7:22 AM 4/23/2017 I’m getting ready for my day, wandering around with a kind of sick feeling I often have when I’m experiencing conflict between different layers of my imagination. I’m going to see Lana Wachowski at the Music Box this afternoon, and I was annoyed that I’ll have to cut day three of C2E2 short for it, but then I found that the Moon conjuncts Chiron at 2:22 this afternoon so that’s when I’ll leave – an interesting coincidence. I’ll be on the Red Line while the Moon squares Saturn, and I’ll probably be watching an episode of “Sense8” while the Moon conjuncts Venus.
I have more observations of the last two days to record, and possibly I’ll even try to work the whole thing up into a coherent narrative, but right now I just want to record that I woke up with a different attitude. Some spiritual force has clicked into place and I have a different set of information to organize. I’m off to see Vincent D’Onofrio now, who played “Gomer Pyle” in “Full Metal Jacket”. A bit of synchronicity, another teen myth to go along with Frank Miller from yesterday and now that I think of it Will Wheaton from Friday. Those were all people who were involved in entertainment that I was particularly focused on back in the late 80s – this has been an unusually resonant lineup. And furthermore they all were on panels at 11:00 AM, so each day started with one.
I’m making a mental note to listen to “Three Days” today. This is the month of the “Three Days of the Writing of the Book of the Law”.
7:59 PM 4/23/2017 I forgot to do that, but I still had a great day. I’m lying here feeling wonderful for the magic I experienced, which was certainly worth tthe wait and certainly vindicates my effort in attending, but at the same time I’m feeling sad that I live in such an awful, disgusting country, and a little remorseful that it took me so long to find what happiness I’ve gotten, given the rotten, disgusting family I was born into and the ridiculous emptiness of the culture I lived in. I came home and saw an interesting article in Cosmopolitan online about how messed up Caitlyn Jenner’s family is, and about how she voted for Donald Trump. It’s pretty amazing. Of course I don’t care who she voted for but just coming back from seeing Lana Wachowski it was a bit ironic. I’ve never been sure who exactly the Kardashians are so I looked them up again on the web just to be sure. It’s pretty amazing.
Anyway, back to the narrative of the weekend. I saw Will Wheaton on Friday afternoon and then wandered the floor. It was interesting to see so many of the artists who have fascinated me over the years. The food got more expensive, I think, and it took forever to get drinks, but I found I didn’t care too much about wandering this time. I think I’m finally getting used to the crowds. In fact, the whole project is serving its purpose in helping me narrow down my own loneliness and isolation into an observable form. It’s like the lens of the years is finally curving the vision of my own “emptiness” back on itself enough for me to talk about. I mean, before now I couldn’t even have called it “loneliness” because it wasn’t, really – I always had spirits with me. It would have been a kind of lie to call it that. It’s really some quality of “otherness” I can’t define but now that I’m channeling Kara with such regularity and clarity I can at least begin to refer to this condition.
The Moon sextiled Mercury at 1:23 and then went VOC while I was wandering around the show floor. I found a bunch of graphic novels on sale, which was rewarding. In general I felt very successful, like I belonged there. *** I wish I could capture the excitement. The moon entered Pisces and I shifted into my usual Piscean intertia. I just wanted to wander around not thinking about anything. At the same time I could feel *** I can still feel the “presences” maneuvering behind the scenes, putting me in position to say what I’m supposed to say. I am more inspired to write fiction than ever. I guess each time I go to a convention I lower my expectations for entertainment enough to think that I could just write something acceptable to sell to the public. I like the people there but I have to come down because I used to have such high expectations of literature. I was trying to keep track of where all the cool booths were. For some reason I just wouldn’t get organized. I wandered around all Piscean and maybe wasted some time trying to track things down when I could have just studied the map.
I’m going to go ahead and be repetitive here because I really want to capture the magical influx of energies I was experiencing. I got so much out of this and it is frustrating as hell to not be able to express it, to not be able to tell the world what’s happenign to me. However Kara may be ready to change that. The Moon was squaring Mars and I felt really energized.
At 4:30 there was a panel of voice actors and I thought I might get some hints about getting into the business, but it was more entertaining than useful. I did feel a powerful focusing of energy, however. Something about being in a convention crowd allows spirits to focus energy on me and make changes. I left early and headed home to the circle with John and as I wrote before it was a deep channeling experience. I stayed up late talking to a few people and I must say it was the clearest, easiest channeling I’ve ever done.
The next morning I caught the panel with Stan Lee and Frank Miller, and then the Evanna Lynch spotlight. She is very interesting and magical to see because she seems so sweet and because of her story of being a huge Harry Potter fan before she got cast – it’s one of those dreams that came true and it was informative to see her aura, which carried this dream, contrasted with the aura of her audience. I’m feeling more confident that I understand the life-paths of enertainers. I’m starting to “get” entertainment in general.
I got drunk again and found that even though I am not a regular drinker anymore I can still enjoy my favorite convention pastime of wandering the aisles of artist alley with a buzz on while listening to my iPod. It’s still just as thrilling and makes me feel like the star of my own movie. I found some good prints to represent Kara and some interesting indy comics. Ironically I found that a few of the prints I was admiring I already have copies of. Honestly, the shopping aspect of convention-going is getting to be familiar to me and so I have more time to just wander and sit and watch the crowd. I feel more at home all the time. I no longer feel so much like a wannabe, trying to fill in the gaps for some experience I missed when I was younger. I’m catching up with the worlds’ entertainment, which means I am catching up with its emotions, so I can channel more relevant information.
I saw Evanna again on the event stage. Then I decided not to go to any more panels and just wander the last few hours because I was having so much fun. I got a signature from Ray Fawkes, which was cool. *** Spirits just interrupted me there with a powerful visual. I’m going to take a brief nap while I assimilate what they’re telling me about my experience.
5:14 PM 4/24/2017 I fell asleep again, and then I had to go to work so I’m posting a day late again. More tonight.