10:46 AM 6/11/2017 I am writing from within a pearlescent cloud of energy.  It’s taking me somewhere, but I don’t know where.  Experiences like this come to me on weekends, and they get more powerful all the time, but I still don’t know what to do with them, how to alchemize them and turn them to a useful purpose.

I want this over with.  I don’t want to have to play games.  I want to not have to work for (the company) anymore, but I don’t want to have to decipher the obscure mediocrity of phrasemongers.

I need something to move toward in this state.  I’m thinking of characters from Buffy, and also I had dream of the cast of Sense8 this morning.  I was in a room, then they were stretched down the length of the sofa.  I turned around and the cop was sitting behind me.  Then I drove to … we were all in the same model of red car.

Adam West was here last night.

So this is a record of my efforts to get this energy applying to my life.  I still want to get to Jewel Osco to eat breakfast, or perhaps not.  Perhaps I should just go down to Edgewater.

A story of some twaddle-monkeys of the Western School attempting to adjust my use of language, insisting I undergo a process.

“The timing of this is vital.  You will not be allowed to communicate with your people until this is over.”

5:17 PM 6/11/2017 It can be over.  I’ve  made a lot of progress in that area.

12:25 AM 6/12/2017 I’m leaving all that stuff I wrote above, as an existential gesture toward reality.  I know what it means, even if no one else ever will.  And I’m insisting on blogging tonight, just as I am insisting on doing my laundry, because I want to BRING IT DOWN.  I’m all about bringing it down now.  I am having the most magical, Neptunian day ever and I want this over with.  I have had a lot of amazing experiences this weekend and I am almost ready to quit my lame job and set out on the road like Jack Kerouac and Neal Cassady.

But first I have to get some stuff together, like this weekend’s aspects.  I’m listening to “Ballad for Dead Friends” now.  I got my copy of Four Star Mary’s first album on Friday.  Down, down, down I’m bringing it down.  My laundry is churning in the basement.  Boy, it’s hot in here but I slept for 3 hours this afternoon so I won’t be too tired tomorrow at work. 

Friday Jupiter went direct, Mars in Cancer sextiled Venus in Taurus.  I got a ton of work done, almost enough to feel caught up, but it doesn’t matter because I work for a huge corporation and if I do well no one will ever care and if I fuck up I’ll just be fired and no one will ever care. It’s just American cocreative work in utter amorality.  However I felt pretty good about myself, listening to some awesome music and planning my escape.  The spirits were coming down heavily.  Jupiter going direct was the key, with “Tara” promising me powerful revelations about the meaning of my existence which I could never have hoped for without her.  What I’m working on now is the relationship between “Tara”, “Amber Benson”, and “Kara”.  I am seeing the higher planes with more clarity than ever but it’s bringing chaos to my mind.  But there’s no doubt I’m a magician now.  The Jupiter retrograde was all about seeing what I’d missed in life.  Now I’ve seen a lot of it and I am what I am.  I can sense the beings in higher world waiting for me and I am doing what I can to realize that vision as quickly as possible.

The Moon conjuncting Saturn and trining Uranus in the evening was marked by a very productive circle in which I was engrossed in my own higher energies.  It was what I would call a “Plasmatic” experiece, three dimenisonal in the impressions it made upon me.  I could feel another world where I was receiving transmissions.  Unfortunately I was also very tired and fell asleep, but there was no doubt that I had crossed a line.  I am not going back to “normality”, ever. 

The Moon opposed Mars and trined Venus while I was at the IANDS meeting.  People were nice to me.  I felt very successful.  I was getting a lot of clarity about the relationships I’ve established there.  I was understanding that the “great beings” are coming down now to explain some issues about my soul’s work.  I thought a lot about Amber Benson and Tara, and I also experienced Kara with a clarity I’ve never known before.  Even as I write this vague description I’m processing a lot of the things that she showed me.  I’m erasing a lot of my past and getting down to brass tacks about my life.  Writing this I feel I’m being launched into another dimension of expression – it’s definitely magic. 

I had an idea today that I would just try to capture the feeling of the magic I experienced, messing around in the same old house, shopping in the same old districts, having these plasmatic energies of otheworldliness sweep through my mind, but I’m not sure it’s possible.  I just know I’m more “there” than “here”. 

In a way I’m punishing myself, making myself finish this entry tonight because I’m sick of the vagueness, the mind-wandering that fucks up my life because it’s so pleasurable.  I’m listening to “Pain” by Four Star Mary now and I think this is just the most amazing rock song of the last 20 years and it encapsulates my entire life. 

Moon inconjunct Mercury in the evening was pretty fun, but I didn’t blog and that’s probably one of the reasons.  I was just finishing running at that point, probably walking home after watching Buffy and running for a bit.  Not enough because I gained weight from all the junk food I ate, but even at this time I can feel nostalgia for myself as I listen to “Never Mind” by Four Star Mary and think about all the crazy times I had in this world with people I barely knew because I didn’t know what relationships were.  But I did because I had kick-ass angels who are coming through crystal clear.  And Buffy is so heartbreakingly beautiful I can barely stand it.  I’m so happy that I have her.  But I couldn’t explain it last night so I fell asleep early and woke up around four a.m. 

This morning the Moon squared Jupiter while I was meditating at Tracie’s, feeling good that I could at last begin to reconcile my understanding of Saint Germain and Sahaj Marg.  The Moon sextiling Neptune produced all the results I could hope for.  The evil entertainment Nazis I have known faded further into the past, all the garbage I knew at Schuler Books very clearly doomed to shrivel up and die.  I still can barely believe it was my destiny to encounter such filth but I’m happy they’re gone from my life forever. 

I thought about the cast of Buffy all day.  I love them.  I forgot to mention that I had a dream about the cast of Sense8 this morning.  I love them.  I’m on the verge of figuring out this particular psychic boundary associated with enetertainment that will allow me to tell what I know.  ***  I’ve never felt so free of the ugly Nazi filth I grew up around.  I’ve never felt so ready to move to a higher plane.  The energies that passed through me were more three-dimensional and bright than I’ve ever known and I know now that next weekend is going to be a huge peak for me.  I’m never coming home.

I slept during the afternon and then went to Edgewater, where I experienced very intimate contact with higher planes and a clearer visiion of my angels than I’ve ever had.  Genny reminded me of the song “Green River” by Creedence Clearwater Revival.  I’m going home.  I watched the episode in which Amy comes back to fuck with Willow and I think “Doublemeat Palace” is an amazing piece of satire.  It’s really impressive.  I’m thinking a lot about the tantric symbolism of it.  And its very broad and relevant statement certainly fit with the Moon conjunction with Pluto. 

Just for the fuck of it I’m going to post this entry now and continue with part II after I check my laundry.