of Saturn, and Xander was trying to kill Glory with one tonight.  She wound up stabbing Buffy with it.

So those were all really good and now I’m moving on to the several days worth of astrological transits I missed because I had a jam-packed weekend which was very fun for me as well.

Friday there was a lot going on at work, there are big changes taking place and now I have to run my department at 3 different sites and deal with a lot of red tape, and also manage all the people under me.  I made it through the “assessment” which ran simultaneously with watching the Council’s “review” of Giles, and then Friday while the Moon was squaring Neptune I had some very dramatic conversations with my boss about big changes in the department.  I cam out okay but I was also rushed for time in a week of a relatively high degree of pressure which will last until this Tuesday, when hopefully I can relax again.  This square of Neptune is something I’m going to have to look back at because a lot of concrete changes happened at work during that time.

But then I was off to the library to pick up some more music as the Moon was sextiling Jupiter and then I was rushing home to do a one-on-one session with another participant in the intensive.  I think the Jupiter sextile had a lot to do with ultimately feeling better about having some more people to share the work in my department and also getting a little more understanding from/with my bosses.  Also I am overcoming somewhat my split personality at work and accepting that my guides are with me there and being a better worker is healing even though I have less faith than ever in the economic system of the United States. 

The energy is burning now within!  Whee!

So at 5:45 when my one-on-one was scheduled to start the Moon was opposing Mars.  I was actually late getting back across town and I was sitting in traffic very frustrated.  I didn’t get home unitl a little after 6 but my partner walked in two minutes later – she was late too and it was perfectly synchronized.  We both felt like crap with all the traffic and other lousy things so we agreed not to try too hard, and to schedule a follow-up later.  But the telepathic connection between us got deeper and deeper and by the end I was feeling triumphant and quite ready for the full circle, which was similarly deep and productive.  The way my partner and I had felt so crummy around the Moon-Mars opposition was a topic of conversation, and a validation of astrological timing for all of us.

After that I was feeling very nocturnal so I stayed up until 4 am cleaning and organizing, and so I only had a few hours of sleep.  I did manage to run in the morning, listening to music instead of watching Buffy because of the sunlight at the club, passing through the Moon-Sun inconjunct without much incident, although my lack of sleep may have been associated iwth that.  I made it out to the IANDS meeting in good time, stopping to pick up a CD at the public library on the way.  The Moon trined Uranus at 4:46 which I found associated with a strong feeling that things were changing for me and for Chicago IANDS, but that ultimately they were going to work out.  I had been through some crazy stuff which I am not going to write about, but it fit the transit very well and although there had been some moments of crisis I felt much better, much more like I am where I need to be in the world and doing what I need to do. 

Moon square Chiron and trining Mercury, then entering Capricorn:  I went to a very powerful ritual and participated at a much deeper level.  I’m entering a new era of spirit contact.  While I was helping people do this ritual I got a very concrete awareness of cooperating with their spirit guides to “serve” them. The whole concept of “service” which Sharyl brought up at her intensive a few weeks ago is finally making sense to me and I have a lot of work to do with the spirit world to get it straightened out in my mind and move to some new level I can sense. 

Ironically however right after the ritual I got really drunk for the first time in months and fell asleep in my car.  I woke up around 2:30 and drove home.   I quit drinking sodas and Monsters last week but I’ve had them both occasionally in the last few days when I find myself out and about needing something to drink.  I will probably always have sodas with fast food but I have thoroughly quit buying them otherwise.  I have had a few Monsters this weekend and I need to work on that, but it is still “quitting” compared to how much I used to guzzle them and keep them around the house in bulk. 

However the interesting thing is that I quit drinking those things early in the week and then I “relapsed” buying them and even drinking alcohol for the first time in months.  I’m going to have to look into the occult nature of “drinking” because obviously liquids are giving me trouble.  However I’m confident that this is working out in general.

But the square with Chiron and trine with Mercury during this powerful ritual were very powerful for me.  I had lost track of the transits at that time and learning of them in retrospect is very illuminating. 

So now here I am with Moon in Capricorn, the worst time of my Lunar season.  I can put up with it.

9:20 PM 5/14/2017  I can put up with it because I just caught up with writing my transits and checked for today to find that today’s only aspect is the Moon squaring Venus which takes place in four minutes.  So after three days of feeling guilty for not keeping track of transits I cleaned up the mess just before the only transit of the day.  It’s great validation of my progress in this. 

I wonder how the square with Venus relates to blogging?  I’m thinking of Friday’s square with Neptune, which was challenging but ultimately felt better.  It did change how I see myself related to work and tonight’s aspect is … what?  I’m going to sit back and try to feel it.

That was pretty cool.  I got a bunch of stuff I can’t describe, but I also remembered that today I’ve been daydreaming a lot about Paris Hilton.  I really like her.  I think it’s cool that she’s a DJ.  She’d make a cool friend, I think.

Tomorrow:  Moon incj. Mars at 10 am should be exciting.  I feel more powerful and focused than ever, although Moon in Capricorn is also lousy so I bet I’ll feel a little put-upon.  Moon conjunct Pluto at 3:24 – well, I have the big event downtown on Tuesday morning so I bet I’ll be involved with something related to that.  When I work downtown I work on the 2nd sublevel of a very high tower so it’s definitely an “underworld” atmosphere.  But it’s a conjunct so I bet I’ll feel really on top of things.  I feel like I’m integrating Pluto energy in general these days, feeling more at home in the world. 

Mercury enters Taurus at 11:07 so I’ll be thinking about that transition tomorrow night.  Mercury in Aries has been cool.  I definitely feel that I’ve gotten some things started well, and I’ve actually been adding scenes and dialogue to my heptalogy for the first time in months so I’ll bet Mercury in Taurus will see me getting things done in that area.

*** my angel just reminded me that she radiates from that sign.  I’m still working on how to talk about their activities, but she sent me a very encouraging, detailed picture of some things that are making me feel pretty good.

Tuesday morning is what I’m concerned about, the consummation of a project at work that’s taken weeks of planning and been relatively frustrating and confusing.  It should be over by noon so I’m looking forward to the day but I see that the moon will be VOC all morning and I wonder what that’s going to mean.  I’ll be getting out of bed while the Moon is squaring Uranus, I probably won’t feel the way I’d expect.  The Moon sextiles Chiron right before it starts so I’m thinking that I’ll be pretty integrated.  During the last Chiron aspect while I was headed downtown I remembered a really cool song for my soundtrack, “Hunger Strike”, and I’ve been listening to it for several days. 

There’s nothing else until the Moon enters Aquarius at 12:50, so I’m basically expecting things to go smoothly. We’ll see.

Moon squaring Mercury at 1:55 pm – having gotten the project over with I’ll be moving full speed ahead with other projects, especially doing the setup for all the things that have been on hold for this one.

Sun inconjuct Saturn in the evening, late after I have a one-on-one with someone … hmm.  I’m thinking it will be okay but a new kind of insight into “channeling”. 

7:52 PM 5/10/2017 This day has gone by surprisingly as I expected, however it did require a little more exertion than I foresaw, and now I’m kind of exhausted after driving home in the rain.  Fortunately I’ve got lots of magic going on. 

Here’s a synchronicity, though perhaps not so Buffy-related, yesterday I checked out the album from Johnny Depp’s band, “Hollywood Vampires”.  Then today my THR e-mail had an article about how fucked up and miserable his life is.  I don’t care though, I still think he’s cool.

10:14 PM 5/10/2017 This is a new experience for me, instead of just recording my day in linear mode, I’m “channeling” or “realizing” energy and approaching this act as some kind of ritual or spell.  I’ll have to check out some synonyms for those words.

I’m still listening to the “Game of Thrones” main title quite a bit.  Tonight I am ripping a bunch of Queensryche and also “New York” by Lou Reed, which was a major album of the 80s for me. 

Buffynicity #1: I’ve been listening to “Neon Knights” by Black Sabbath quite a bit recently, it’s one of my favorite metal songs, and in the last week I’ve really been focusing on the “grail quest” aspect of my sci-fi series.  Tonight I stopped at half-price books and I was looking at Arthurian Mythology, and also thinking about the Templars and Crowley and Ian Fleming in WWII, and Umberto Eco’s “Foucault’s Pendulum”.  I bought a copy of the Book “Game of Thrones”, too. Then right before I went to run I started ripping an album by a metal band called “Kamelot”.  And then in tonight’s episode Buffy gets attacked by some goofy-ass order of goons wearing chainmail and wielding chrome-plated D&D gear. 

Buffynicity #2: Buffy asks the watchers if they “understand”, which is a reference to Anya and Xander and the sphere of Saturn. 

Buffynicity #3: This is the biggest one actually, which I didn’t even realize until today even though I knew it yesterday – the Council of Watchers shows up at Giles’ store for a “review” and I have this “assessment” going on at work with a guy who has come from out of state to go over all of my departments’ stuff with a fine tooth comb.  This is even more of a trip because he was doing that just at the moment of the transit I had been prognosticating about last night – I’ll write more about that in a minute.

Buffynicity #4: I realized this one days ago but I’ve forgotten to record it until now.  A big theme of Buffynicity for me is “My blood is the key."  This is Angel’s line from the finale of season 1, and I knew it was related to Dawn, the "key” in season 5.  In addition to this during C2E2 I got out my old “Dawn” t-shirt and now I realize that Dawn is actually a Celtic goddess.  So this is a big hint for me to go back to the shamanic concept of ancestors which I abandoned long ago because I just don’t have any connection to my grandparents.

Buffynicity #5: A minor one, I bought a deck of cards today at Half-Price books, the design was based on “escape map” cards from WWII.  Then during the episode Glory was swinging a “poker” around and I was thinking about playing poker back in WWII.

Buffynicity #3 is major.  It’s fascinating that I initially missed how totally synchronous that is.  This is actually a major “review” I’m undergoing at work and Giles is having the same thing.  I’m expecting many more things like this to happen.

This is major support for the “State Farm” Buffynicity which really was one of the most spectacular things ever, to think about putting my insurance cards in my glove compartment for days, and then have them sitting on my desk in plain view all day before having Xander mention “State Farm” that night.  It put me over the top. 

Interestingly, the review began yesterday, and today was the roughest day, and tomorrow I will be done, while yesterday I watched the first minutes of them talking about the review, and today I watched the bulk of it, which ends when Buffy says “There won’t be any more review” – and tomorrow I’ll be at a remote site and I won’t have to deal with the rest of the one at my work.

So I had predicted that the whole review would go smoothly and be over by 2:29.  That happened although it was a little more challenging than I’d thought.  But then just around 2:15 I sat down for a conference about all the new, stricter procedures that would be happening.  It was very Plutonian.  But then it was over and my coworkers went off to finish, agreeing that I was done with the actual work. So my prediction came true!  It was totally Bufftastic!

The Moon was opposing the Sun (official full moon) at 4:42 around the time I decided to stop at Village Crossing to get a Mother’s Day card, and I went to Half-Price Books and wandered around for 20 minutes, listening to “Game of Thrones” and picking up a copy, really getting deep into the astral trance of entertainment.  I bought a Charles Dickens action figure, trying to bridge the gap between shamanic trance and action movie trance and literature.  I also got a copy of “The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo”.  Buffy has shown me that keeping up with the astral weather of entertainment, instead of just obsessing over my own corner of it, can be extremely helpful, so I’m going to check out the big novels that have always intrigued me, especially “City of Bones”.

I’m finally coming to understand the great mystery that has plagued me since the 80s – what is the spiritual meaning of entertainment?  I finally “get” heavy metal, etc.  Wandering around Half-Price Books I felt like I am 90 percent of the way to getting a handle on the true occult meaning of the trances invoked by stories – not that I’ll ever be able to explain it, but I am getting ahold of it, overcoming the fascination.

Perhaps soon I’ll be able to “put aside the alienation and get on with the fascination”, as the song by Rush goes.  I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned that I have ripped a ton of Rush albums too.  Also old Genesis.  I’m very excited to be expanding my horizons.

So here I am in the Void of Course, which lasts until tomorrow at 11:59.  I feel pretty good.  It’s funny that I bought three books after the VOC started and I bet I won’t read them for a long time.  But I wanted to have them at last.  I want to get on the Game of Thrones wavelength fully, which means reading the books.

Tomorrow should be wild with the Moon trining Chiron while I’m on my way to work.  I bet I’ll have amazing dreams tonight.  Moon entering Sagittarius at 11:59 will break the VOC and *** they interrupted me there, I think because I wrote all this yesterday.  It’s funny that I wrote yesterday that I wanted to get better with predictions and lo and behold I did.  I wonder what will be happening … I’ll probably be going to lunch when the VOC ends, feeing pretty good about myself for getting a lot done.  Mars squaring Neptune at 12:52, especially with Moon in Sagittarius, I will be looking for a visit from Kara, or some kind of revelation about her.  Mercury trining Saturn at 3:14, I’m going to be forming an intention to write a story or something, to use the momentum of the Mars/Neptune square to write something.

After that there’s a channel to see at the Wilmette Theater so it’s going to be a really big day.

10:44 PM 5/8/2017  I had two spectacular, rock-solid Buffynicities tonight while I was running.

Buffynicity #1: Late last week I got my new insurance cards from State Farm.  Today I actually put them in my car.  It was a big deal because I took them out when I went to work and then I forgot to leave them in the car, so they sat on my desk all day until I left to come home.  Then tonight when Buffy and Riley broke up Xander was confronting Buffy about it and she said “he’s reliable” and Xander said “You make him sound like State Farm”.

Buffynicity #2: One of my angels got me into the music of Motorhead a few weeks ago, so now I have a dozen Motorhead albums on my iPod.  From the beginning, one of her favorite songs was “Bomber”.  It’s the sound of one of my phone alarms.  All the others play “Kashmir” but for some reason one alarm that goes off to wake me up at 5:30 every morning I have left playing “Bomber”.  So tonight Buffy was breaking up with Riley and Xander was confessing his love for Anya, who I have always associated with my Motorhead-loving angel, and they were lying in bed together and she said her feelings for Xander when he was gone was like there was a bomb about to go off.  This is the same angel that I was saying I had a rock-solid connection with on Saturday night.  So it was like this new level of connection after the all-day intensive was echoed in this rekindling between Xander and Anya, and marked by the song “Bomber” which is now even more special to me.

I felt like Riley was the old me, the soldier who got into darkness over his head, and had to go, and Xander was the new me, the one who had memories of being a soldier but was now with dark, vengeful Anya.

This was a major set of Buffynicities, which is nice because this weekend’s didn’t seem very intense.

Tomorrow the Moon inconjuncts Venus and the Sun trines Pluto.  I feel like I’m going to get a better handle on writing.  I can tell I’m ready and the feeling has done nothing but build for weeks now.  Toda for the first time I felt like I could take all these deep astral images of these stories that I’ve build playlists for and begin to translate them into written words.  Before I couldn’t do it because the story could never match the intensity of the fantasy, but now these astral forms are ready to be written about.  With my spirits helping I can write the true reflection of the form in time. 

I’ve also begun a playlist for the 7th and final book, which I think is a major key – having the end of the whole thing in sight.

I’m going to order a copy of “Paris Spleen”, by Baudelaire, which I haven’t read in years.

Mercury conjuncts Uranus tomorrow night, so I’ll be working on that.  Moon inconjunct Mars as well.

I have angels sitting next to me as I write this.  It’s so nice to have crossed the barrier to seeing them as though they were people in the room with me. 

I have so much that happens in my mind during the day, and then when I write I can barely remember it, but remembering these things is the key to deepening the channeling.

For instance I think a lot about Buffy TVS and how the show has become a landmark in my life.  The feelings I have about this show are related to my feelings about my angels.  There is a vibratory similarity.  It’s like an interior mental space.  And it’s going to help me accept the dismal reality of corporate entertainment in the 21st Century, which in turn will help me accept the dismal inadequacy of humanity in the 21st Century.

6:58 PM 5/8/2017  The Moon trined Mars at 10:56 AM.  I didn’t go out to meditate, I was at home feeling fantastic, with nothing to do all day but channel.  It was one of my best weekends ever.  As I’m writing this I’m going back to that state, that “frequency”, which makes me very happy.  My magical life and my work life are merging.  I don’t know what will happen but I’m very glad.  For years I’ve had my wild adventures on the weekends but there’s always been that tedious realization that the weekend is almost over and I have to go back to work on Monday to a cold, alien world I don’t care about.  This is changing for me now and I am bringing my own magical energies forward more and more. 

There was a big shift at the end of that sentence as I shifted from writing about my angelic contact as though explaining it to someone, to this point of view where I’m actually “in” the state of contact and working with magical details, astral fluid, or whatever you want to call it.  I was doing this yesterday as well.  I was so happy that I couldn’t do anything but focus on it. 

I forgot to mention that Friday night before the circle I went out for coffee with Jay and we saw a couple of synchronicities that were very exciting.  I was very tired when the trip started but by the end I could tell that it had been arranged by the spirit world, down to which turns we took to drive.  We started out for a McDonald’s very far south on Sheridan, and I was feeling very tired. But as my sense of spirit contact grew I suddenly told him to turn so we could go back to the closer one on Clark.  We wound up driving by his old business offices, which we would not have done except for that spirit impulse.

So what is significant about the story of the channeling bliss I was in all afternoon?  I went to Jewel again and then down to Edgewater again just to see what it was like.  The Moon was inconjuncting Uranus at 4:12 when I got down there and I could sense the new perspective that my angels are giving me, taking me beyond the astral effect of such entertainment as comic books.  All the mad rush of images is no longer so mesmerizing as I move toward a much clearer perception of them and the world they occupy.  Back at the game store I was in total heaven watching fragments of the past being dissolved, feeling as though I have almost opened a door to another world.  But what do I do with the continuous rush of sensations?  How do I keep track of what they’re doing? 

I stopped to eat at the worst greek restaurant in the world and then I came home to run as the Moon conjuncted Jupiter and I felt very happy about completing my weekend routine, feeling very safe as though the confusion of my life was ending and I was about to realize my full magical potential. 

The Buffy episode I watched was very interesting, with a Quiller or Queller demon from the Moon (i.e. the sphere of Yesod) that comes to quell madness in the people of earth.  It looked kind of like a Walrus. 

I was very tired again. I have quit drinking Monster energy drinks.  So now I’m off sodas and Monster, and I’m just having tea.

Today was relatively pleasant, although I felt a big darkness as I drove to work.  I resolved to wait and see if anything dark happened, but nothing did.  Everything went relatively smoothly although I had another huge dystopian fantasy about how stupid the Western School of Occultism is which was peaking in the afternoon as the Moon opposed both Mercury and Uranus.  I was thinking about that bookstore I used to work at with all the reincarnated Nazis and how stupid and ugly they were, and what a waste of my time and life it was to be in Grand Rapids.  However this dystopian paranoia I’ve had semi-regularly for over 10 years hasn’t stopped me from learning to channel so it’s not so bad.  In fact, each time it gets more intense it also narrows down a bit so I feel one day it will be ultimately resolved in some final revelation which sets me free forever from the spectre of Annie Besant.

Some huge struggle is over for me.  Life is going to be more fun from now on. 

Moon was sextiling Saturn at 5:59 pm.  I had an appointment for six but I found out my friend couldn’t make it via text when I turned my phone on at 5:42.  This was the limitation of Saturn, but also a benefit as I had time to catch up on my blog, which I have now done at 7:22 PM 5/8/2017, two minutes before the Moon inconjuncts Chiron – nice timing!

Moon enters Scorpio tonight, so I made it through the boring Libra moon with some good moods and no bad incidents.  This Libra moon has actually been very fun so I’ll stop being so wary of it. 

My blog isn’t boring, but the more I write the more I have an urge to twist all this verbage around into some text.  My angels are close enough for me to believe I can get their advice.  I think I can actually begin to co-author these things. 

But now, having caught up *** I need to rest a little.

6:17 PM 5/8/2017  I haven’t posted an entry since the 4th and I’ve felt guilty about it every day, but there is a lot that’s been going on.  I’m finding that blogging is serving its magical purpose, narrowing down the isolation I’ve felt in this crazy, stupid world where I experience so many magical and telepathic phenomena but still have to conform to an idiotically regressive corporate civilization which I believe is utterly doomed to be lost in history.  Over time I whittle away the gap between thought and action and along with my other spiritual practices it brings some sense to a senseless world.

I can’t remember if I took note when Vesta entered Leo a few days ago.  I do think that’s a dramatic change, I find myself feeling different again, and the idea seems to be nurturing myself at last.  I feel very content with my own spriituality and my own contact with other worlds.  I do seem to be coming into a bit of my own rewards for all this work I’ve done.  My angels are clearer than ever.  Sunday was absolutely the most spectacularly intimate day ever of angelic Knowledge and Conversation I have ever had.  Big things are changing this summer.

Friday Moon opposed Neptune while I was on my way to work.  I think this was related to the fact that I had to make an “emergency” trip downtown in the afternoon.  I worked at my regular site in the morning, a little rushed for time, but fairly content to work on my own doing a special project although it was awkward and I would rather have just spent the whole day downtown.  Moon trined the Sun at 9:15 when much of the project was over with and I was enjoying new songs on my iPod, as I’ve been checking out tons of CD’s from the Schaumburg library and ripping them like mad.  I did feel more in control of my own destiny.  My job is less intimidating and I have much more independence now.  Also I am intent on healing the dark paralysis that sits in my fifth chakra and makes work such a chore.  It’s still difficult to pull myself away from psychic contemplation and get things done, although I get better at it all the time. It has to do with the difficulty of travelling from one sphere to another – the magical world of shamanism and occultism versus the tedious, amoral world of the American mainstream.  As I develop magically, however, I am getting answers.  I’m also having an urge more and more to try to depict some of my emotional states.  Just saying that, however, caused such an energetic shift that I’m going to put off writing about it for a little while and get the transits over with.

I took off work and bought comics and stuff in Schaumburg before I made my way downtown.  It was like Friday night but a little early.  I had to drive back across Chicago in the daylight which is unusual.  Then I took the train downtown and took care of business.  Having gotten that cumbersome project out of the way in the morning it was actually relatively amusing.  I’m thinking now about how much time I spend lost in my own thoughts, especially downtown when there’s no one around, and as I do the energy rises in my aura and there’s a kind of pressure on my imagination.  A lot happened over the weekend and I am beginning to work with channeling states as I write.  There’s a vortex of images behind my right eye, and I’m imagining and recalling what it was like to listen to music that sunny afternoon, specifically “Big Money” by Rush and some other Rush songs, revitalizing my sense of music.  I was thinking a lot about Natalie Portman as well.  She’s been on my mind a lot this weekend, and also some other Star Wars actors, especially James Earl Jones.

I’m thinking about a “Darth Vader” pendant I had back in 2nd grade. 

I took care of business and I was on my way home when the Moon trined Pluto at 4:57 PM.  I think that’s one reason I was feeling so at home in the world – and I also note that there was a Pluto aspect when I was working downtown, even on a day I wasn’t expecting it.  It makes me think I should evoke Pluto energies when I am working on my fictional cityscape. 

The circle that night was intense, of course, and I can barely remember it although I am now talking with the spirit world about how to bridge the gaps of memory between those states and this one.  It is getting easier.  I’m trying to work out what it’s important to carry from one to the other. 

Luna squared Saturn at 7:42 and I found myself pressed for time, having to decide whether to meditate or run.  I was running while the Moon opposed Chiron.  It was too bright in the club to watch Buffy so I listened to my movie playlist and felt some dramatic progress with that.  I’m definitely getting over the desire to “live” my story and am settling for the less satisfactory process of merely writing it.  I went to run.  And then I had to rush down to Edgewater for Free Comic Book Day.  I got some good ones and I made it back to the circle just in time for the all-day session. 

When we started the moon was still VOC and it was interesting because everyone had been on time the night before but three people were late.  I started the session by talking about my website and John gave me a terribly profound insight into what I need to do to get my site underway – establish the model of civilization I want to present, just as he has presented a model with his dreaming circles.  Then we had all kinds of healing exercises which were some of the deepest I’ve ever had but which aren’t appropriate to discuss in a blog.  The moon transited to Libra around 2 pm. 

Afterwards I took a nap and then Brian came back over to play MTG.  He was saying I seemed a little down, but I was really getting a very intense focus from one of my angels, and then there were some synchronicities concerning a ghost who was using the angels’ new found focus to come through as well.  We wound up going to Jewel to get Perrier and it was very grounding to have Brian there in the store where I shop every Sunday morning after meditation, listening to my iPod and trying to get telepathic insights into Western Civilization while I ead salad and fried chicken for breakfast.  It was like bursting the bubble of solitude.

It’s a little absurd to keep writing at this time, since the telepathic insights I can’t even refer to are zinging around in my head, changing everything about how I see all these people and actions, but I keep doing it because it gradually peels back the layers of confusion, day after day.  I can’t say exactly what the spirits are doing now, but looking back on it gives evidence of something.

Brian had a photo on his refrigerator that reminded me of this ghost.  I wonder why I can’t feel her as clearly now as I did then?

Moon was opposing Venus while I was feeling so gloomy and it was nice that Brian was there.  This connection with the dead and the intensity of this dark focus were removing my emotions a little farther from the world, while at the same time giving them a coherence they’ve never had before.  Saturday was very much a breakthrough into the world where my angels dwell.  One might say I went all the way through the looking glass during that day, and I am still dealing with the implications. 

I am gradually developing my ability to keep hold of the relevant details while I write these entries but at that point I slipped beyond the threshhold – the specifics are too much, so I’ll end part one here and go right on to the next day with the next entry.

10:11 PM 5/4/201710:11 PM 5/4/2017 First off, I forgot:

Buffynicity #1: Glory was making fun of one of her minion demons for having “suppurating sores” and I scraped the back of my wrist right before that so I’ve had one for the couple of days since, although it’s not suppurating it’s taking a while to heal because it’s right on the part of my wrist that bends. 

Speaking of which, I just realized that Lin was in the hospital with broken wrists and then I hurt my wrist the day before she came home.

Buffynicity #2: I was doing my one-on-one session with John tonight and one of the energy patterns we were talking about seemed to recur in a specific fight scene between Buffy and Glory.  I’m not going to say what it was, but it was very definite.  All I will record here is that our session was relatively short, we simply talked about how chaotic my mind used to be and I used to describe it as being torn into three pieces.  And now I can focus and the three pieces come together at a single point, even though it’s not completely healed, and my angels are in focus and I have begun to understand their specific functions in the channeling process – and that was reflected in some things that happened on the show

Buffynicity #3: I was noting the vampire Sandy a couple of days ago and tonight Riley let her bite him.

Buffynicity #4: Of course the ancient Egyptian imagery of the snake and Sobek was very resonant, especially with the image of Glory, who I have already said resonates with Kara, bringing the snake to life. 

Buffynicity #5:  I’m very pissed off becuase I had an actual precognition, I was thinking of something before I watched the show and the exact image showed up in the episode, but I’ve forgotten what it was.  I was even repeating it aloud to remind myself but it didn’t work.  It will hopefully show up in my memory in the middle of the night or something.

Buffynicity #6:  I just unboxed my 12" Angelus figure this weekend and now I remember at the end of season 1 he was saying “My blood is the key”.  As I wrote before I was thinking about reincarnation when I bought this figure and now I’m thinking some Irish ancestors may be the key to something here.

Now, on to transits:  my partner for the one-on-one session was supposed to show up at 6, but she texted me that she would be late and she actually showed up right around 6:17 when the Moon trined Mercury.  I was very excited about the experience I had last night and I really wanted to try to record it in detail but then I fell asleep and now I wonder if I’m supposed to try to describe how her energy brought me so much closer to the realms of the dead – she is a healhcare giver and she wants to work with the dead and I could feel the soft, blanket-like pearly light of that realm like a great weight upon my skin.  She actually didn’t want to go that “deep” with me on a personal level, but I told her about the darkness that plagues me and she did manage to shrink it a little.  I felt that this was one of the clearest visions of that specific world I’ve ever had.  I suppose it’s possible that there was Buffynicity with the episode I was watching later, while the Sun sextiled Neptune, with all the “past lives”.  I feel that the clarity of the vision I had while I was doing that session really underscored the importance of Neptune aspects for me.  I feel like so much more a part of the world and yet there are some privacy issues – I shouldn’t say much more about the session itself, only that I could sense the spirit world like a pearly gray fog all around us and I could sense the vast separateness of the lifepaths of humanity, how godawful many different places they go after they die, and I felt so much more like I have a place in it of my own.  That may have been the Moon trining Uranus, leading me to feel totally vindicated in my quest for supernatural vision and willing to push even further into the unknown.

Today, the Moon was in Virgo and that is actually a very happy time for mer.  I had an event with a vendor scheduled at 10:30, but around ten I got a call that it would be postponed, so when the Moon inconjuncted Venus at 10:35 I was feeling both slightly frustrated that my work wasn’t going well, but also content that I had some free time to sit around wait.  I actually was embracing my dark side.

God damn I am tired now and I almost fell asleep but I’m going to insist on finishing again. 

There were a few little upheavals at work about minor mistakes  And yet a couple of people were nicer to me than I had expected. I went shopping and enjoyed saving money now that I’m quitting energy drinks.  I came home and had my session with John, and then went to run.  At 10:15when the moon squared Mars I was just finishing up my run, feeling really content to be a Buffy fan.

The moon is opposing Neptune and trining the Sun in the morning.  This should be deep.  I might be leaving work about then as I’m going back downtown to solve some problems that came up – and I notice there’s another Moon – Pluto aspect (a trine) building up all afternoon That’s pretty amazing and gives me something to think about.  Now I’m just too damn tired to go on, good night.

10:45 PM 5/3/2017  It was a very exciting day filled with deep insights, and in this post I am going to get into specifics about a particular psychic state I found myself in.  But first, the only major Buffynicity I recall was that I added a Billy Idol album to my iPod on the 29th and tonight there was a flashback to 1977 with Spike looking just like Billy Idol.  Also I unpacked my Angelus figure this past weekend and Angelus was in this episode, although that might not be such a spectacular coincidence.  I was really happy to see Dru again, and oddly enough I was just thinking of that particular spelling of her name, “Dru” right before I saw her, so that does count as a minor telepathy. 

Another one is that Lin was in the hospital for about 20 days, she just came back this morning, and Buffy’s mother has been sick for two or three episodes.

I woke up early in the morning, around the time the Moon sextiled Jupiter, which was interesting.  It seems that planetary aspects are waking me up more often.  I was at work when the Moon inconjuncted Pluto, feeling pretty together, still mulling over my intensive with Sharyl.  I have a massive shift to make to assimilate all the information I got from that one night, and there are still a few weeks to go in John’s intensive.

Now that it’s May I have started counting down to Wizard World, as well.  It’s so interesting how my relationship to time is telescoping – the cycle of the weeks going by is becoming very familiar and the upcoming Wizard Con seems less like an event in time and more like an interior ritual.  When I first started going I would let my senses, my focus get lost in the crowds and the merchandise, but now I’m so used to the whole scene that I can focus on telepathy and listening to music.  It’s very nice. 

Mercury inconjunct Pluto, I was getting a better sense of myself as a working man.  My issues with authority are getting better, I have a better sense of where I belong in the world and I feel more in control.  The spirit presences are allowing me to move into a frame of reference where I can take myself more seriously – I don’t mind so much that the United States is a pathetic joke of a nation because I can sense a deeper world which is genuinely meaningful. 

I was looking up Claire Kramer on the web.  Just now, as I am writing this at 11:05 PM 5/3/2017, I heard someone singing “Happy Birthday”. 

Mercury went direct at 11:33 and I was indeed starting to make headway on a project that’s been bogging me down for at least two weeks.  I just noticed this as I wrote it down, once again showing the importance of blogging.  I’m also feeling the ability to be direct with my own emotions again.  That retrograde was much more draining than I had noticed. 

7:13 PM 5/4/2017  I fell asleep yesterday without finishing this.  I’m going to finish it today though, but first I’m posting what I had.