(raw material to be
developed for other scenes. a few days ago I posted some material for Victor that was very rough, and then cleaned it up the next day. I liked how that process worked out and so I’m going to continue. here’s a bunch of stuff mostly centering around Jennifer.)
A tear came to Jenny’s eye.
“I was twenty-three years old. I
woke up in the driver’s seat of the van one morning and I realized that I had
no one to call, nowhere to go to call home, nothing to go back to. Since that day my life has just been
wandering from place to place, looking for something real.”
“I wanted to be a Diamond Dog. They were making us all of us girls into dogs
and I wanted to be a special dog, a dog that sparkled like a diamond, a dog who
never gave them anything she didn’t want to, but got what she wanted out of
them instead.”
Becky frowned, “We were different. We saw ourselves as the heirs of death and
decay. We had all this history around
us, but it had never amounted to anything but failure. There wasn’t any joke to make, it was just
the end.”
“I do that too,” said Jennifer. “It wound up there, but the original impulse
was to do something. It was like Goth
was the burnt out wreckage of Glam.”
“Victor and I didn’t come to it through glam. We came to it through literature, through the
failure of everything we’d been taught.
It wasn’t fun. We needed you.”
“You needed me?” she asked, genuinely surprised.
“Yeah, I know I probably would have killed myself if it
weren’t for you.”
My soul drifted.
There was a part of my life that was drifting, and a part that had to
work, had to take everything I was doing and go make money with it, and now
that part is gone and I’m just left with the drifting.“
“Writing had something to do with consciousness, or
self-awareness. I just believed
everybody needed to be more self-aware and then they would be better people and
society would prosper.”
“Obviously, that’s not what happens.”
“It was silly, I know.
I didn’t understand how self-awareness mostly just helps apathetic
people to be more apathetic and evil people to be more evil.”
“in a lot of ways it’s not even about self-awareness anymore.”
“Something similar happened with music. I find music depressing now. Just the thought of all those electronic
beats going on out there, never making a connection between anyone. And the future is going to be worse. Something is totally drifting inside of me,
and it can never come back. Music was
about happiness. I can’t get over the
loss of it. I know I’m sick, but Goth
used to make me happy.”
“It’s the knowledge that even if anyone was paying serious
attention, no one could do anything.
There was a backdrop to individuality which isn’t there now.”