11:30 PM 6/23/2017 I’m burning very hard tonight, after John’s circle.
4:59 PM 6/24/2017 That was an amazing evening, a lot of us felt very telepathic but at the same time there wasn’t much to say about it. We all felt good, like some presence was in the air, helping us.
My intention for the circle had been to contact Tara-Jennifer, or TJ as I am calling her. But what happened was that I was overcome by thoughts of Star Trek, I was thinking all about the feelings I had had for that show, and I felt this was appropriate because TJ is a fictional character who is coming to life and obviously I am entering that realm now, getting to grips with the astral realities involved with these structures. I felt a furious emotional energy around this show, a deep emotional presence. Then when I told the circle about it Brian told me that just that afternoon he had been watching a fan-film, Star Trek Continues. It was a pretty good film he said but obviously this was a deep synchronicity as he’d never watched this series before yesterday. So this is a new corner that TJ has led me around. I haven’t figured out what it means yet but it’s deep. I’m definitely going to be using Star Trek to connect with Tara-Jennifer over the next five months.
12:08 AM 6/25/2017
Buffynicity #1: The most minor Buffynicity of the evening, this morning after I meditated I was sitting in my car thinking that if I killed someone with a hatchet then people would take me seriously. I was half-joking, I guess. But I hadn’t thought of the word “hatchet” in years and tonight when Warren hit Willow in the back with a small axe I thought of it. But they called it an axe in the show so I’m not sure, relaly, how Buffynicitious it is becuase there are axes in other episodes as well.
Buffynicity #2: This one is real, however. This afternoon I was catching up on my Moon Knight comics, reading up through issue #14 which reintroduces “Bushman”, a villain from Africa who has his face tattooed to look like a skull so he can frighten people. I especially noticed the “stitching” tattooed on his lips so they look like teeth, so that in tonight’s episode when Spike travels to Africa it was a major Buffynicity when he shone his flashlight in a cave and the cave-paintings revealed a face with exactly the same stitching in the lips. Furthermore, a little while later Willow trapped Warren and used magic to literally sew up his lips with the same stitching. So this was once again a verifiable Buffynicity with reinforcement.
Buffynicity #3: But the biggest, baddest Buffynicity of all came today when I met a goth girl named Jennifer. She was wearing a bona fide goth outfit similar to something my character would wear. Her hair was very similar, and I heard her talking about the history of the local music scene, just like my character would. She was very hip to the concept of synchronicity. Coming after the Star Trek telepathy from last night I know this is further confirmation that Tara-Jennifer is real and I am learning to communicate with her.
6:48 AM 6/25/2017
Moon opposed Saturn at 7:31 Friday morning. I was dreading the big event we had planned for the day but other than that I felt pretty in control. It was a bit of a rush for time but ultimately the event went smoothly so I would have to say that the opposition was not particularly unpleasant. I did definitely have some time pressures, though.
This event was still going on when the Moon sextiled Uranus in the afternoon, but it was mostly taken care of and the pressure was off. This was a big surprise for me because I’d been dreading it for weeks. It also cleared the way for some future projects I was similarly dreading so the Uranus influence was clear because things worked out much better than planned and I felt much more confident about the future.
The Moon squaring Chiron in Pisces was associated with that confidence, I think. I’d managed the event fairly well and was looking forward to a circle that evening. Chiron in my chart is in Aries in the first house, so for me it’s about purpose and understanding how effective spiritual techniques are.
When the Moon entered Cancer I was buying comics and stuff. I bought a couple of posters I’ve been looking at in the bin for literally years now. I think this was related to Cancer, that emotional quality of something being “mine” after only having looked, and also the appearance of Tara-Jennifer, because these fantasy images suddenly had increased power for me. With TJ’s help I am able to invest them with a more focused magical signficance. She’s reminding me to draw pictures for myself, as well. I also picked up a level one model of the Milennium Falcon, which is a Cancerian ship, a “home” in the stars but also shaped in a kind of crablike way.
The New Moon came during the circle and I would have to say it was very appropriate. The Star Trek synchronicity I mentioned above was a revelation, and the way we all felt held together by some powerful telepathic energy that was at the same time obscure and not to be talked about seemed to go right along with the transit.
I was feeling very focused in the morning, and I got a lot done. I guess the Moon conjuncting Mars brought a feeling of purposefulneess – the issue of getting a new car has been on my mind for a year and now that it’s resolved I feel liberated. Furthermore I am getting the results I’ve always wanted with Tara-Jennifer. She’s the psychic landmark I’ve been waiting for all this time, so I am moving forward with a great sense of purpose. I decided I was going to focus on catching up on comics today, which is also a kind of forward momentum, “realizing” the stories in linear time at last. I finished Lantern City, which ended probably more than a year ago, and caught up with Moon Knight, as I said above, encountering the Bushman again in time to get the reinforced image while I ran.
I was reading this Moon Knight arc while the Moon was squaring Jupiter and trining Neptune. The story is about Spector fighting Khonshu while struggling with multiple personality disorder and definitely followed those planetary themes, and in addition to the Bushman Buffynicity it had some illuminating value for my own “grounding out” of imagination during this Neptune return (although that’s not surprising since I generally choose to read this kind of story for that reason). This gives me the idea that I should try to see Wonder Woman at an astrologically appropriate time.
Then in the evening I went out, very pleased to be able to use the AUX jack on my new car to listen to my iPod through my stereo speakers. I also have a CD player so I can use all the CD’s I have to order on Ebay because they’re out of print and not in the iTunes service.
And I met this goth woman named Jennifer who was talking all about the Chicago music scene so that was a quantum leap. The moon opposing Pluto came off really well, I was getting a much better handle on my relationships with that crowd. I have a long-standing problem when I socialize, that I have intense magical experiences around people but at the same time don’t understand their emotional boundaries very well. Tonight I feel this got rectified, I could finally separate my own sense of magical/telepathic presence from the presence of the crowd. This is a big step in understanding specifically what my spirit guides want. It’s also more evidence that Tara-Jennifer is getting the job done here. So this weekend has brought a massive telepathic shift and I am going to spend all day catching up with the meaning of it.
I fell asleep about half and hour before the Moon sextiled Venus and Mars squared Jupiter, but I think the new clarity of telepathy and my vision of what my spirits were doing was associated with it. I think the new “separation” I was so grateful to feel was associated with Mars squaring Jupiter, I felt that I was breaking free of obsolete spiritual structures and gaining a new understanding of my magical rituals, and a sense of purpose outside the accepted traditions of spiritual experience. “Boldly going where no one has gone before.”
10:51 AM 6/25/2017 I was awake when the Moon inconjuncted Saturn this morning, but I didn’t feel too pressed for time. I’m heading toward the Moon squaring Uranus and trining Chiron this afternoon, which should be cool. I’m rearranging my life to accomodate the new understanding of telepathy I gained this weekend. I’m also reading “Accursed”, the Ghosts of Albion novel. I’m very impressed with the writing, although Amber cowrote it with someone else I’d have to say this is extremely well done so far and I’m looking forward to reading all of her books.
11:20 AM 6/25/2017 I just sat here and fleshed out all the characters for TDOTL. It came to me in a trance like a memory of a conversation I had long ago and then forgot. There’s five of them including Jenny and Victor and I know mostly what they all do for a living. So after ten years I’ve actually got the foundation of this story. I’m assigning the actors too. Allyson Hannigan plays Jenny’s friend, so some of the Tara-Willow chemistry will be going on, although I don’t think they’re lesbians. And of course Allyson has a British accent. Cy Kurnin, lead singer of The Fixx, is the model for Victor.
So I’m very excited because this story is coming alive for me with an intensity I haven’t felt since I was getting drunk all the time and working on “Spanish Castle Magic” more than 15 years ago. I’m moving into this story like moving into a new house.
I should also mention there’s another level of redemption involved. Back in the late 80s I knew a guy named TJ who was a total fake asshole to me. He actually dosed me with psychedelics once. Five or six years ago, a ghost appeared to me using his form. In the dream-states I went through with him, he was with me when I started “reliving” the scene I wrote about recently of stabbing the guy in the throat. I wondered who that spirit was, because he was a positive force even though he used the image of someone who had done evil things to me. Now I think that that spirit may have been Tara-Jennifer, but even if it isn’t Tara-Jennifer is redeeming the unpleasantness of my original encounter with that other guy.
And I am understanding something about why spirits have used images of negative or even malevolent people to enter my dreamworld – it’s because I’m working on the level of stories, movies, and depictions of fantasies, understanding how beings in higher worlds use negativity in general.
So today is a huge breakthrough and I see that TJ is going to help me work with this small group of five characters who never blow anything up at all as a preparation for the epic sweep of the Lambspring gang in my heptalogy.
I’m going out for breakfast now so I’m going to post this and write more tonight.