6:28 PM 3/30/2017 I’m getting better at note-taking, which may also mean that I’m getting better at managing my own awareness. I woke up this morning with Motorhead’s “Shine” running through my head. I listened to it on the way to work. I’m debating how many Motorhead albums to buy on iTunes. I have “Ace of Spades” and “1916” and a best of compilation. Should I go for late period or early period? I’m dithering. But the runup to the Moon sextiling Neptune was pretty good, I was buckling down and trying to get a handle on the mental drifting I experience all day at work. I’m able to grab on to the darkness a little better every day. I still have a lot of resentment of the spiritual hierarchies of the Earth that society is such amoral filth but at least the anxiety of feeling mentally out of control is lessening. This is good with cerebral Pallas entering Aries.
I’m still listening to Drain STH a lot, especially “Simon Says” and thinking about this crazy movie scene I keep running … I feel like I’m really latching on to this one, working out the implications. In the evil of this scene lies the reflection of everything I want to say with this story. Also I’m able to get a handle on the trance itself, I’m starting to be able to see around the edges of the dreamstate that music puts me in. A lot of this has to do with blogging about my feelings. It actually hurts my head a little to write things like this. It hurts my head to think about all the disgusting, stupid people I’ve known in this world, but writing it in this way is allowing me to get an outside perspective on my own feelings about it. It’s really Nazis I’m still trying to kill, I think.
With my inner senses I can see a lot of astrological structures. I was reading up more about asteroids today and I can see that having Pallas and Juno (both retrograde) in the 10th house is very important. My blogging is a very “Pallas” activity and my relationships with angels are very represented by Juno in Capricorn. I’m also finding some new significance in Ceres retrograde in Aquarius in the 12th house – no wonder I’ve always been uneasy with Aquarius. I’ve been thinking about Lemmy Kilmister’s Mars and Saturn in retrograde, and the Saturn retrogrades of so many entertainers. My retrogrades are these asteroids. It’s like I was playing a mind game in my last lifetime and I got confused and lost, and I’m here to put that back together.
I can see how it works. I can see these astrological structures, energetically and … and then what? I’m drifting as I write this, unable to come up with an answer but the very fact that I’m doing it shows I have the issue narrowed down and I am hanging on to it, finding meaning through the feelings.
The runup to the Moon conjunct Mars was good. I felt I was building momentum toward solving these mind-wandering problems. It’s a kind of interaction of Mars-Sagittarius with Neptune-Scorpio. I actually looked up from what I was doing to check for it at the exact time of the aspect, 10:49, so it was as though I was sensitive to it.
Then was Jupiter squaring Pluto at 1:19. I was surfing the web a little. The lead singer of Drain STH married Tony Iommi so I was looking him up and since I’m getting into Motorhead I thought I might as well get some Black Sabbath albums from the library. Turns out Iommi has Mars and Saturn conjuct, both in retrograde as well, just like Lemmy. I was getting some new insights into the psychic evolution of music, and why the music of the civilization of Earth is so bad now. I’m not blaming heavy metal anymore, I’m acutally listening to more and more of it, but for a long time I’ve wondered how music could turn into this heaviness when it used to be so light. I’m beginning to see, in practical intuitive terms, how it could have worked out this way.
But I could feel the Jupiter/Pluto square coming in the sense that I had abosolutely no thoughts about the significance of my job. I was just working and not looking for any kind of relatedness to society. It just didn’t matter. The aspect was filling my mind and crowding out self-reflection. Afterwards I went back to thinking about Black Sabbath and what I might discover when I listen to them.
I felt like something had a hold of me, that the spiritual forces in my life have their own momentum now and in many ways, whether it turns out good or bad, there’s a lot less to think about. The energy is moving and I’m not translating it into “personality” so much. I was thinking a lot about past lives on the way home. I felt pretty good about the weekend coming up and getting the answers for so long. I was looking forward to a free evening. I surfed the web a bit. I have a lot of projects to work on.
The moon inconjuncted Jupiter and trined Pluto while I was catching up on e-mail and doing small stuff. I need to think more about Pluto. I don’t know the feeling of it. Now we’re VOC until 11:40 tomorrow. I made it through the Taurus moon, mostly.
I shouldn’t try to be too deep during VOC, should I?
Mercury enters Taurus tomorrow. Will I be concrete in expressing myself, or will I be lethargic and self-centered? Gemini moons always annoy me, so I’ll try to find an antidote for that. All in all, I feel myself swinging along with the cosmos here, peeling up emotions, curling them into a braid. It’s coming slowly but I may get to some significance soon.
Now I’m going to go run and perhaps there will be some Buffynicities, and then also some predictions. I’m enjoying Buffy in college. It’s interesting to see the change from high school. The evil gang of vampire loser dorks reminds me of a bunch of people I used to know in Grand Rapids.