Daily Archives: April 4, 2017

The Buffy Diaries 4-3-2017

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9:56 PM 4/3/2017 Buffynicities.

Buffynicity #1: My picture of the Red Lantern ring I bought about an hour before I watched the “Gem of Amara” episode never posted to the web.  I may try to post it again.  Tonight, I was doing some ritual magic and I was going to use a little shot glass I have that looks like a test tube.  I didn’t but then during the episode Jack the bartender was brewing “Black Frost” beer in a lab setup with a tube just the same shape.

Buffynicity #2: I was writing about total blackness again this morning, which is kind of a recollection of back the last time Venus was in Pisces, when I was watching Angel in season #2 (?) summoning a black vortex that was going to consume the world (I think Venus was in Pisces then, I’m not going to bother to look).  Anyway, Black Frost is like an icy angel of the planet Saturn, and also Black Frost sounds like Black Forest, which is a place in Germany where all the Nazis I fought in this lifeteime came from.  The whole idea of people becoming cavemen and burning everything relates to that.

Buffynicity #3: Wouldn’t you know it, I was just thinking how much I want to be Oz and have a girlfriend like Willow, I even looked up Seth Green on the web and was getting interested in Robot Chicken, when they start having trouble on the show.  And Oz is into a girl named “Veruca”, and I was always a big Veruca Salt fan, a band I think was popular back when this show was on.

*** While this episode about college sex and drunkenness was playing I was flashing back on my own episodes and thinking about how ridiculous life is.  What am I doing on this planet?  And then I was thinking about the company I work for and how reluctant I was to blog anything about channeling because I was afraid someone from there would see it, but now that I’m doing it I’m finding it’s the only thing that really clarifies the emotional emptiness that life in this country is.  Corporate conformity oppresses the very qualities that make us human.  So since corporate conformity is the law of the land now we’re basically a nation of zombies.  I’m thinking about how stupid those college relationships were, and all the –

I have to interrupt myself here because my conscience tells me that if I write off all the people I’ve met, if I say it didn’t matter, then something terrible will happen to my mind.  It’s like a violation of some law or something.  I’m too tired to put it together right now.  But I suspect that this was the effect of the Moon squaring Jupiter, feeling out of place in civilization.  Moon-Jupiter aspects are difficult for me to pin down, I’m more of a Saturn guy myself, but I can feel myself getting more sensitive to it, even as I’m writing.

Speaking of putting things together, I really want to capture this mysterious quality that Buffy TVS has for me now, looking back on the 59 episodes and more than two months I’ve spent watching it, I can see distinct phases.  I was so excited during those first two seasons to be finally joining the “in crowd” of Buffy fans.  And it was all new.  There was a specialness to those nights that I cherish.  The show is still good but it’s a little heavier now, I’m enjoying the relationships but it feels a little different.  I definitely feel I’m getting initiated into the new Aquarian entertainment.

And by Aquarian entertainment I mean the new, boring corpo-tainment that has no real feelings in it, only fetishistic references to archetypes and genres.  Buffy is as good as it gets, but it’s still a drag. 

I’m excited about my blog though, even though it’s indirect I really feel like I’m building up depth with it.  I’d have to say seeing “Logan” was the breakthrough, and this crazy weekend of 80s movies.  I still haven’t finished “The Tempest”, and Vincent Genna’s coming back this weekend.  He was very powerful when I met him last year.

As black as this world is, the inner light feels good and I’m going to catch it.  Moon is opposing Pluto in a few minutes.  I think I’m going to sit here listening to “Nostradamus” for a six minutes and see what I can sense.

My angels feel a bit more distant at the moment.  I’m remembering those crazy college sexual adventures with women I was all embroiled with.  No love left from any of that.  Why such sordidness in America?  They’re all insignificant to me.  Rob Halford is singing about Pesitilence and Plague in Italian.  How can people be this stupid?  Pluto is collective energies, higher octaves of Mars.  It’s hard to believe angels witnessed all the sordidness of my life.  I’m glad it can be over.  How appropriate that Rob is singing “Death” now.  Do I become the planets while I’m blogging?  Such boring, evil people have I known in this world.  Pluto in the 7th house – I just looked it up.  It’s certainly appropriate.  Well, the energy is releasing now but I just realized that all that Black Frost/Caveman stuff was related to Pluto.  I’ve really got to get a sense of timing with these lunar aspects – how far ahead do they work?  Does Pluto’s influence start earlier than that of inner planets? 

It’s interesting, even though I was just messing around I feel I got a better understanding of Pluto’s influence by doing that. 

Anyway, tomorrow Moon trining Chiron should be cool.  Today I was reading about Chiron and they say it’s actually like a mediator between Saturn and the outer planets.  Coming with a Lunar inconjunct Saturn it should bring some understanding of this blackness.  Furthermore, there’s a trine with Venus later and that would bring a day of exciting stuff balancing my angels, leading up to the Moon returning to Leo while I’m on my way home.  I’m very excited that my peak “lunar season” is coming.  Now that I’ve watched it closely through several cycles it gets easier to accept and that increases the effect.  Mars inconjunct Jupter at bedtime – I’ll be writing some crazy shit, I bet.

So I’m going to go do some magic now but even though it’s only been a few minutes, I must say that what I just did with that Pluto aspect really had a powerful effect.  It’s amazing.  This suggests a new thing to do on my blog – channel during aspects.

The Buffy Diaries 4-3-2017 part 2

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7:42 PM 4/3/2017  I don’t know what it means but my angel interrupted me just now and I’m shifting or I have shifted to a deeper level of spirit presence.  I don’t know what’s going to happen.  I remember now that I had this same sensation at the circle last night.  That was right before I went so deep that John had to pull me back and I felt some kind of strange collision in my mind.  

Angels come from a very distant place.  

Now I’m hearing snatches of the Judas Priest song “Prophecy” in my head.  I’m thinking of people I don’t like in this world, or people I have political hassles with, and how they would think about me if they read this.  

Now I’m thinking about people who have helped me channel, and all the work they’ve done, and how they still have to deal with this petty, disturbing, pointless world we live in, although I suppose their souls must be getting what they want.

But there’s a strange glow around my inner experience, a kind of “shining”, just as the novel by Stephen King called it.  And I see that guy I knew back in the late 80s.  Did he die, or something?  And I see all the evil people I know and they’re all croweded in another dimension and nothing there makes sense and the only tools I have to deal with their intrusive presence are these asinine slogans I get from Hay House and self-help nitwits and idiot ministers … forgiveness?  What is that? “Be here now”?  "Learn to let go"?  What crap.  

Some shift is taking place, some drama is coming to an end.  There was never anything beautiful about this country.  The moon is sextiling Mars in a few minutes.  It would make sense that an angel would interrupt me now.  

How do I even talk about angels in a world this dirty and unpleasant?  I guess I’m finding that out by writing this.  What I’ve written tonight has taken me deeper into their world.  I’m not going to try to make it make sense right now.  I have the impulse to just go back and finish blogging about aspects and Buffy TVS.  Why do I have such resistance to talking about them in specific detail?  I thought some of this was supposed to be a secret, but I see them so clearly.  I feel them differently and they are swooping around the room, changing things.  I see the face of someone I didn’t get along with in high school, someone I think I got in a big fight with, but maybe that’s only a false memory.  Did it matter?  I hear a voice say “It’s only what you want here”, but it was never what I wanted.

But I’m having the same sensation of interior collision now, of “cold fusion”, two parts of my mind crashing together.  I hear choirs of angels, all the souls crushed together in some kind of horor.  

8:01 PM 4/3/2017  Two minutes before the aspect I stopped and put the Judas Priest song “Prophecy” on.  My feelings are moving around somewhat and now I think or feel that this is a matter of interior presences moving around, just to get a handle on what I’m supposed to be like when I channel.  But where is the landmark within?  Where does my inner self go when the forces move around out here in the world?  It’s some kind of temple-like structure.

I stopped and checked transits upcoming for the week.  I got to Friday night Moon opposing Uranus during the first circle of the Angelynx intensive.  I had a flash on all the unexplained telepathic experiences I’ve had around Agelynx and I wonder “will it ever make sense”?

Then the album I’m playing went into “Prophecy” and I was thinking about how thrilling this song was this weekend, and how fun it was, and now I’m in a darker mood and I still enjoy it but it’s not as funny.  But there are still presences here and I am still trying to get the emotional vibrations over from one piece of my awareness into the other piece.  And what’s the purpose of that?  What is the “good” that is served by this communication?  What is communication, and what is that flash of energy and information that flashes by my visual field on the right side while I’m writing this?  What is this metallic-gold visual, this kind of reflection or glare?

All right, that’s enough Venus-Pisces channeling for now.  I’m going to run and then work on part 3.

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gameraboy:

Madam Satan (1930)

The Buffy Diaries 4-3-2017 part one

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7:03 PM 4/3/2017  Although my blog isn’t leading me anywhere I thought it would, it’s definitely serving a magical purpose.  Although so much of what I’m finding out is related to the knowledge that I’ll never really be able to say what I want, and the world is so ugly and crass and stupid that I’ll never really enjoy being a part of it, I’m still gaining some kind of depth from going on with this project, and something positive is happening although I don’t understand it at all.

As I suspected the runup to the Moon trining Neptune this morning was extremely deep for me – since I’ve noticed how powerful Neptune aspects are they only get deeper and in some ways they are my favorite thing in the world.  This time the depth came in the form of a depth of blackness.  Last night at the circle John interrupted me while I was deep in trance and it was as though two parts of my mind which are usually mutually exclusive got slammed together at high speed.  I never really came down from that.  It was a healing of some form of damage.  But the result is that I get to see the damage, get to see how truly dark things are in this world.  So all morning as the Neptune aspect approached I barely had any thoughts at all, I just dwelt in a kind of palpable darkness that was soothing because it was so complete.  I did listen to Judas Priest a little, especially “Touch of Evil”, which I love.  My new headphones broke!  They still worked but the back broke off one of the earpieces.  

I was thinking of a guy I knew back in the late 80s, a drummer.  I never really knew if he was my friend or not.  We were involved in a lot of amorality around the local rock scene, the usual plummet to the depths of degradation over sex and drugs that you encounter around rock bands.  After all these years of being lost in fantasy and delusion I felt the reality of those experiences at a new level, or possibly at the return of an old level.  My life, my memories are seeming real again.  Perhaps this is related to the Saturn retrograde that starts in a couple of days.  And also of course Venus went back into Pisces last night.

But the blackness was soothing and my angel was with me.  I know the work I’m doing now is to determine how to refer to my angels in “public”, what emotional presence to communicate around them.  "It’s my choice" I suppose but I have to know what I want.  I definitely don’t want to compete with conservatives.  I want to forget them.  

I spend a lot of time still in a kind of trance, communicating with higher worlds, considering memories of various levels of truth.  However I am getting myself to work more steadily.  The pain of concentrating is less.

This retrograde effect is interesting as I weave the egregores of Buffy TVS and Judas Priest into my life.  I’ve known about the entertainers who created these egregores for years, but now I’m actually enjoying their work so the emotions I have about them are shifting into that magic zone that’s a part of my inner world.  It’s fascinating – I didn’t think it could happen again after all these years.  Even though I hate the world more than ever in another way this place seems a little less alien because these enjoyable things were taking place in it.

In another way though it seems more alien because it still doesn’t matter.  I don’t even want to write about those feelings.

America was such a disgusting waste of time.  The spiritual teachings of this age are so utterly trivial, so totally inadequate to life.  

How did I feel about those past scenes?  Not much one way or another except a kind of shock that my life was so trivial, that my the beliefs of my culture and the authority figures of my society were so utterly trivial and without signficance.  Society asked me to believe in garbage and I wound up choking on it for decades.

Within minutes of the transit I switched to listening to Iron Maiden and Therion.  It’s amazing how my mood changed with the transit.  I’m not even going to bother to doubt anymore.  So then I was counting down to the 1st quarter moon.  In my minds eye I was seeing images of zombies, an ugly dead America full of lifeless corporate drones, and feeling my angel of Saturn coming to me and setting me free from all of it.  ***

From now on I’m going to use asterisks to represent moments when my angels interrupt me and my energy shifts.  Now I’m going to end this entry and move on to try some deeper channeling.