4:45 AM 7/3/20174:47 AM 7/3/2017
Buffynicity #1: Cassandra is a character in this episode. She looks a lot like Luna Lovegood. She’s going to die and I’ve been thinking about “The Darkening” and how Jennifer knows she’s going to die, and she “lets go” of the entertainment business just like Cassandra stops doing her homework, etc. Also Cassandra is a character in my heptalogy, and one of the names of one of my angels. I’ve been remembering a joke I made about Jennifer, “I’m going to wring as much blood out of her as I can before I toss her limp, broken body into the sea” and the human sacrifice they try to make of her is an image of that.
I’ve been reorganizing over the weekend and I have two Buffynicities around that:
Buffynicity #2: I just opened up a few boxes of Tarot cards I haven’t seen in a year and they had a bunch of Tarot cards on the floor in the ritual.
Buffynicity #3: I found a handful of crystals I had stuck in with the cards and I set them on a table to figure out what to do with them, just like Willow sets a handful of stones on Tara’s grave.
Buffynicity #4: One more thing I found while cleaning was a copy of a poem someone was handing out at a Grateful Dead show I went to back in 1989. In the episode they are looking at a poem that Cassandra wrote – it’s more depressing than the Grateful Dead poem, but still it’s a poem.
So that was a bunch of stuff that I found while I was reorganizing that echoed in the episode. Now that I’m writing I realize that these echoes are all related to the Chiron retrograde, digging up old pain aroun (cut off)
8:28 AM 7/3/2017
There’s a hollow darkness a round me, showing me the extension of various life-paths, and also a sense of release from the black paralysis I’ve felt for years. The darkness seems to be coming into focus. I can look back over my life and think that even though it was very strange at least I came as far as I did with it.
10:56 AM 7/3/2017
I want to get out to King Spa but there were a couple of Buffynicities I wanted to get down before I forgot. One I had forgotten from Sunday.
9:25 AM 7/4/2017
I didn’t get it down then but I did remember,
Buffynicity #1:
10:28 PM 7/4/2017
Boy, what an amazing 4th of July I had and now I am trying to get my narrative back together to go to work – and I don’t mind going back to work now that I have a new car, and I just today finished some financial paperwork that I had put off for months. I dreaded it and dreaded it and in the end it took ten minutes. So I have almost no unfinished business now. First of all, before I forget:
Buffynicity #1
ANYA
Trolls!
OLAF
Oh! They are wretched creatures indeed. The mere thought of them makes me bend at the knee and flex! (does a muscleman pose)
This is Buffynicitous because on Friday I saw Wonder Woman and I was noting that she does just such a pose in the final scene and on lots of the advertising – the flexed arm to represent protectiveness. I had been thinking about that pose a lot, because I was thinking about the iconography of the character and her relationship to the goddess Athena, so to have that pose mentioned in Buffy is a definite hit.
Buffynicity #2: Anya and Halfrek have a scene at a banquet in Saint Petersburg in 1905 and Wonder Woman was set in 1918 or thereabouts, so that’s a second resonance with Wonder Woman in this episode.
As for transits, I was just getting started at King Spa around the time the Moon trined the Sun. I was feeling very focused, getting in my time in the Sudatorium. I must say the hot-cold routine, going from the steam sauna to the cold pool and back, is getting to be more fun than challenging now. I’m getting used to it. I can also spend much more time in the Base Rock room, maxing out the 15 minute limit with ease. The sudatorium still kicks my ass, I had to start with three minutes and work my way up to five. It’s something to work on.
The Moon trining Neptune and Venus sextiling Chiron were all I hoped for, the focus of the saunas was bringing me very clear subtle perceptions of the machinery of fate and the role my angels play in the life-paths of all the evil people I’ve known. I’ve managed to master quite a bit of the information and now the game is changing somewhat. As I sit here typing I’m trying to think of a way to write about these experiences to make them useful in the future. I recall when I first went to King Spa it felt like the product of a different culture, I was thinking about collective consciousness and asian religions, but now I feel I fit right in there. It’s not strange and the overhwelming sense of being taken out of my own reality that I first had last year is normalizing quite a bit. As I write I can remember the interior states I was in but I need a language for them. Another thing that changed was during my earier visits I was thinking about economic classes, about rich kids having saunas in their own homes and stuff, and what I missed by not having one, but now I don’t bother with any of that. I was very focused on contacting my own angels as fullly as possible and forgetting any inconvenient details of my life which might get in the way of full immersion. For instance I hadn’t yet set up my car payment on line and though I knew I had plenty of time to do it the next day it was still in the back of my mind so I had to make myself forget it. Also that paperwork I mentioned above was looming – I’d wanted to get it done Sunday, but I fell asleep. I did also put that aside, mentally, and then this morning I got it done in five minutes.
The Venus aspect brought visions, the Chiron aspect brought the reconnection with old pain. I was also pretty deep in The Darkening the whole time. The story is very real and the characters are very alive. I know I’m doing serious magic with this. It’s taking up some of the energy I was putting into my blog, as I have something else to write now.
I was feeling very comfortable at the end of the evening with the Moon sextiling Pluto – I was pretty secure in my place in the cosmos, feeling that even though life in this world is pretty crummy I’ve taken care of most of my business and I can make my escape pretty soon.
I drove home and fell asleep.
No aspects today! Venus entered Gemini around 7:11 while I was having a cookout with my housemates. We were talking about ancient anthropology and I was feeling the magical effects of reading Wuthering Heights, going on a time journey to past lives, gaining all kinds of revelations about how evil my family has always been, feeling the dark presence of my angels watching over my shoulder, digging deeper into my understanding of life paths. Venus in Gemini is more fun than Venus in Cancer, I think, I’m going to be flitting round feeling smug about my cute life for a while, I can tell.
Mercury squaring Uranus was related to the discussion of anthropology I think, ancient civilizations, my angels were showing me how different all the cultures and eras of the world are and how insignificant they all are when viewed from a broader perspective. I was definitely gaining the clarity I’ve been missing for so long, feeling for the first time as though I might be able to communicate what my angels want to communicate with clarity and confidence.
I was taking a nap while the Moon inconjuncted Uranus and trined Mercury, and I was feeling very good, drowsing off, congratulating myself for a magical weekend although feeling slightly out of sorts because once again I didn’t get nearly as organized as I wanted to be and I was behind on my blog. I did get two-thirds of the way through Wuthering Heights, and I did take care of that lingering paperwork, but my bedroom is still a mess. However I was thinking back to last year when I watched “Love Story” right before I went down to see the fireworks. Once again I’m immersed in a famous love story on the Fourth of July – thats interesting.
I set out for Loyola Park – it was the same as it is every year on this night, crowded with people, and that made me feel good. It was familiar and I listened to familiar songs, like “In This Twilight” by Nine Inch Nails, and also some relatively unfamiliar ones. I was playing a lot of Sisters of Mercy because Jennifer from The Darkening likes them. I stayed a while. The Moon trined Chiron while I was out there. I did listen to “Pain” by Four Star Mary and “Ballad for Dead Friends” from the Buffy soundtrack, the most Chiron-esque songs I know, which I have discovered since last 4th. It was healing. I can measure how much more I feel like I belong in the world and among people than I did last year, which was better than the year before … each year I feel a little more like a person, my angels are a little closer and all that I’ve been through makes more sense.
I didn’t stay to the very end this year, I was excited to get home and work on The Darkening and catch up on my blog. I listened to “Sweet Thing” on the train on the way home, a song Jody and I loved back in high school. I’m working on a sex scene between Jenny and Victor set to this music.
Jupiter is inconjuncting Neptune in a few minutes.
Mercury is entering Leo tomorrow night – I imagine I might get to writing in earnest. With the Sun trining Neptune and squaring Jupiter I bet there will be a lot about how much Jenny and Victor hate popular culture. I’m looking forward to getting the time to concentrate. This weekend was spectacularly productive in a magical sense but it’s left a big mess all around me. I’ve got to get back in the swing of things.
The flow of time is getting more familiar now.