Daily Archives: March 31, 2017

The Buffy Diaries 3-30-2017 part 2

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7:19 PM 3/30/2017  John has told me that when I’m channeling for people I need to have more of a hopeful emotional presence for them, and I think that’s what I’m developing here.  After I posted the last entry I was getting ready to go run.  For the hell of it I used a coupon Google sent me and bought the “Awesome Mix” from “Guardians of the Galaxy” for half price.  It was fun.  The almost-kiss between Star Lord and Gamora is one of my favorite movie scenes of the decade so far and I’m glad I have this soundtrack to remind me.  I’m looking forward to the sequel and it’s nice to have something fun to blog about.  I love the backgrounds in that movie, the huge sense of space.  I hope the sequel is as good as the original because the original was really special for me.

9:47 PM 3/30/2017  Only a couple of relatively minor Buffynicities tonight, kind of a lull after the peak at the end of season 3.  First of all, the dorky roommate, Kathy – she was just like this twerpy little chick in my psych/soc class at GVSU, who came on like an overachiever but was secretly a part of the evil cult that was against me.  It was just like Buffy’s situation, too, where just because I was paranoid didn’t mean she wasn’t out to get me. 

Also, earlier today I had in fact been thinking of “Trelane” from the original Star Trek, who is evil but is treated like a child and taken home by his master, so it was a kind of precognition about a similar situation for Kathy.

Furthermore, just yesterday I posted a picture of a Buffynicitous bottle of Evian that had the word “pure” on the side of it.  “Katherine” means “pure”, and that’s one reason I use it as a name for one of my spirits. 

The other minor Buffynicity, a second one about food after yesterday’s spinach, was that Kathy was eating a hard boiled egg, and on Tuesday I was at a cafeteria that had calorie counts on all of its deli selections and I learned that my fears that eggs are bad for weight loss are wrong, two of them only have 130 calories.

It’s really eerie seeing these two first episodes of season 4 about college kids who steal personal possessions and try to steal Buffy’s soul because the villains remind me so much of this goofy cult that used to stalk me back in Grand Rapids.  Furthermore, a couple of them were fans of Judas Priest and now tonight, I have broken down and subscribed to Google Play and I am listening to the Judas Priest album “Nostradamus”, which I am liking very much.  I’m remembering being at a party back in Grand Rapids listening to this music and talking to someone about this band, and they told me that I had missed my connection with this world, that there was an angel looking out for me but that I just had never found anything about this life that interested me.  It didn’t make sense at the time, but now I see that they were right.  I hate this stupid, disturbing world and … I guess I’m working through it but still, what the fuck is all this bullshit for?

So now I’m going to stop and pay attention to my feelings.  This Judas Priest album is cool.  Alyson Hannigan is hot.  I want to be Oz and I want to have a girlfriend just like Willow.  I’m only going to go back and watch Angel after I’m done with Buffy but what a weird piece of anti-nostalgia, to look back on that time when I was going through such weird supernatural transformations and know this show was on.  What a weird act of un-memory, to imagine all those other people watching it in real time, when it was being broadcast.  Honestly, it almost makes me wish I’d watched it at the time, but not quite. 

I’m looking forward to using Google Play to catch up on so much heavy metal that I’ve missed.  I feel I’ve almost got that problem solved – the question of how the art of music on the Earth has become what it has … of how entertainment can be so cold and empty …

Feelings, Jason, keep focusing on feelings.  The lights are very powerful.  The other worlds are very close.  My “self” is here.  I felt it this morning, like a semi-independent part of me, coming down into me.  My “higher self” at last. 

The Moon inconjuncts Saturn at 8:01 AM.  I’ll be at work listening to Judas Priest and Black Sabbath on Google Play.  My intuition says this is going to be helping me adapt to the wicked, cold 21st century.  But that’s still VOC.  Moon into Gemini at 11:40, I don’t know why I bother making predictions because I never get any damn thing done when the Moon is in this sign.  I should just take a vacation or something, but possibly I should begin to work on ritual invocation of the elements, at least.  Maybe some Enochian?  And will Mercury at last entering Taurus at 12:31 possibly make it not so bad?  I’ve been bored with Mercury in Aries for a while.  Maybe Mercury in Taurus will get me to work on my website, possibly even Blendr.  I’ll try.  Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe Enochian magic would be a good thing to focus on during Air signs – after all, as I recall the tablet of Air was the first delivered and the only one that wasn’t moved around on the Great Table.  Hmm.   This could be cool.

Moon sextiles Venus in Aries at 1:33.  I need to be using these aspects for something instead of just messing around, wondering about how I will feel.  I need to decide on something to want during the runup to that.  What’s interesting about that is that I was just kicking myself for not thinking of that sooner – I should have been doing ritual magic with Venus in Aries from the start, but then I checked and of course Venus is retrograde now.  It’s going back into Pisces on Sunday, giving me a chance to start over the entire cycle of Venus doing ritual magic the whole cycle through if I want.  What a fascinating idea to go along with watching “The Tempest” and beginning intensives with John and Sharyl.

This goes along with beginning to blog about emotions and also getting ahold of the entertainment trance – instead of daydreaming, to use the emotional force of the songs for various purposes.  I’m very excited about this and I relate this new enthusiasm directly to the movement of Pallas into Aries.

This is definitely a new phase, to go with the beginning of spring.  I’m very excited to have this project working out better than I expected.

The Buffy Diaries 3-30-2017

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6:28 PM 3/30/2017 I’m getting better at note-taking, which may also mean that I’m getting better at managing my own awareness.  I woke up this morning with Motorhead’s “Shine” running through my head.  I listened to it on the way to work.  I’m debating how many Motorhead albums to buy on iTunes.  I have “Ace of Spades” and “1916” and a best of compilation.  Should I go for late period or early period?  I’m dithering.  But the runup to the Moon sextiling Neptune was pretty good, I was buckling down and trying to get a handle on the mental drifting I experience all day at work.  I’m able to grab on to the darkness a little better every day.  I still have a lot of resentment of the spiritual hierarchies of the Earth that society is such amoral filth but at least the anxiety of feeling mentally out of control is lessening.  This is good with cerebral Pallas entering Aries. 

I’m still listening to Drain STH a lot, especially “Simon Says” and thinking about this crazy movie scene I keep running … I feel like I’m really latching on to this one, working out the implications.  In the evil of this scene lies the reflection of everything I want to say with this story.  Also I’m able to get a handle on the trance itself, I’m starting to be able to see around the edges of the dreamstate that music puts me in.  A lot of this has to do with blogging about my feelings.  It actually hurts my head a little to write things like this.  It hurts my head to think about all the disgusting, stupid people I’ve known in this world, but writing it in this way is allowing me to get an outside perspective on my own feelings about it.  It’s really Nazis I’m still trying to kill, I think. 

With my inner senses I can see a lot of astrological structures.  I was reading up more about asteroids today and I can see that having Pallas and Juno (both retrograde) in the 10th house is very important.  My blogging is a very “Pallas” activity and my relationships with angels are very represented by Juno in Capricorn.  I’m also finding some new significance in Ceres retrograde in Aquarius in the 12th house – no wonder I’ve always been uneasy with Aquarius.    I’ve been thinking about Lemmy Kilmister’s Mars and Saturn in retrograde, and the Saturn retrogrades of so many entertainers.  My retrogrades are these asteroids.  It’s like I was playing a mind game in my last lifetime and I got confused and lost, and I’m here to put that back together. 

I can see how it works.  I can see these astrological structures, energetically and … and then what?  I’m drifting as I write this, unable to come up with an answer but the very fact that I’m doing it shows I have the issue narrowed down and I am hanging on to it, finding meaning through the feelings.

The runup to the Moon conjunct Mars was good.  I felt I was building momentum toward solving these mind-wandering problems.  It’s a kind of interaction of Mars-Sagittarius with Neptune-Scorpio.  I actually looked up from what I was doing to check for it at the exact time of the aspect, 10:49, so it was as though I was sensitive to it. 

Then was Jupiter squaring Pluto at 1:19.  I was surfing the web a little.  The lead singer of Drain STH married Tony Iommi so I was looking him up and since I’m getting into Motorhead I thought I might as well get some Black Sabbath albums from the library.  Turns out Iommi has Mars and Saturn conjuct, both in retrograde as well, just like Lemmy.  I was getting some new insights into the psychic evolution of music, and why the music of the civilization of Earth is so bad now.  I’m not blaming heavy metal anymore, I’m acutally listening to more and more of it, but for a long time I’ve wondered how music could turn into this heaviness when it used to be so light.  I’m beginning to see, in practical intuitive terms, how it could have worked out this way.

But I could feel the Jupiter/Pluto square coming in the sense that I had abosolutely no thoughts about the significance of my job.  I was just working and not looking for any kind of relatedness to society.  It just didn’t matter.  The aspect was filling my mind and crowding out self-reflection.  Afterwards I went back to thinking about Black Sabbath and what I might discover when I listen to them.
 
I felt like something had a hold of me, that the spiritual forces in my life have their own momentum now and in many ways, whether it turns out good or bad, there’s a lot less to think about.  The energy is moving and I’m not translating it into “personality” so much.  I was thinking a lot about past lives on the way home.  I felt pretty good about the weekend coming up and getting the answers for so long.  I was looking forward to a free evening.  I surfed the web a bit.  I have a lot of projects to work on. 

The moon inconjuncted Jupiter and trined Pluto while I was catching up on e-mail and doing small stuff.  I need to think more about Pluto.  I don’t know the feeling of it.  Now we’re VOC until 11:40 tomorrow.  I made it through the Taurus moon, mostly. 

I shouldn’t try to be too deep during VOC, should I? 

Mercury enters Taurus tomorrow.  Will I be concrete in expressing myself, or will I be lethargic and self-centered?  Gemini moons always annoy me, so I’ll try to find an antidote for that.  All in all, I feel myself swinging along with the cosmos here, peeling up emotions, curling them into a braid.  It’s coming slowly but I may get to some significance soon.

Now I’m going to go run and perhaps there will be some Buffynicities, and then also some predictions.  I’m enjoying Buffy in college.  It’s interesting to see the change from high school.  The evil gang of vampire loser dorks reminds me of a bunch of people I used to know in Grand Rapids.